Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. – John W. Gardner
In my last article I explored the psychology of self-pity. In this article, we’ll delve into 13 of the best ways to nip your moping in the bud.
Just to recap, self-pity is defined by:
- An inability to accept a situation or circumstance in your life.
- Cogitating over your issues and troubles constantly.
- Dejectedness, gloominess and depression.
- The feeling that you’re a victim of something or someone (e.g. the “persecution complex”).
- The unexpressed thirst for the sympathy and affection of others.
13 Essential Ways of Overcoming Self-Pity
Discovering that we chronically self-pity, and taking steps to overcome this issue is part of the Involutionary process of Self-Transformation which stems from an understanding and acceptance of ourselves.
So if you suspect that you constantly self-pity, don’t fight it. Don’t hide from it in shame or embarrassment, rather, face it, accept it as a fact of your life. Embrace the fact that you are flawed and infallible … just like everyone else. Only then can you hope to make long-lasting changes within yourself.
Below you will find an eclectic variety of useful ways to overcome self-pity.
1) Keep a journal. Write in it for 10 minutes every day.
Keeping a gratitude journal, where you write down a list of things that you’re thankful for each day, is one effective way of re-programming your thought patterns. Nothing too small is irrelevant to write down, e.g. something like “I’m thankful that this cup of tea is warm and soothing” or “I appreciate the softness of my pillow”, shouldn’t be ignored. Whatever you are thankful for write down. Do this with patience and deliberation (remember, it’s not a race).
2) Grow a plant. Raise some herbs. Garden.
According to a survey conducted in 2013, 80 percent of gardeners reported that they were “happy” and “satisfied” with their lives, compared to the 67% of non-gardeners surveyed. Not only does gardening remove the attention and energy you place on yourself to something other than yourself, but it also instills you with a sense of accomplishment.
3) Sit in the sun.
According to studies, vitamin D (which you gain from the sun), actually helps to improve your mood and energy levels, whilst decreasing depression. Ensuring that you get enough sun exposure each day is a good way to fight self-pity.
4) Watch funny videos, clips and pictures.
This is an excellent way of breaking yourself out of the self-pity cycle. Good websites to checkout include:
- Funnyordie.com
- Break.com
- Collegehumor.com
- Dailyhaha.com
5) Get a pet animal.
Dog, cat, bunny, guinea pig, lobster … whatever floats your boat. Studies show that caring for a pet helps to reduce depression, thus helping you to overcome your pity parties.
6) Read this infographic.
Powerful and eye-opening.
7) Take regular long walks.
Exercise has been proven to boost the levels of endorphins in your brain, which are responsible for elevating your mood (plus a million other benefits). You may also like to consider joining a gym, or investing in your own sports equipment if you prefer privacy.
8) Meditate.
Meditation is a miracle cure for many mental ills, however, it does require patience, persistence and self-discipline. By meditating for 10 minutes a day, you increase your ability to become self-aware, and thus your ability to catch yourself in the act of fulfilling self-pitying thoughts.
9) Inner work
Inner work is an all-encompassing life practice that involves working with your soul. This means that we consciously decide to go on a journey to reconnect with our inner needs, wounds and destiny. Part of inner work involves becoming aware of the various mental illnesses you currently entertain, you can read more about mental traps here. Whether indirectly or directly, our whole website is dedicated to helping you embark on your own inner work.
10) Help those less fortunate than you.
Volunteering really helps you to put your life into perspective, and helps you to appreciate what you have more. Volunteering also boosts self-esteem, confidence and compassion.
11) Try to minimalize your environment.
Cluttered, messy environments contribute to paranoia, hoarding tendencies, anxiety and depression. By simplifying your environment, you may find that your psychological and emotional welfare is significantly increased.
12) Read inspirational quotes each day.
Quotes. We see them everywhere online: Facebook, StumbleUpon, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, and pretty much every social network, blog and microblog known to man. Why? Because we love them. We are deeply affected by them. And sometimes we find a quote that speaks to the deepest parts of our beings, a quote that changes us, revolutionizes us. So give it a try. Here is a list of more than 20,000 inspirational quotes. You may also like to checkout LonerWolf’s Facebook page and Twitter streams for inspirational, thought-provoking quotes and messages posted each day.
13) Watch this video.
A reality check from the Optimal Living Academy. Well said.
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Have anything else to add to this article? Please let us all know below!
Hi! You used the phrase “flawed and infallible” which may not be what you meant to use. “Infallible” means “incapable of being wrong”. For example, the Pope is assumed to be infallible. The rest of us mere mortals are, unfortunately, fallible in all sorts of ways.
It seems this comment illuminates the author’s point. What is being held onto that makes a person seek perfection or seeks to correct others? Am I perfect in my own eyes – as I am? Am I worthy of taking care of myself? Is shaming myself, stating that my humanity makes me less than – making me a victim? These are the thoughts that come to mind.
“Embrace the fact that you are flawed and fallible …” is what I think you meant to write. ❤ Excellent article!
Many of these tips revolve around serving others. While there is truth and value in that concept, it misses the mark.
People get and stay low when they don’t take care of THEMSELVES. Telling them that they need to get over themselves and give give give to others (then give some more) is a recipe for burnout, especially when most sufferers’ personal “gas tanks” are almost always a lot less than full to begin with.
Sure, do some volunteering, etc. But remember to look to yourself first! Wear colors that feel good to you personally. Eat nutritious foods consciously– ones you LIKE, not freaking kale (come on, who really likes that shit?) or gluten-free everything (unless you are genuinely celiac, of course). Pretty much anything that feeds you spiritually will suffice, even if it’s really subtle or unconventional. Baby steps are *crucial*, at least when you’re just starting to make this a habit.
Speaking as a recovering burnout (although I’m still a caregiver for a family member), I really wish someone had suggested self-care alongside all the exhortations to “get out of myself” by signing up for every other cause or event that came down the pike. If that sounds selfish, think about this: How can you feed the world when your own stew pot is nearly empty?
Thanks for this site, guys. You are appreciated!
@Barking Bast You are so right! Thank you for truly understanding. I am also a recovering burn-out and like many, I never was allowed to be myself, to have bounderies, to feel (for) myself. There was just no room for that when I was a child, growing up with a paranoid schizofrenic parent. So now I might be expierencing some self-pity, but my psychotherapist tells me it is the first (baby) step to connecting with myself.
In todays society it seems like the word “self” is negative, it is linked to being selfish, being self centered, to ego and so on. But if we don’t care for the self, ourselves, we cannot truly connect with others. There is no one there for the other person to be connected with. A very, very wise man once said: “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” That was Jezus Christ of course. He knew, that the self is just as important as the other. So, instead of caring for others, care for yourself. Nurture your ‘self’, feed it, love it, hug it, praise it and feel pity for everything bad that has happened to your self.
What is you DO feel blessed with everything in your life & do all the things mentioned in this video but have an abusive spouse and you need support from therapists and family and friends? Are you full of self-pity then?
Saying this with love and care. That is a very painful situation to be in. And if you choose to stay with an abusive spouse, then…. Yes. There is going to be some self pity and victimhood in that.
I picked up my phone out of the blue, searched how to overcome self-pity, all I could feel and think about before I grabbed my phone was hate, sadness, anger, regret, lonelyness, ect. Everyone’s against me.. reading threw here and hearing “untill you can be responsible with what you have in your life you’ll never be able to have more. For as long as I can remember to now, ive complained about everything happening in my life.. So miserable.. No More! No More! For those who put this site up, my sincerest grattitude!
I don’t want to do any of those things. Those are all things that are done by people who are NOT suffering from dejection and depression
I absolutely agree that I would rather be me than millions of other people, but unfortunately it does not ease the pain and betrayal I am feeling at the moment and there is nothing I can do about it. I cannot discuss it with anyone. I feel so alone.
We are all alone.
Great Info graph classy one.
I don’t know…
The poster in number six, although helping with SELF pity, is still rather depressing.
I have a friend who seems to always be wallowing in self pity. I’m trying to figure out how to help him.
It’s totally not helping if someone’s self-pity comes from not being able to accept life’s cruelty (in general, not their own life experiences but what they know about pain and suffering, terrible places on earth) and feels depressed not being able to change it, and guilty being a more lucky one. I usually don’t make pity parties for myself, I’m just highly empathic, and now after reading this reminder, I feel terrible.
Overall it’s great article , really covers alot of areas affected by self-pity. But it’s covering alot of the symptoms of self-pity and advise how to distract from self-pity kind of thoughts and feelings. I find only number 1,8 and 10 related to overcoming self-pity. And the last tip, number 13, is a bit out of contex, for it is a video about materialistic complaining- not self-pity “at it’s best”. thank you for not just writing “stop whining” or anything else like this approach.
Thanks Peace. Not all of this info directly helps to overcome self-pity, but it does help indirectly overcome it.
Excellent article…and Love the video! So inspiring, thank you!
I’m so happy that you found it inspiring Lynn!
Fuck you
Hi Sol and Luna,
It’s been a while, hope you guys are doing well.
This is a very helpful article !
I’m currently having a holiday break, and re-organising my lifestyle is one of the goal for this month. Your articles really helped :)
I hope the pin-interest site plan for lonerwolf is going well, and thanks for everything you guys have done to build this community.
Love and regards,
Chi
Hey Chi, thanks for dropping by!
I’m delighted to hear that this article was of some help to you!
Also, thanks to your suggestion, I have been working on the following Pinterest account for LonerWolf: http://www.pinterest.com/LonerWolf/
It’s still a work in progress, but please feel free to check it out whenever you have the time.
All the very best, Luna