Spiritual healing is generally considered to be something very positive.
I mean, what could be more uplifting than putting the two words “spiritual” and “healing” together? It’s like watching a puppy cuddle a kitten … or eating a triple-chocolate cake doused in melting caramel. It just feels wonderful and enchanting.
And don’t get me wrong. I love spiritual healing. I think it is absolutely essential on our inner journeys. In fact, if every single person in this world underwent spiritual healing, I think humanity and planet earth would be transformed forever. I believe that we could finally achieve the ideal of world peace.
But if you have been reading my work for a while, you’ll know that I’m not interested in focusing solely on the ‘love and light’ side of spirituality. I am a shadow worker. I love to plunge into the darkness and expose what is hidden. And today, we need to shine that torch on the dark side of spiritual healing.
But firstly …
What is Spiritual Healing?
Spiritual healing is the practice (and experience) of restoring, harmonizing and balancing our Spirit or Soul.
Spiritual healing is also seen as a transcendental experience of reconnecting with our true nature. As author and teacher Shakti Gawain writes:
Spiritual healing occurs as we begin to consciously reconnect with our essential being – the wise, loving, powerful, creative entity that we are at our core.
Types of Spiritual Healing
There are many different approaches to spiritual healing. For example, some new age healing practitioners focus only on bringing balance to the etheric or non-physical energy field of the human body. Shamanic healers focus on restoring the soul and curing soul loss. And other holistic healers focus on unifying the body, heart, mind, and soul. Even psychologists and therapists are starting to incorporate spiritual healing into their work such as those operating in the depth and transpersonal fields of psychology.
How Can I Heal My Soul?
If you’re interested in spiritual healing, it’s likely that you feel something fundamental is missing from your life.
Some people are able to verbalize this feeling, while others just feel a stark, bone-chilling absence of something vital. When a person is able to pinpoint what’s wrong, usually they discover that it’s rooted in the soul.
“I’m a lost soul,” they might think, or, “my soul is broken.”
But this is a fundamental misunderstanding. Yes, something is certainly wrong, but it’s not that the soul is broken (which is impossible from an objective standpoint), it’s that they’ve lost touch with their soul. In other words, they are living in a lifeless, colorless world that lacks the joy and succulence that the soul brings.
So the question isn’t how to “heal” your soul (because the soul is Divine and incapable of being fractured – you can experience this while meditating), but how to find your soul.
Informed spiritual healers (i.e., those who understand the nature of the soul), and spiritual healing resources out there (such as this website), will recommend a host of different methods. Some of them include:
- Self-love and self-care practices
- Inner child work
- Shadow work
- Soul retrieval
- Solitude and introspection
- Meditation and mindfulness
- Connecting with spirit animals and spirit guides
- Spending time in nature (ecotherapy)
Click on any of the above links to get further guidance if you’d like a place to start with your spiritual healing.
However, it’s important to be educated and use spiritual discernment here. Not all spiritual healing modalities are equal. Not all healers or teachers are in it for your best interest. And sometimes, our motivations for spiritual healing are wrong. I’ll explain why next …
The Dark Side of Spiritual Healing That No One Talks About
There’s a reason why no one talks about the dark side of spiritual healing. Number one, most people aren’t even aware that there’s a dark side. And if they are aware then number two: they are uncomfortable to face or confront it.
Here’s where I come in: your friendly neighborhood shadow worker. I will help to outline exactly how seeking for spiritual healing can be self-destructive and why. Sounds paradoxical, doesn’t it? Well here’s the thing, it is! Spiritual healing can feel like an enigma wrapped in a riddle, and I’ll explain why.
To be as short and succinct as possible, there are two dark twins of spiritual healing:
Issue 1: Spiritualized Resistance
The first dark twin is what I call spiritualized resistance.
What does spiritualized resistance mean? Basically, it means that sometimes we can use spiritual healing as an excuse to “get rid of” certain feelings, memories, and experiences that we’ve had.
What’s wrong with trying to banish or get rid of what we go through? It’s a form of resistance. And resistance leads to tremendous suffering. I’m talking: anxiety, depression, anger, resentment, bitterness, the whole shebang.
I believe that everyone in the spiritual community needs to understand that trying to “heal” is not always about healing. In fact, often, healing is used as an excuse to deny, suppress, disown, or reject what we’re going through.
It is completely understandable to want to try and get rid of our suffering – particularly if we are exhausted and deeply wounded. But here’s the thing: desperately trying to heal can actually exacerbate your unhappiness and deepen your resistance to what’s happening, thereby preventing you from actually healing!
I will repeat that sentence again (read it slowly): desperately trying to heal can intensify your unhappiness and deepen your resistance to what’s happening, thereby preventing you from actually healing!
It is important for us to understand that true spiritual healing is about facing, acknowledging, exploring, and integrating what we are going through. It’s not about trying to escape our reality!
Issue 2: Dark Spiritual Teachers
The second dark twin is perpetrated by spiritual “healers” and practitioners who are aware – either on a conscious or unconscious level – of the first dark twin of spiritual healing. These teachers are aware of the addictive quality of the push-and-pull game of eternal self-improvement and they use it for their own self-gain.
I see this literally everywhere. It’s a sad thing to behold. It’s prevalent in people who believe they must pay big bucks to “manifest their desires,” keep their vibration high, and basically accumulate more and be more (as if who they are and what they have isn’t already enough). When does this getting and being more actually end? It’s an eternal cycle that leads to suffering (which I wrote about in my thought-provoking self-improvement article).
Then, of course, you have the more sinister breed of spiritual teachers who appear divine and enlightened on the surface but are raging megalomaniacs underneath. A true spiritual teacher will always give your power back to you, but a false spiritual teacher will not only parade around wearing your codependency like a crown but will also actively encourage it. They will purport to have the power to “heal” all your issues and provide you with the “one true path” towards enlightenment, illumination, or Oneness. And if you believe them, you will be ensnared in a dangerous web of believing that someone outside of you can offer you salvation. (Read more about dodgy spiritual guidance.)
What is Authentic Spiritual Healing?
Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives. – Akshay Dubey
I hope that during the course of this article, I have communicated myself clearly. Spiritual healing itself isn’t to blame, it is our mental approach towards spiritual healing.
When spiritual healing is used as a way to avoid, deny, suppress, and disown our issues through “spiritualized resistance” we are abusing its potential. And when spiritual healing is used as a dangling carrot by unethical and unwise spiritual teachers, then it is being desecrated.
What is authentic spiritual healing? True spiritual healing is about facing, acknowledging, exploring, and integrating what we are going through. It’s not about trying to escape our reality! It’s really as simple as that.
Just think of it this way: if you had a blistering sore oozing blood and puss … would you really achieve much by covering your eyes and pretending to ignore it? No. The pain and infection would still be there. Would you really heal by pretending the sore wasn’t yours or by making it someone else’s responsibility to look after? No. You’d still carry that sore with you everywhere. It wouldn’t go away any time soon. The only way to heal that blistering sore is to face it, accept it, and find ways of alleviating your suffering – not as a way of trying to escape your reality – but as a form of self-love. This, to me, is true spiritual healing.
Shadow Work Journal:
Go on a journey through the deepest and darkest corners of your psyche. Embrace your inner demons, uncover your hidden gifts, and reach the next level of your spiritual growth. This is deep and powerful work!
So when it comes to spiritual healing, please be mindful of these traps and practice healthy caution. Critical thinking skills and radical self-honesty are so vital in this day and age.
What I’ve Learned
I’ve been guilty of using spiritual healing as a way to try and escape my suffering before. As a person who has wrestled with anxiety for years, I have often fallen into the trap of trying to spiritually bypass my suffering through fluffy feel-good thinking or methods that promise to instantly “get rid” of anxiety. It doesn’t work. Trying to put a band-aid on a festering sore will only make it worse. Resisting your reality, even in a “spiritual” way, will only serve to deepen your suffering. The only way out is through. You need to go to the core and roots of your issues in order to heal them.
Please reflect on what I have written in this article because it might save you years of pointless struggle.
Love and peace to all.
Further reading:
I take a great interest in self-knowledge, work on life in harmony with myself, and also drawing. And also I love the site lonerwolf, you guys are the best! I will be glad to talk with people with similar interests :-)
Thank you for being here, Daniils. :)
Hi, I have been going through what I believe sounds like everything you are saying. Trying to push through healing by suppressing emotions. It has left me in a not so good state. My mind/thoughts have changed drastically and my visions and images are not as vivid. My mind used to speak to me constantly and now it has become very quiet and lonely. I’m unhappy and often times wish I was dead. Tho I feel very dead inside. I need help and guidance. Pretty sure I went through dark night of the soul, I have had a awakening but also denied a lot of my real feelings and beliefs. I am wondering if there is any way you can help me? I was vibrant and happy just a year ago but had some not kind voice speaking to me.
Jamie, while we don’t offer personal sessions at the moment, I encourage you to look up a “transpersonal therapist / psychologist” in your area. They deal with the spiritual and psychological aspect of emotions, trauma, etc. I hope this helps.
Hi, I have been through a very rough couple of months and am continuously trying to “explore”, ” define” certain things. Have always been quite popular and attract people since I can remember. The thing is people walk away feeling better and tend to feel “drained” , “exhausted” after these interactions but still feel drawn to these people and helping. I am quite sure I am an “emp”.
I am very interested in what your experiences are. My son has been dealing with the dark side and crazy Facebook people for years and years. I would like to lead him into someone who understands the dark side of spirituality/enlightened/awakened etc.. He has been in numerous jails, institutions, etc., because these “enlighted, ascenscion light workers” have told him he is a saint, a god, an angel, Through his whole journey he says he is the chosen one to suffer for other people. It is VERY complicated and a numerous years long story which I can’t possibly even begin to type here. Could you please let me hook you up with him? I think me coming across this article was meant to be and I need help and so does he. He is 28 and the demons, DXM use, thinking he was made to suffer for others has ruined his life. He knows this when he is in his right mind but I need to find someone who understands instead of these thousands of Facebook “ascension” people who I know some mean well, but they are clueless some of them. Can you please help me or lead me in the right direction? We have suffered so much because of the dark side of this. Thank you for any help you can offer.
Hi Kathleen,
I’m sorry to hear that your son is suffering so much. The reality many struggle to face is that spirituality can become a drug – in fact, its addictive potential and charisma is far greater than that of a chemical substance because it’s so subtle, so intangible, and so elevated. What you mention about your son feeling like ‘he is the chosen one to suffer for other people’ is a clear indication of the Martyr Complex (see this article: https://lonerwolf.com/martyr-complex-symptoms/) and Savior Complex (see this article: https://lonerwolf.com/traps-of-spiritual-growth/). If your son is willing, I do psychological-based tarot readings, and you can contact me via the contact form of our website to get this sorted out: https://lonerwolf.com/contact/ Thank you for sharing, and I truly hope your son feels better. We also have a facebook group if your son needs a more balanced crowd of people to be around: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LonerWolf/
Unfortunately I feel like I have a spiritual block. Whenever my mind is peaceful , I keep thinking of this man. I think a bout him all the time. We are not in contact anymore physically but metaphysically I feel his presence all the time. He has moved country’s and I have moved county’s. I don’t think we will ever see him again. So why does he take up so much thinking space? I want to…as you said, put a band aid over it and I have tried! I feel like the only way is direct action…but I’m completely out of my depth. Completely hating writing this on valentines day.
Hola A and M
I am so greatful to have come across your site! I absolutely am enjoying every piece thoroughly! Thank you both so much for sharing your knowledge… Namaste-
thank you for this quite eye-opening article.
As a medical doctor I am always quite sceptical about spiritual healing, but in the last years I have often searched the path to be able to heal my patients (in what ever way possible). And of course there’s quite a bit of bull shit on the market. Reading this article however, opened my eyes.
However I do remain with lots of questions. Even if I can agree on the thought that healing is more than covering the eyes to the spirituale lessons to be learnt, (and that too I find extremely difficult, even for myself), how do you explain all this to people who suffer so much physically that their lives have become no more that surviving the day…?
In short, even thou now I know a little more .. I feel even less capable to find a way to try to heal my patients.
Johan
Amen! I agree with you 100%! I realized a long time ago that the only person who was going to save me was me. I went through different healers trying to “fix” myself. You are right. It only made me feel worse. Then the whole you are not positive so that is why you are suffering made me feel even worse.
I didn’t start to get better until I realized that I had to love myself more and put myself first. Some people would say that is selfish. That is what I thought for years. It is why I suffered so much trauma. I gave away so much of myself. I had so much soul loss.
I see so many people being taken advantage of by people who claim to be healers. Spending thousands of dollars for “coaching”. People are looking for quick fixes for their pain. Then their are the people who stuff their pain down so deep. I can see their pain. I’ve had people stop talking to me because I tried to be empathic to them. I’ve learned to just help those who are ready.
Thank you Aletheia for shedding light on this. I hope that a lot of people read this.
I would also add that spiritual healing is also about playing the long game. Very few healers talk about this because they may not be able to attract clients. Websites are full of glowing testimonials where people’s lives were turned around after one or two sessions. In my experience and of many others this is very rarely the case. Once you “clear” a layer a new one presents itself, or there may be many sides of an issue that needs to be cleared. Also many modalities do not go deep enough to the root cause, so for the seeker it is a bit of a journey traversing a lot of hollow promises until they find a modality that is truly transformative. Spiritual healing is not a quick fix for our impatient, fast food culture.
This article was very illuminating. I do have a question; I agree with facing and accepting the wound, but how does one go about healing it? If we approach the situation from a place of self-love, I suppose we will have the answer. But how does one, after accepting the wound, go about properly healing the wound itself?
Thank you <3
You have to understand the root trauma. When you have experienced trauma(s) it’s it enough to say that I will have a positive outlook on my future and not let it consume me..because the fact is that a lot of our traumas stem from one root trauma, and when we experience trauma we develop our own set of individual coping mechanisms that is run by the subconscious, meaning we don’t see the effect of it ourselves unless we truly do the work. Decoding our childhood programming is a must. Some people become emotional unavailable, some people very codependent, others passive aggressive and angry etc. This past year I’ve been experiencing heartache. It took me a while to understand that what I felt about being rejected by this one person actually was the same emotional reaction I had to several other relations that year, both family members, friends, who just vanished from my life for different reasons. I finally understood that this had nothing to do with what those people had done or said to me (or not said and done)it was about how they all triggered my root trauma, which is being emotionally abandoned by my narc father and codependent mother in my upbringing . Our reactions always reflect something incomplete Inside of us. If we don’t deal with the root trauma, we can never stop these emotions from surfacing.. different people and situations will continue to trigger us. So how to heal depends on what you have experienced in your life. It’s about understanding what went wrong, what you didn’t get that you should have gotten (on a developmental level) and how you as an individual coped with not getting that. When understand your childhood programming, then you have to start reprogramming your brain, hijacking the fight or flight ecenter in the brain. There are numerous ways to heal, and like this article explores, finding a good therapist/coach that actually understands trauma and is not just in it for the money or whatever, is important. It has to be a healer that has done the healing work themselves., and are truly compassionate about guiding you through it without cynical incentives like money or fame…
Emotions can be suppressed from an early age, particularly when a child senses a part of their energy within, their own spiritual make up, however that feels for them, they can learn to feel deep shame for their unique sensitivities if they do not have the empathic support around them. The words, light and dark, have such many interpretations in the spiritual arena they can play into the psyche and energy of those who have experienced suppression for most of their life, if they choose to open up to their spiritual energy, many perhaps not ready or grounded to deal and cope with what many label as dark and light. Repression is not always understood, can be generalized and is such a unique experience, emotions that have been stifled, hidden, denied, shamed, numbed down. Many as adults can be vulnerable to opening up what they have deeply hidden for most of their life, that it is imperative they tread slowly and with the right professional support if they choose to, if they decide to open up to such energies and suppressed emotions, it can be no walk in the park. Many sensitives can feel ashamed to like their fluffy side of spiritual, even feeling they may be mocked, their innocence, ( such an important part of a sensitive), as equally learning to feel and open up to their inner wounds and hurts, even perhaps in the thinking they have to eradicate their egos, what many can name as dark but I do not believe they have to deny their ego at all. It can feel quite an extreme of feelings and emotions during their healing process, that it can be almost too much to say our past and present issues as either light or dark, and instead it is about a unique healing and opening up for the individual that can take time and heart to process their own spirituality without feeling we are either revealing our dark or light side. I feel it is important for those who have repressed emotions to tread carefully when opening up to the mix of energies in spiritual healing, writing and to learn to ground and balance first before anything else. Sometimes we do not know what we may open up in the healing process, our wounded, abused, hidden innocence needs time to express our self while staying kind to our mental mind, the delicate force that requires soft nurturing and equal rest of our often heavy emotions.
Thanks
K
Thank you so much for this article.
I am a natural born optimist, always have been, but I’ve also learned that when I’m down, I need to examine my inner self. I give myself permission to be human, and to feel, I mean, REALLY feel.
If I’m upset about something, I allow myself to be upset, I examine why I am upset, why have I allowed it to affect me this way, what am I doing to attract such behaviour /occurences etc. in my life and what I can do within myself to change either the event, or the affect it has on me.
If I need to cry, I cry, or rant, or beat myself up, and in order to not let it take over my world, I set a time frame. For example, I can wallow, immerse myself completely in this experience, but by Monday, Tuesday or whichever day, I’ll pick myself up, dust myself off, forgive the person, event, myself and carry the lesson learned as part of my human experience.
I find this helps me face the dark without letting it take over, and when I’ve shared it with others, they’ve also come back and thanked me.
I hope my post helps others too.
The reason I rarely talk about the dark side of spiritual healing is because others love to hear that there is a dark side but they do not want to hear the details . I am not speaking of just my personal experience, I see it daily when others are experiencing the darkness (that is the darkest and deepest place of sadness that we go to in order to find the roots of who we are both individually and collectively) …. I see it as people minimize , try to cheer up , point out that it could be worse or point out the good stuff that the teller “should” be focusing on or they just change th subject or completely ignore the person who is sharing details . I don’t think that most “spiritual” don’t know the darkness of spiritual healing – I think people know that the depth of that darkness is terrifying to others and that they can only speak of such things with people who are able to stand strong in their own energy
To validate and empathize with the experience – most others will shut themselves off from anyone speaking in detail about such things.
What you say very much reflects this part of the article: “There’s a reason why no one talks about the dark side of spiritual healing. Number one, most people aren’t even aware that there’s a dark side. And if they are aware then number two: they are uncomfortable to face or confront it.” It’s true that not everyone is capable of facing the darkness, which is totally understandable. In this case, the best thing to do for them is to back away and develop the inner strength to, hopefully, face what must be faced in order to grow. We’re all at different levels and I think it’s important that we honor that, but at the same time, encourage each other to grow in the most authentic ways possible (with as little spiritual bypassing possible).
Great article, thank you. I really like your comparison with the wound. I try to accept the wounds I have instead of pushing them away, but still have some trouble with going through them. It is like I am looking at the wound instead of putting the band aid over it, but I am looking with a confused look: what to do now?
Hi Rachel. :) The next step is to face what is there without dramatizing, pathologizing or obsessing over it. I compare it to a stream of water: just let it flow, let your energy flow. Do what needs to be done on both an intuitive and rational level to free up that frozen, stagnant or wounded energy. Often, all that needs to be done is to hold the suffering in awareness, face it, and feel it. That is obviously easier said than done, but it’s a process that many modalities (such as somatic experiencing for example) can help you work through. I hope that helps!
Wow my comment got erased?
Thank you. A very true article. “Positive thinking” for the mere sake of it is dangerous for sure. It truly is facing our problems that makes us stronger and gives us insight. If you refuse to fight your own battles because it is oh so scary you will never see what you could have gained for yourself. It is a convenient way of escaping who you are. Fire is needed, courage is needed, self love that is not fake is needed.
I’m sorry for writing it like this, but… you & Sol SAVE MY SOUL, why… ?, because you NEVER judge me for anything… but my mind does it, like a FUCKIN’ demon telling me that i deserve death for… EVERYTHING, practically EVERYTHING… and making me run of, again, everything ’cause pure fear of being judge… ’cause, sadly, i think i could KILL if i’m being judge. No Fuckin’ One knows what i had to imagine as dark tought to escape of my own mind as a trial… what i had to while i was masturbating myself to… ESCAPE; like… a fathers that lost their children and, to, stay together, for example, they have to enjoy the death of their children, if not, they would commit suicide, having to found a life alone to FIGHT my Demons… i would FUCKIN’ KILL, IF I’M JUDGE.
A Gift… : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_JQiEs32SqQ.
PD: I NEVER TOUCHED A CHILD, so… WHY THE FUCK’ MY MIND IS JUDGING ME so EXTREMELY HARD… ??
PD2: Forgive me for everything…
Hi Luna & Sol thank u sooo much 4 your article i really needed that i knew i was on the right path by allowing myself to feel anger pain rage sadness for example when i feel anger i play angry rock metal music and punch things to get my anger out i also say what i want to do to get back at the people who hurtme and draw and write things like my feelings emotions down in my writing sketching pad including when i feel sad i will cry in my room or scream if im both sad and angry and i have to say the drawings i do are super dark for instance im on bed and dark shadow grim reaper type figures are touching and grabbing me in places they shouldn’t that points to me being sexually violently physically mentally verbally emotionally spiritually abused as a child pre teen teen and adult and im always weeping tears streaming down my face in my drawings and curled into a foetal position and sometimes im in a corner sitting hugging my knees or coverinng my little girl parts by putting my hands over them to protect them my favorite weepy songs for when im sad are lilium from elfen lied and come little children and also once upon a december by erutan music if anybody is sad please feel free 2 check out these awesome powerful songs on YouTube they have a great and beautiful contrast between being dark yet beautiful and hauntingly sad and for angry feeling songs check out if u wish 2 metallica enter sandman and iced earths song dracula just the sounds beats rhythm and lyrics really helps to bring out my creative side i mean u dont have 2 check them out just if u want 2 that’s all folks but they do on the upside bring out the creator in me i dunno if they would do that 4 anyone else just saying thats all u dont have 2 if you dont want 2 but just saying it helps me alot express my emotions and how i feel also as i think i mentioned punching something when angry and really getting all my rage out pretending that its the head of my abusers have a great day or evening guys depending on where ur and take care God bless u all love ya all and u especially Luna & Sol xxxx ☎✌
Thank you for sharing here Bella. I think creative self-expression and catharsis is so powerful for trauma. They transform the darkness into something beautiful, and allow it to come out rather than be locked inside. This is very therapeutic. Sending lots of love and healing energy your way, Luna
Dear Luna,
I’ve often wanted to comment on blog posts such as this one, and others that deal with the intensity of suffering that comes along with Spiritual Awakening. I have some questions related to my own experience, but I’ve hesitated to ask in case it might be too … intense.
Today I think I’ll try, and put it as concisely as possible.
So, if “someone” goes through a long and arduous awakening process, i.e., 12+ years of a continuous Dark Night experiene … and they know the pain and loss and stripping away of everything — health, friends, dreams, identity, beliefs, illusions, etc — had to mean something; it was all so ridiculously terrible it must be preparing the person for something… and so, the person hangs in there, believing and knowing she’s in a cocoon or on a journey, and one day would make it through …
But things keep getting worse and worse. It begins affecting her life and family and finances. Trauma ensues as more and more blindfolds fall off, revealing unbearable truths she had hidden from herself for 50 years. Crises arise in all areas of her life and she cant stay on top of them. She feels trapped, alone, helpless, isolated – and all her efforts to find help end up hurting her. … so she loses that hope. And doesnt see any light at the end of the tunnel. She feels she got stuck, lost her way. And her only way to get free, she believes, is to “end things”.
Sorry this is too long already. I guess I’ll just ask:
– Do people going through this process ever get to the point where they cant take the pain anymore?
– If they try to end things by their own hand – and dont succeed – did they ruin everything?…did they blow their chance of ever finding that purpose they believed so strongly in? … eg, that all their suffering could be used for good one day; that they could help and heal others from all that they learned?
– Does Spirit “get mad” that they gave up? …
What happens next, to a person such as this?
Hi Mo, this is indeed heavy, but actually quite common. The Dark Night of the Soul, unlike popular thought, isn’t just a period of depression. It is a true spiritual crisis that has (often) nothing to do with chemical imbalances within the brain or warped mental outlooks.
To answer your question, yes. It is possible that some find the pain too much to bear. Although teacher and philosopher Ken Wilber (you can look him up) has said that no one has ever been recorded committing suicide due to a dark night of the soul. While the experience feels like everything is being stripped away, at the same time, there’s a sense of merging into something greater (even if slightly). If a person does try to end things by their own hand, and don’t succeed, they have not ‘blown’ their chance. Why would this be the case? Sometimes, severe acts of self-destruction such as this ‘flick a switch’ and something within them changes (but on the other hand, sometimes nothing changes). There is no black or white here. I’ve heard, read, and listened to people who have tried committing suicide, and afterward have actually found their life purpose. Their suicide attempt signified the lowest point in their life, and from that something (sometimes) begins to grow.
As for your last question, no. It is not my personal experience that Spirit “gets mad” that people give up. This perception seems to reflect a more Judeo-Christian mindset of the divine, in which some God figure is out there to punish us. During the satori/mystical experiences I’ve had, the Divine is complete openness, understanding, compassion, peace, love, etc. But that is not to say that the Divine isn’t forceful. It can and will be a no-nonsense teacher/force that can be stern but loving at the same time.
If such a person is in a spiral of darkness, there are a few options. Reaching out to others is a must, particularly professional helpers in the transpersonal therapy field (who understand both the meeting point between spirituality and psychology). I’d encourage anyone who feels this way to just seek human contact. Talk to someone online if you have no close and trustworthy friends. There are many free counseling services online, and suicide hotlines/chats. Although they may not be able to fully understand the depths of your suffering, they can provide an outlet for self-expression and sometimes helpful tools. Human contact and feeling heard/seen by another, is like a salve for the soul. Taking plant medicine is also a powerful way to have a “breakthrough.” Normally I wouldn’t recommend mentally unfit people to take plant medicine (such as ayahuasca, psilocybin mushrooms, san pedro, lsd), but if I was personally considering suicide, I would make it my mission to go beyond my current mind/ego. And the easiest way to do that is through sacred plant medicine. Although it’s important to do research, get a sitter or legitimate shaman, and ensure that you’re not putting yourself in danger with the authorities. Some studies and many recorded experiences from others have shown how plant medicine can cure drug addiction, depression, and illnesses of the soul, also include the Dark Night of the Soul. I would supplement all of this with prayer and as much self-care as one can muster.
I hope this helps. Let me know your thoughts.
Dear Luna,
Thank you so much for your kind, thoughtful and helpful response. I deeply appreciate the time and care you put into answering my questions.
When I wrote the comment, in my striving to be concise and not overly dramatic, I ended up being overly vague and ambiguous instead – and I apologize. I hope its okay if I fill in some of the blanks I left you with …
1. I should add that, in the midst of the suffering, pain, loss, grief, etc … a lot of amazing things were happening too. I called them “miracles and magic” — as if Spirit was constantly showing up for me in unexpected ways — e.g., through animals and nature, the sky, synchronicities everywhere, and these amazing ‘journeys’ – usually with animals – that happened when I meditated. (I didnt know what these events were so I just called them “cool meditations” … until someone told me I was “journeying”). It was pretty amazing.
2. I longed to tell someone about all these things I was experiencing, someone who had these same experiences and could help me understand what it all meant — and/or just marvel at the “coolness” of it, together. But I couldnt seem to find anyone to share this with. When I’d try to reach out to someone like a shamanic practitioner or spiritual coach, there wasnt this shared “wonder” I hoped for, or any help in explaining what this all meant. When I’d try to share an experience I had, the person would either say nothing, or just give a little laugh/grunt and change the subject. I thought perhaps they’d seen so much more, that my experiences were no big deal to them. Or that I shouldnt be sharing such things … like it was “shamanically incorrect” of me. Either way, I did get hurt by the people I turned to for help and understanding in many other ways as well.
3. When things became so bad in my life — when everything in my life was in a crisis state — I tried going to therapists, psychiatrists, etc for help. But it was so strange. Not one of them seemed to believe me when I’d tell them all the areas of my life that were in disarray. They were dismissive and treated me as if I was just “over-catastrophizing” or exaggerating; as if it would be impossible for anyone to be in crisis in every area of their lives. But I was! I was telling the exact truth. But these professionals didnt take me seriously. (I did not go into the spiritual stuff at all with these people).
I’ll try to pull this together soon —
4. So basically I had no one to turn to. I was in a toxic marriage (one of the many truths revealed). I had no friends, family support, money, or ability to work bc of chronic illness. I felt trapped; void of hope. I got mad at Spirit, because this “process” had been going on for 12 years, and kept getting worse with no end in sight. The miracles and magic were still amazing — but those experiences werent helping me. I felt like I got stuck in the metamorphisis process, where the caterpillar turns to mush in the cocoon.
5. It was two years ago when the trauma became too much for me. I don’t like saying the “s” word, but yes, I tried that. I was in the hospital for a week and then intensive outpatient care.
6. The thing that was so strange is, from the moment I woke up in the hospital – Spirit was gone. It was like this huge strange void. It stayed like that after I got home, and for nearly 2 years. Thats why I thought I must have blown it. Also — it was like I had some sort of amnesia when it came to all the things I had experienced over the past decade, both good and bad.
It’s only recently that things are starting to come back to me. I can feel Spirit with me again. I am getting reminders of the “cool things” I experienced. But I dont know anymore if my soul will ever find or live out its purpose. I wonder if I interrupted the process. But I didnt know what else to do.
This is very long, and I am so sorry. This is what I tried to avoid earlier. But I just wanted to be sure you knew that I am okay now, as far as no longer needing to escape or end things. That already happened. However, I am still confused and feeling lost, and wondering what happened to me and why, and wondering if it was all for nothing?
P.s. if this is too long to post, I understand! Thank you so much for your kindness and grace.
know who to tell or how to explain it. Most people I knew wouldnt get it at all.
Thanks for yet another great article from you!
The topic of this article made me wonder if you have any thoughts on/ experiences with practices such as ‘Emotional Freedom Technique (ENT)’, ‘Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT)’ etc.?
I have never tried these myself, but have heard about it from others. I’m not sure what to think about it, or if it is something I would want to try. Would be interesting to hear your thoughts on it, if you know about it :)
And thanks again for your great work! I love each and every article you guys do – they are truly inspiring and thought provoking!
Hi Sarah. I’ve heard of EFT, but not too much about TAT. I’ve had experience with the meridian/chakra system, so EFT seems plausible (to me personally), but I’ve practiced it only a few times. However, I find other practices more helpful for stress relief and energy work (such as self-massage, breathwork, and yoga.
I’m so glad you love what we put out there. Thank you for sharing that!
Love, Luna