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ยป Home ยป Resisting The Path

Toxic Family: 15 Signs & Ways to Deal With Their Negativity

by Aletheia Luna ยท Updated: Apr 3, 2025 ยท 31 Comments

Image of a silhouette of people standing on the horizon symbolic of the toxic family
Image of toxic family signs

Your heart races. Heat pounds through your body. Anger and hurt clench your throat. Tears creep up. Your eyes dart around for a way to escape and not deal with these people anymore. โ€œHow the hell can I get out of here?โ€

Toxic family members have a uniquely disturbing way of hurting us that goes unrivaled by almost everything and everyone else in life.

Their jeers, jabs, and judgment have a way of piercing the very core of us in a way that feels intensely triggering.ย 


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With one nasty lip curl, we can feel rejected, unwanted, and unlovable.ย 

With a cynical glance in our direction, we can feel intense emotions of rage and resentment boil our blood.ย 

If youโ€™ve decided to take the route of the lone wolf and walk your own path in life, perhaps as the result of a spiritual calling or existential crisis, you may feel extra uncomfortable.

Being the black sheep of the family is challenging, as is being a naturally sensitive and empathic person who picks up on and internalizes toxic energy.ย 

Do you have a toxic family?

And if so, how do you deal with them, especially around festive moments of the year like birthdays, baby showers, anniversaries, Christmas, and the holiday season? How do you deal with them if you actively live with them?

I’ll explore all of these questions and more in this article:


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Table of contents

  • How Do You Know If Your Family Is Toxic? (15 Signs to Look Out For)
  • Examples of Toxic Family Behavior
  • Toxic Family and the Spiritual Calling
  • How to Deal With Toxic Family Members (5 Ways to Stay Sane)
    • 1. Try the gray rock methodย 
    • 2. Develop clearer but invisible boundariesย 
    • 3. Be mindful of the draining victim mentality and adjust your mindset
    • 4. See the pain as the path (a stoic philosophy)
    • 5. Build a life that โ€œfills your cupโ€
  • Youโ€™re Not Alone

How Do You Know If Your Family Is Toxic? (15 Signs to Look Out For)

Image of a person trapped behind a window symbolic of being in a toxic family

Letโ€™s start with the crucial question: is your family actually toxic?ย 

Perhaps thereโ€™s just one person you struggle with, like a toxic sibling, parent, or extended family member. Or maybe you suspect the whole family is deeply dysfunctional.

Whatever the case, there are clear signs to look out for.ย 

Here are signs of a toxic family or family member:

  • You feel judged negatively by them most of the time.
  • They try to control your behavior, e.g., by expecting you to behave the way they want you to behave, to believe what they believe, or to make the decisions that theyโ€™ve decided for you as a condition of being loved and accepted.
  • They try to set you against other members of the family (your partner, children, other relatives) by playing favorites, creating drama, and watching to see what you do as a twisted way of seeing where your loyalties lie.ย 
  • You feel unseen and unappreciated for who you are around them.ย 
  • They are self-absorbed, only talk about themselves, and donโ€™t take a genuine interest in you or your life. This leaves you feeling unimportant and unloved.
  • They are envious and gossip a lot about others in a way that falsely elevates their โ€œsuperiorโ€ knowledge, charm, or success.
  • They misuse substances (alcohol, prescription medication, illicit drugs), which leads to harmful and enabling dynamics in the family system.ย 
  • You question your sanity around them because they gaslight you into believing that youโ€™re the crazy, โ€œhyper-sensitive,โ€ or illogical one (instead of them).ย 
  • Your boundaries are disrespected and ignored, whether that be physically, sexually, emotionally, mentally, or even spiritually. For instance, they might make rude comments about your body, touch you inappropriately, or stay in your house past the acceptable time of departure.
  • They are deceptive, and they rarely take responsibility for their actions or bad behavior.
  • They are overtly or covertly verbally abusive, e.g., they call you names, yell at you, or make underhanded comments to bring you down.
  • They are emotionally abusive, e.g., they dismiss, threaten, manipulate, or humiliate you.
  • They are bullies, and they seem to enjoy physical, emotional, or mental intimidation tactics to ensure that they have the power.ย 
  • They are an energy vampire, and you feel exhausted around them, especially as they tend to vent and dump a lot onto those around them emotionally.
  • You donโ€™t feel safe around them, and your nervous system goes into a state of fight, flight, fawn, or freeze.ย 

How many of these signs can you relate to?

Exhibiting even one of the above points is a sign of toxic behavior.ย 

But the difference between having annoying, flawed family members and toxic family members is that toxic ones are constantly negative. Your mental and emotional health plummets as a result.

Do you have any more of your own toxic family member signs to add in the comments?

Note: If youโ€™re experiencing violence at the hands of a toxic family member, please see these domestic violence hotlines for 1-to-1 assistance.ย 

Examples of Toxic Family Behavior

Image of a person holding up an angry face sign

I have a lot of experience with toxic family members and their behavior because Iโ€™m a family reject and black sheep who refused to believe in the Christian dogma I was brainwashed into while growing up.ย 

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I know the deep, visceral pain of dealing with family members who fail to truly see, love, and accept you for who you are, even if thatโ€™s at odds with who they are. True love doesnโ€™t have conditions.

Here are some fictional (but sadly common) examples of toxic family behavior to help illustrate it better:

  • Carol, her husband Gary, and their new baby son are attending a Christmas party with their extended family members. However, when Carol arrives at the party and begins settling in, her mother starts commenting about how much weight she has gained, how haggard she looks, and how she needs to exercise more to be a good mother and wife. When Carol changes the topic and begins talking about something else, her mother ignores her and starts bitching about someone else at the party. Carol has a toxic mother.
  • Nick and Juan are in a long-term queer relationship and are attending a family dinner. When Nick opens the door, his father sneers at them from the kitchen and bellows, โ€œah, here are the two queens!!โ€ Nick can hear his brothers sniggering in the living room at his fatherโ€™s declaration, and Nick feels rage and hurt boil up inside of him, feeling judged, belittled, and rejected. Itโ€™s not what his father said but how he said it and his brother’s responses that hurt him. Nick has a toxic family.ย 
  • Marie is attending a New Yearโ€™s get-together at her sisterโ€™s house. As they sit around outside chatting and drinking beer, Marieโ€™s uncle starts becoming obnoxious and rowdy. He saunters over to Marie and starts talking loudly into her face about how his ex-wife is a โ€œwhoreโ€ and how heโ€™s now in a top position at his company. When Marie tries to back away, her uncle grabs her roughly by the shoulders and accuses her of thinking that โ€œsheโ€™s too good for everyoneโ€ for trying to leave. Marie looks pleadingly at her sister and parents for help, but they just glance away, ignoring her, leaving Marie by herself. When Marie confronts the three of them later for not helping her, they blame her for being too โ€œhyper-sensitiveโ€ and gaslight her into feeling like she is the one with the problem, not her uncle. Marie has a toxic family.ย 

There are many other examples I could give, but I hope these ones illustrate just how varied and complex toxic family members and their unhealthy dynamics can be.

Toxic Family and the Spiritual Calling

Image of a person walking away from a group of people in the distance symbolic of the toxic family influence

For some people, feeling unsupported, victimized, and isolated in a toxic family is enough to trigger a life crisis and spiritual awakening.ย 

If our family of origin canโ€™t give us the love we seek or the home that we yearn for, what can?

What actually is genuine love? What does true belonging feel like?

These are the questions we ask at the start of our spiritual journey.

You might feel like one of these lost souls and lone wolves who feel like an exile in life, just like me. But Iโ€™m here to help you reframe your mindset and feel empowered again because having a toxic family can actually be a blessing in disguise.

By having the courage to question the status quo in your toxic family and demand something different for yourself and your life, you are listening to a deeper inner calling.

It is our Soul that longs for authentic love, connectedness, actualization, and belonging โ€“ and dealing with the toxicity of people who mistreat and hurt you can be the spark that ignites that drive to search for more in life.ย 

Being a lone wolf and going soul-searching for answers is something to be proud of โ€“ I hope you feel that!ย 

You have a friend and a guide in me if nothing else. I know what it feels like to be rejected, alienated, and alone.

Ultimately, this feeling of being an outsider and an exile is part of a larger transformational pattern known as the Heroโ€™s Journey in mythology or the Spiritual Awakening Journey on our website.

If you havenโ€™t already, you’re welcome to sign up for the free Spiritual Awakening Course that Iโ€™ve helped to co-create, which can help you gain some perspective and guidance if you havenโ€™t already.

How to Deal With Toxic Family Members (5 Ways to Stay Sane)

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Not everyone has the luxury of cutting ties with or distancing themselves from toxic family members.ย 


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For instance, maybe weโ€™re their caretakers, or perhaps we depend on them financially.ย 

Maybe out of necessity, we find ourselves living with them due to housing issues or job shortages. There could be many reasons why we find ourselves stuck with a toxic family.

How do you stay sane?ย 

Iโ€™ve written the list below for people who canโ€™t or donโ€™t want to, for whatever reason, burn bridges with their toxic family members.

Hereโ€™s what Iโ€™ve learned from my own experience and from the insight shared with me by others dealing with this painful situation:

1. Try the gray rock methodย 

Image of a giant rock

If youโ€™re a highly sensitive person, an empath who tends to be an emotional sponge or just a person who has a low energy threshold for bullshit, try the gray rock method.

In my book โ€œAwakened Empath: The Ultimate Guide to Emotional, Psychological, and Spiritual Healing,โ€ I explore this method applied to narcissistic relationships. But it can apply to any kind of toxic connection. I write:

The gray rock method is essentially a way of making yourself so boring to a narcissist that they will eventually leave you alone. Narcissists [and toxic family members] thrive on drama and reaction. When you deprive them of that, they quickly start to lose interest in you.

Practice the gray rock method by:

  • making yourself utterly boringย 
  • being bland and vague in your responses
  • not reacting to their reactions
  • talking about dull topicsย 

The goal is to pretend that youโ€™re like a gray rock or something tremendously uninteresting that has no personality. Itโ€™s kind of like adopting a secret disguise!ย 

Do this, and youโ€™ll be protecting yourself from their toxicity and drama.

2. Develop clearer but invisible boundariesย 

Image of a person holding up a cactus symbolic of setting boundaries with toxic family members

One issue that often arises when people first learn about the idea of โ€œpersonal boundariesโ€ โ€“ especially when they feel disempowered โ€“ is taking it to the extreme.ย 

Setting boundaries with toxic family members isnโ€™t about being loud, abrasive, or demanding โ€“ this will likely just backfire and bite you in the butt.ย 

Itโ€™s understandable to react that way and try to take back your power forcibly. But a better and more long-lasting method is to develop clear but โ€œinvisibleโ€ boundaries.

By invisible, I mean keeping your boundaries quiet and almost concealed. Toxic family members typically detest any form of obvious boundary. So, to avoid that particular kind of hell, take a more subtle but strong approach.

Here are some ideas:ย 

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  • Learn how to say โ€œnoโ€ in a neutral but firm way. E.g., instead of saying โ€œNo way,โ€ or โ€œNo, I wonโ€™t do that,โ€ try saying something like, โ€œI canโ€™t help today, but I can recommend someone else who can,โ€ or โ€œThat sounds interesting, but I have another commitment that day,โ€ or โ€œIโ€™ve got a lot going on right now, but if my schedule clears up Iโ€™ll let you know.โ€
  • Spend less time around them. For instance, if you live with a toxic parent, find ways of being out of the house and building a life outside that environment. If youโ€™re at a party with a nasty sibling, create physical distance between you and them, such as standing on the opposite side of the room.
  • Plan reasons to leave to give you space. E.g., plan to spend only twenty minutes around them and have a commitment lined up afterward. Plan to excuse yourself to the restroom when the conversation gets heated or tense. Even ask someone to call you during a certain toxic family time so you have the excuse to leave and have more space.
  • Cross your arms and adjust your body language so that it looks closed and not open. When someone is in your personal space, step back or position yourself in the room in a way where thereโ€™s an object between you and the said toxic family member.

If you have any other tips, share them in the comments!

3. Be mindful of the draining victim mentality and adjust your mindset

Image of a person feeling empowered and successful

Dealing with toxic family members can indeed make us feel victimized, especially when theyโ€™re insulting, shaming, belittling, or emotionally dumping on us.

While itโ€™s important to accept that you are the victim of their abuse, itโ€™s also vital not to get stuck in a victimhood mentality.

A victim mentality is defined by:

  • feeling powerless in your life
  • blaming others for how your life is going
  • not taking self-responsibility
  • projecting a mostly โ€œpoor meโ€ attitude
  • believing that โ€œthereโ€™s no point in trying to fix the situation because itโ€™s hopelessโ€

Do you feel tired reading this? I know that I do!

As someone who has dealt with the victim mentality a lot in the past, I can say with certainty that itโ€™s freakinโ€™ exhausting. Itโ€™s a drain of life force energy. And itโ€™s pointless at the end of the day!

Itโ€™s also a misguided attempt to regain a sense of personal power by paradoxically feeling empowered by a victim identity.ย 

Donโ€™t let your toxic family members have more impact on your life than you allow them to. Take back control over your mindset and find ways to feel self-sovereign and responsible for your life and happiness.

In the words of Maya Angelou,

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.

4. See the pain as the path (a stoic philosophy)

Image of a path in the woods with a fallen tree

Itโ€™s no wonder that Stoicism, an ancient Greek philosophy, is coming more and more into the mainstream: it helps us see the pain we experience as our path to growth and fulfillment.

One tenet of Stoicism is to focus on what we can control (aka., ourselves), not what we canโ€™t (aka., toxic family members).

Another assertion from Stoicism is the phrase Amor Fati, which means โ€œlove of fate.โ€ To love our fate means to accept that whatever happens to us is meant to be and is part of a larger plan.

While itโ€™s important that we change things that donโ€™t work in our lives, itโ€™s not always possible, especially when weโ€™re somehow trapped with a toxic family member.

Instead, see your pain as your path. Ask yourself, โ€œHow is ___ my teacher? What are they teaching me?โ€ย 

Also, reflect on the ways you have grown and evolved in the presence of the toxicity of your family. Have you become more patient, determined, conscientious, or hard-working? Look for the light in the darkness.

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In the words of Stoic philosopher Seneca,

Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.

And in the words of Marcus Aurelius, another Stoic (and Roman emperor), commenting about mindset:

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

5. Build a life that โ€œfills your cupโ€

Image of a person reading an ebook outside in nature

Toxic family members are like leeches of energy, but we donโ€™t have to remain their prey.

Although weโ€™ll inevitably feel drained around them, we can replenish our energy reserves by building a life that metaphorically โ€œfills our cup.โ€

Here are some ways to restore your energy and find joy amid the turmoil:

  • Have a simple self-care practice like drinking tea, walking, and reading
  • Practice self-love affirmations (these morning affirmations can help)
  • Spend time unwinding in nature
  • Take care of your inner child
  • Spend time cuddling petsย 
  • Practice somatic body work and learn how to unwind your nervous system
  • Fill your space with plants or that which gives you lifeย 
  • Do some reflective journaling
  • Spend time with people you genuinely enjoy being around
  • Strengthen your spiritual support system and connect with spirit guides and allies (if you consider yourself metaphysically inclined)
  • Give yourself permission to nap and rest
  • Express yourself creatively

Do you have any other ideas? If so, share them in the comments!

Youโ€™re Not Alone

Image of people putting their hands on a desk symbolic of the toxic family diversity

To close, I want you to know that youโ€™re not alone.

So many of us deal with toxic families. And while it can feel exhausting, infuriating, and deeply upsetting, there are ways to stay sane and grounded.

Please share with me your experience with having a toxic family. What has helped you in the tough times? What advice can you share with others? Iโ€™d love to hear from you.ย 

Finally, if youโ€™re a sensitive person and youโ€™d like more guidance on dealing with toxic people, see my book Awakened Empath. I think youโ€™ll love it!

Three paths to inner transformation โ€“ hereโ€™s how I can help you go deeper:

1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Are you feeling lost, adrift, and unsure of your life's purpose? Gain clarity, focus, and direction on your inner path by uncovering the five archetypes of awakening within you. Learn how to navigate the highs and lows of your inner journey and chart your unique path with 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, and a premium test.

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About Aletheia Luna

Aletheia Luna is a prolific psychospiritual writer, author, educator, and intuitive guide whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. She is the author of hundreds of popular articles, as well as numerous books and journals on the topics of Self-Love, Spiritual Awakening, and more. [Read More]

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  1. Jamiel says

    May 15, 2024 at 4:32 am

    This was so deeply helpful and valuable. Thank you for writing on this Luna. <3

    Reply
  2. Renee says

    January 30, 2024 at 2:32 am

    I’ve learned a lot from my toxic relationships with family & in-laws. I seem to have a much better grip on the situation now that I watch it happening from the outside as the toxicity in my husband’s family is far more obvious.

    My best take away from everything is that you owe NO ONE an explanation for anything you or for who you are. You’re the only person who has to look at yourself in the mirror. This one thing has allowed me to take back my power like nothing else I’ve tried. It’s allowed me to see that no one can actually take or steal my power unless I let them. That free will is a real thing, just like everything else, it needs to be looked at from a different perspective. When I allowed myself to get upset about their behaviors towards me, I was GIVING them my power. Power over my emotions & thoughts as they became the center of my mind. One might think this is a “duh” moment, but when you’re living in the picture, you don’t even realize there’s missing pieces until you find a piece that has been missing all along.

    I have found, for me, there are 2 specific actions I can take to regain my power. The first one is to go back in time and find the moment I first gave that person my power, and replay it in my mind the way it would’ve gone had I not given it away. For example, I have an 18 yr old daughter who thinks she gets to judge me for things I do that she doesn’t agree with & “punishes” me by pretending I don’t exist.

    I’m going to give you a recent example, one that I have actually learned from. I am a recovering addict with more that 620 days clean, which is something I am very proud of. My husband was recently wrongfully arrested and imprisoned for a couple weeks before they realized their error. One day while he was in jail my daughter texted me a screenshot of the charges he was facing and to my astonishment, they were charges relating to drugs. Nevermind that I had no idea these charges existed or that he kept his very recent relapse hidden from me. (Which Im thinking is true in the moment, but in fact wasn’t at all). Forget that I was feeling alone and lost because I just lost my partner for idk how long (bcz how do you fight a corrupted system?) or that I was feeling a little hopeless and beaten down by this system & I didn’t know how to help him. No, she didn’t ask me what was going on or how I was doing, no she sent me that screenshot and said this “I thought you were clean”. Being as this was the first time I was seeing these new charges, I was caught off guard, I felt like she was accusing ME of doing drugs again (which she most definitely was). I began to explain to her all that I knew, and felt like nothing I said was good enough for her & that now she’s accusing me of lying. Knowing good & well she wasn’t going to believe anything I said to her, I continued on about how I was just finding out about it. I was no surprised by her reply, “How do you not know someone you’re around all day everyday is on drugs?” What I should’ve responded with was ” How long was I do doing drugs” (Because she had no idea I was on drugs when I checked myself into rehab) She could’ve answered her own question, however I replied with “He’s not here all day everyday. He works and takes his mom & grandma to the Drs and grocery store” ect…She never responded and I haven’t heard from her in more than 2 weeks & I won’t untill she needs money (this is the punishment phase).

    The second thing I realized I need to do was actually something I needed to stop doing. I needed to stop engaging in the theatrics. After our conversation, I felt dirty, uneasy, like a disappointment, judged and unloved, even nauseous and I genuinely did nothing wrong. I feel that she is feeding on this & it is the entire reason for the interaction. I am stronger than ever in my sobriety and the literal only thing I do everyday is work on myself and my spiritual journey. So while I instinctively went into habit response, I now have the power of clarity and can see the error of my ways. After a few days of a cyclical crying, feeling bad for myself, feeling rejected and unworthy of love, I had a quick flash of epiphany. And what I saw was that I had spent the past 8 yrs of her life explaining to her every single detail of my life & who I am. I created the monster that judges everything I do, manipulates me in all kinds of way & worst of all, loves me conditionally (no, not the monster that lives in my head but an entirely new one). What we will do to punish ourselves is absolutely outrageous. Sadly though, it’s not her fault & in some important ways I have ruined her. I have taught her to be untrusting & manipulative and how to put conditions on her love, I have taught her to treat me exactly how I had been treated by my own mother my entire life. In that reflection I remembered and acknowledged the exact moment I gave away all my power to her. It was the first time I lied to her about where I was and what I was doing. From there the cycle of guilt & manipulation just snowballed.

    In order to regain my power I meditated on it, journaled about it and mentally went back to that moment and told her that I am an adult, she is a child and I don’t have to report back to her. It is my job to be the parent. The truth is there was always a power struggle in that area as she didn’t understand and often crossed the adult/child line & while in most instances I would put her back over onto the child side of the line, when it came to me & bcz of the guilt I carried, I allowed her to remain on the adult side; most likely in some twisted way of punishment of myself. Habitually in these instances, I would call or text her and let her know that my husband’s home & that he was wrongfully arrested so they let him out without even a hearing. But in this case, I’ve decided not to. I don’t owe her any explanations. None of this affected her life in any way except our last interaction. She’s an adult and while I acknowledge and own my decisions as her parent, I can’t change the past. I can only learn from it, live from that experience and pray that one day she does too.

    In conclusion, recalling & acknowledging the exact moment I gave away my power and taking back my power by reimaging was the first step I needed to take. The second step, is living my power. By not engaging in theatric & staying loyal to myself and my truth, I have a palpable sense of self confidence. I will not be responding to any texts from her asking me for money without at the very least her saying hey mom how are ya? first. I will not be explaining myself in all ways to Sunday anymore. She will get a direct answer to any direct questions she has but I’m not bending the knee to her any longer. Nor will I be doing it with her 2 older siblings (whom I’ve taught to be the exact same way,); despite the fact that I had never touched a drug in my life while they were growing up. Non the less I programmed them to treat me in the same ways. This means this is a learned behavior and most likely a program installed in me by the many family members that manipulate me into carrying their guilt for them. I am learning to live my power by acknowledging my truths and have made a promise to myself to demand thru my actions the respect I deserve, no matter who it is I’m interacting with. Especially from myself (which is oddly the hardest one to demand it from). Because I have acknowledge that I am worthy of not just breathing and existing but also of love and respect, I feel stronger and more empowered than I ever knew was possible and have found a new love for myself that I have never received or possessed.

    Moral of the story: Learn from the negative & toxic relationships in your life. Light can’t really be seen in the presence of light, it can only be seen in the presence of darkness.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      February 03, 2024 at 1:14 pm

      Thank you for sharing that the negative experiences in our lives can be transformed into deep learning opportunities for self-growth and personal transformation. I appreciate you taking the time to write this, Renee ๏ปฟ๐Ÿ’™๏ปฟ

      Reply
  3. Stephanie says

    December 10, 2023 at 11:44 am

    Over the past couple years, I have learned it was never me. My mother is an emotionally immature narcisstic person. I was always searching for affection and approval which in truth she’s incapable of giving.

    Reply
  4. Michael says

    December 06, 2023 at 10:21 am

    My immediate family is actually pretty healthy, in reflecting upon this list and my experiences, luckily. Yet, the family of my soon-to-be ex girlfriend of 9 years ( I just moved back in with my own, healthy family. ) is a lot of the above markers of a toxic family.

    Her family is Greek-Italian, and it is saturated with gossip, competition, deception, overstepping boundaries, materialism, obsession with society’s version of “success” etc. I have also lived in a house with a hoarder (my soon to be ex) and I finally got out because it was so soul crushing. Boxes would pile in day after day, till I lost every personal spot to myself. I wasn’t allowed to talk about it because it was “disrespecting her privacy” yet mine was trampled over. This was incredibly isolating and hard. I didn’t like who I became, my self worth dropped and I knew life didn’t have to be like this…

    I turned into a person who wasn’t in touch with my emotions and felt stressed and chaotic underneath a facade of being okay. I actually did turn to Stoicism to cope and find a way and a purpose through the pain.

    I finally decided I left behind my own spiritual path for far too long, my health was suffering too much and I left the hoarded home and am disconnecting from her family by putting up boundaries. (Blocking people who do not respect them and will continue to harass me.)

    If you are stuck in a tough situation, at least try and carve out a personal space for yourself. I understand not everyone can remove themselves like I have, or, it really just may take more time and planning.

    Maybe you just have to save up longer, get out of debt and live in a minimalist way. Don’t give up, know you are loved by the Divine, there is a purpose in all of this, even if it hurts so much and you feel isolated. Maybe, you can help someone else in the future due to your situation.

    I know that’s what I plan to do in the future. My heart was broken yet I became kinder, just as many spiritual traditions speak of.

    Thank you for this article. So many of us struggle with this and shining a light on the darkness like you do is a great blessing to all of us.

    The world would be a less bright without your hard work.

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      December 06, 2023 at 1:37 pm

      Hoarding is such a deeply complex and painful experience โ€“ I’ve been dealing with a hoarder and helping to clean their mess in my life recently, and it’s challenging on pretty much every level. Thank you for these wonderful suggestions, Michael. There are so many avenues of escape from toxic families that we can take, like minimalism & saving, creating our own private space, and reframing the situation. I really appreciate your perspective and kind words as well. ๏ปฟ๐Ÿ’œ๏ปฟ

      Reply
  5. Kelly says

    December 05, 2023 at 1:35 pm

    oh my gosh!! I experience every single thing in this article from my siblings and immediate family. I am currently estranged from my only child/son, his wife, and my two youngest grandchildren for nearly four years now. I co-parent/ care for my first grand daughter that is estranged from them all as well, along with my father and special needs brother.

    I have entered healing about four years ago and have made beautiful growth and strength along the way of my spiritual journey. And with support from your shared knowledge and wisdom from Lonerwolf!!! ๐Ÿฉท๐Ÿ™๐Ÿปโœจ๐Ÿ˜‡๐Ÿ’ซ๐Ÿซถ๐Ÿป๐ŸŽ„

    My only older sister has exciled/alienated us from them with great heights of evil intent. She is mentally ill and suffers from narcissism, bipolar, and uses drugs and alcohol. She lives her daily life with intent and grand master planning ahead, to finish me. I have accepted and come to terms with the excile as I must for my health.

    she has replaced me as mother, grand mother, and mother in law. And my grand children are in her daily care.

    I have done tremendous healing and have committed to myself first, the rest of my life here on earth. I have taken proper measures to protect myself and stay away and went no communication.

    I would like to add an experience to the list.

    being alienated, and exiled.

    estrangement from child and grand children.

    Witnessing your elder parent be alienated and harassed by unwanted phone calls, texts, and voice messages. While they feeel too guilty to go no communication. And to see how this is affecting his health . And being the only one to love him and help take care of him.

    Harassment and emotional abuse.

    Thank you for sharing wisdom for healing and understanding. I am grateful for Lonerwolf- Luna and Sol!

    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      December 06, 2023 at 1:41 pm

      Thank you for adding being alienated and exiled/estranged from other family members to the list, Kelly โ€“ what a harrowing experience. I wish you continued strength! I’m so glad you’re taking care of yourself, as harassment and emotional abuse is no joke. Thank you for sharing your experience so that others in a similar situation don’t have to feel so alone. Lots of love to you ๏ปฟ๐Ÿ’—๏ปฟ

      Reply
  6. Trevane says

    December 05, 2023 at 7:40 am

    Toxic family members. Iโ€™ve just been the target of everyone near to me lashing out and using me to vent their frustrations. Itโ€™s been a nightmare and Iโ€™m still trying to work through why me?

    1. Your timely email has given me hope. Thanks.
    Reply
    • Aletheia Luna says

      December 06, 2023 at 1:42 pm

      I hope you manage to set boundaries with these people, Trevane, and that the guidance in this article has helped!

      Reply
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