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    » Home » Starting The Journey

    13 Signs You’re a Judgmental Person (and How to End the Habit)

    Reading time: 7 mins

    by Aletheia · Aug 3, 2021 · 53 Comments

    Judgemental image

    We all generally prefer to see ourselves as smart, generous, kind, patient, and forgiving people most of the time.

    But the truth is that we aren’t. Life isn’t ideal. We aren’t perfect. We simply cannot be nice and ‘good’ 100% of the time. If we’re honest with ourselves, we actually have some pretty scary and embarrassing flaws that we prefer to avoid at all costs.

    But the reality is that we don’t like facing our shadows. We tend to avoid or react to anything or anyone who tries to point out our failures and weaknesses. While this is understandable, we need to realize that our dark side holds the keys to authentic happiness, self-acceptance, and inner freedom. To quote author Ryan Holiday, “the obstacle is the way” – and this article works on that philosophical premise.

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    One of the biggest obstacles out there on our paths to wholeness is judgmentalism. Why is it an obstacle? When we are unaware of our judgmental tendencies, we become angry, hateful, defensive, anxious, and isolated. As you can imagine, such a trait not only alienates us from others, but also from our very own souls.

    Now, I’m not proposing that judgmentalism is an infestation of the personality that must be exterminated. Instead, it is something we need to understand, even embrace, and work to counteract. (So don’t expect this article to be one of those typical “how to get rid of …” columns, which in my opinion, create more harm than good. Sound judgmental of me? I know! But that’s OK. ;))

    Table of contents

    • What is “Being Judgmental”?
    • Judgmentalism as a Defense Mechanism
    • 13 Signs You’re a Judgmental Person
    • How to End the Habit of Being Judgmental

    What is “Being Judgmental”?

    Being a judgemental person essentially means thinking, speaking, or behaving in a manner that reflects a critical and condemnatory point of view. When we are judgmental we are critically nitpicking and finding fault with another person, group of people, idea, or situation. In a nutshell, we are seeing through the filter of our black/white beliefs, condemning something or someone as “bad,” “stupid,” “unworthy,” etc. Judgmentalism also extends to ourselves, leading to problems such as low self-worth, depression, and anxiety.

    Being judgmental isn’t all bad. When our inner Judge is balanced, we are able to make clear decisions and avoid potentially dangerous situations. Being critical also helps us to be creative, innovative, and insightful about other people’s problems (think of the therapist who must judge his or her patient to help them).

    But there is a big difference between making judgments and being judgemental. Making judgments comes from a balanced and neutral mind. On the other hand, judgmentalism comes from an imbalanced and reactive mind that is seeking to protect itself from being hurt by others. We could, therefore, say that judgmentalism is actually a defense mechanism.

    Judgmentalism as a Defense Mechanism

    What is a defense mechanism? A defense mechanism is a type of conscious or unconscious technique that is used to protect the ego. The ego is our false self, the “I” that we identify with (read more about the ego). The purpose of the ego is to keep us feeling isolated and separate from others as a survival instinct, and that often happens through various defense mechanisms.

    Judgmentalism as a defense mechanism benefits us in a number of ways by:

    • Making us feel superior (self-righteous), therefore giving us (false) self-worth
    • Avoiding our own faults by pointing them out in others
    • “Protecting” us from being hurt by others

    You might look at the list above and think “I would never do that!” But the reality is that such behaviors are rooted in the unconscious mind. In other words, we are completely unaware that such drives are at the core of our judgmental tendencies; they are lurking beneath the surface.

    13 Signs You’re a Judgmental Person

    Here are some signs to look out for:

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    1. You believe that everyone is out to get you.
    2. You expect other people to be consistent all the time.
    3. You struggle to see beyond a person’s flaws.
    4. You easily skip to conclusions.
    5. You struggle to tolerate ambiguity and uncertainty.
    6. You’re intolerant of people unlike you.
    7. You’re generally pessimistic about life.
    8. You tend to believe people are either ‘good’ or ‘bad.’
    9. You struggle to truly appreciate or see the beauty in others.
    10. You have low self-worth.
    11. You feel anxious around other people.
    12. You’re suspicious and untrusting.
    13. You have a strong inner critic who judges you.

    Be honest. How many of these signs can you relate to? Also, did you receive any strong or uncomfortable feelings while reading through this list (e.g. anger, defensiveness, shock, fear)? If so, you were probably triggered, meaning that judgmentalism is likely an issue for you.


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    Want to learn how and why your inner judge is connected to your shadow self? In our Shadow Work Journal, we give more in-depth guidance:

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    How to End the Habit of Being Judgmental

    Like many people, I have struggled with judgmentalism before, and I still do at times. When you can see beyond the facades of people very quickly like I can, it is easy to slip into a judgmental outlook. Being tired, overworked, or busy makes this tendency even worse.

    However, ultimately being judgmental is a self-esteem problem. By finding something to dislike or condemn about others, we are (a) protecting ourselves from being vulnerable, (b) avoiding our own faults, and (c) inflating our egos with false self-worth. All of these points relate back to our frail self-esteem.

    So how do we end the habit of judgmentalism? The answer is that above all, you will need to work on your self-esteem. The more accepting you are of yourself, the more accepting you will be of others. Conversely, the more rejecting you are of yourself, the more rejecting you will be of others.

    Here are some ways to counteract judgmentalism:

    1. Explore your self-talk and journal about it!

    Your self-talk involves all the thoughts you have about yourself in waking reality. Take some moments during the day to tune into what types of thoughts you’re having. Good opportunities to do this often happen while interacting with others, going to work, looking at yourself in the mirror, or making a mistake. You can also use your emotions to hook yourself into your inner talk. Whenever you’re feeling upset, depressed, insecure, or anxious, try to pause and focus on your inner talk. What thoughts or assumptions are behind your feelings?

    Next, in a journal, record your self-talk. Do this every day, without fail! Try to find common themes or patterns that reveal your underlying core beliefs. For example, you might discover that you often think about how “stupid,” ugly, worthless, or weird you are. These beliefs will give you something to work with.

    2. Accept the ugly, weird, messy parts

    Easier said than done, right? But by slowly and steadily working to accept yourself, you become less critical of others as well. Self-acceptance is about honoring and allowing space for all that it means to be human. Instead of putting yourself up to high standards, self-acceptance is about realistically looking at yourself, understanding why you are the way you are, and embracing who you are at a core level.

    Some powerful places to start with self-acceptance include:

    • Taking care of your body and health
    • Writing your own morning affirmations
    • Journaling about how you feel
    • Making a list of everything you appreciate about yourself
    • Getting in touch with your inner child
    • Removing toxic people from your life
    • Surrounding yourself with supportive people
    • Reading self-help books
    • Doing one self-loving thing each day
    • Learning how to forgive yourself
    • Exploring the nature of toxic shame

    Commit to any number of these practices every day and you will begin to see the results soon.

    3. Look deeper into people and situations

    When we judge others, we tend to do so quickly as a result of our beliefs and misconceptions. But jumping to conclusions blinds us, causing us to quickly shut off and ignore the complexity of others. For example, people who are mean, cruel, shallow, untrustworthy, or unfriendly almost always act from some kind of inner pain – usually fear or sadness (more about that here). By looking beneath the facade and immediate appearance of a person, we often find very human and tragic struggles. This, in turn, helps us to show compassion.


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    4. Be critical about your judgmentalism

    When I say “be critical” I mean think critically: look at all sides. Be willing to be wrong. Ask yourself, “Am I seeing the whole picture?” Can you ever 100% know the entire story of another? The reality is that no, you can’t. None of us can. So whenever you start to feel that wall go up between yourself and another, stop. Ask yourself, “Do I 100% know my judgment is true?” Making this into a habit will help wear down your judgmental reflexes and open your mind.

    5. Ground yourself with mindfulness

    When being judgmental is a habit, it causes your mind to become narrow so that you see with tunnel vision. You cease to be grounded in reality, becoming lost in the world of your judgments instead. One of my favorite practices to counteract judgmentalism is mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment. When you start to feel the walls of judgmentalism go up, try noticing your surroundings instead. Feel the breeze on your skin, notice the colors and sounds around you – take everything in. By redirecting your focus to the present moment, you cut the cycle of judgmental thoughts.

    ***

    Finally, be careful of judging your judgmentalism! It can be easy to start thinking that you’re a horrible person for having this personality trait. But please realize that many people struggle with this issue. You are not alone. So sit with it, think about it, and work on accepting yourself, EVEN (and most importantly) your judgmental tendencies. ;)

    What is your experience with this topic? Please share below!

    13 Signs You’re a Judgmental Person (and How to End the Habit)
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    About Aletheia

    Aletheia is a prolific psychospiritual writer, author, and spiritual mentor whose work has touched the lives of millions worldwide. As a survivor of fundamentalist religious abuse, her mission is to help others find love, strength, and inner light in even the darkest places. She is the author of hundreds of popular articles, as well as numerous books and journals on the topics of Self-Love, Spiritual Awakening, and more. [Read More]

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    Reader Interactions

    (53) Comments

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    1. Glyn

      February 07, 2022 at 1:55 am

      Great indepth article. thank you

      I noticed a funny thing, you can sometimes catch out those that judge you badly.
      If you quickly make eye contact they will often try to hide it and drop the judgement but what they don’t realize is that the muscles in their face hasn’t changed back yet.
      It is the same as the act of catching yourself in a mirror.

      Im always aware of being instantly judged from complete strangers that know nothing about me.
      It seems so unfair but i’ve been guilty of it too so i don’t hold grudges.
      It’s this awareness though that can cause inhibition and social anxiety.
      The feeling of being constantly judged can skew your outlook on the world and if your not careful you can develop a me vs them mentality.

      It is a shame and kinda depressing to think that most people are like this and don’t see a reason to change.
      I try to keep the view that if you want to change the world, change yourself first. Sadly most go through life as though they are the finished article.

      Having a stoic attitude and a sense of humour is really important in this life because us humans though mostly harmless are ever so judgmental.

      Reply
    2. Vickie

      August 07, 2021 at 10:39 am

      I’ve noticed that judgmental people seem to really hate being judged. That’s always made me wonder if it was related to a hidden self-esteem issue. I was looking for something about it online and found this. This is explained well.

      Reply
      • Aletheia Luna

        December 10, 2021 at 11:41 am

        Yes, absolutely, I think you say it well Vickie. That fear of judgment is a projection/externalization of one’s tendency to judge.

        Reply
    3. Lucinda

      July 06, 2021 at 2:19 pm

      Insightful….the Scriptures says that pride is the root of all conflict. Dealing with our own self-centredness, when we make God the centre of our lives, will surely help us to be less critical of others. Thanks for your article.

      Reply
    4. Benard

      June 25, 2021 at 1:31 pm

      Very insightful. Will definitely put it into action and return with my overall assessment of it. Cheers!

      Reply
      • Eve V.

        May 20, 2022 at 10:51 am

        Hi, in regards to this topic, I don’t think that I’m always judgmental but my boyfriend tends to think I’m. Our latest “argument” was so silly. During a conversation about “a distant relative (in law) who is 103 years old and spends his days at home alone sleeping I made the stupid mistake of asking him if his nephews visit him at all (all live nearby) He said I don’t think so. I said that is a shame, it is so sad because this elder was very good to them, even taking them on international vacations, helping with college and they can’t even visit him once a year. That is so sad, they should visit”. He got very upset, he said I was implying that his nephew is a “fck off” but I swear I did not think that they are. He started calling me judgmental and then try to say that my family isn’t perfect, that he could start being open and telling me all these negative things my side has, (he never met my siblings or extended family) he said he can say enough to make me very upset/cry. I replied I too had lots to say if he did that, but why should we do that to each other when what i said was just an observation. I told him if he had an observation about one of my relatives and if it was true then i would have to accept his comment as long as it is not degrading comment, obviously.
        I would never say anything hurtful about his family. He calls me judgmental about everything I say that he feels is negative. All the blame is on me to fix myself. Is like he takes all my input, comments, opinions as bad. For the record, I do not have any low self esteem, I love my life, I’m happy and proud with who I am. I have a great relationship with all family. I love my kids and they show me they love me too. So I tend to disagree that If I’m judgmental as he says I’m is because I’m insecure and all the things you have in your article.
        I do agree i tend to be opinionated at times and sometimes feel comfortable telling/sharing things with him even if is unsolicited but never in a hurtful way. I’m currently working on this, I think I’m learning how to avoid saying anything unless he asks for advice. In summary maybe it’s my fault, maybe I need to shut up and never say anything that can be taken as negative by him. In the 5 years that we have been dating I have made a few mistakes, I corrected most but still I’m been labeled judgmental, I can’t be perfect and I feel like when we are conversing I need to think and analyze everything in my mind before I say it. This might make our relationship better, at least. Thanks

        Reply
    5. Heather Kenyon

      May 16, 2021 at 8:44 am

      For all those years, my godmother said, “I was being judgmental” because I labeled my longtime friend as “stupid” and she was always late and I wasn’t aware of being superior and trying to change her to be like me. Now I began to realize after reading a book of “Choosing Love” by Gina Lake and she said, “It’s a false ego” and I also reading “Judgementalism as a Defense Mechanism as above. So, I just have to work on my self esteem and open my mind. Thank you for insights and support.

      Reply
    6. Sonia

      May 10, 2021 at 12:27 pm

      So grateful for this article! Starting to do the hard work and look at myself and the qualities I want to change, thank you for sharing your wisdom

      Reply
    7. Cynthia

      February 19, 2021 at 9:40 pm

      I loved reading this article. I am on a personal journey of dealing with past trauma that has paralyzed so many parts of my life. My husband is a kind and loving person very understanding when it comes to me, on the surface anyways. Him being overly judgmental with everyone else has had an effect on our family and myself, I have found him sucking me into his beliefs and judging others and it doesn’t make me feel good. Instead of judging him in these scenarios, I just reply with how I feel honestly about accepting others differences in the hopes that he may see things differently. Is there a way to bring this information to him in a positive loving way, or is this something he should discover on his own? Sincerely, Cynthia

      Reply
    8. Eva

      December 26, 2020 at 6:33 am

      Thank for helping me see myself…lately have battled with be judgmental but reading this alone has eased some tension about myself and my environment

      Reply
      • Mateo Sol

        December 26, 2020 at 8:52 am

        I’m happy to hear that Eva, it takes a lot of courage to recognize in ourselves our own judgmental tendencies and it’s the biggest first step :)

        Reply
    9. Isaac

      December 19, 2020 at 3:55 am

      This is really burden lifting

      Reply
    10. Freebies

      November 02, 2020 at 10:09 am

      Another thing I’ve really noticed is the fact for many people, a bad credit score is the results of circumstances above their control. As an example they may be actually saddled by having an illness so that they have excessive bills for collections. It may be due to a occupation loss or the inability to work. Sometimes separation and divorce can truly send the finances in the wrong direction. Many thanks sharing your thinking on this site.

      Reply
    11. Darren Bedard

      October 31, 2020 at 12:58 pm

      I am now not certain where you are getting your info, however great topic. I must spend some time finding out much more or figuring out more. Thanks for wonderful information I used to be looking for this information for my mission.

      Reply
    12. Cyndie

      October 31, 2020 at 2:30 am

      I feel sometimes so judgemental that even when I look on people out on the street, I feel I am labeling. I feel the world is out to get me.
      Right now I feel glued to the computer and waiting from some online saviour from online to unglue me and send me to the real world!
      I feel the part that works for me is telling people that I judge them with some humor. I wish to get to do it all the time.

      Reply
    13. bhushan kachru

      October 06, 2020 at 2:35 pm

      Very well written and highly informative. Honestly being judgmental is not all that bad as is being reflected. According to my personal opinion, being judgmental often helps in being creative / out of box thinking and may often aid in judging people/situations. Thanks and all the best for your pursuits.
      Bhushan Kachru
      reactivateyourself.blogspot.com

      Reply
    14. Gail Gordan

      September 25, 2020 at 4:49 am

      fantastic points altogether, you just received a new reader. What might you recommend in regards to your put up that you made some days ago? Any positive?

      Reply
    15. XOXO Vapor Bar

      September 19, 2020 at 6:41 pm

      Has anyone shopped at Orbit Vape Vape Store located in 1801 20th Ave?

      Reply
    16. Grover Gilberg

      September 11, 2020 at 9:56 pm

      You can create interest in any topic! Bravo!

      Reply
      • Mateo Sol

        September 12, 2020 at 9:06 am

        It’s the beauty of finding all topics interesting myself hehe :)

        Reply
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