Thin-skinned, hyper-sensitive, wimpy, spineless, wussy, feeble, weak, fragile, melodramatic, temperamental …
If you can relate to, or have been called a combination of any of these words, chances are you’re part of a unique group of people: the Empaths.
Occurring in an estimated 5% of the population, Empaths are known for their highly developed ability to sense the emotions and thoughts of the people around them. As author and Empath Christel Broederlow put it “empaths often possess the ability to sense others on many different levels”, this includes the abilities to intimately understand what a person desires, yearns for, and is currently feeling, suffering or thinking, as well as the ability to feel other people’s bodily illnesses. These occurances manifest themselves as energy vibrations that the finely tuned Empath can pick up on, or “tune into”.
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Commonly identifying as clairsentients and HSPs, Empaths possess an ability that is both a blessing and a curse. On one hand, the Empath is an excellent listener and counselor, knowing the best way to comfort and assist those around them. On the other, being an Empath can be painful and tiring. It’s common for the Empath to be weighed down and constantly congested with the negative emotional energy of others, often creating physical and psychological disharmony.
Although the Empath has a wonderful gift, and is often greatly cherished by those around them, they are often challenged and confronted by a variety of misguided perceptions towards their innate gift.
Myths & Misunderstandings
“You need to grow some thicker skin! Stop being so overly sensitive.” I wish I could tell you how many times I heard that in my childhood! Growing up as an Empath, you may have experienced similar insults from your parents, friends or peers, and perhaps even worse.
It’s not at all trendy or popular to be sensitive or feeling in our society that values efficiency, cold calculation, and industrial resilience. Therefore, you may have experienced and still experience, a lot of antagonism towards your behavior as an Empath. I will explore four of these main misperceptions below.
Myth #1 – Empaths are navel-gazing and self-absorbed.
Truth – We often focus more on others than on ourselves.
It’s true that Empaths are often unexplainably moody and quiet on the outside. However, this isn’t because they’re excessively absorbed thinking too much about themselves and their feelings. Rather, the Empath is often deeply affected by the exterior emotions of others that he experiences as his own. The Empath’s ability to intuitively feel the feelings of others is what weighs him down so much. In fact, it’s characteristic of the Empath to pay more attention to others needs than his own.
Myth #2 – Empaths are mentally ill.
Truth – We are magnets of negative energy. This often creates psychological disbalance within us.
Empaths are excellent listeners, confidants, and counselors. For this reason, it’s common for people to be drawn towards their sincere and caring natures, almost like magnets. Therefore, Empaths often experience a lot of “emotional baggage dumping” from other people, and have difficult releasing themselves from the negative energy that remains in their minds and bodies afterwards.
Unfortunately, this can lead to a lot of lingering depressive emotions that the Empath is left with. Thus, the Empath can appear to be mentally ill and depressed, and in some cases legitimately is. However, in most cases the Empath is congested with remnants of harmful emotional energy, like sinuses are congested with mucus during a flu virus.
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The root of the problem doesn’t lie with the Empath, it’s a result of their outer emotional climate.
Myth #3 – Empaths are psychologically frail.
Truth – We are biologically programmed to be more sensitive and in tune with our surrounding environment.
As Empath Nicole Lawler wrote, Empaths are essentially “walking around in this world with all the accumulated karma, emotions, and energy from others”. Understandably, this results in a lot of inner emotional tension for the Empath who is more prone to crying and exhibiting other signs of “weakness”.
Additionally, the Empath finds it extremely difficult to partake in many “normal” activities. For instance, watching a movie about Nazi concentration camps is extremely emotionally upsetting for the Empath, and getting a job in an office is overwhelming and tiring for the Empath who is bombarded with other people’s emotions constantly. Therefore, it’s not surprising that the Empath is often perceived as “wussy”, “frail” or “weak minded” to the person who fails to comprehend the constant pressure the Empath lives under.
The fact that most Empaths aren’t driven clinically insane by the constant emotional flux they experience is testimony enough to their mental strength.
Myth #4 – Empaths are lazy.
Truth – We often lack mental, emotional and physical energy due to our intense empathetic ability to understand others.
Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) amongst other physical issues like headaches, insomnia and Fibromyalgia, have all been commonly attributed to Empaths.
If our minds are constantly overloaded with stress, tension and pressure, it therefore translates that our bodies are as well. This often results in sicknesses such as the ones mentioned above. Thus Empaths often lack the energy and therefore desire to do many things, preferring to relax (including taking naps) instead.
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If you’ve experienced any of these misperceptions in your life, please feel free to share your experiences below. Also, feel free to take our Empath Test or read our empath book to get more in-depth guidance. Being an Empath can certainly be riddled with setbacks, however, it’s invaluable to remember how much of an asset you are to the world. Our planet needs a balance of both hard and industrious people, and soft and empathetic people. You form an important part in this great Universal Balance.
If you would you some more free resources, check out our extensive collection of empath articles!
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I, too am an empath. Like Kim, I scored a 93%. I never really knew much about myself and I still don’t. I focus more on my friends than the algebra homework I am supposed to be doing right now. To help keep me going, I write down some of my problems (in other words, my friend’s problems) in a little notebook. My friends say that I am loyal, but my dad calls me “a high-maintenance kid” a lot, and any experience with him usually results in a half an hour’s weeping. My poor old guy is constantly working his ass off. He is always stressed out, is forty-eight, and is almost bald. He looks like he might be sixty or sixty-five. I guess that is what comes from being an engineer (not the train kind) and having high expectations, but still, he is always super stressed out. I am more claircognizant than clairvoyant or clairaudient. I just KNOW things. I think I might get it from my maternal grandmother. Although she is retired, she used to be a counselor. I get more vibe from around people and inanimate objects than much else and that is why I have to shut myself away all the time. Maybe being an empath turned me into an introvert. I remember when I was in first grade I could FEEL the teacher’s boredom when she was grading homework. Whenever the word “empath” comes up, I cannot help but think about Yoshihiro Togashi and his concept about Nen (http://hunterxhunter.wikia.com/wiki/Nen) . I know that it is supposed to be purely fictional, but I always just KNEW on Saturday mornings WHEN my parents were waking up, and what mood they were in. Being an empath is pretty depressing because you know who around you feels what. You know that that girl that always lends you her extra pencil and is always smiling should really be on anti-depressants. It seems like everybody is depressed. But you also know that the grumpy old man across the street is just a romantic that took the brunt of life, so you aren’t scared of him like your friends are. There are two sides to every coin.
Precisely Haibara, that is a good way of looking at empathy. The main problem I’ve experienced is identifying with these emotions, and let them “attach” to you like leeches. It can be hard to see through the smokescreen of life into people’s true emotions, but a few times I have experienced that it IS possible to feel their emotions, but not let them cling to you.
That is why I keep my little journal. I scar the pages with negative emotions, opinions, and vibes. People are paper, paper isn’t always people (meaning that people are slates, like paper, and you can leave some effect on them, positive or negative, however, actual pieces of paper, while they carry emotion (I get the most vibe from paper), don’t feel it). That is why the pen is mightier than the sword. Thank you for the great advice, Aletheia! =)
That is a really interesting idea Haibara … sort of like an emotional brainstorm expression. Thought-provoking!
Thank you! I’m glad that you liked it! =)
Hi there,
I’ve always felt that I was an empath from a young age. My friends and sisters would always vent to me or come to me for advice(though they don’t always take it because I’m so much younger than my sisters). I go through long bouts of depression, and some days I just feel nauseous for no reason, or I’ll have back aches (always in the same spot at the base of my spine). But lately (within the past year or two) I’ve noticed that I personally feel emotionally detached about some things. I could be watching a movie/show or reading and feel all warm and fuzzy when the characters finally get together and proclaim their love, but in my everyday life I feel that I don’t really experience emotions completely. Is it common for an empath to feel like this sometimes? Like, if they get so emotionally drained from everyday life and everyone else’s feeling, can they then feel emotionally detached?
Thanks in advance if you are able to answer this,
Abby
I’ve experienced that sort of detachment before Abby … but for me I wouldn’t describe it as detachment, more like apathy where you become so overwhelmed and deprived of energy that you just stop caring. It’s a defense mechanism. The physical and emotional pain you are feeling is really hard to deal with – take it from me, chronic sufferer. Although in the last few years I have discovered ways of creating more balance within me – alone time, meditation and lots of sleep the main tactics. If you don’t regularly get 8 hours of sleep every night I really recommend that you do. Sleep is connected to – and deeply influences – almost every aspect of our lives, from our ability to fight of sickness, to our levels of happiness and mood fluctuations. It is a simple, but necessary step that I really encourage you to make in your life, if you haven’t already.
Hello, taking this test has lifted a weight off my shoulders – I scored 94%. I have been called most of those things listed above to the point where I think of my self in those terms. Hopefully I will be able to change my self perception now. I am a high school teacher and struggle a lot with the being “thin skinned” side of things, I also probably give too much of myself to the kids. My term breaks are spent recovering from illnesses that hit me at the end of term. Thank you for this information :-)
That comes as a relief to me as well Kylie, and it’s such a pleasure to be able to provide these articles and tests for self-discovery! You might also like to explore “highly sensitive people” – this is very similar to empathy, except is more to do with sensitivity to the environment. :)
As an empath I had childhood experience that while in my adolescence I actively started making choices to ignore my emotions as a defense mechanism. Now I am hugely unmotivated, stressed and having learning issues to where as before, I had no sense fear or worry. Nothing was ever to hard in school, if something stumped me I was quick and eager to understand where I went wrong. The way things “made sense” in learning, life and my own self worth was never in question. Then the brainwashing commenced. I just want to go back to being the emotional animal I was before. I feel like a robot. I read somewhere due to Male culture expectations like suppressing your emotions that some will go the polar opposite and establish mental blocks to not feel to the degree they did before, but I also heard that those typically experience a burst of emotions spontaneously through out their 20-30yr old mark depending on when the mental blocks were established. What can I do to fix me. I have a sense that I should return to my mindset as a child. That no degree of self worth is gathered from my exterior surroundings. That in some way we are all connected and that others opinions hold little to no truth in my reality. But that can be dangerous if in fact I do exsist in this time and world. But I was so unstoppable then. I want to go back to that state of mind.
Chauncey, so let me gather what I understand you are expressing: you want to return to the mindset of a child again? Also, as a defence mechanism you have learnt to block off many of your emotions, and are now aware of the unhealthiness of this habit?
If this is the case you are emotionally repressed. You need to find ways to unblock these repressed emotions in the form of different types of catharsis. Sport is a good way of doing this, for example, boxing. You could try laughing or crying therapy, or simply screaming into your pillow to unleash all of this pent up and unacknowledged emotion. Art and written expression helps as well. Try something physical, then move on to intellectual. You will find what suits you best once you experiment.
It is also not necessary to be “an emotional animal”. It is possible to EXPERIENCE your emotions without becoming IDENTIFIED with them, or in other words, not attaching yourself to them. You may like to look into mindfulness practises such as meditation. Ask yourself this question: are you your emotion? Your emotions come and they go, they fluctuate and they change, but are they truly you? The answer will reveal to you a lot about your true nature. I hope this helps.
I’m a male empath and after decades of brutally intense research and contemplation I have come to the conclusion that the whole world is upside down. Emotional empaths don’t actually possess something special, something unique, on the contrary, they are the few normal, mentally healthy people left on the planet.
Originally everyone was an emotional empath, and people as groups naturally existed in emotional fields, and this can still be observed in other species. But since humans developed the ego a few ten thousand years ago, gradually more and more of us collapsed into semi-psychopathy and today this pathological state is seen as the normal one. Not quite full blown sociopathy or psychopathy, but a lot closer to it than the emotional empath. (This is the real reason why psychopathy isn’t understood at all either, most people have it partially and they aren’t aware it so they can’t make any sense of it.)
As long as most people are semi-psychopaths, this world is necessarily going to hell, and that’s why historically all attempts have failed to really make a difference (I hope we can somehow change the world in the future anyway, where the newer generations will mostly be emotional empaths).
It’s especially hard for a male empath nowadays to have this inherent natural need to improve things and also having to conform to today’s male standards of destroying everything and everyone in order to be considered a success, someone desirable.
The few remaining emotional empaths must be suppressed, denied and hunted down at all time everywhere worldwide in order for the vast majority to delude themselves into believing that they are fully formed human beings and that they don’t need to try to improve themselves.
This whole thing throws out the whole underlying assumption that life must be something good.
I may be wrong about all this but it’s the only way I can piece everything together.
Your comment is one of the most thought-provoking comments I have come across in a long time, so thank you very much for sharing this here. I very much think you are on to something in regards to the empath being the norm – why wouldn’t it be? If you observe the way our society is structured, the expression of emotion is discouraged, even repressed. Naturally this creates a lot of emotional insensitivity, the inability to be in touch with ones own emotions and therefore those around them. It really does make sense. Thanks once again for sharing this, it’s definitely some food for thought.
Thank you. I think social conditioning is more like “just” a consequence of this ancient problem (but further worsens it). The ego creates anomalies in the brain/mind, creates control mechanisms that shouldn’t be there, interrupts and collapses normal functioning. People born in winter/early spring have additional collapse problems.
With the collapses people lose their natural “empath” abilities, are unable to synchronize with others, but still need some sort of outlet for what is left in the collapsed states. So that’s why all these religions were invented, they can still kinda connect internally in a pathological way. A nice fix and optimal given the circumstances, but doesn’t solve the core problem.
In the current times we are so overwhelmed by information, brain inflammation, stress, the world is changing so fast etc. that people are becoming more and more psychopathic than ever, it’s like an exponentially increasing process.
Yes. Our natural state is an interconnected one, like a rainforest which is intricately interdependent on itself. But it is the ego, the sense of “Self” that believes “I am a forest unto myself.” Religions are a result of this ego desire to find wholeness, but unfortunately create the illnesses within us, and then try to provide the cures for them. The more we are distracted, the more we are caught up in the illusions of the world, the less likely we are to develop that natural empathic state of being.
Hey
Absolutely brilliant.
I have always felt emotionally bombarded by other people’s emotions. I can instantly tell if someone is lying to me and too many times I sense others pain, guilt, dispair. I am a very introverted person as I cannot handue large crowds, a lot of people talking at one time, or people talking about how they want to change things in their life. Most of the time they refuse to do anything about it and try to use me as a sounding board. Feeling their dispair, guilt and sadness is sometimes more than I can bare.
I have a friend online that I have known for over 17 years now. We have never met in person. We instantly seemed to have a spiritual type connection upon meeting in a chat room for parents of special needs children. He has two special needs children and I have one. Through the years we were a great support to one another going through things being there emotionally for one another concerning things most people would never dream about dealing with. Over the years we slacked off talking so much. Still though as connected as we are occasionally one would write the other to touch base to make sure the other was ok. In 2005 I had to go against everything in my being to place my severely disabled child in a group home at age 12. He was there for me and I will never forget how much he helped me carry through such a heart wrenching time. During that time my husband and I separated because he blamed me for not trying hard enough yet I was the one with my severely aggressive child carrying for him 24/7. I was burned out, I was dying by degrees from sheer exhaustion! During this time my friend and I be came closer and talked of meeting, but we never did. To speed things up to now…. we have always had a connection I cannot explain. I know when he is thinking of me. I know when I am going to hear from him if I hadn’t for a while. My gut instincts are never wrong. Today my husband and I are back together. Just recently I hadn’t heard from my friend for a while. He came to mind for about 3 days. I knew I would be hearing from him soon. Sure enough on the 3rd day he messages me and says, I haven’t forgotten about you. In fact, I think about you everyday. At first I was touched by the sentiment then the more I thought about it, it pissed me off! I point blank asked him what he meant. To this day no answer and I don’t ever expect I will get one. In the past 3 to 4 years he has distanced himself. I worry about him because his courage to change things about his life just isn’t there. I worried more about him than myself and I started being consumed with how to make him see only he can change things in his life. I finally when I was so emotionally distraught over worrying had to write him in a nice way with one last ditch effort to encourage him to make changes. I have offered to be there for him anything I could do to help him over the years, but I have moved forward. I am learning to slowly put me first. He doesn’t say much to me anyore and it makes me sad cause the connection is still there but I have had to recently do my best to let him go. It has been extremely hard. I have been so emotionally invested in him and gracious to him for saving me in my time of need I wanted to save him in his. As an empath sometimes letting go is the hardest. But, I feel by hanging on I could be a deterent to keep him from moving forward if that makes any sense. It is an ongoing process just letting go…..
It is good that you respect his silence Peridot as it could be a reflection of many things, mainly, that perhaps he wants to move on with his life. It can be hard establishing a long term online connection with someone who has got you through such hard times. The feeling of letting that connection go is so hard because it is accompanied by fear: fear of losing a long held crutch, fear of the future and whether you will have someone to help you through that. It is always better to establish a face-to-face connection to better connect with the person’s own emotional needs. But it is encouraging to hear that you are becoming a stronger person yourself, and are working on releasing the past and living more in the present moment. Best wishes.
38yrs old no kids never had any luck been through things you would never believe lost things you can never understand and I wonder what’s the point?
We all go through terrible misfortunes in life Slinke, but it is what we choose to do with our lives afterwards that counts.
I scored an 87/100. I often thought that my constant fatigue was just another strange illness in my long list of such. I’ve always known I was WAY more sensitive then most, but the more I read the site, the more I think….’this is ME’
I’m glad LonerWolf can have that impact on you Astra!
Thanks, I’ve been called “lazy” so many times because of how I sleep….it’s nice to finally have someone who understands what entails…even if their struggles are different…
I try to have at least 1 granny nap a day (and not because I’m lazy)! So I understand how you feel … it’s very easy for other people to jump to conclusions and assume the worst.
It was always a joke in my family how deep and long I could sleep–my parents once let me sleep through an entire day because they were busy packing/preparing for a trip we were going on!
But I’m a night owl, so left to my own devices, I would stay up all night and then sleep when I could during the day (I work weird hours). It is physically difficult for me to fall asleep during normal sleep hours. If I do it is usually because I am sick or exhausted. I otherwise just lay there in the dark, unable to stop my mind from obsessing over the horrible things I did or mistakes I made throughout the day and how they could have been interpreted by others as hurtful.
I can go through bouts of insomnia where I can’t sleep for days too. Even though I love the act of sleeping, sometimes I just cannot fall asleep.
My husband teases me that I’m a vampire because my trigger for falling sleep in the morning is when the birds start singing and the sun rises. I just feel safer and more at peace sleeping during daylight hours.
So I’ve heard all the jokes about being lazy and a slacker. Doesn’t matter if I studied through the night, rearranged the furniture, or cleaned the house; my family views my sleep patterns as pure laziness.
I can relate on so many levels to this. What an epiphany. I’ve been called literally all of those things, and felt all of those feelings. I scored a 94/100 so it comes as so surprise. It sometimes truly can feel like a real life superpower, but an equal personal curse..
Being an empath is kind of a paradox isn’t it Kat? Thank you for taking the test, and congratulations in affirming something about yourself!
o.o Huh….this explains a LOT…
….especially the emotional freak-out I had a couple months ago while I was an intern at Old Oak Ranch in Sonora, CA…>_> Record-breaking camp of 510 kids….yup. Not fun…
And then I have low pain tolerance and poor posture (I refuse to sit straight. So….back and neck pain are regular, and probably not always related to the whole empathy thing. =^=), so the physical pain is frustrating.
But I don’t think I’ve picked up things from items or food…so…do ALL empaths pick up on that, or just some?
No, there are different types of empaths Blackshadow. I wrote about the different types here: https://lonerwolf.com/what-type-of-empath-are-you/ (if you haven’t already read the article!)