At some point during your journey through life you start to become quieter inside.
For me, coming in contact with this inner stillness and embracing it was the moment that changed everything.
Up until that point, life had felt like a busy marketplace full of the loud, stimulating noises and harsh, continual clashes of energy. I not only felt lonely – it was worse than that – I felt the paradoxical isolation of an outsider looking in; lonely while surrounded by a crowd of people.
Although we all vary in levels of Introversion and Extroversion, everyone can benefit from finding quiet moments to stop, be still, and rediscover the solace of their own company.
Rediscovering the Power of Solitude
Everyone experiences loneliness to some degree – it appears to be a natural and inescapable condition that humans have experienced all throughout the ages.
For most of us loneliness is a product of the toxic connections that we’ve formed with ourselves, with others and with nature. How many times have you constantly been surrounded by friends, family members, coworkers, neighbors and acquaintances … and yet still felt a sense of disconnection and isolation deep inside? This happens because we’ve been taught to arrange everything so that it remains separate; we’ve been taught to possess, to use, to compete and to fear others. Thankfully, through inner silence we can learn to encounter, to communicate and to love again.
It is only by coming to terms with your solitude that you can truly be free to relate with others from a place of inner groundedness.
One of the most startling discoveries that I made while cultivating inner quietness was that we’re all alone deep at our very core. We are born alone, we die alone, and although we like to fool ourselves through superficial appearances, we live our lives alone as well. We can try to forget it, we can try not to be alone by making friends, having a lover or mixing in with the crowd. Occasionally what we do on the surface touches our very roots; a lover that reaches our soul, a friend that understands our being – but if that friend is lost, if that lover is gone, those solitary roots will still remain.
To those who rely on the outer world for happiness and fulfillment, this realization is a cause for profound despair. But when you encounter this realization from a place of inner quiet, this truth is full of joy, peace and possibility.
Redefining Quiet
From an external perspective, loneliness and solitude look very similar: they both share the quality of physical aloneness. The similarities end there.
Internally the experience is drastically different. A lonely person is miserable, anxious, incomplete, restless, off-center and dependent on others. It is only through finding the depths of inner quiet that they become comfortable in their solitude, and it is only through redefining what it means to be “quiet” that they can feel happy in their own skin, fulfilled in pursuing their authentic dreams and free from the weight of other’s expectations.
Some people claim that being quiet and solitary is the ultimate state of independence, but to me being quiet and solitary is more of a state of interdependence.
When I watch a sunset with a loved one, I know that I could also enjoy it equally as much alone – I don’t depend on the person’s company for my satisfaction. A lonely person however, is more concerned with sharing the experience with the person next to them who is filling their inner void, rather than enjoying the sunset from a grounded place of quiet inner space. Two people who share an experience from a place of inner neediness taint the experience with hidden fears and agendas, however, two people who share an experience from a place of inner wholeness embellish the experience with joy and a purity of intention.
You’d be surprised how much this feeling of loneliness affects us. We mold our entire lives around avoiding isolation and trying to find a way of “removing” it. We study subjects and get jobs that others expect from us. We worry about how to dress, what to pretend to like and what others will think about it. We enter relationships as needy conditional individuals asking the other, “How should I behave and act to make you like me so you don’t leave me with this horrible feeling of loneliness?”
Perhaps the best way to illustrate this lifelong escape is by comparing lonely people to beggars who seek anyone’s company to mask their inner voids. Solitude, on the other hand, means feeling like a King or Queen. Redefining quiet means being happy with ourselves and being capable of choosing someone’s company not because we need them due to an inner feeling of emptiness, but because we want to be with them, from an inner place of wealth.
Cultivating that inner place of wealth requires two things, Quietness and Courage.
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Becoming a Quiet Warrior
To be quiet and solitary requires the courage of a lone wolf, free spirit, or spirit warrior.
Only sheep, full of fear and afraid to be alone, live in a crowd and move in a crowd. You’ve never heard of a lone sheep have you? If you’ve ever seen a herd of sheep move you’ll notice that their bodies are in continuous friction with one another and there is barely any space at all between them. This feels warm and comforting, and it provides a certain protection to think “I am not alone. There are hundreds of others with me.” Very soon you learn to lose yourself in a crowd.
But the amazing thing about this Quiet Warrior journey is the paradoxical solution to our deepest problem: only by becoming comfortable in our solitude can we finally realize that we are never truly alone.
This realization of never being truly alone can be compared to feeling yourself as part of a large, cosmic puzzle; you begin to feel composed of a myriad of forms and colors, with trees and animals of all types, rivers, clouds, oceans, deserts, jungles, stars, lakes and mountains. You are alone but you are never lonely; you are part of something infinitely vaster than yourself that can only be encountered in those moments of stillness in between thoughts, those moments of quietness in between emotions.
I encourage you to re-encounter and reexamine the connection that unites us with existence; our lost “umbilical cord.” Spending 20 minutes alone with yourself in silence every day is all it can take. Getting in touch with your inner quiet is getting in touch with yourself; it’s an inexhaustible presence that can make you feel at home, anywhere, all the time.
Hi,! My name is Beth and I am deaf person. My experiences that I had a night dreamed during my bedtime sleepy just after midnight, Its seems that I hold a child in my arm and visible the glowing a sparkle star toward to me and saw a white wolf with a star of his/or her forehead as close to me as her nose smell at me and my child-(unknow who) then my left ear sounds of ” howling as long till stop) then between her/his nose & lip touched child’s forehead then touched my cheek..Then it’s disappeared as before I woke as nothing there round my bedroom!!! So I went back sleep… Now I learned it’s Totem wolf…. I love it
I’m left handed, have O- blood, Blonde hair blue eyes with copper rings(copperblood), M on both palms, Xs on both palms, Greek foot, I crave solitude(in nature is best), HSP characteristics, very empathetic and humanitarian, work jobs at hospitals and volunteer, take satisfaction in helping others, the poor, I always have a medikit to spring into action to help others, study remedies that heal, would rather eat from the trash than ever bring myself to sell cigarettes drugs, or anything that would harm someone else. People look in my eyes and trust me. I’m very close to family. Always studying the cosmos, looking at the sky and the beauty in nature, have a love for history, art, music, scifi and movies and other peoples life stories and travels. I’m very sad and angry when I see bad things happen to others especially childern. I had a great childhood and then my beloved father died from cancer when I was 21. I sacrificed having a family of my own to take care of my widowed mother and very sick older brother. Life seems surreal now and I feel alien here. Like I’m just passing through as an observer. But I love being me and envy no one. And I’m a guy.
“There is no gene for the human spirit”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WpGhk8ifK4&t=429s
To Sol and Luna,I’ve been contemplating about this for the past year, Last year I listened to Edgart Tolle
on Non thinking state,Stopped thinking last year, was the greatest stillness and blessfullness to be in the constant now forever! This year I started to go back to thinking,but the voices in my head was so still and when conjuring a thought in the mind you could barely here yourself. as time went on I realise my mind was stiller and focused yet I came to be aware in self contemplation that my soul is old and I’ve always been an Anarchist. A Lone wolf in the dark Anarchist. Love this thank you for Alll those hours spend writing Really appreciate it! :) Drk
The stillness grows brother, with practice and soul work the spaces become vaster and vaster.
It’s my pleasure to share these experiences with you all, Drake :)
So wise you are, Don Mateo. Perfect timing for me, but aren’t all meetings of the soul? Thank you…thank you…thank you!
‘Serendipity’ is not only a beautiful sounding word, but rich in soulful meaning. You’re most welcome Julie.
Sol thanks for ur input very helpful. Eye NEVA lone to be like no one NEVA have and NEVA will. Others want to be like me. Because. I’m Creativity. Outspoken. Different and comes up with different ideals. I NEVA dress nor dress as others. My SWAGG is of my own. Eye owns it. Others will have negative things to say or negative looks about it. But yet will try to imitate it. But will NEVA tell me. THA they like it. And THAS find with me. It just makes me come harder and laugh about it. IVE NEVA depend on any one. Because I knew and no. IM in this shit alone. NEVA ask or had help from my mother. Father. Sisters. Brothers. Nieces. Nephews. Aunts. Uncles. Or friends. I got it out the mud. Nor have I got the unconditional love from any of them. Even my children. Yes I’m always alone. And yes sometimes. It hurts. It breaks me down. Its like pouring salt in my wounds. I just got sick and tire of always having to prove myself and continue to argue with PPL especially family members. JUDGEING me and telling me who IAM. How I sud act. What I sud say. When to say it. Keep my mouth close. Aggressive and sometime I can me. I got tire of others telling me well what u mean Glynnis. And how u feel about that. Tell me about u. And when I express myself and let trueness come out. They cant handle it. They tell me. THAS not right. Or THAS not how u feel. UR crazy. Or were the fuck u heard or got that from. I can so proof. Facts. And still. They tell me how eye should feel. IM like HUH. UR feelings or UR feelings and mines or mines. Then THA causes me to really go into self. My Emotions or now off the chain. Non stop. Because most or telling me how to feel. Talk and act. I’m not the one. I’AM me. IAM different with my own. Mind thought. Emotions. Feelings. They try make u feel UR wrong because of how u think and things that I APPERICATE. But they way is the right way. Like hell it is. THIERS no right or wrong. And if I can respect who u or and u cant respect who IAM. Then UR not wroth me BEIN around. In this 3rd DIMESION. It’s all about Control. And I don’t and want let no Human control me. And I do not like RULES. RULES RULES. LAWS. LAWS LAWS. THAS SHIT MAN. HUMANS CAME UP WITH TO SOOTHE THIER CONSCIENCE. I CAN NOT BE WHO IAM WITH LAWS AND RULES. I WAS BORN TO BE FREE. FREE. FREE. MAN DID NOT GIVE ME MY FREE ANGENCEY AND THEY DAM SURE CAN’t TAKE IT AWAY. IVE BEEN BEAT. WHIP TILL MY SKIN CAME OFF. HIT IN THE HEAD WITH SKILLETS. PUT OUT SIDE BUTT ASS NAKED AT THE AGE OF 8-10
Ran AWAY. PUNCH IN THE MOUTH OVA AND OVA AGAIN FOR YRS. NEVA HUH. NEVA WAS TOLD I LOVE YOU. MY SIBILINGS ALWAYS GOT THE BEST OF EVERYTHING. I GOT THE SHORT END OF THE STICK. I RAN TRACK. PLAY BASEBALL. A DANCING DOLL. WAS IN PLAYS. AND MY MOTHER NEVA WAS THERE AT ALL. SHE DONE ALL THIS TO ME. ALSO MADE MY SISTER FIGHT ME. I CAN REMEMBER LIKE IT WAS YESTERDAY. MY MOTHER WORDS WAS. GO KICK THAT BITCH ASS MEL. MEL IS MY SISTER AND SHE WUD BITE HOLES IN MY FACE. ALL THIS BECAUSE. I TALK BACK. I REBEL. BECAUSE IM DIFFERENT. I SPEAKS OUT. I SPEAKS UP. JUST BECAUSE THE CROWD AND MY FAMILY DOIN IT. DONT MEAN I HAVE TO. IF ITS NOT AGREEING WITH MY INNER SPIRIT. THEY CAN KISS MY ASS. I WILL FIGHT U TO THE END. IM NOT A MONKEY SEE MONKEY DO. IAM ME. YES I HAVE A LOT TO NOT CHANGE. BUT GO ABOUT IT A DIFFERENT WAY. NOT BECAUSE SOCIETY SAYS SO. OR THE BIBLE SAYS SO. OR MAN SAYS SO. BECAUSE I NEED TO BE HAPPY AND LOVE WITH MYSELF. I CAME HERE TO GROW. I CAN NOT GROW BEIN CONTROL AND TOLD WHAT TO DO. LIKE THE SONG. MARY J SINGS. TAKE ME AS EYE AM OR HAVE NOTHING AT ALLL. I RATHER RELATE WITH THE TREES BIRDS. FLOWERS. SUN. MOON STARS. NATURE EXCEPTS ME FOR ME. NATURE SEES NO FLAWS IN ME. WHAT I TRULY WANT AND NEED AT THIS MOMENT IS A TRUE SHAMAN TO CLEANSE ME. IN ALL WAYS. THAS WHAT EYE LONE FOR. BECAUSE. I GOT WORK TO DO. ON THIS EARTH. TO HELP OTHERS. SO CAN U HELP ME OR DIRECT ME FOR SHAMAN CLEANSING
I lost my entire family and home (all at once) when I was a child and became a homeless orphan. I remember I was sleeping in a park’s bench hungry, with some of my clothes in a trash bag and as I was hugging my bible, I was hoping to have a companion who would be there with me just to sit by my side in that bench, I cried and cried quietly, I didn’t even pray because my pain was so strong I couldn’t even make a word out of my heart to describe how deep was my sadness. Suddenly a little kitten came to me and jumped on the bench and started purring at me asking for affection and food. In that very moment I realized that I wasn’t the only one going through that supposed “loneliness”… in that very moment I realized the kitten was exactly in the same situation as I was and none of us weren’t alone as we though. In that moment I realized that even when I couldn’t make a word to pray because of my deep pain from my heart, there is someone who is able to listen to our silence and made sure I Knew He was there.
After that day, I enjoy my time alone, in silence, staring at nothing sometimes just letting fears go away just by remembering situations like those I had in my past.
Today after reading this article brought back memories I needed as a reminder, maybe as preparing myself for another challenge to come, or simply to appreciate how wonderful life can be with or with out company… I am all alone with out loneliness and a big smile on my face :)
EYE LOVE UR TESTIMONY. THAS WHAT’S UP
Is it okay if a Facebook you a private question?
Sure
Wonderfully articulated Mateo Sol…I discovered the joy of solitude only when my husband passed away, almost 12 years back. Not immediately though. It took me a couple of years to get used to not being needed by another. (Since I don’t have children I had focussed all my energies on nurturing my husband, forgetting entirely about myself.) So soon after his death, I got involved with another needy person who I could nurture. It was only a about 7 years back that I began to turn to myself, my thoughts, my inner core, my being. That was when I actually began to examine my life honestly; to face hard facts and to come to term with them. And to revel in solitude. I gradually became whole as I had never been before. Thankfully. Because as I enter old age I’m going to need to be a quiet warrior more than ever. As they say: ‘Old age is for the brave.’
very insightful writing!
Love your ministry it is very inspiring .I come to your discovery as a long standing deciple of Jesus who was a lone wolf , how much of his time was spent in the solitude of discovering his relationship with his father. He was deeply committed to teaching about Gods iner presence ,the psalmist taught Be still and know that I am god .thankyou once again Clive
What an inspiring, energetic article that leaves me into silence!
Love this Mateo.
I’ve been having conversations with mySelf about this topic and I find it liberating to know that there are creatures like myself.
Had a telepathic conversation with a friend earlier today and she asked me why I don’t contact her like her other friends does. This is something humans has being asking me throughout my life and I simply reply “I need my nothingness. I need to be, feel and do nothing most of my time otherwise I can’t exist.” Most humans doesn’t understand this no matter how many times I explain to them. It has caused problems for me in school, lovelife and in work life but I simply just don’t care if other humans won’t or can’t understand this.
I truly enjoyed reading this. Thank you once again.
I read articles on lonerwolf for nearly a year with much benefit. But this article impressed me the most. Thanks for putting it online.
Great article, Mateo, but I’ve never felt loneliness. I actually thrive on solitude.
Mateo,
How remarkable. I skimmed through for a few seconds, realizing I have at least a conceptual grasp of your message, but more importantly allowing myself to trust what I truly am. I have been immersed in self growth and healing through solitude the past month with high intensity. I found shutting the words off but still thinking opens many hidden channels of communication. Especially with nature. I’ve realized quite a lot using this method, I’m a bit hesitant to express in depth on something open to the public. You, and anyone else may contact me to discuss, I would like to seek knowledge I am not alone on this track. 65 you feel you are? Is that all?
I have been a loner since childhood but I felt still a loner into my adult life. Stillness has been a great blessing because most may view it as loneliness but I do not view that way. I found inner silence of mind as a gateway to the Truth. The Truth is Within. Keeping the silence of mind helped me to hear the Voice within. Sometimes the Voice has no words. The happiness is within ourselves, The Peace is within ourselves. The Truth is within ourselves. Stop searching outward. It’s not there. It’s RIGHT THERE inside of us. Silence is the Key. Thank you Mateo.
Christina, I just found your reply, after I posted mine. Very similar, look at the time even.
Solitude is a gift to be spent wisely. The illusion of it may appear to many of no value, but those who see its purpose find the greatest reward in being chosen. Without interruption, we learn about and eventually meet our true soul. The reunion arrives just in time to serve an unresolved mission. This is the time to listen to the voice within, your soul that has guided you all along. Solitude is the final phase of preparation. We arise complete.
Oh thanks Y !!…That is true because I learned to
listen within which I believe is the hardest part is to let go of myself and just listen, inquire, and observe. The mind.is like a projector.