Sexuality is one of the ways that we become enlightened, because it leads us to self-knowledge. – Alice Walker
Asexuality, heterosexuality, homosexuality, bisexuality, lesbianism … I’m sure you’ve heard of them all at some time or another in your life. But the other day I stumbled across a sexual orientation I’m sure you haven’t heard much of before – the mysterious and puzzling demisexuality. Even as I write this word it’s underlined with a red squiggly line, which shows that it hasn’t even been added to the dictionary yet.
Once I began researching this intriguing breed of sexuality I realized instantly that it was something I should write about. Why? Because I’ve gone through a lot of confusion surrounding my sexual identity in the past, and I’ve learned of the importance of discovering who you are in order to feel comfortable in your own skin.
If you’re unsure about your sexuality, have a read. You may just discover something new and surprising about yourself!
Demisexuality: Still Waters Run Deep
Demisexuality can be located between the asexual and sexual spectrum of human sexuality. This means that the demisexual normally does not experience any feelings of sexual attraction, unless they are first deeply and emotionally connected with someone.
The demisexual is often said to experience no primary attraction towards anyone, which means no attraction towards the immediate outer qualities of a person such as appearance, style or personality. However, the demisexual differs from the asexual in that they experience secondary attraction, which comes as a result of first establishing a deep degree of connection.
As one demisexual put it, the demisexual is:
a person who does not experience sexual attraction based on physical characteristics, but may develop sexual attractions based on an emotional or mental connection.
Olivia Davis, another demisexual also commented that:
demisexuality is about desire and arousal, not just sex and who you do it with. It’s not merely that I’m only interested in having sex with people that I love, it’s also that I feel a complete absence of desire or sexual feelings toward everyone else. Ever. What makes me demisexual is that absence.
The demisexual may also find that forming romantic or sexual relationships can be confusing, difficult and exasperating. This is because they often come across as being just “friends” at first, but can later move on to feelings of intense sexual attraction. As demisexual Olivia Davis goes on to explain:
being demisexual amongst people … can be tricky. It can be hard to figure out exactly what and where your differences are and how to deal with them as they arise.
What Is Your Sexuality?
OK, I know it’s a bit of a personal question, but if after reading this article you’ve discovered that demisexuality describes you perfectly, I’d love to hear your stories below in the comments section! Also, you can take our Demisexual Test!
I’m a little confused.
I know that i would fall in love with a person no matter what they are (I don’t know i i’m saying it well) the point is , I would fall in love with aprson beacuse of how they are (personality etc.) but sometimes I feel like I’m not sexually attracted to them but sometimes yes, but I feel that when i get to know them more I would feel that way. I AM SO CONFUSED.
Wow!! Loved learning about this. I’ve noticed and thought I was a bit asexual. I say a bit because I still have the ability to be turned on but dont get that phwoooaarrr feeling like I hear otner girls act when an attractive man is around. You wouldn’t catch me going to a dream boys concert!! But on the rare occasion someone makes an impression on me and I develop feelings for them I can feel attraction and lust for another person. I also wondered if it had something to do with sacral chakra blockage? Whatever it is I definetly relate to this demisexuality.
Wow!! Loved learning about this. I’ve noticed and thought I was a bit asexual. I say a bit because I still have the ability to be turned on but dont get that phwoooaarrr feeling like I hear otner girls act when an attractive man is around. You wouldn’t catch me going to a dream boys concert!! But on the rare occasion someone makes an impression on me and I develop feelings for them I can feel attraction and lust for another person. I also wondered if it had something to do with sacral chakra blockage? Whatever it is I definanelty relate to this demisexuality.
Bruh. I’m a kid, and only a few hours ago I realized I was demisexual. I also realized that I’m pansexual. I used to identify as bisexual and asexual, but it never felt right. I’ve been questioning myself for almost 3 years, but I think I finally found words that describe me. Wish me luck.