In life, we all have the tendency to believe that we are unworthy on some deep, undefinable level.
Whether we believe that we are unworthy of happiness, pleasure, love, or fulfillment, we all have a “core wound” deep inside that varies according to our circumstances and experiences. This deep, fundamental wound is the result of the foundational beliefs that we were taught since birth, contributing to the faulty self-image that we continue to carry around with us to this very day.
Our core wounds are our deepest seated pains in life. They are our oldest and most miserable friends. For most of us, these core wounds within us are ruled by the following two mistaken beliefs:
1. “I am flawed and therefore a bad person.”
2. “I must change or fix something about myself in order to be acceptable.”
Table of contents
The Original Sin (aka. How We Became Wounded)
Christian teachings make reference to our “core wound” all the time in the form of “original sin.” However, once we put aside the dogmatic associations connected with this notion, we see that “original sin” reveals something profound about our deep-rooted core wounds; how issues such as generational guilt, self-rejection, imbalanced self-esteem, and self-hatred have passed on from generation to generation.
Often, our core wounds start in childhood. When we are little we are free, however, at some point during our childhood, we began to experience constraints. As we “ate from the Tree of Knowledge” (aka. grew and evolved as human beings) we slowly came up against invalidation and rejection from our parents, elders, and peers. We began to experience disapproval and punishment for being our authentic selves; for having unique feelings, thoughts, outlooks, interests, and needs. And so, our core wounds began.
As our core wounds began to deepen throughout our childhoods, pubescent years, and subsequent adult years, we began to put up barriers of protection to keep other people from hurting us. Although in many cases this protected us, in the end, it served to trap us inside, limiting our ability to experience true freedom and authenticity in our day-to-day lives and in every one of our relationships.
Our core wounds are the cause of most of the fatigue we experience in daily life, preventing us from accessing the huge stores of untapped energy, and potential within us. They are also what makes solitude so refreshing as they give us a momentary respite from the lies we tell ourselves and others to protect our deep, unhealed gashes.
12 Signs You Have an Unhealed Core Wound
Everyone experiences their core wound differently. Depending on your Soul Age, level of emotional sensitivity, and the level of rejection you faced while growing up, your core wound could be an irritating scab or a festering laceration.
How is your core wound manifesting itself in your life? Read the signs below:
- You enter relationships in the hopes of finding what you lack inside in the other person (i.e., you want to “feel complete”).
- You often feel inadequate, and you often have the following thoughts: “I am not enough,” “I am incomplete,” “I am unlovable,” “I don’t count,” “I am imperfect,” “I am powerless,” and “I am bad.”
- You constantly feel a sense of abandonment, resentment, and/or betrayal from others.
- You have a perfectionistic attitude towards life (i.e., you gain your self-esteem from the outcome of your actions instead of the intention behind your actions).
- You suffer from chronic anxiety. This comes as a result of anticipating the emotional pain of being found unworthy, which deep down you think is true.
- You repeat the same old mistakes in relationships. This is because you are trapped in a habitual mindset and don’t feel courageous enough to make a change.
- You find happiness in your misery because it’s a source of attention in the form of sympathy from other people.
- You have a large, unexplored Shadow Self.
- You behave in dishonest/inauthentic ways that are not true to the person you really are. You behave in this way to gain the acceptance of others.
- You often feel emotionally numb inside. You feel a sense of meaninglessness and disconnection from the world around you. This is the ultimate defense mechanism: feeling nothing.
- You are your own worst critic (i.e., you constantly remind yourself how much of a “loser” or a “failure” you are).
- You always feel like an outcast, and you can never quite fit in with anyone. Instead of appreciating your uniqueness and seeing it as an opportunity, you see it as a curse.
The larger your core wound is, the more you experience Soul Loss. Often, this is passed onto the people around you (like a virus) – especially children, who are the most susceptible and vulnerable of all.
List of Core Wounds
Core wounds are many and varied. Here’s a list of core wounds and the accompanying core beliefs that can grow from them:
- Abandonment (“There’s something wrong with me,” “I’m unlovable,” “I am unimportant”)
- Betrayal (“I am unworthy,” “I am hopeless,” “I am a failure”)
- Physical/Sexual/Mental/Emotional abuse (“I am ugly,” “I deserve only bad things,” “I’m not in control,” “I am weak,” “I am always unsafe,” “I deserve to be punished”)
- Rejection (“I am shameful,” “I am a bad person,” “I don’t deserve love,” “I have to be perfect,” “I will never belong”)
This is not an exhaustive list, but it highlights the most common emotional core wounds that people struggle with. How many can you relate to?
How to Find Your Core Wound
The most suffering we experience from our core wounds revolves around the false self-images we present to the world. On one hand, we go through life pretending to be very important, and on the other, we believe that we are unworthy, ugly, unlovable, or broken deep down.
We need to examine our wounds carefully, wash them using psychological and spiritual tools (e.g., shadow work), and keep them clean until they heal. A good place to begin this process is by being honest with ourselves. We need to stop avoiding the truth about how we authentically feel and develop the courage to face our wounds and erroneous perceptions.
More In-Depth Help
Want to learn more about your core wound? In our Shadow Work Journal, we give more in-depth guidance:
A greater Master once said, “you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Only once you truly become aware of your core wound, of how you inherited your “original sin” and the idea that you’re “unworthy,” will you be able to find closure. Only by forgiving what keeps you from experiencing wholeness deep down can you become free.
With that being said, here are some powerful ways of uncovering your core wound. Most of them surround asking the question “why?”:
1. Use Your Feelings as an Anchor
One powerful way of uncovering your core wound is by using any negative emotion you feel in the moment as an anchor to draw you down inside of yourself. You can then examine what you are feeling, when it began, and why you feel the way you do.
For example, if I was feeling great frustration in the present moment, I could use that feeling as a trigger to ask myself, “Why?” I might then like to mentally trace back the development of that feeling and discover that the feeling of frustration is a by-product of a deep sadness I feel. Then I could examine that deep sadness. Why do I feel that way? I might discover that this deep sadness comes as a result of feeling as though I had failed to get to work on time. Then I could examine why getting to work late makes me feel so bad. I might then discover that I feel like a failure, and thus uncover a core belief/wound:
Unworthiness (“I am a failure”).
This technique can be applied to countless feelings and after a while, you might find a pattern emerging that will allow you to discover the main thread of your core wound.
2. Somatic/Bodily Mindfulness
Not everyone is able to become aware of what they are emotionally feeling in the present moment, which is where somatic mindfulness comes in handy.
Somatic mindfulness is basically the practice of stopping throughout the day and scanning your body for tension and illness. You might like to create alerts on your phone or work calendar to remind you, or you might simply like to stop and assess your body whenever you feel discomfort.
For example, if I felt my heart pounding and my hands sweating in the presence of other people I might like to examine this feeling in the present moment, or later after the feeling has left. I might discover that my pounding heart and sweating hands were a result of my nervousness around others. I might go deeper and ask why I feel that way and discover that I’m scared of what other people think of me. Still, I might go deeper and ask why I am so scared of what they think and discover one (or all) of the following core beliefs:
- “I am stupid”
- “I am unacceptable”
- “I am embarrassing/shameful”
Somatic mindfulness is best practiced after learning how to completely relax your body, perhaps in a nightly bath of warm water, or through a daily relaxation practice such as mindfulness or meditation. Otherwise, if your body is constantly tense, you will find it difficult to be conscious of the physical changes that occur throughout the day.
3. Solitude and Introspection
This final technique is simple to do and only requires making time to be alone each day.
Ideally, the easiest practice during this solitary time is to keep a daily journal where you record your thoughts and feelings. This is a useful practice for visual and auditory learners as you can make use of the mechanisms of introspective writing, illustrating, and brain-storming.
For example, you might like to write in your journal:
My friend made me feel sad, angry, and insecure without knowing it today when she said that “I should dedicate more time to myself.”
Then you might like to explore this feeling in the following way directed by the main question “Why?“:
“I should dedicate more time to myself” –> (why?) –> makes me feel embarrassed –> (why?) –> makes me feel ashamed –> (why?) –> makes me feel pathetic –> (why?) –> makes me feel unworthy = This statement from my friend reminded me of how poorly I feel about myself, that “I am unworthy” and that “I don’t deserve to be happy.”
There’s an endless array of ways to dissect and dig to the depths of how you feel during solitude and introspection. For example, other methods you could use include Venn diagrams, thought pyramids, dialogue with your inner parts (or archetypes), or simply writing freely until your thoughts begin to flow and reveal interesting discoveries.
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I hope these techniques help you to discover your core wounds. Remember that simply uncovering your core wound isn’t the end of the journey. You’ll need to replace these core wounds with the practices of self-love. The more self-love you develop, the more these inner wounds will heal and be transformed. Read our ultimate guide on how to love yourself more in order to keep moving forward on this healing journey.
What do you think your core wound might be? How do you think it has shaped you? What is the major lesson you can learn from it? I’d love to hear below!
This is the work that I have been needing to do. Yet my avoidance behaviors and use of sex and a multitude of things to harbor me from doing the necessary work on myself to truly live my life as authentic as I can possibly live. I look forward to this endeavor not that I fear. But to own my own discretions and to move forward as authentically as I can in my life whatever that may look like forward. That all I ever have control over is myself and the input of my focus will be the actions that I must take so that the outcome of my actions will be what they have always needed to be.
This is my truth about myself and my own openly and willing admission of my authentic self. We often hide in fear about things in our pasts. We avoid our truths so much that we create these massive voids in our own lives and it creates these ripples of uneasy emotional distortions about things that we are experiencing. I know that I am a Sex Addict, because I chase sexual experiences to make me feel love, wanted, needed, fulfilled. The extremely kinky nasty sex, fluid exchange, breath play, choking, biting, pulling, ripping, moaning, slapping, punching, inflicting, receiving and very fucking sweaty sex till I cannot fucking go any more and even then I will go as much as possible in my physical abilities with other parts of my body for my partners pure pleasure and enjoyment.
This has been the pinnacle and FUCKING HUGE issue in my entire life. I have been on a quest of practicing and embracing Stoicism into my life to try to find my deep meaning to this thing called life. It has shown me many things and you can see my transgressional growth of the EQ (Emotional) and IQ (Intelligence) of my brain and how I am constantly vacillating between the sexual side and mental side. I am a very analytical person and a very deep thinker. An I have been taught to just see my own shit and I see it a lot in others of how much we hide behind, avoid, and evade our truth.
xperienced with friends I use to let so many things pull me down the road (externals). I was very much so the Militant Atheist Punk Rocker Antifa person my entire life. I have done both good and bad things in my life. I have killed people in war. I have experienced the tragedies of losing close friend and watching them parish as they burn to death and nothing, I could fucking do to help them (Iraq, 2007). But the only thing that I can tell you is if you are reading this; you have to begin accepting your shit, to truly free self. You have to begin with being truly open and authentic with yourself on so many levels. Because if you don’t, you will be or experience this very sentiment as you read my words. This isn’t really hard for me to write or say but there has been a tremendous amount of self-understanding and developing self to be where I am at now (present).
You have to begin this path by being authentic. By being fully open and transparent to whom you are with yourself at the very first step. Then with your family, friends, partners, and everyone else. Is it going to suck probably. But that’s just because you are challenging their belief systems (Political, Religious, Sexuality, etc.). The other part of this is that distorts this are what’s called emotional distortions (Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Rejection, Past Experiences, etc.) these emotional attachments affect us to see things as clearly as we should. There has been a lot of writing I have done for myself to see this and has allowed me to see how this is all playing out or reflecting to understand what this or how this affects me. The more you begin this journey and growth the more you start to see how much time you wasted. How you let shit you will never control pull you down the road, waste your time, stay in shitty relationships, chase people that you will never really have. The moment you begin to avoid taking the necessary action you have begun the path of your own self destruction; essentially crash and burn. The outcome sometimes leads to death as I have ecommitting suicide in a plethora of ways. I have seen a lot of it in my adolescents and as a young man whom has fought on the battlefields for this country. I am not looking for admiration or a thanks. I am just being true to the man that I am being today and will continue to be until I die. This is truly the pinnacle of my acceptance that I truly haven’t been as authentic as I could my entire life to many of things and experiences in my life. Which has taken a massive toll of self-pity among other emotions that go along this path.
The second part to all of this is that there is a doing vs being of ourselves. I written on this but I will summarize my own doing of this. The doing version of me is the old habits, the deep seeded angry militant being that would be in brutal street fights, at odds with the law, nihilist. The being part of this is what you are trying to become. The being is the very thing you see yourself being the best version of yourself. As you make this transition you will find and see that the doing at points and times seeps in. That is ok. But you have to continue to ask the deep seeded questions as to why am I doing this. Those questions will connect the dots for you to become this being version of yourself. That shall project you to live a life of extraordinary. You will no longer be a slave to the outside environments (Externals, Society, Law, etc.). You will be so in control and living and doing as you need to be the very thing you most likely to have been chasing for.
Chasing for your deep and truthful happiness. It is not in chasing these sexual experiences. It’s not in the orgasms that truly makes you enjoy life. You will than waste no time chasing things that you will never ever have control to keep or have stay in your life. You will no longer allow things to be the lock that keeps you bound. You will become the most authentic virtuous version of yourself to be unbound and do as you wish to the will of your life as you choose to do. That is why I am openly and honestly admitting my truth. To be the most openly transparent person that I am now BEING in all facets of my life.
Those of you whom know me in my life or have talked or whatever. I hope you find the solace in your life journey and the path I have shared above for you to feel and find the happiness deep within so that you too can live an extraordinary life. This is why I share and say the things that I do with you as a result of my prating efforts of Stoicism.
AMOR FATI!
So my mother was adopted and I believe she had a serious abandonment core wound. It seems that I may have inherited the same wound from her. Is that possible? If so, how do I heal that wound in myself? She had since passed away. Thanks for your help. I really appreciate all your invaluable articles.
Core wound: I don’t exist
Shaped me: seeking acceptance from others, discarding / hiding my soul needs and experiencing soul famine.
Major Lesson: hiding from myself starved my soul. I help my soul heal when I refuse to hide who I am or hide what my soul wants.
My hope is that continually and consciously walking my soul path will allow me to (proudly) expose / share / express the deeper authentic parts of myself I have kept hidden for fear of being shamed, rejected or disregarded.
Thank you Mateo Sol for sharing your work
The part of my soul self I kept hidden for 20 years: my deep yearning to be a mother.
Hi, just want to say I see you, and that you do exist.
<3
Imm 54, childhood trauma was abandonment, feeling rejected, mentally abused in my marriage and a few times physical and a feeling to be loved. Parents divorce was bitter, volatile, and my mother was/is a narcassis but had her own childhood traumas. My traumas have passed onto my 30 Yr old daughter sadly through her parents going through bitter divorce. It’s history repeated I know that and I tried to protect them but not well enough it seems. I live alone so have plenty of isolation, maybe too much as I’m a compassionate woman and know I have love in abundance locked inside. Recognizer many of my traumas, just got to work on healing them but consciously I do love myself because I’m not a bad person but I have deep scars I think especially from feeling abandoned or fear of rejection ..I’m a giver and want to please to be loved
Hello Jane, thank you for opening up about your childhood trauma and how you are doing now.
It can be hard to suppress or hide that part of yourself that holds unconditional love and powerful compassion, since we live in a world that is lacking those qualities. I hope that you will find the time and the chance to heal yourself from these wounds, because it can be hard to dealing with the feeling of abandonment or fear while at the same time trying to fit in and be nice/kind to the people that remind you of those feelings.
I wish you love, peace, and progress in your spiritual awakening journey!
In the beginning nearly 6000 years ago Eve was deceived, we have been taught to accept deception. Santaclause, Easter bunny, tooth fairy. So many gaslight the Bible and the correct account of history it contains, our willingness to be deceived lives on. Our thoughts come from three sources, ourselves ( the soul) God and the angels, Satan and his crew of fallen angels,
God created us with a free will. We choose to remain separated from God or reunite with God by accepting the work Jesus done and we celebrate this work each Easter. Love your work lonerwolf
Rob
Dear Luna y Sol,
I came across your work while doing research on Soul Retrieval.
I am a practicing curandero living and working in the San Francisco/East Bay.
I find your work, your intention & mission absolutely beautiful, important, crucial in these times.
I only wish to bless you and learn from you.
Ometeotl!
Guillermo Ortiz
Gracias Guillermo for the lovely words, it’s wonderful seeing more healers in the world answering their calling :)
So many core wounds coming and going. The waves of knowing and digging and digging and knowing! This was the most amazing, informative and gracious read. Thank you for the straight forward key points through out this entire article. True perfection.
You’re doing one of the best jobs on this planet. Thank you for transforming one of my deep-rooted beliefs today, Mateo Sol and team! God bless you all with an abundance of love, joy, peace, success, prosperity, and ultimate satisfaction + fulfillment!
Hi there,
I think my core wound is that i always feel insecure though it has started changing since my internal quest began.I have been into many relationships which were clearly harmful for me..but i stuck to those till i could and till my patience to take that shit was no more. Now when i do retrospection, i can see that it was my insecurity and inability to stand for myself that caused it.
thanks
So grateful for this blog. I’ve have taken the steps recently to dig deep and heal my wounded child/shadow. It’s brought much discomfort but also so much light into my life. Thank you this particular article as I am able to identify which core wound I resonate with. Abandonment and rejection mostly with a little abuse. Asking myself the necessary questions, showing and giving myself the necessary love and compassion is working. Thank you again.
My core wound is abandonment. It happened when I was 5 years old.
Since that time, every primary relationship (mother, husband now ex, partner ) has been formed on a basis of I give to receive love.
This has left me mentally, physically and emotionally used, abused and depleted.
Please can anyone suggest ways for me to heal from my core wound.
I’ve been trying for 4 years following many paths.
I have walked away from my latest relationship of 4 years because I felt abandoned weekly and it ruined our relationship.
I need to heal.
Thank you.
Greetings again Loner Wolf Family
My time in solitude and spending time alone has been very refreshing and very rewarding. Exploring my inner and deeper thoughts, my emotions, feelings has revealed a very deep inner core wound that is infested with toxic poison.
It goes back to the time when my older step brother unleashed all forms of abuse when I was only a young boy. Physical abuse, mental abuse, verbal abuse and sadly even sexual abuse. All this happened behind closed doors while the parents were out playing bingo at night. He scared me that much that I used to have nightmares about him trying to kill me. I really don’t know or understand why or what drove him to do this to me ? He would hit me, call me names, he would turn out all the lights and make creepy growling noises, he used to make me do things to him and he would do things to me. He said if I ever told anyone that he would kill me. He also said that mom and dad wouldn’t believe me or even the police. I swore revenge upon him one day. I simply put it like this, ” One day I will be bigger and stronger than you and that’s when I will get you.” The day came when he started his shit, teasing, calling me names, being arrogant and a smart ass…… saying my children were not planned, calling my wife an asian bitch….. I unleashed my inner demon on the bastard and got him good. I still hold a very deep grudge on him.
Maybe holding onto the hatred and resentment towards him is playing a major key in my deepest core wound as well. Maybe the hate is the key poison in my deep core wound is something that needs to be dealt with so my recovery and healing can truly begin. I do still love him…… I mean…… that is what a true brother is supposed to do right ? Forgive him even though he may not be my biological blood brother…… Just forgive him any way right ? And also Love him…….. right ? Even though he did all the sh*t, just be a true brother and forgive and love him.
This article is really something which everyone should take the time to read and to reflect on. Great article dear brother Sol
Much Love and Howls to you Luna and Sol and also to the whole Family
Bless you all !
Signed Luke
Hello Luke
I had to first acknowledge that my pain and suffering was real and unfair (despite the fact that my mother who caused it had valid reasons for her behaviour which was the death of my sister)
It has taken me over 30 years to accept that my experience was wrong, very wrong and that my pain was real.
You too may benefit from offering your own love to the little Luke who never deserved any of that awful treatment.
Only when you have allowed yourself to grieve for your lost childhood can you find any space to forgive your step brother.