Jennifer from America asks:
Do you think it’s possible for someone’s sensitivity and/or empathy to shut off or be dulled?
She goes on to elaborate:
When I was younger I had a lot of the signs of being a highly sensitive person and an empath but as I got older it slowly stopped. I no longer feel empathy for people… or anything now that I think about it, and I’m not as observant as I used to be. My empathy just seemed to go away and I’m not sure if I even want it back. I deal with anxiety, panic, and depression, so I don’t think I need to be any more susceptible to feeling. I’ve spoken about it to my mother, who is highly sensitive, and she thinks I subconsciously numbed myself for protection.
I want to say something before biting into this question:
Almost every empath that I’ve spoken to, listened to, and observed – at one point in their lives – has numbed out their sensitivity, including ME.
Reality for the highly sensitive or empathic person is often harsh, overwhelming, and confusing. The only form of defense many of us can put up against the world is the shield of numbness, which we develop through workaholism, food addiction, T.V. addiction, drug addiction – you name it!
Here is what I recommend for the empath whose sensitivity has dulled or completely disappeared (if you would like more in-depth support, check out our empath book):
1. Don’t force yourself to be anything other than what you are, right in this moment.
The more desires and expectations you build for yourself to be “more sensitive,” “more understanding,” “more empathic,” the MORE you will suffer. Give yourself the permission to be apathetic, cold, and unemotional right here, right now. By accepting your current state of being, you open up space for growth to occur.
It is ridiculous to expect yourself to go from 0% empathy to 100% empathy straight away. Getting back in touch with your empathy and sensitivity is a process. And accepting who you are – no matter how ugly or imperfect – is the first step to this process.
2. Start setting rules and boundaries for yourself.
The reason why you feel anxious and depressed is that you haven’t set rules and boundaries for yourself in the past. This is normal and natural: most empaths and highly sensitive people neglect to do this when young because they haven’t had any role models or any guidance.
You don’t need to be a disciplinarian or a nun to set rules and boundaries for yourself; you just need a healthy understanding of the difference between “comfortable” and “uncomfortable.” Take some time out to sit by yourself in a quiet place and reflect on what places, people, and situations make you feel comfortable, as opposed to uncomfortable.
For example, you might discover that you feel very unsettled around a particular person at work because they suck the beauty out of life. Perhaps this person is negative, bitter, and judgmental. Or perhaps you might discover that you feel calm and balanced in a certain area of your house, or place outside. You might even discover that the source of your anxiety or depression is triggered by the environment you live in, the temperature, the lack of nature, the weather, the pollution, and so forth.
Setting boundaries is about limiting your exposure to uncomfortable situations, places, or people. You can master these situations later, but first, you need a real break from them, finding solace in what makes you feel balanced, comfortable, and calm.
3. Learn the art of being gentle with yourself.
When we lose touch with our sensitivity, it is common for us to start mistreating and abusing ourselves without knowing it. Subtle forms of self-abuse include binge eating, eating toxic food, not sleeping enough, not getting enough sunlight, staying indoors too much, pressuring ourselves to be perfect, unconsciously acting out our core beliefs, and many other forms of self-sabotage.
Being gentle with yourself is an art because it requires practice. As a highly sensitive or empathic person, it is vital that you realize that in order to be compassionate with others you must first learn how to be compassionate with yourself.
Here is an article I wrote on how to love yourself.
4. It’s OK if you DON’T want to get back your sensitivity.
Life can be a cruel mistress, I get it. When Sol first told me that I needed to be more empathetic with other people, I scoffed at him and rolled my eyes. Why on earth would I want to be understanding towards other people if I couldn’t even handle myself? For a lot of my life I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression, and the thought of being a sweet, caring angel was completely beyond me.
Eventually, as I began to set rules and boundaries for myself, and learned how to love and care for myself, I realized that it was actually possible to be empowered by sensitivity rather than crushed by it. This is why only YOU can go through the process of self-growth and discover the truth for yourself. I very much doubt that simply telling you here how beneficial regaining your sensitivity is will bring about a miraculous change of mind.
All I can say is that when you learn to understand, honor, and harness your sensitivity and empath abilities life is much richer, deeper, and fulfilling.
5. FORGIVENESS.
Forgive yourself, forgive other people. That’s it. On any emotional, psychological, or spiritual path in life you need to be willing to forgive – and you need to learn how to forgive – because without forgiveness you will build up an entire fortress of resentment, hatred, and grudge-holding around you.
***
I want to reiterate that regaining your ability to feel and empathize is a process. This process could be short, or it could be long, but it is nevertheless an immensely strengthening journey which many sensitives all over the world have found worthwhile.
If you have any recommendations for the empath who has lost their ability to feel, please share below!
P.S. If you do want to rediscover your empath roots I recommend reading this article about understanding other people and their pain (which will help you a lot).
Keep reading our other empath articles here.
My abilities, which I called my “special feelers”, started around puberty. I could feel what those very close to me were feeling. But more importantly, I could feel what people who had died but kept hanging around felt. I could never see or hear the dead, just feel them. When I was about 6 weeks pregnant, something bad hanging around outside the home of a close relative tried to physically hurt me. I felt a pop of sorts and since then, I have only felt one VERY angry spirit for a breif flash. And he had been a very close relative, a stepson that I had known his whole life. Otherwise, I get nothing from those who have passed anymore. I think my unborn child popped me in what I call a “baby bubble” for protection. For a while I was relieved. But now my 4 yr old is talking to the dead and is seeing what he calls “monster people” in our house. Most of the women in my family have a version of the whole “I see dead people” gift. My cousin came over and detected very bad things in my house. Now I have cleared these bad things out of my home, but I think it is time that I tried to regain my “special feelers” so that I can be who I was. At the very least, I have a sensitive child I need to protect and I can’t do that if I can’t feel things coming. I need advice on what to do. Can you help? I’m afraid for my kid who is terrified to be in the house and too young to understand all these strange things that only he can see. I would do anything to protect my child. But I also miss my loved ones who have already passed that I used to be able to feel. I just really need some help from someone who understands. Thanks.
Iam in this position I was definitely an empath and HSP when I was younger but anxiety and PTSD and people phobia has dulled my senses plus being around negative people has really destroyed my confidence in myself this article has been very informative and now I know where I should start but I feel it’s going to be extremely difficult for me
In response to the comment above by Zia –no, that is not correct. Indeed, everything in this article can assist an empath who is disconnected from his or her sensitivity. But the issue is much greater than establishing boundaries and setting limits. A person who is experiencing depression, anxiety and panic has much more to deal with and needs to be willing to take the time and make the effort to explore and face the source of that experience. Thinking you can simply reclaim your sensitivity as a way of alleviating or resolving it is setting yourself up for failure. It’s likely that cutting yourself off from your sensitivity is contributing to your emotional upset, but it is not the source. The source needs to be discovered, faced and released. None of us are free from the need to face what lies deep within us. Certainly, what has been offered in this article can help, but it is not the whole path. That path is a very personal one that can only be accessed and traveled by the individual. It takes commitment and dedication and a great deal of self-honesty.
For the record, I am a deep empath and HSP and have over 17 years experience as an adult mental health counselor.
I have similar experience, but I didn’t realize it at first. When I was a little kid I used to be very observant and sensitive, but I thought everyone was like me. I was confused when other people didn’t think or feel like me. They told me to be normal and stop being too sensitive. I felt things too deep and too much, it hurt so bad. So I chose not to feel anything. I grew up numbed. I felt imprisoned but I thought it was better than being in misery.
Many years later, one night, I felt all emotional burdens of my whole childhood. All in one night. I wasn’t able to go outside my room without collapsing in tears for weeks . It took me some more painful weeks in a hospital and a couple of years to make peace with myself.
I know I am not done yet. Perhaps never will be, because we all evolve internally through our journey. That’s what makes me the person I am today.
Being in pain and lonely, got numbed, being in pain and confused again; for me it was totally worth it, all of it.
Thank you for your insights. I have been dealing with this gift for 51 years and at times, it has been more painful than you can imagine as it can nearly wipe you out. I know it has at times made me bitter and defInitely judgemental and bitter towards others and to myself. I just always had to reflect that there is a reason. That reason was made apparent on Sunday when I absorbed so much pain, sadness and grief from an individual who by all rights should not even be alive based on his life experiences. He had always helped and loved despite being so viciously hurt, attacked, raped and many other things that happened throughout his life. I almost passed out from the intensity. I had to explain to him what I was because I couldn’t mask it and it was starting to physically affect me. Within the hour, a peace fell upon him and he told me the I just saved his life because he was going to do the unthinkable but somehow he had the need to say hello (goodbye) to me first. I could not know that until he physically told me. I reassured him that there is a reason for him being alive and did an inventory with him. It was his birthday and throughout his life, this angel had been instrumental and had a huge positive impact in many people’s lives. Both of us starting crying because it took this exchange for someone to really see how beautiful they are because they were blinded by all the hurt. I was glad for being able to remove much of it from him even at my own expense. I also have had my faith restored and doubts removed. We are truly here to serve a purpose. I will no longer disengage as it was easy for many times in my life to forget this gift and say “I just don’t feel it”. The truth is something inside made me not want to feel it. It’s always there for those who have the gift. Sometimes, we ignore it or don’t hone our connection because we think it hurts us. The truth is, it does but that,doesn’t mean we should ignore it. Just think of how you may have had an impact in just one persons life by absorbing the negative so that they may have reached clarity. We never complain about giving or receiving the positive and light because we know we need it to regenerate.
Sometimes I feel like I am a “foul weather friend” because people tend to only seek me out during the bad, tumultuous, painful times.
And it truly is the time when I shine my brightest.
When someone is distraught, angry or depressed; I’m there.
When someone’s relationship runs amiss; I’m there.
When someone needs to vent; I’m there.
When someone needs comforting or guidance; I’m there.
When someone needs a shoulder to cry on and someone to reveal the deep seated atrocities in their past that has brought them to this moment; I’m there.
I will absorb it all.
But, that same friend who spilled their guts and secrets to me? Afterwards, (meaning days or weeks later when it is next I see them) sometimes it feels like I have a numbness towards them; like an over saturated sponge who can’t possibly absorb any more…even if it is positive vibes they are eminating or they wish to share how their life has improved for the better. And sometimes the numbness comes from them. Like they forgot entirely or are embarrassed by how unfiltered our relationship had become.
The first time I became aware of how I could comfort others was when my teenage friend was weeping over a terminated relationship. She was on the verge of hysteria. Our other friend, who was also present, was not known for her subtleties or tact. She looked at our crying friend like she had two heads and did little to comfort her. I knew it was up to me. I embraced my sobbing friend and just held her. I felt this overwhelming calmness come over me and just held her as the sobs and shaking quickly subsided. I felt like I was actually eminating a warm glow and distinctly felt as though I was trying to absorb her pain. I felt such empathy for her pain, yet also felt so bizarrely emotionally removed. Kind of like the feeling of being in an emergency and not allowing yourself to succumb to hysterics or panic because someone needs to be saved.
Ever since then, I have been aware that I am able to soothe people with my physical contact. When I was little my mom would say I had “the touch” referring to me being able to tickle feet, scratch backs, or massage aching muscles exactly the way the person I was touching needed or liked. It was like I could feel their soreness or knew the exact location of their itch.
You would think this gift would have compelled me to become a physical therapist or massage therapist or professional back scratcher of some sort. Hell no! Although, I seemed to take joy from the initial comforting/soothing of an individual, I would later tend to feel like I had a begrudging attitude towards a repeat performance. Sometimes it felt so draining. Or like the person was addicted to my touch and nothing would ever be enough. Sometimes I just couldn’t muster up the energy, even though it was someone I loved and wanted to make feel calm and peaceful. It makes me feel so selfish. To know I have this ability to comfort, but that I do not always use it.
As an empath, and an awakened sentient being, I find that there are generally periods of time when I feel disengaged, disconnected, almost numbed from both people and spirit and I have come to truly cherish those times because inevitably each of these times are well needed. When you’re “ON” most of the time feeling, sensing, transmuting the negative energies you come into contact with into love, light & positivity (which is your job as an empath by the way), it’s nice to have a little break!. I find at these times either I’ve been on overload and need to recharge myself from the inside out or I have a lesson to learn for my own personal growth. All things find their proper time & place. Biggest & best advice I have for those awakened empaths who are wishing to reconnect, do just that & surround yourself with like people, other empaths or spiritual (and by spiritual I do not mean religious, there is a vast difference) people because it raises your frequency and when your frequency starts rising everything else falls into place! For those empaths who are not yet awakened … AWAKEN … seek & find the answers. : )
Thank you Moon Child!