You feel suffocated and weighed down by some kind of invisible force.
And you don’t really know why, but this force is relentless … no matter what you do, you carry this knotted heaviness inside everywhere you go.
Nothing feels right anymore.
You look at your life and marvel at how it doesn’t feel like ‘yours’ at all. You desperately want to escape, you badly want to do something … but you’re terrified of destroying everything you’ve built so far.
You just can’t seem to move. You feel paralyzed.
All of us will feel trapped at some point, whether that be in a job, house, neighborhood, financial circumstance, religion, family or relationship. Usually feeling trapped can be easily remedied by simply doing something new … but it’s not always that easy. When feeling trapped becomes a persistent problem, one that makes you feel hopeless, then it’s time to take a serious look at your life.
5 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Trapped
Feeling trapped and defeated are experiences common to people who face anxiety and depression, according to psychological research. In other words, feeling trapped can create anxiety and depression, which further reinforces the feeling of being trapped. And so the cycle continues.
But the question is, why do we feel trapped in the first place? Anxiety and depression may trigger this experience, and also be the byproduct of it, but what actually creates the anxiety and depression?
Here are some common psychological and spiritual reasons why you might be feeling trapped:
1. You’re being passive rather than proactive
Passivity is often a learned behavior that we’re taught in childhood by our parents, teachers, and societies. For example, being headstrong is generally a trait that is discouraged in society because it makes you less governable, meaning that others have less influence over you. Therefore, in childhood, many of us are taught to be submissive, compliant and docile because these traits make us “good members” of a society that revolves around control and power.
As young people, how many of us felt empowered and encouraged to take a proactive approach to our life, and to be and do whatever we desired? Of course, most people pay lip service to this “empowerment” ideal (such as our teachers), BUT within the confines of doing socially acceptable things like going to university (like others), chasing after money and status (like others), and getting married and having kids (like others).
On one hand we’re encouraged to be “proactive” about our lives, but on the other hand, this “proactivity” is a disguised form of passivity which is all about following the crowd and doing what everyone else does.
Is it really any wonder that so many of us struggle with feeling trapped? Unless we have the wisdom to see through the futile and unfulfilling pursuits of society from a young age, we end up following the herd and letting others dictate our lives. Passivity is, therefore, a major cause of feeling trapped and stuck in a life that seems empty. When we’re passive, we’re literally giving others the permission to make our decisions and prescribe our existence on this earth. When we’re passive, we’re resigned to accepting our “lot” in life, without realizing that it is actually in our hands to create a life of our own choosing.
If you have just realized that you’ve taken a passive approach to life, don’t worry. Most people on this planet have. It’s not that you choose to be passive, it’s that you’re psychologically programmed to be this way. But with this new knowledge, you can pull off the blindfold and start consciously being proactive.
2. You’ve simply outgrown your current life
Here’s the thing, people are not static beings. As human beings, we are forever changing, evolving and transforming. Anything that does not change, dies, as we can quite clearly see in the world around us. When species, ecosystems, and even business and trends don’t evolve, they fade away into oblivion. This is evolution in process. And the same goes for us as people: we are changing and learning more each and every day. We might not be consciously aware of it, but we are not the exact same person as we were this time yesterday. Ask yourself, “Am I the exact same person as I was a year ago?” Likely, your answer will be no, you’ve changed! And this is completely fine!
Feeling trapped is therefore often a product of simply outgrowing your current life. Perhaps you don’t have much in common with your friends anymore, your career interests have changed or you just don’t relate as deeply to your partner anymore. This is all completely normal, yet as humans, we tend to pathologize change. We become really neurotic and fearful about it because we desperately want to control life to give us a sense of comfort and security. But the truth is that change is inevitable – resistance is futile! When you aren’t willing to upgrade your life, even when you’ve outgrown it long ago, you feel suffocated. Just imagine how uncomfortable it would be squeezing yourself into the clothes you wore ten or twenty years ago! Yes, you might feel comforted in some small way … but is the comfort and familiarity you feel worth the experience of dying inside? Remember that it’s completely normal to not want to let go, so be gentle and compassionate towards yourself. It’s OK to grow and change. It is your birthright.
3. You desperately want to fit in and feel “normal”
All of us want to feel like we belong. In fact, craving to “fit in” with others is deeply embedded into our DNA: it’s a biological survival mechanism. But we’ve come a long way in our evolution, and the proof is that the more we force ourselves to be “normal,” the more we suffer. Evolution, or rather involution, is now calling us to honor our authentic needs in order to grow as a species. Conformity is an old paradigm we no longer need to chase after. In fact, the more we conform, the more empty we feel inside. The more we try to be like others, the more we lose contact with our inner voice. The more we mold our lives to be “socially acceptable,” the more we sacrifice our inner values, dreams, beliefs, and desires.
Trying to fit in with others because we fear what they think about us, is a recipe for suffering. Understand that wanting to be accepted is completely normal, but it’s time that you start looking inside of yourself for approval, rather than outside.
4. You’ve taken on too many responsibilities
Responsibilities are a normal part of life; they teach us to be mature, accountable, patient, and empathetic. But there can come a point in our lives when we take on more responsibilities than we can handle … and we start to feel TRAPPED. Why? Usually, we fill our lives with pointless or excessive commitments because we’re trying to escape from something, whether that is ourselves, our past or some kind of emotion that haunts us like grief, emptiness, or anger.
If you’re feeling trapped, closely examine your life. Have you bitten off more than you can chew? Why? And furthermore, what can you do to decrease your workload?
5. Soul loss and lack of life purpose
Probably the biggest reason why many of us undergo the excruciating feeling of being trapped is soul loss. When we have lost contact with our souls we feel the unshakable sense that ‘something is missing’ from our lives. This feeling is accompanied by loneliness, emotional numbness, emptiness, restlessness, irritability, and of course, anxiety and depression.
Dark Night of the Soul Journal:
For the lost souls who feel lonely and disconnected, this is a profound tool designed to help you overcome your existential depression, explore your Soul Loss, practice Soul Retrieval, and reconnect with your true Spiritual Nature.
Soul loss occurs for many reasons such as a traumatic life experience or simply situations that have caused us to be consumed by the ego. The ego is our false self, the concept of “me” that we have inside of our brains. The more we serve our ego and its desires, the more empty and unfulfilled we feel because the ego is obsessed with power and self-gratification – something that is ultimately unfulfilling. Our soul, on the other hand, is focused on love and unity: on learning how to love, behaving with love, speaking with love, and ultimately, becoming love. When we are in contact with our souls, we discover our life purpose which helps us to stop feeling trapped by our circumstances. We start to feel empowered and begin to listen to the voice of the heart rather than the voice of the mind.
How to Stop Feeling Trapped
Feeling trapped can be a self-perpetuating cycle: we begin to look for more and more proof to confirm our belief that we are victims. For example, we might try to stop feeling trapped, but then, our inner saboteur might do something that causes us to fall back into that feeling again. As a result, we confirm the belief that we’re trapped, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. So be careful. Understand that feeling trapped can actually be a very addictive role because it makes us feel like a victim – and the ego loves feeling like a victim. Ironically, feeling like a victim is actually very empowering because this role revolves around blaming, justifying and making excuses – and all deflect self-responsibility.
With that in mind, let’s explore some methods which can help you to stop feeling trapped:
- Take responsibility for your life. As I just mentioned, feeling trapped can cause us to adopt the victim role which revolves around avoiding self-responsibility. It’s normal to feel sad about your situation, but self-pity ultimately gets you nowhere. In order to feel better, you need to take responsibility for your life, which means deciding to create change. Realize that happiness is what happens when you step up and claim ownership of your life.
- Make little changes each day. Do something new each day. Approaching your life differently little by little will help you to regain faith in your power. Think about what you would like to change and experiment with new approaches.
- Make a bullsh*t list. Sit down and think about all the things in your life that you believe are limiting you. For example, on your bullshit list you might write things like: going to after work parties with colleagues, commitments with old friends, pretending to like what my partner likes, “mandatory” luncheons with extended family members, etc. By becoming very clear about what is making you unhappy, you’ll find it easier to escape the cage that has been built around your life.
- Throw away social norms. Trying to be socially acceptable wastes so much time, energy, and money. Try to keep only what is essential in your life. If you have to step on a few toes, so be it! If you’re not pissing someone off, you probably aren’t doing anything meaningful with your life! No matter what we do, we’ll always have naysayers. Be courageous and do what makes you happy, even if that means cutting some people off. Those that do not support you tend to hang around you like dead weight.
- Create energy barriers. Are you over-extending yourself and getting bogged down by too many commitments? Learn how to notice your energy levels and step away when you’re getting too overwhelmed. Draw a line and don’t let anyone cross it, not even yourself.
- Say “no thank you.” There is nothing wrong or impolite about saying “no thank you.” Yes, you may offend a few insecure people, but you have the right to say no to doing things you’re not interested in or don’t believe in.
- Embrace fear of the unknown. One reason why we remain stuck in feeling trapped is that we’re scared of the unknown, i.e. what will our lives look like if we make a leap into drastic change? Embrace this fear and take care of yourself.
- Take a plant medicine. Obviously there is a disclaimer here: plant medicine is best taken with an experienced shaman or healer and you should seek professional advice if you suffer from mental illness. But going through such an experience can quite literally change your entire perspective of life. Research practitioners who hold San Pedro, Peyote, Ayahuasca or Psilocybin Mushrooms ceremonies either in your country or one nearby. Taking plant medicine is a sacred and profound experience which can help you develop new perspectives on your life, and even cure illnesses such as depression.
- Reconnect with your soul. Plant medicine is one powerful and foolproof way of reconnecting with your soul. However, if you prefer other methods, you might like to explore practices such as vision quests, journaling, meditation, mindfulness, catharsis, artistic self-expression, music, and other alternative forms of medicine that can help awaken this deep presence within you.
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Tell me, why are you feeling trapped? When did it start … and most importantly, what are you planning to do about it?
Nothings wrong, but nothings right. It just feels like a huge part of me is missing, I’m constantly disappointing everyone, I feel trapped, I don’t even have the energy to have a proper conversation with my friends anymore. Everyone would describe my life as normal, there is not a single flaw that would cause me to feel the way I do, but yet here I am stuck with this burden that I sometimes question whether it’s just something my mind has made up or is actual real.
I feel trapped because I became a father when my 15-year older girlfriend suddenly got unexpectedly pregnant and we realized we couldn’t say no to the child. We did love each other very much at the time. We still do, but the love has changed now that there is a child involved. All of a sudden the beautiful love we had seems gone, at least for me. I love my daughter but the spark disapppeared when she arrived into the relationship and now, almost two years after, we still can’t seem to rekindle it.
I’ve started to think that I’m just not suited to be a parent. I’m 26 years old, my gf is 41 and was already a mum when I met her. She is a different place in her life. I feel like I still want to explore and go on adventures, find myself. But now I feel stuck in a family life that might be well-functioning but unfulfilling for me.
I don’t feel like leaving either because I don’t want to be the father who left ‘just because he wanted his old life and sense of freedom back’. Freedom to do what exactly? I need to try and be the father who fought to be able to manage the responsibility. Growing to the occasion.
It doesn’t get easier though. Sometimes i feel like giving up. Saying that it just was a wrong thing for us to be parents together. That it wasn’t meant to be that kind of everlasting relationship, but now it is because we have a child together.
I feel torn between doing what I feel like (escaping the responsibility) and what I think is right to do (staying and working it out for the sake of my daughter ).
I feel trapped because I’m 21, I haven’t been to a University like people my age have, I have no friends anymore because I shut a lot of people out, I’m 5’7 and weighing about 230 lbs, I still live at home with my mother, I have no money, my sister has no boundaries, I have no passion in life and I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Im scared to be my best self and do what I want.
Hi! I’m 21 too, i have no friends, live at home, grandma has no boundaries. I discovered something that helps me, so i’ll share. Look…you said you are scared to be your best self. The moment you decide to feel better and set boundaries, everything around you will go crazy. Because people are used to see you a certain way and if you change, if you start taking care of yourself and dodging their bullsh**t,their will call you selfish, crazy, unstable,etc.
But you know what will happen? You will realize that lots of “good” people get these comments too. Everyone called me selfish all my life and they walked all over me, i was shy and quiet and scared and didn’t know how to take care of myself and if i said “no” to something,they made me feel like i was the devil. I couldn’t recognize my feelings, i didn’t know i exist.
Now comes my advice: Do what you FEEL like doing, when ALONE. I had these thoughts …for example i cant sleep at night,so i want to wake up but i dont. I keep sleeping because if i wake up,then i want to do things so i turn on the light and grandma would come in my room and ask me a thousand questions like: are you sick? are you sad? what happened? you’re lying, something happened. When in reality im just not tired. This shit made me believe i was depressed and didnt know it. But heck, we know better than anyone how we feel. We must learn to keep our point of view and protect our feelings even if others throw a tantrum around us because they cant understand.
Whenever you want to do something, ask yourself why you’re not doing it. But be very careful. Pay attention. For example, i want to lose weight. Why don’t i start? First thought would be that im lazy. But im not. I discovered im quite the opposite. The problem is grandma will stuff me like im a pig. If i say im not hungry, she will start screaming and telling me i will die if i dont eat what she wants, when she wants(keep in mind im 21). I i just ate to not see her scream because it breaks my heart. I didnt exercise in my room because if she saw me she would say: omg poor girl you are tired, stop doing this to yourself. Do you want to lose weight? I love you the way you are, you dont have to do it. As if i do it for her to love me. Be very very careful to not confuse these things with true love. If they loved us, they would want to see us healthy happy and doing amazing things. But they are chaining us. Chains disguised us love.They just can’t get it,that’s all they see,they think they’re helping. I had nightmares all my childhood that grandma was chasing me and i was running as fast as i could i tried to hide and she would call the police lol. Now i start to realize i felt trapped and that’s why.
So start doing thinks you like,but in secret at first. Take care of yourself in secret. After you start gaining confidence, confront mean people nicely. They will still be able to hurt you for a while,but after you’ve achieved a certain amount of stuff on your own, you will know who you are and their comments wont hurt you so much.
Also, one more thing. When i feel very trapped,i think i want to run away. You know what? fking run away. Take a backpack and go for a long long walk and lie about it. say you’re going with a friend to study or something. When i did this i felt like i was commiting a crime against my grandma. I told myself i exaggerate and i should go back. My heart was pounding. I felt like a rat trapped in an experiment trying to escape the torturer. But after half an hour of walking, i felt a freedom and a connection to myself that i cant put to words. I felt like crying. It was then that i realized i exist,separate from other’s wants and needs. It was then i realized i never took care of my soul. And i felt a huge loneliness. I realized nobody really knows me,not even i knew myself before that. But in time, that loneliness transformed into a kind of anger that pushed me towards amazing things. Things i did on my own, that others didnt have the courage to do, and i felt like i was enough for myself.
I wish you luck. Don’t delay taking care of your feelings. Start now. Honestly,it will feel like suicide. You will see everything from a new perspective. You will realize many people dont get you. And they never did. And maybe they never will. This will hurt like hell. Push through.
I hope i helped you. I spilled my heart here lol. I wrote this with the best intentions. I hope you find the greatest freedom and strenght there is. Love you.
the only reason i am trapped is because i have epilepsy and multiple sclerosis at age 27. which there is no cure. it doesnt matter if i view myself as a ” victim or not” whatever i think or do does not change the fact these diseases are uncurable and destroy my brain and body. i cannot live my so purpose or express my creative truth because i am confined to my bed with a deteroating body. let me guess though im not a victim this was just all me manifesting this ! lmao
This is the test you must endure within your physical shell. Your soul is not fettered by illness. You sound smart and witty. Write your story for others to read. Connect online with other souls in a disadvantaged physical shell. Join an advocacy group for physically disabled people who have no voice. Who can express needs on their behalf better than you? Your soul is living other lives at the same time as your current human manifestation. This is one short journey and test….let your soul rise above and shine with beauty and strength as a light for others to follow. This is you.
Hi i am on my master thesis and i can’t go further in my studies. i can’t seem to experience any progress in my thesis and that is pissed me off. i must implement a research paper but i can’t. i don’t know what should i do. can you help me. the subject is about deep learning. please response me in email.
I’m an 18 year old male. I weigh 130 pounds and am pale. I spent the past 7 years of my life groveling in my own misery after my parents divorce, it was similar to spending eons in a void. I’ve just now graduated highschool and am working full time at Walmart, and I feel like I’m trapped with no free time to heal whatsoever, so now I’m back to groveling, only I’m making money too . I have no idea what to do any more besides kill myself, but the points made in this article helped me to further understand everything I’m missing, that’s broken inside of me. Nobody, not even my parents, could do that. Thank you.
Hi Steve I hope things have changed for you since the time you wrote this comment. I’m sad to hear you want to end your life. “The enemy of our souls prowls around Like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour”. Peter 5:8 Please remember that we are in a spiritual battle against powers and principalities we can not see in the natural realm. I’m sorry to hear that your parents’ divorce has been so hard on you. Please seek some biblical advice and counseling. God loves you and although He didn’t promise us a perfect life, He does promise to be with us through it all and to bless those who obey His commandments. There are blessings I store for you. Ask the Lord for wisdom and He will grant it. “Ask and you shall receive”. Also when you are feeling down pray out loud and rebuke that spirit of depression in the name of Yeshua. God bless you!
Good article! I, unfortunately, am trapped by my personal code of ethics. I can’t leave an area I hate because to do so would split up my daughter and her father. I’m stuck here, in a place with no family or friends other than my kids and this man who broke my heart a thousand times (not an exaggeration), lied, cheated, etc, all because he loves her, she loves him, and he’s not abusive, just tragically immature. I can’t do that to them, so hear I am, feeling like I am suffocating.
How did this all work out for you Shelly?
I am in a very similar situation and feel like im going a tad crazy..
I am in a very similar situation as well. Husband and two small children. He moved us to his hometown where he has all his family and friends. I am miserable here. We live an hour away from the nearest city where I can take my children to do things. We get along for the sake of the children and he’s a good father. I feel trapped in this life.
Why must you lovely, caring mothers be the ones to fall on the sword? Do you want your darling children to see their mother suffering and sad for the majority of their developmental, impressionable lives? If he won’t compromise, and you won’t approach compromise, then you’re stuck. And you can complain as much as you want, but nothing will change and you are setting a bad example for the babes. Set your ultimate boundaries. You have to know where you will go, how you will live, and for what reason this is good for you and your children. Because if it isn’t good, it won’t be the right decision. Make a list of what you want. Anything you want, fantasy or reality. Then make a list for each one of your wants of pros and cons. Soon you will see a realistic pattern emerge of actual action items you can work on to make life better for you and your children. Always be in teaching mode for your babes, and you will learn from yourself what moves you, literally, and makes you happy.
You’ve obviously never had these problems before or you’d know that one can’t just decide to make a change. One doesn’t just jump off that cliff into what could be a better life, or oblivion. It’s physically impossible. I may have never lived, but after 40 years of trying to live its time to hang it up and let this unlife run its course.