You feel suffocated and weighed down by some kind of invisible force.
And you don’t really know why, but this force is relentless … no matter what you do, you carry this knotted heaviness inside everywhere you go.
Nothing feels right anymore.
You look at your life and marvel at how it doesn’t feel like ‘yours’ at all. You desperately want to escape, you badly want to do something … but you’re terrified of destroying everything you’ve built so far.
You just can’t seem to move. You feel paralyzed.
All of us will feel trapped at some point, whether that be in a job, house, neighborhood, financial circumstance, religion, family or relationship. Usually feeling trapped can be easily remedied by simply doing something new … but it’s not always that easy. When feeling trapped becomes a persistent problem, one that makes you feel hopeless, then it’s time to take a serious look at your life.
5 Reasons Why You’re Feeling Trapped
Feeling trapped and defeated are experiences common to people who face anxiety and depression, according to psychological research. In other words, feeling trapped can create anxiety and depression, which further reinforces the feeling of being trapped. And so the cycle continues.
But the question is, why do we feel trapped in the first place? Anxiety and depression may trigger this experience, and also be the byproduct of it, but what actually creates the anxiety and depression?
Here are some common psychological and spiritual reasons why you might be feeling trapped:
1. You’re being passive rather than proactive
Passivity is often a learned behavior that we’re taught in childhood by our parents, teachers, and societies. For example, being headstrong is generally a trait that is discouraged in society because it makes you less governable, meaning that others have less influence over you. Therefore, in childhood, many of us are taught to be submissive, compliant and docile because these traits make us “good members” of a society that revolves around control and power.
As young people, how many of us felt empowered and encouraged to take a proactive approach to our life, and to be and do whatever we desired? Of course, most people pay lip service to this “empowerment” ideal (such as our teachers), BUT within the confines of doing socially acceptable things like going to university (like others), chasing after money and status (like others), and getting married and having kids (like others).
On one hand we’re encouraged to be “proactive” about our lives, but on the other hand, this “proactivity” is a disguised form of passivity which is all about following the crowd and doing what everyone else does.
Is it really any wonder that so many of us struggle with feeling trapped? Unless we have the wisdom to see through the futile and unfulfilling pursuits of society from a young age, we end up following the herd and letting others dictate our lives. Passivity is, therefore, a major cause of feeling trapped and stuck in a life that seems empty. When we’re passive, we’re literally giving others the permission to make our decisions and prescribe our existence on this earth. When we’re passive, we’re resigned to accepting our “lot” in life, without realizing that it is actually in our hands to create a life of our own choosing.
If you have just realized that you’ve taken a passive approach to life, don’t worry. Most people on this planet have. It’s not that you choose to be passive, it’s that you’re psychologically programmed to be this way. But with this new knowledge, you can pull off the blindfold and start consciously being proactive.
2. You’ve simply outgrown your current life
Here’s the thing, people are not static beings. As human beings, we are forever changing, evolving and transforming. Anything that does not change, dies, as we can quite clearly see in the world around us. When species, ecosystems, and even business and trends don’t evolve, they fade away into oblivion. This is evolution in process. And the same goes for us as people: we are changing and learning more each and every day. We might not be consciously aware of it, but we are not the exact same person as we were this time yesterday. Ask yourself, “Am I the exact same person as I was a year ago?” Likely, your answer will be no, you’ve changed! And this is completely fine!
Feeling trapped is therefore often a product of simply outgrowing your current life. Perhaps you don’t have much in common with your friends anymore, your career interests have changed or you just don’t relate as deeply to your partner anymore. This is all completely normal, yet as humans, we tend to pathologize change. We become really neurotic and fearful about it because we desperately want to control life to give us a sense of comfort and security. But the truth is that change is inevitable – resistance is futile! When you aren’t willing to upgrade your life, even when you’ve outgrown it long ago, you feel suffocated. Just imagine how uncomfortable it would be squeezing yourself into the clothes you wore ten or twenty years ago! Yes, you might feel comforted in some small way … but is the comfort and familiarity you feel worth the experience of dying inside? Remember that it’s completely normal to not want to let go, so be gentle and compassionate towards yourself. It’s OK to grow and change. It is your birthright.
3. You desperately want to fit in and feel “normal”
All of us want to feel like we belong. In fact, craving to “fit in” with others is deeply embedded into our DNA: it’s a biological survival mechanism. But we’ve come a long way in our evolution, and the proof is that the more we force ourselves to be “normal,” the more we suffer. Evolution, or rather involution, is now calling us to honor our authentic needs in order to grow as a species. Conformity is an old paradigm we no longer need to chase after. In fact, the more we conform, the more empty we feel inside. The more we try to be like others, the more we lose contact with our inner voice. The more we mold our lives to be “socially acceptable,” the more we sacrifice our inner values, dreams, beliefs, and desires.
Trying to fit in with others because we fear what they think about us, is a recipe for suffering. Understand that wanting to be accepted is completely normal, but it’s time that you start looking inside of yourself for approval, rather than outside.
4. You’ve taken on too many responsibilities
Responsibilities are a normal part of life; they teach us to be mature, accountable, patient, and empathetic. But there can come a point in our lives when we take on more responsibilities than we can handle … and we start to feel TRAPPED. Why? Usually, we fill our lives with pointless or excessive commitments because we’re trying to escape from something, whether that is ourselves, our past or some kind of emotion that haunts us like grief, emptiness, or anger.
If you’re feeling trapped, closely examine your life. Have you bitten off more than you can chew? Why? And furthermore, what can you do to decrease your workload?
5. Soul loss and lack of life purpose
Probably the biggest reason why many of us undergo the excruciating feeling of being trapped is soul loss. When we have lost contact with our souls we feel the unshakable sense that ‘something is missing’ from our lives. This feeling is accompanied by loneliness, emotional numbness, emptiness, restlessness, irritability, and of course, anxiety and depression.
Dark Night of the Soul Journal:
For the lost souls who feel lonely and disconnected, this is a profound tool designed to help you overcome your existential depression, explore your Soul Loss, practice Soul Retrieval, and reconnect with your true Spiritual Nature.
Soul loss occurs for many reasons such as a traumatic life experience or simply situations that have caused us to be consumed by the ego. The ego is our false self, the concept of “me” that we have inside of our brains. The more we serve our ego and its desires, the more empty and unfulfilled we feel because the ego is obsessed with power and self-gratification – something that is ultimately unfulfilling. Our soul, on the other hand, is focused on love and unity: on learning how to love, behaving with love, speaking with love, and ultimately, becoming love. When we are in contact with our souls, we discover our life purpose which helps us to stop feeling trapped by our circumstances. We start to feel empowered and begin to listen to the voice of the heart rather than the voice of the mind.
How to Stop Feeling Trapped
Feeling trapped can be a self-perpetuating cycle: we begin to look for more and more proof to confirm our belief that we are victims. For example, we might try to stop feeling trapped, but then, our inner saboteur might do something that causes us to fall back into that feeling again. As a result, we confirm the belief that we’re trapped, thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. So be careful. Understand that feeling trapped can actually be a very addictive role because it makes us feel like a victim – and the ego loves feeling like a victim. Ironically, feeling like a victim is actually very empowering because this role revolves around blaming, justifying and making excuses – and all deflect self-responsibility.
With that in mind, let’s explore some methods which can help you to stop feeling trapped:
- Take responsibility for your life. As I just mentioned, feeling trapped can cause us to adopt the victim role which revolves around avoiding self-responsibility. It’s normal to feel sad about your situation, but self-pity ultimately gets you nowhere. In order to feel better, you need to take responsibility for your life, which means deciding to create change. Realize that happiness is what happens when you step up and claim ownership of your life.
- Make little changes each day. Do something new each day. Approaching your life differently little by little will help you to regain faith in your power. Think about what you would like to change and experiment with new approaches.
- Make a bullsh*t list. Sit down and think about all the things in your life that you believe are limiting you. For example, on your bullshit list you might write things like: going to after work parties with colleagues, commitments with old friends, pretending to like what my partner likes, “mandatory” luncheons with extended family members, etc. By becoming very clear about what is making you unhappy, you’ll find it easier to escape the cage that has been built around your life.
- Throw away social norms. Trying to be socially acceptable wastes so much time, energy, and money. Try to keep only what is essential in your life. If you have to step on a few toes, so be it! If you’re not pissing someone off, you probably aren’t doing anything meaningful with your life! No matter what we do, we’ll always have naysayers. Be courageous and do what makes you happy, even if that means cutting some people off. Those that do not support you tend to hang around you like dead weight.
- Create energy barriers. Are you over-extending yourself and getting bogged down by too many commitments? Learn how to notice your energy levels and step away when you’re getting too overwhelmed. Draw a line and don’t let anyone cross it, not even yourself.
- Say “no thank you.” There is nothing wrong or impolite about saying “no thank you.” Yes, you may offend a few insecure people, but you have the right to say no to doing things you’re not interested in or don’t believe in.
- Embrace fear of the unknown. One reason why we remain stuck in feeling trapped is that we’re scared of the unknown, i.e. what will our lives look like if we make a leap into drastic change? Embrace this fear and take care of yourself.
- Take a plant medicine. Obviously there is a disclaimer here: plant medicine is best taken with an experienced shaman or healer and you should seek professional advice if you suffer from mental illness. But going through such an experience can quite literally change your entire perspective of life. Research practitioners who hold San Pedro, Peyote, Ayahuasca or Psilocybin Mushrooms ceremonies either in your country or one nearby. Taking plant medicine is a sacred and profound experience which can help you develop new perspectives on your life, and even cure illnesses such as depression.
- Reconnect with your soul. Plant medicine is one powerful and foolproof way of reconnecting with your soul. However, if you prefer other methods, you might like to explore practices such as vision quests, journaling, meditation, mindfulness exercises, catharsis, artistic self-expression, music, and other alternative forms of medicine that can help awaken this deep presence within you.
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Tell me, why are you feeling trapped? When did it start … and most importantly, what are you planning to do about it?
Fear of the unknown including death and losing people I care about has always been a problem for me. It isn’t so easy to embrace my fear and take care of myself. If you have further suggestions please let me know. Thank you.
None of these reasons helped, I feel trapped because everything I try to do better myself, something happens to set me back further, it takes me back rather than forward, what solution is there for this, ?
I feel completely trap in a cycle I can’t break every decision that I make I feel it sets me backwards instead of forward I disappoint a lot of people and sometimes I feel I ain’t worthy of being happy and have that peace of mind every decision I make is a bad decision that sets me back and back.
I feel completely trapped in my own, beautiful life. I have two wonderful girls and a husband who after many difficult years is becoming aware and loving towards me.
The problem is that I don’t share the same values as my husband or my family, as I feel a need to lead a simple life materialisticly to feel at peace, while they all focus on us buying a big house and earning well to keep our daughters safe. I recently also met the man who can be no other than my twin flame and I love him so deeply. But, he lives halfway across the globe and doesn’t have a profession easy to transfer so I don’t see how there can be any realistic opportunity to be with him.
I would have wanted to search for a new life anyway but my husband suffers from depression and has no friends or family close, so the chances are high he won’t make it if I leave him.
If anyone has advice or experience as to how to get out of this seemingly impossible situation it’d be appreciated.
You’re request for help or rather an open honest opinion ( from myself personally) In regards to your current situation/ statement . I’m deeply saddened that you are married and have two lovely daughters yet you would rather leave your commitment as a wife not to mention for someone else that’s your twin flame ( which sorry but that’s a cop out. ) this is the problem with our society… when things get difficult with our relationships we want to bounce because the grass seems to be greener on the other side. I believe in my spirit that the best advice I could give you is stAy with your husband who is now turning around and who loves you deeply and please STOP with the selfishness!! There I said it :) the truth hurts especially when you are searching for it … have a great day!
I feel so trapped like this planet is too small for me. I feel suffocated. However, I am also struggling to get my career off the ground and unfortunately COVID is being a pain in the a** because the schooling required to get the job I need to be self sufficient keeps getting circumvented from in class to online classes because a new COVID variant keeps popping up every several months and the local colleges in my area keep forcing students to switch from their in person classes that they payed for to attending online only every single semester. Now I’m on academic probation because I bombed all my online classes because my ADD/ADHD and online classes DON’T mix. It seems like there’s always going to be a new variant too cause people love not wearing masks and skipping out on vaccines because they get all their $&@! info from conspiracy sites (sorry to make this political) but it’s relative to me feeling trapped AF. I’m seriously thinking I should just join a cartel or like be one of those dudes that spams people all day with ED Advertisements. Easy money, and also, screw society for not getting it together and backing me into a very tight corner.
Hi, I’m Honorine. I’m French. I definitely feel lost. I guess the first time I did feel that way was when I was ten, in the bus with my mom and I felt like I didn’t belong. Like I wasn’t meant to be there. Since then, I have lived, thanks to a program, in the US for a year. Whilst not the most amazing year ever, I felt free there. Having to go back home was difficult. I’ve felt lost since then. I love a lot of things about France but I don’t want to live here. But I never moved. I’m from a middle class family and I lost my dad just a year after graduating high school. That was heart-breaking. It’s been six years and I’m still not over it. I’ve been to uni since the end of high school but I feel like I don’t belong. I’ve always had few classes and lots of time but I feel like I waste my time all the time. I want a degree because I want a good job but at the same time it feels useless… I don’t talk much about it because I feel like no one understands.
Hi Honorine,
Thank you for sharing. Your comment resonated with me and I can feel that you’re a beautiful soul. I’m sorry to hear you are feeling lost but please know that you are not alone. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad, that must be very difficult. I hope you can find the thing that you love and that you can find people who truly understand your heart. France has a special place in my heart. It’s the country that produced the TV show SKAM France which changed my life and helped me feel less alone and less lost. For that, I am grateful to the French for that masterpiece.
Hang in there, and I will keep you in my thoughts. Sending lots of love.
Thank you for sharing that post! That really helped me and I can certify relate to much of what you had said. I lost my father a while back ( I wasn’t close with him ) however it changed a lot in regards to how I navigate in life. I live in California ( originally from NY ) also lived in Miami. I moved out of Los Angeles when covid hit but honestly felt the narcissism was way beyond what I could truly bare ( perhaps I’m just using covid as an excuse! Lol – anyhow I think the entire world is shifting and everyone on this planet feels trapped if they are truly honest with themselves. I consider myself a believer in Christ and also a man of God ( but as of late I feel like God has left me ) so that’s how I ended up here .. ( I felt trapped past few weeks) anyways while I’m typing this I sense a bit of relief because my answer to my French fry is that it’s going to all right and God has a plan for your life… just pray and ask him for direction and perhaps ask him for a new tribe.. that’s my prayer for you and myself- May God Bess U … pS .. I wish I lived in France- The US is heading in the wrong direction and I’m embarrassed to be from this nation anymore it’s toxic !!
Thank you for sharing that post! That really helped me and I can certify relate to much of what you had said. I lost my father a while back ( I wasn’t close with him ) however it changed a lot in regards to how I navigate in life. I live in California ( originally from NY ) also lived in Miami.
I moved out of Los Angeles when covid hit but honestly felt the narcissism was way beyond what I could truly bare ( perhaps I’m just using covid as an excuse! Lol – anyhow I think the entire world is shifting and everyone on this planet feels trapped if they are truly honest with themselves.
I consider myself a believer in Christ and also a man of God ( but as of late I feel like God has left me ) actual my entire life I’ve felt trapped ! Lol so that’s how I ended up here .. ( I felt trapped past few weeks) anyways while I’m typing this I sense a bit of relief because my answer to my French fry is that it’s going to all right and God has a plan for your life…
just pray and ask him for direction and perhaps ask him for a new tribe.. that’s my prayer for you and myself- May God Bess U … pS .. I wish I lived in France- The US is heading in the wrong direction and I’m embarrassed to be from this nation anymore it’s toxic !!
Hi.. I feel trapped because I am not able to take decision.I am 27 years old and I have boyfriend of same age. We are in relation from last 6 years and we extremely love each other and want to marry but my parents are against it. My boyfriend is doing bussniess for living and i work in IT company. My parents don’t see safe future with him. He is from financially weak background. He don’t have much relatives or friends. We tried to convince them. But they are not ready to accept because our status does not match. But I personally have no issues with his status or any other thing. But my parents want me to think practically. I have analyzed many things at my end but still find no issue. My mom recently tried sucide attempt, one of the reason was me , few other tension and also menopause. She is in depression now. my father is heart pateint , he has already gone through by pass surgery in 2014. Because of health issues of my parents i am not able to decide about marriage and i am not ready and also don’t want to marry any other person. If my parents were in good health condition my be i could have decided to marry him by leaving my parents and would have convinced them later. But considering recent situation I am not able to take any step ahead. I have started feeling depressed now. Cannot focus on work. If anyone has gone through same situation please suggest me something . I love my parents and boyfriend a lot. Cannot live without both of them.
That’s a tough situation you’re in, Tej! Maybe your decision doesn’t have to be all or nothing? It sounds like you still live with your parents? If you are working, you should be able to afford to move out. Maybe you’d have to share a place with others, but it would be the first step of becoming independent from your parents. It would be a time for you to establish boundaries with them and allow you to build a life of your own making. I would recommend that you research the stories by other women from your cultural background who have been through the same thing. Make contact with other people who have managed to marry without their parents’ permission. Keep seeing your boyfriend and make plans of how you could make your relationship work. You especially need strategies to deal with the guilt your parents are trying to impose on you. Step by step you can build the kind of life you want, learning how to manage the expectations of your parents. Good Luck!!
As far as your mom, you can be supportive and pray for her. As far as you boyfriend, well I hesitate to advise, but I will. If you love him, you’re right, in that it doesn’t matter what others think. Depending on his personality, let him know how you feel. Life is too hard to go through without love. Regardless, be supportive and positive with yourself as you’re going through alot right now.
Hi. I feel trapped since I was groomed by my teacher / neighbor when I was 13 and he kept a special relationship with me till I was 22/23. I started getting anxiety attacks from then on. And I feel like I lost myself… the positive self that I was… trying to learn about life and stuff. I only broke away from it because I fell in love and I’ve been with my current boyfriend ever since. I still feel pretty trapped and lost my purpose in life and life’s drive. I feel more trapped when I feel like I have no command over my life because of how I give away my power to others. The way I have given away my power to my parents and the way I let myself get abused. I don’t know how to be myself again. It feels difficult and almost everything feels out of control nowadays
Know that your feelings are completely understandable and reasonable given what you’ve been through. As a victim of this exploitation, I would urge you to seek help to recover from the abuse you’ve experienced. Whatever you do, don’t blame or recriminate yourself, but instead step back and practice self compassion.
Hey Jes! Thank you for sharing that and being venerable- that takes courage and I’m sorry that you went through at such a early age. I can certainly relate to a lot of what you said in regards to not having control and basically giving it to everyone else… I think many of us that are found here on this platform more then likely have been dealing with abuse or loneliness in some way. I’m gonna say a prayer for you Nd everyone else here that are going through tough times . The world seems to be spinning out of control as of late but I thank God that he sustains me and wAtches over me .. I trust in him even when I don’t see where I’m going… I trust that he will make a way out on no way… God bless you and everyone else that’s reading this:) you are loved !
Hey Jes ! You are not alone :) I can relate to much of what you had said. Sorry that you went through all of that at such an early age:( I think many of here find ourselves here because of past trauma and have been through some abuse of some sort … will be praying for everyone on here tonight. God bless u
I can’t remember when it started but for the longest time I’ve felt trapped in my life. It feels like none of the decisions I make are mine and everything I do is just because “that’s how it should be”. And sometimes when I think about it, it feels like things will never change and I’ll always have to do things for the sake of doing till the die I die and I’ll never end up living the life I want to live. I don’t want to die but sometimes it feels like it wasn’t worth it for me to be born. I’m going to college soon and it feels like all my mates already have their lives planned out, and I don’t know where to start. I don’t know where I want to work, I really just don’t know anything. I feel so alone because there’s nobody I can talk to about this. My family wouldn’t understand and I wouldn’t want to dump all this on my friends because I don’t need them worrying about me when they have their own problems to take care of.
This is to some degree I’m struggling with…I gave up Alcohol January 23,2021. And find that I’m boxed in by my surroundings..4 cats 1 dog,and a husband..They ALL want something from me..Haven’t be away from this mess Since March 29,2019 when I got a chance to go to the hospital,with appendicitis..My house is cluttered and over whelming..I feel like when I was growing up,,my mother use to say,your turn will come,,and I’m 68 and wondering when that will happen..cause everyone around me is going on their merry ole way..I’m sitting in the 4 bedroom house with the animals,looking forward when fishing season starts,cause he’ll be gone…amen..
I have done various fun things in my life and I could not regret them. However, I sometimes fear that because of how I have grown up, I am not ready or I don’t belong in any career in the future. Believe me, I look forward to continue trying new things in the future and just enjoying life. But I am constantly pulled down by certain people in my life who tell me things along the lines of “How do you expect to succeed?!” “There is too much competition in this career path and someone like you could not make it.” “You should try being this” because everyone is demanding it or in need of people like this and everyone likes that you are trying this. The more I hear these things, the more I want to go looking and find what I TRULY want to do. But I’m somewhat of a jack of all trades and can never seem to know what I really want to do. Just to make it worse, I have a mental condition that I think is causing me to not think logically or not remember things when needed, including when I need to think about school and careers. I find myself getting closer to finding what I’d like to do, only to sometimes be pulled back once more by those who doubt my wishes. It just angers me that I am so easily pulled back from things and I feel as if I can only make some effort to independently think for myself because of my own mind. This article has reencouraged me to look at something else that I might like to do. Truly though, I don’t want to just be serving people or society. I just want to continue on living more than surviving in society with this seemingly jumbled brain of mine.
Also, by mental condition, I mean aspergers disorder.
Hi I’m temilade from Nigeria, I’ve been feeling so useless and trapped and this has resulted to depression, I’m one of those introverted types so I barely have friends. In the absence of anybody to talk to I turned to Google and your website came up and I want to say I’m really grateful coz my eyes have been opened to certain things. Is there a way I could connect with you so I could really let loose and discuss more??
With everything going on in today’s world, the corrupt politicians, media, elite, woke, haters, and zombies. I feel absolutely lost and feel I have no future because everything is closed and lockdowned. Millions of Americans are entering poverty and nobody cares. The woke have destroyed sports. It feels like the “Brave New World” is here now in which no one has any future except serving the government. I choose to be alone because of too many things to do to try to get my life back in order, I am not really social and when I try to have a conversation with someone it is more like talking to a brick wall. It is impossible to have a real conversation with anyone today. Everything I have done in my life has been nothing but a complete and total waste of time, money and effort. I am completely boxed in with no way out. Every plan I have come up with runs into an obstacle that due to politicians is completely closed. I have no clue what to do. I am hoping someone can assist me with this.
Know that you are not alone and that alot of people feel this way. Perhaps, instead of focusing on the world around you, you could think more of what you would want the world to be like, and within reason, take steps, big or small, to effect this change.
Nothings wrong, but nothings right. It just feels like a huge part of me is missing, I’m constantly disappointing everyone, I feel trapped, I don’t even have the energy to have a proper conversation with my friends anymore. Everyone would describe my life as normal, there is not a single flaw that would cause me to feel the way I do, but yet here I am stuck with this burden that I sometimes question whether it’s just something my mind has made up or is actual real.
I feel trapped because I became a father when my 15-year older girlfriend suddenly got unexpectedly pregnant and we realized we couldn’t say no to the child. We did love each other very much at the time. We still do, but the love has changed now that there is a child involved. All of a sudden the beautiful love we had seems gone, at least for me. I love my daughter but the spark disapppeared when she arrived into the relationship and now, almost two years after, we still can’t seem to rekindle it.
I’ve started to think that I’m just not suited to be a parent. I’m 26 years old, my gf is 41 and was already a mum when I met her. She is a different place in her life. I feel like I still want to explore and go on adventures, find myself. But now I feel stuck in a family life that might be well-functioning but unfulfilling for me.
I don’t feel like leaving either because I don’t want to be the father who left ‘just because he wanted his old life and sense of freedom back’. Freedom to do what exactly? I need to try and be the father who fought to be able to manage the responsibility. Growing to the occasion.
It doesn’t get easier though. Sometimes i feel like giving up. Saying that it just was a wrong thing for us to be parents together. That it wasn’t meant to be that kind of everlasting relationship, but now it is because we have a child together.
I feel torn between doing what I feel like (escaping the responsibility) and what I think is right to do (staying and working it out for the sake of my daughter ).
There are ways to to have both your daughter in your life properly AND follow your heart. Let her be in on your journey too. If you want to learn new thing, take her too so she can learn. Involve her as part of your journey…you will both benefit. :)
I feel trapped because I’m 21, I haven’t been to a University like people my age have, I have no friends anymore because I shut a lot of people out, I’m 5’7 and weighing about 230 lbs, I still live at home with my mother, I have no money, my sister has no boundaries, I have no passion in life and I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life. Im scared to be my best self and do what I want.
Hi! I’m 21 too, i have no friends, live at home, grandma has no boundaries. I discovered something that helps me, so i’ll share. Look…you said you are scared to be your best self. The moment you decide to feel better and set boundaries, everything around you will go crazy. Because people are used to see you a certain way and if you change, if you start taking care of yourself and dodging their bullsh**t,their will call you selfish, crazy, unstable,etc.
But you know what will happen? You will realize that lots of “good” people get these comments too. Everyone called me selfish all my life and they walked all over me, i was shy and quiet and scared and didn’t know how to take care of myself and if i said “no” to something,they made me feel like i was the devil. I couldn’t recognize my feelings, i didn’t know i exist.
Now comes my advice: Do what you FEEL like doing, when ALONE. I had these thoughts …for example i cant sleep at night,so i want to wake up but i dont. I keep sleeping because if i wake up,then i want to do things so i turn on the light and grandma would come in my room and ask me a thousand questions like: are you sick? are you sad? what happened? you’re lying, something happened. When in reality im just not tired. This shit made me believe i was depressed and didnt know it. But heck, we know better than anyone how we feel. We must learn to keep our point of view and protect our feelings even if others throw a tantrum around us because they cant understand.
Whenever you want to do something, ask yourself why you’re not doing it. But be very careful. Pay attention. For example, i want to lose weight. Why don’t i start? First thought would be that im lazy. But im not. I discovered im quite the opposite. The problem is grandma will stuff me like im a pig. If i say im not hungry, she will start screaming and telling me i will die if i dont eat what she wants, when she wants(keep in mind im 21). I i just ate to not see her scream because it breaks my heart. I didnt exercise in my room because if she saw me she would say: omg poor girl you are tired, stop doing this to yourself. Do you want to lose weight? I love you the way you are, you dont have to do it. As if i do it for her to love me. Be very very careful to not confuse these things with true love. If they loved us, they would want to see us healthy happy and doing amazing things. But they are chaining us. Chains disguised us love.They just can’t get it,that’s all they see,they think they’re helping. I had nightmares all my childhood that grandma was chasing me and i was running as fast as i could i tried to hide and she would call the police lol. Now i start to realize i felt trapped and that’s why.
So start doing thinks you like,but in secret at first. Take care of yourself in secret. After you start gaining confidence, confront mean people nicely. They will still be able to hurt you for a while,but after you’ve achieved a certain amount of stuff on your own, you will know who you are and their comments wont hurt you so much.
Also, one more thing. When i feel very trapped,i think i want to run away. You know what? fking run away. Take a backpack and go for a long long walk and lie about it. say you’re going with a friend to study or something. When i did this i felt like i was commiting a crime against my grandma. I told myself i exaggerate and i should go back. My heart was pounding. I felt like a rat trapped in an experiment trying to escape the torturer. But after half an hour of walking, i felt a freedom and a connection to myself that i cant put to words. I felt like crying. It was then that i realized i exist,separate from other’s wants and needs. It was then i realized i never took care of my soul. And i felt a huge loneliness. I realized nobody really knows me,not even i knew myself before that. But in time, that loneliness transformed into a kind of anger that pushed me towards amazing things. Things i did on my own, that others didnt have the courage to do, and i felt like i was enough for myself.
I wish you luck. Don’t delay taking care of your feelings. Start now. Honestly,it will feel like suicide. You will see everything from a new perspective. You will realize many people dont get you. And they never did. And maybe they never will. This will hurt like hell. Push through.
I hope i helped you. I spilled my heart here lol. I wrote this with the best intentions. I hope you find the greatest freedom and strenght there is. Love you.
This message and life story is absolutely amazing. Makes you think.
Wow…thank you for so eloquently describing your journey from fear based people pleasing to a authentic existence of integrity, courage and self love. Awesome!! I have gradually learnt to be with myself and my amazing foulest, fiercest of moods. Growing up I was not allowed to express anything but happy, dumb and blind obedience…basically my parents (narcissistic personality disorder father and co-dependant mother)groomed me into what I call a negative ego or total sublimation of my needs, wants and desires in order to serve them… I just about survived my childhood and teenage years. My wrathful depression moods have shown me reality, clearly define when my boundaries are being invaded and I need to respect my needs as a highly sensitive and creative person. One of the great lessons is that they enable me to deeply acknowledge and explore the fact that one is in fact, utterly alone in the world. And (although I would not choose suicide as a way out as it would cause those I love suffering) death is nothing to fear, when it is my time to go, having loved each moment to the fullest, I shall fully embrace the wonderful release.
That’s a tough situation you’re in, Tej! Maybe your decision doesn’t have to be all or nothing? It sounds like you still live with your parents? If you are working, you should be able to afford to move out. Maybe you’d have to share a place with others, but it would be the first step of becoming independent from your parents. It would be a time for you to establish boundaries with them and allow you to build a life of your own making. I would recommend that you research the stories by other women from your cultural background who have been through the same thing. Make contact with other people who have managed to marry without their parents’ permission. Keep seeing your boyfriend and make plans of how you could make your relationship work. You especially need strategies to deal with the guilt your parents are trying to impose on you. Step by step you can build the kind of life you want, learning how to manage the expectations of your parents. Good Luck!!
the only reason i am trapped is because i have epilepsy and multiple sclerosis at age 27. which there is no cure. it doesnt matter if i view myself as a ” victim or not” whatever i think or do does not change the fact these diseases are uncurable and destroy my brain and body. i cannot live my so purpose or express my creative truth because i am confined to my bed with a deteroating body. let me guess though im not a victim this was just all me manifesting this ! lmao
This is the test you must endure within your physical shell. Your soul is not fettered by illness. You sound smart and witty. Write your story for others to read. Connect online with other souls in a disadvantaged physical shell. Join an advocacy group for physically disabled people who have no voice. Who can express needs on their behalf better than you? Your soul is living other lives at the same time as your current human manifestation. This is one short journey and test….let your soul rise above and shine with beauty and strength as a light for others to follow. This is you.
Hi i am on my master thesis and i can’t go further in my studies. i can’t seem to experience any progress in my thesis and that is pissed me off. i must implement a research paper but i can’t. i don’t know what should i do. can you help me. the subject is about deep learning. please response me in email.
I’m an 18 year old male. I weigh 130 pounds and am pale. I spent the past 7 years of my life groveling in my own misery after my parents divorce, it was similar to spending eons in a void. I’ve just now graduated highschool and am working full time at Walmart, and I feel like I’m trapped with no free time to heal whatsoever, so now I’m back to groveling, only I’m making money too . I have no idea what to do any more besides kill myself, but the points made in this article helped me to further understand everything I’m missing, that’s broken inside of me. Nobody, not even my parents, could do that. Thank you.
Hi Steve I hope things have changed for you since the time you wrote this comment. I’m sad to hear you want to end your life. “The enemy of our souls prowls around Like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour”. Peter 5:8 Please remember that we are in a spiritual battle against powers and principalities we can not see in the natural realm. I’m sorry to hear that your parents’ divorce has been so hard on you. Please seek some biblical advice and counseling. God loves you and although He didn’t promise us a perfect life, He does promise to be with us through it all and to bless those who obey His commandments. There are blessings I store for you. Ask the Lord for wisdom and He will grant it. “Ask and you shall receive”. Also when you are feeling down pray out loud and rebuke that spirit of depression in the name of Yeshua. God bless you!
Good article! I, unfortunately, am trapped by my personal code of ethics. I can’t leave an area I hate because to do so would split up my daughter and her father. I’m stuck here, in a place with no family or friends other than my kids and this man who broke my heart a thousand times (not an exaggeration), lied, cheated, etc, all because he loves her, she loves him, and he’s not abusive, just tragically immature. I can’t do that to them, so hear I am, feeling like I am suffocating.
How did this all work out for you Shelly?
I am in a very similar situation and feel like im going a tad crazy..
I am in a very similar situation as well. Husband and two small children. He moved us to his hometown where he has all his family and friends. I am miserable here. We live an hour away from the nearest city where I can take my children to do things. We get along for the sake of the children and he’s a good father. I feel trapped in this life.
Why must you lovely, caring mothers be the ones to fall on the sword? Do you want your darling children to see their mother suffering and sad for the majority of their developmental, impressionable lives? If he won’t compromise, and you won’t approach compromise, then you’re stuck. And you can complain as much as you want, but nothing will change and you are setting a bad example for the babes. Set your ultimate boundaries. You have to know where you will go, how you will live, and for what reason this is good for you and your children. Because if it isn’t good, it won’t be the right decision. Make a list of what you want. Anything you want, fantasy or reality. Then make a list for each one of your wants of pros and cons. Soon you will see a realistic pattern emerge of actual action items you can work on to make life better for you and your children. Always be in teaching mode for your babes, and you will learn from yourself what moves you, literally, and makes you happy.
I was in a similar situation but decided that i would rather my daughter see the example that if something is making you miserable, you are always in control to change it. Yeah, the reality of dad being crappu sucked, but I do feel better knowing my daughter will know she is in charge or her life like her momma.
You’ve obviously never had these problems before or you’d know that one can’t just decide to make a change. One doesn’t just jump off that cliff into what could be a better life, or oblivion. It’s physically impossible. I may have never lived, but after 40 years of trying to live its time to hang it up and let this unlife run its course.