Deep down, we innocently believe that we can have complete control of life.
We’re taught that we can prevent bad things from happening to us if only we:
worship the right God, obey the right laws, eat the right diet, marry the right partner, move to the right neighborhood, get the right job, and so forth.
We build fortresses of people, habits, and possessions that make us feel as though we’re in control because we sought them out and we built them.
So it comes as a terribly shock to us when some (or all) of these people, possessions, habits, and beliefs gradually – or all of a sudden – perish, leaving us barren and exposed.
In such traumatic circumstances, our first reaction is to numb ourselves, hate everyone and everything, or totally retreat from the world.
These reactions are understandable, and we all have them.
But what happens when life sucks – but we’re sick and tired of feeling bitter, angry, exhausted, and grieved all the time?
What do we do?
Table of contents
When Life Sucks (the Deeper Meaning)
One of the best ways to find immediate hope when life sucks is to recognize that there’s a deeper meaning to your suffering.
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There are two choices: to see your pain as totally pointless and meaningless. Or to see your pain as having a deeper meaning and purpose.
In my journey, I’ve come to understand suffering as the trigger that propels us into a spiritual journey.
Like diamonds that are formed under the heat and pressure of the earth, we have a seed of the Divine within us that only awakens after (1) some kind of sudden intense mystical experience or (2) some kind of serious trauma (aka. life sucks).
When life sucks, what we’re usually experiencing is a kind of Dark Night of the Soul where we feel separate from ourselves, other people, and life as a whole.
We may suffer from existential depression, self-loathing, or feeling alone and this darkness sparks a deep inner desire to find our Inner Light again.
Read: The Spiritual Calling »
What to Do When Your Life Sucks and You Want to Feel Better
I’ve been through some deep and dark spirals in my time – and I’ve witnessed many go through them too.
From cancer to divorce, abuse, chronic illness, betrayal, addictions, mental breakdowns, and the sudden death of loved ones, life can overwhelm us.
Deep down, we just want to be seen, heard, held, and we want the pain to go away.
I hear you. And I want you to know that you’re not alone. There is hope and life isn’t always going to feel this way.
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When life sucks, here’s what I’ve found has helped me and others feel a sense of hope and relief:
1. Reach out, talk, hug, and cry
Humans are programmed to be social creatures. But when shit hits the fan, our immediate reaction is usually to isolate, push people away, and spend time solely alone.
Don’t get me wrong, solitude is healthy in certain circumstances. But when we’re inundated by feelings of anger, grief, sadness, and fear, we need the loving presence of others.
Be it a counselor, friend, trusted family member, or even a pet, it’s crucial that you reach out and find a way to open up and release what you’re feeling.
You need someone who knows the art of holding space. If you can’t find anyone in your immediate circle, find a guidance counselor or therapist. Even cuddling your pet can be immensely therapeutic.
2. Letting go, letting flow
When we’re in pain, our first instinct is to fight, scream, kick, and resist everyone and everything.
But eventually, there comes a point where we exhaust ourselves – and the only option is to surrender.
When this point comes, know that it’s not a sign of weakness. Surrender or letting go, is a sign of wisdom and strength. Finally, the ego realizes that it must welcome healing.
Some helpful ways of actively letting go include:
- Breathwork
- Letting go rituals
- Journaling about your feelings
Read more: 42 Powerful Ways of Letting Go »
3. Find the hidden lesson
When we stop perceiving our misfortune as something happening to us, but something happening for us, our lives can change forever.
No longer are we feeble or powerless victims – instead, we become strong and hopeful.
Try asking the question, “What am I being taught?” Learn to reframe the situation and see the underlying opportunity available for you.
In other words, how can this source of pain help you to grow, deepen, and transform on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level?
Obviously, it can be hard to remember to ask this question when life feels especially dark and hopeless. It’s okay. This approach takes time. Just take it one step at a time.
4. Release blame through catharsis
When we’re in pain, it’s natural for us to immediately look for “the one to blame.”
We may blame our parents, our partners, our children, our colleagues, our boss, our friends, society, and anyone or anything who we feel could fit the bill.
But the reality is that while blame feels good for a little while, it doesn’t fix anything. Pointing fingers is like feeding ourselves poison; it just makes us feel more horrible inside.
Try finding ways to release that anger in healthy ways such as through:
- intense exercise
- emotional catharsis (crying, punching pillows, screaming, laughing)
- creative self-expression
Choose one of the above practices and stick with it for at least one month.
5. Ask, “Where can I go from here?”
When life sucks, it’s easy (and totally normal) to get pulled into a vortex of doom and gloom.
In fact, we might get so bogged down within the chaos of these emotions that we become depressed, numb, and immobilized.
To avoid this emotional numbness from happening, do something – anything – to move in a different direction.
Ask yourself, “Where can I go from here?” What new direction can you take? What practical approach can you adopt toward your pain?
Examples of what you could do may involve:
- Listening to a guided healing meditation
- Choosing a morning affirmation to say each day
- Reading a nurturing book
- Taking a long and deep breath
- Going on a relaxing walk in nature (i.e., ecotherapy)
- Looking for a new job
- Making yourself a delicious meal
The point is to do something – anything – no matter how small.
6. Connect with your heart
When we’re in pain, the last thing most of us want to do is to connect with the heart.
In fact, when we’re suffering, the heart feels unsafe, dangerous, as if it could overwhelm us with unwanted realizations or feelings. And so we keep it shut down, numbed, and dissociated.
Don’t worry. It’s okay to not dive headfirst into the waters of your innermost being. This is intelligent. The mind can only process so much.
So instead, find small ways to reconnect with your heart. For instance, cuddle with your pet. Play a beautiful song. Sit outside and watch the trees and animals. Watch a heartwarming video of something on YouTube.
By connecting with your heart in even the smallest of ways, you are creating more inner balance, and welcoming in the healing powers of love.
When life sucks, the mind is the most dangerous place to live. The heart is always our safe haven.
Read more: 39 Self-Care Ideas For Those Who Struggle With Self-Love »
7. Create a safe space within you that can’t be taken away
Within life, the only certainty is uncertainty.
Everything is bound to change. Nothing remains the same. Life is so alive that the only thing we can count on is how uncertain and spontaneous it can be.
We don’t know what life will look like in one year, let alone one week, or even a day.
While this realization can feel deeply disturbing, it can also be liberating.
We waste so much time putting our faith and reliance in people, things, and mental constructs that, by nature, are destined to change.
So what’s the solution?
This is the questions that spiritual seekers have been asking since the dawn of humanity.
When all is destroyed, when everyone deserts us, when life feels desolate, what remains?
I have faced this question over and over again in life, and it’s what inspired me to co-create this website. We must all become lone wolves eventually, walking our own paths and seeking our own answers.
Deep down, we all possess a thirst and longing for what I call the Divine.
Most of us feel that “something is missing” – and when we go soul searching, we discover that what is missing is a connection with our Souls.
Creating a safe space within us means learning to reconnect with this inner Divine Essence.
If you’d like more guidance, I recommend exploring the following articles:
- Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path
- How to Start Your Spiritual Journey (7 Illuminating Steps)
- Feeling Empty: 5 Ways to Heal Your Inner Void
Take Care of Yourself
At some point in life, we all feel that life sucks. The future will feel empty, pointless, and hopeless – and it feels like we’ll never recover from our pain and traumas.
Just know that you have more strength than you think. You are an incredibly resilient being with so much to offer this world. Why else would you be here?
So, to conclude, take small steps. Practice self-love and compassion. Cuddle a pet. Reach out to others for help. Orient to love and safety. And each day, know that what you’re experiencing has meaning and a purpose.
I hope this article has helped to inspire some new perspectives. Please know that you are not alone and you deserve all the happiness life has to offer. If you have any advice to share, you’re welcome to leave it in the comments!
If you need more help, we offer 3 powerful ways to guide you on your inner journey:
1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Feeling lost or uncertain about your path and purpose in life? Gain clarity and focus by learning about the five archetypes of awakening within you. Discover your deeper path and purpose using our in-depth psychospiritual map. Includes 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, and a premium test.
2. Shadow & Light Membership: Seeking ongoing support for your spiritual journey? Receive weekly intuitive guidance and learn to embrace your whole self, including your shadow side. Deepen your self-love and receive personal support from us.
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This is about as laughable as it gets. My life really does fucking suck and I truly wish I had the balls to kill myself but I lack the will. 23 years old and suffer a massive stroke with no signs, no health problems, stayed fit to put it in perspective. I’m now 31 and my life is no fucking better I have no money a shit job cause I cant do anything that will make money, I will be alone until I die (hopefully sometime soon) I’ve watched too many of my peers have a wonderful life while I sit here and can’t catch a fucking break. Not 3 months ago I broke my ankle and now cause of my shit insurance I’m in crippling debt. Reading such bullshit about you can change yadda yadda makes my fucking blood boil. Maybe I can find someone to sell me the right kinda pills so I can just fall asleep and never wake up again, but my luck I’ll just be a fucking vegetable and burden another life with my presence. If I could light this world on fire I would.
Well whatever floats your boat lady bit really it’s better to spend time with compassionate people who can relate and not try to change your feelings on the matter what works for you may not work for them. Quite frankly this society sucks nowadays you are lucky if you have one intelligent conversation in life. Perhaps we should take a selfie that others can respond rudely to or call someone a bitch like they do on the bachelor life sucks isn’t even fun anymore
I think the sad thing is that the story doesn’t feel relatable at all.
It’s worse when you have nothing to lose and never had anything to lose in the first place.
Worse is when you feel even still there isn’t anything you would gain that could possibly make yourself feel better at all.
Life hasn’t been one tragedy after another for me. It’s just been a joke.
A really bad joke and I’m waiting for the punch line.
I see lights sometimes and I’m hoping if nothing else I can leave this place indefinitely.
There is virtually nothing I am holding onto.
Whenever I hear someone was just born, the only thing I manage to think is “poor little child, if you’d know what happens from now on, I bet you’d choose not to come”. Well, I easily would choose not to come if I knew life would be so awful. I hate living. Every day I hope it is the last one. Life is awful, and it gets worse each day on.
Why does life suck. – Internet question Entropy. Clocks run down. Energy tends to it’s lowest point, etc. . . Ultimately, your life may suck for many reasons. . . My studies of existentialism, as a youth, indicate that existentialism’s advice is to put your head down, and plow ahead. Try and find something that interests you and do it. . . Why are you isolated and alone, and nobody cares? Our society thrives on isolation, the isolated individual is the perfect consumer. . . Neolithic life was a life with the family, the tribe. . . Modern life is me, me, me. Of course, if you are old, you are cast out of society. Nobody gives a crap about old people. . . and let’s face it, most old people are as boring and stupid as most people in general. . . Talk about isolation. . . The old are the most vulnerable and most isolated population group. Your basic advice, in your article, is rather trite blather. . . The question itself implies a rather real mental conundrum that has no true answer. Nonsense, like “faith”, or “belief” are empty words that our society has tried to elevate… Read more »
Yesterday, I decided to justgive up…quit trying. I read your article and am thinking maybe making some effort today. What do you do when you have no bus to hop into to go anywhere or no car? I live where there is nothing around and I really don’t think I can move again… I would love to figure that out….
Im old. And life sucks. Why bother. Because it’s sucked so long. And now I’m old
I’m with Invisible Man on some ways. I too feel like I have the opposite of the Midas touch where no matter what I do, how I try to do it, it just crumbles to dust, ashes, particles or blows up in my face. It just never goes my way & I can’t catch a break. I’m heavily introverted, INTP, melancholic, Lover/poet archetype, slightly autistic with aspergers, dealt with anxiety all my life till I met depression in Uni 7 years ago, failed school, never had any real friends from anywhere, so alone I just come to the conclusion that I can’t ever “connect” with anyone on this God awful realm, OCD, paranoia when I get high to cope with my troubles, never worked a day job in my life, I’m 29, only son of my Dad who’s sick, never been in any intimate relationship or even had any casual flings, feeling like I don’t fit in anywhere or don’t belong on this damn planet, mother left when I was 18, younger sister considers me a “psycho” – tell me why I shouldn’t fool around & kill someone, then kill myself huh? I’ve been following your blog recently but the… Read more »
Ohh. When the bad things hit and completely turn life become sucks, that’s really depressing. But when that time comes, i keep trying to be positive as possible as i can. I mean, look to another people’s life. You should appreciate every single good things that have happened and you still have right now.
I don’t know if this will be helpful. :
I’m reminded of an old Paul Simon song… “…no good times, no bad times, no times at all…” ============= My issues isn’t why bad things happen. My issue is why GOOD things DON’T happen. Observation: Nobody dares to say how much of life is fulfilled by the decisions of others. Some of the most important aspects of life require someone else’s co-operation. If you have a job, somebody else CHOSE to hire you. If you have a partner somebody else CHOOSES to be with you. Doing the inner work and trying to keep a good attitude doesn’t mean much unless there is some kind of support and encouragement from the outside, sometime, somewhere, somehow, from somebody or something else. I think its called SYNCHRONICITY. If you go through your entire adult life as no one’s spouse, no one’s parent, barely anyone’s employee, then what kind of identity do you have? If you go through your entire adult life as a struggling wannabe, you generally won’t get invited to be a keynote speaker at trade conventions, write op-ed columns for prestigious journals or asked to take part in some exciting venture. We don’t get asked to much else either. You don’t… Read more »