How do we find a sense of belonging in a world full of increasing loneliness due to social media, crumbling social and religious institutions that no longer meet our needs, and a society plagued by spontaneous pandemics that cause us to go into isolation?
That’s the big kahuna of questions here.
With research showing that depression, anxiety, and loneliness are on the rise (1), what can we do to take care of ourselves mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?
How can we find a home within this vast and oftentimes chaotic, world?
Table of contents
What Does it Mean to Have a “Sense of Belonging”?
Having an authentic sense of belonging means feeling a kinship, connectedness, and closeness to (typically) a group of people. This group might be a friendship group, a family, a spiritual or religious organization, a sports team, your town, your country, or the world in general.
When you feel a true sense of belonging, you feel comfortable simply being yourself and there is a mirrored sense of respect, acceptance, and empathy between you and those around you.
The Necessity of Being Connected
We long to belong, and belonging and caring anchors our sense of place in the universe.
– Patricia Churchland
Although this website is about helping you to be a lone wolf and walk your own unique path by listening to your Soul, that doesn’t mean that there’s no room for connection.
We all need both connectedness and aloneness. We need to learn, as a species, how to be both alone and together.
As a species, we’re primarily social creatures having evolved from the great apes who are tremendously social and have complex interpersonal relationships.
Through the ages, many sociologists, scientists, and mental health professionals have observed how crucial connection is for our wellbeing. Famous psychologist Abraham Maslow, for instance, defined love and belonging as one of the main five human needs in his well-known Hierarchy of Needs theory.
The fact is that being connected to others helps us in a multitude of ways. In the words of the Canadian Mental Health Association:
Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems.
But why is staying connected and finding a sense of belonging in this modern world so.damn.hard? Why do so many of us struggle with feeling alone and disconnected?
7 Surprising Reasons Why Finding True Connection is So Hard
If there’s anyone ‘qualified’ to talk about trying to find a sense of belonging, it’s me. I can 100% understand why finding a true connection can be devastatingly hard.
I grew up in a family and religious environment in which I felt like an outsider from infancy (holla if you’re part of the black sheep of the family club!).
Throughout my adult life, after breaking free of my childhood limitations, I came across new struggles: mental illness, unresolved childhood trauma, and geographical limitations that made connecting with others super difficult (I live in one of the most isolated cities in the world, Perth).
So I’ve experienced some pretty deep loneliness, inner emptiness, and chronic disconnection from others.
Perhaps you can relate?
Were you born into a family where you couldn’t connect with anyone in any meaningful way? Maybe you have different neurochemistry/wiring that makes it hard to bridge that seemingly solid gap? Perhaps you have a chronic health condition that makes finding a sense of belonging tricky.
While many of us tend to point our fingers at the people and world around us, declaring that it’s their fault, not ours, that we can’t connect, I’d beg to differ.
It’s not your fault, it’s not their fault, it is what it is – this is just how the situation has evolved.
There’s no need for blame here because it is useless. Blame doesn’t solve our problems. Blame is wasted energy.
So instead, let’s get curious. Let’s examine some of the surprising reasons why finding true connection can be so hard. Some of the main reasons are the following:
- Unprocessed childhood trauma
- Unconscious conditioning from our capitalist society to place more value on buying and consuming rather than relating and connecting
- Believing the mental story that you’re “unworthy of love”
- Believing the mental story that you’ll “never be able to connect with others” (which dictates your behavior and turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy)
- A rigid ego or weak sense of self that makes it hard to connect with others in a way that feels safe or comfortable
- Undergoing a heavy existential crisis or existential depression that makes human interaction feel meaningless
- Experiencing an unintegrated spiritual awakening that causes you to stay stuck in a dissociated state of awareness rather than an embodied presence
Can you relate to any of the above reasons? Do any other unusual reasons for struggling to find a sense of belonging come to mind? If so, please share in the comments below.
How to Find a Sense of Belonging (TRUE BELONGING) When You’re Isolated
Building community is to the collective as spiritual practice is to the individual.
– Grace Lee Boggs
There are many types of belonging, but not all of them are equally as satisfying or Soul nourishing.
Some people, understandably desperate for connection, will do almost anything to fit in and find a sense of belonging. From joining violent gangs to engaging and joining cults to engaging in mindless gossip, we’ll go to great lengths to be liked and accepted.
You’ve probably heard the same old advice before: “go out and meet more people,” “get out of your comfort zone,” “don’t think, just do,” blah blah blah.
I’m not sure about you, but this kind of advice is not only useless (for the most part), but also probably written by someone who hasn’t experienced long-term isolation, disconnection, or loneliness.
Telling someone to “just go and do more things with people” – especially an introvert or someone neurodiverse – is kind of like saying, go and get your magic wand and create an enchilada out of thin air.
It’s not likely to happen.
Instead, as someone who has the common theme of “not belonging” running through her entire life (and runs a website actually called “lonerwolf”), here’s what I’ve found has actually helped:
- Explore your core beliefs and core wounds
Core beliefs tend to create your core wounds. “Core” means they’re at the root or deepest layer of your being. So my advice is to figure out why you struggle so much to find a sense of belonging in this world.
These resources might help you out:
- Learn about core wounds
- Discover your core beliefs
- Use the Shadow Work Journal
Learning the “why” can help to orient your behavior, increase your self-awareness, and deepen your self-compassion.
- Cultivate unapologetic self-love
I long, as does every human being, to be at home wherever I find myself.
– Maya Angelou
Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
– Brene Brown
If you struggle with low self-worth, you’ll find it extremely difficult – actually impossible – to connect with others in a balanced, comfortable, and enjoyable way. You’ll always be wanting, in some shape or form, their approval as a way of trying to compensate for your own lack of self-acceptance.
To cultivate unapologetic self-love, I have a few recommendations:
- Read this article on self-love and how to love yourself more
- Commit to a 10-15 minute metta (or lovingkindness) meditation every day, where you focus on only wishing yourself well – do this for at least a month. I find it helps to place a hand over my heart or stomach to ground this energy of love within my body
- Use our Self-Love Journal each day for in-depth support
- Find a sense of belonging in the wild
As humans, we forget our primal heritage. We forget that we’re animals too.
The word “animal” comes from the Latin word animale, which means, “any sentient living creature” (1) – and that would include humans too.
We forget that other humans aren’t the only sentient beings that we can connect with in a deep and meaningful way.
Our pets, the wild critters outside, the trees, the clouds, the wind, the rain, the sunshine, the mountains, the flowers – all of these beings are sentient in their own way. All possess life force energy and a soul.
One of the simplest ways to find a sense of belonging when you’re isolated is to simply find a wild place, even somewhere in suburbia will do (like a park).
If you live in an apartment complex with no backyard or nature, gaze outside at the sky. Let yourself absorb the wildness and feel yourself as part of Mother Earth. I recommend getting a few plants for your indoor space or balcony to liven it up.
Within nature, we find our True Nature. We find a sense of peace and connectedness. We recognize that we’re part of the Whole. In fact, sitting in nature and just watching it has been a deeply significant practice for me ever since I was a child. Without this natural form of meditation, I’m sure I’d be in a much worse place.
I want to ask you this question, please answer it: What places in nature make me feel most at home?
- Be of service: follow your passion
In the words of Mahatma Gandhi,
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
Often, we’re so busy trying to find our “people,” trying to find a sense of belonging, friendship, and connectedness, that we forget the cheesy, but true, cliche: your vibe attracts your tribe.
What you funnel your energy into sends huge ripples into the world. So why not transmit energy that matches what you enjoy doing, what you’re passionate about?
Pursuing your passions, even as a side hobby, is a wonderful way of decreasing the pain of self-preoccupation and loneliness. And chances are, you’ll eventually find and connect with those who enjoy the same thing that you do – it’s a win-win!
Read: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path
- Going to the root: recognize that thoughts and feelings are impersonal
Okay, so this is pretty deep here – but why shouldn’t it be?
Many of us feel a kind of existential loneliness, a kind of spiritual separation (which, in fact, most do) near others and within society.
Some of us also have a cocktail of painful social anxiety or low self-esteem or some other deep-seated neurosis that prevents true connection.
What can we do in these situations?
As someone who has struggled with all of these issues, I’ve come to find deep truths in fields such as non-duality that point out the essential nature of our suffering: the divided illusory self.
You’ve probably thought at least one of the following lines of thought before:
“It’s my fault that I’m isolated/anxious/lonely,” “There must be something wrong with me!” “Why me?” “Why am I so awkward?” “I’m different from everyone and I’ll never fit in,” “No one can ever understand me,” “Nothing has worked, I’ll never be fixed, I’ll never feel at home anywhere.”
And you probably feel at least one of the following feelings:
Shame, anger, insecurity, fear, anxiety, guilt, sadness, loneliness.
Now, tell me …
Did you sit there and program these thoughts into your mind?
Did you choose each and every one of those emotions, in their *particular* shade and intensity and timing?
Of course not.
If you could choose your thoughts and feelings, wouldn’t you always feel joyful, loved, inner peace, bliss – all the good stuff, all the time?
When you carefully trace back the origin of your thoughts and feelings, you’ll realize that they all arise spontaneously within you. You don’t choose them. They are absolutely impersonal. They are hiccups of energy suddenly erupting within you – then they leave and are replaced with something else. But your mind attaches to this energy and makes a story about it that reinforces your suffering.
If you didn’t choose any of these thoughts and feelings, how can they be you? How can they define you?
Please contemplate, meditate, and journal about the following statement:
All thoughts and feelings are impersonal. They mean nothing about “me.”
To really take the time to look into this, to absorb it, can be liberating. You’ll feel lonely at times, but that loneliness won’t mean anything to you because you’ll recognize it as a totally random, unchosen, impersonal energy that appeared and disappeared within you … like a fart in the wind. ;)
For further reading into this topic, I recommend:
Please note: non-dual reflections shouldn’t be used as a way of spiritually bypassing your suffering, but using it in conjunction with psychologically grounding and healing methods.
Dark Night of the Soul Journal:
For the lost souls who feel lonely and disconnected, this is a profound tool designed to help you overcome your existential depression, explore your Soul Loss, practice Soul Retrieval, and reconnect with your true Spiritual Nature.
Final Words
Having a real sense of belonging is less about others or the state of the world, and more about our relationship with ourselves. Our conditioning, wounds, core beliefs, traumas, and mistaken belief in our thoughts, can all emphasize a sense of inner separation from others.
While it might be true that you can live in a place where there are few who share your interests or values, connecting with others isn’t necessarily about shared hobbies: real connection is more about the quality of being able to truly listen, see, and respond.
I hope the guidance in this article has inspired or supported you to find more of a home within yourself so that you can eventually say, in the words of C.S. Lewis
I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is what I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now.
What does having a sense of belonging mean to you? I’d love to hear your thoughts and feelings in the comments.
Feel free to also share this article with a friend if you think it might help or uplift them.
My shyness is one reason I’m alone, the other is bad anxiety around people. I’m frightened of people. I’ve owned 4 dogs because of i find talking/mixing with people very scary. I become ( almost) mute in company, when I talk it’s to ask questions. I wonder why? Why am I like this? I’m a loner and been called weird. I’m deaf and homosexual too. I’m a virgin as well and intend to stay one for the rest of my life. I’m 40 years old in a couple of weeks. I have no friends. I haven’t had any friends since I was 11. Call me whatever you want, I’ve probably heard it before, or don’t even acknowledge my message, I often get no responses back, but it’s worth me putting a little of my experience out there because im a person too, and sometimes I want to be heard. Loneliness is part of life, I would say to someone who is lonely, to have hope, and help us out there, there’s always someone or something to help, you could try praying.
Thank you for sharing H, it’s definitely tough for many who struggle with anxiety when in the company of others.
I don’t think it has to be a lifelong sentence if we really desire to find a sense of connection with others; often I’ve found there’s some deeply buried belief about ourselves or other people that served as a shield to protect us at some point, but now it’s become a prison of our own making.
This whole website helps you explore some of those beliefs through different means if that’s something you find yourself ready for.
I wish you the best.
Hi H
I never got around to this article until just now and found your message. I am outgoing, friendly, love deep conversation, laughter, all the good stuff you’d expect to find in an extrovert yet I am not and I’ve been suffering alone in silence for the past seven years. That is really a weird thing to say about someone who is renowned for his love of being alone. I once drove 5 hours and into a foreign country so that I could drink all night at a bar without anyone knowing me. Does that sound like someone who dislikes being alone? Is there a reason? None that I can easily say should be the cause except that I tend to let others make the first move. That is not necessarily bad unless you let the fact that no one bothers to make any moves bother you. Despite knowing it is wrong I still blame others for their lack of interest. How ridiculous is that? Yet it takes so much energy to change my way of thinking. I guess that was the main reason for replying. I know what it is like to look for interest and find none. But that’s not the only reason. You still manage to retain hope despite all you have dealt with. That’s the kind of stuff that impresses me. I find all the usual social acting to fit in so utterly boring and degrading. If I’m going to socialize with someone I want it at face value and for good reason. Where can you find that nowadays? You’re judged on your appearance, your cloths, you car and any other visible aid you offer. But understanding this subliminal language can help you. For instance I got tired of being treated with indifference at medical or government facilities. I read an article where a city had a black bridge that had a high number of suicides off of it and they decided to attempt a study suggested to lower those numbers by painting the bridge blue, and it worked. The story may have been bull my my own studies were not. I’ve kept meticulous records and have proven to myself that I get much more favourable treatment when I wear blue. The worst treatment comes from wearing yellow. It’s not all that obvious though. For reasons I shall leave unknown I spent my younger years putting on a facade to deter people from approaching. Dressed all in black with very obvious accents meant to suggest to other men my age to back off and it worked for the most part. I rarely ever had a violent confrontation. What amazed me though was the increase in the number of elderly that approached me out of the blue. I had elderly men and women well over thrice my age treating me as if I was an old friend. Very confusing. But so very enjoyable. We are very complex creatures and few of us understand even our own reactions to subliminal signs but with a little experimentation we can unlock some amazing knowledge. Unfortunately nowadays no one seems to be taking the time to even try. There seems to be great interest in proclaiming to have friends but none in actually having any reasons for those friends. I’ve never been above a half dozen friends on facebook for decades and only recently accepted requests from people who were friends of friends yet they had never actually met me. Did they want to get to know me? Obviously not, since I never heard from them again. I know that I dictate much of how I am treated but sometimes that exact something is not so obvious. But in your case it is glaringly obvious to me. To start let’s leave your sexual preferences out of it. What those are has absolutely nothing to do with whether I want to talk with you or not and may not even be obvious to me. I don’t look for those sort of things because they are meaningless. What would make me very uncomfortable would be knowing that you are deaf. How do I speak to a deaf person? Can you read lips? If you can, can you read lips if I have so much facial hair that you can’t see my lips even when moving? If you are deaf can you speak? If you speak do you speak like the famous deaf people we hear speak on TV like that cool actress in the ‘What the Bleep Do We Know’ video. Forgive but I have a problem remembering names as many of my family can attest to. Frankly that would freak me out. Not because I think it or you is weird but because I do not know how to act properly in this situation. Sure the show tells me that I should just act normal but I also know that not everyone is at the same level. So what would make me feel comfortable? Well I know I am not like most people but I only know what I know and I would feel very at ease if you handed me a card explaining your condition and how you expect me to react. I know a card sounds weird but if you talk like any deaf person I’ve heard I would immediately feel inadequate to the task. A warning would help me prepare. You see you’re not the problem, we are. But that may only be because I have a condition that isn’t always obvious and doesn’t always affect me in an obvious way so I don’t bother preparing for it. It is the knowing that it has a mind of it’s own that causes me frustration and anxiety wondering if it will act up this time. You see now the situation becomes unbearable for me because I feel inadequate it not knowing how to handle the situation. That’s one of the biggest anxiety causing problems for me. Not knowing how to react properly. If you took that out of the equation there would be no ‘big deal’ for me and I could act how I know.
I don’t think I’m far off in saying much of people’s behaviour is based on lack of knowledge or experience. True there are biases yet I have never dealt with a glaringly obvious social snubbing until I worked at it. Where I’m from homophobia is supposed to be a major problem. I can’t agree because I have never seen any examples of it and because I’m so vocal most everyone knows to not to disparage anyone in my presence so even the innocent off colour jokes are gone. Yet I do understand that it exists because I went out of my way to uncover it. It’s like in that movie ‘Inglorious Basterds’ where they say they can’t stand knowing that a Nazi takes off his uniform because then no one will know he’s a Nazi. At 12 years of age I learned how many people hated men with pierced ears. The thought of befriending someone with such a ludicrous bias offended me so much that I pierced my own ear twice at home with a big safety pin and have never removed the earrings since even when it was demanded of me in order to be a best man at a wedding. For that I was ridiculed, in private, in public, behind my back, to my face, as a joke, as a challenge. Maybe by mistake I had uncovered the one thing that everyone could make fun of me for that filled me with pride instead of embarrassment. What a wacky mixed bag we all are. I’m glad to know you haven’t given up on everyone. It gets very discouraging sometimes but just when I’m about to give up something comes along to kick me out of the darkness and reminds me that everything can change in an instant. Today that was you. Thanks for sharing.
Hi H, They say life begins at 40!
Something that has helped me with my fear of rejection is thinking about whether I would reject people like me. I’m queer and fat and shy around people I don’t know too. I would date myself, so I’m pretty sure that there must be other people who would date me.
One of the things I liked a few years ago was volunteering for a Queer helpline and getting involved in a queer spirituality group. I met lots of friendly people, and still count some as friends, even though I’m shy like you.
You must be interested in spirituality if you are posting here, so I suggest you find a queer spirituality group for yourself.
This is a big issue with me. Its worse if you once had that kind of connection and “lost” it. One thing I keep in mind is that I often think of life conditions that are nothing short of chaos. Its then I find a sense of gratitude for the isolation and/or disconnect.
Another beautiful article.
Sincerest Thanks Aletheia.
I have been struggling with this for some time now. And it really hurt. I blamed myself and blamed others, sadly without finding a solution. Thank you for the article.
I hope you now have a few more solutions, Anita. You’re so not alone in that struggle! ♡
This article came right on time. I’m a 17 year old introvert who has a lot of trouble with connecting to others. I’m highly anxious and often question peoples motives. However, I love to spread love and make people feel loved and at home.. One of my big core wounds is abandonment, and it’s one I’m slowly overcoming. I love to be outside, I raise ducks and chickens and I have horses. I’ve come to realize my craving for a sense of belonging with people is due to my need to prove my worth to others. I already belong to the whole of nature with my animals. Someday I’ll find like minded others, but until then I’m working on myself. Thank you Luna for this article. Much appreciated. Hannah
This was a brilliant article. Really shows how improving the self can change your whole world. Thank you!
I prefer less ‘improving’ and more ’embracing’ ♡
Thanks for bringing to light another issue near and dear to me. Your suggestions of having a sense of belonging in the wild and your vibe attracts your tribe resonate with me completely.
I do believe and feel that loneliness does have some value and am working on where my equilibrium or balance point is for my individual psyche. Another area of growth to work on . Thanks lonerwolf.
Thanks for sharing your growth process Pierre ♥
I don’t like words like “trigger” or “core wounds” or finding “your tribe” as they are all too resonant and painful to me. I , like you, have dealt with all the above, and still do, much to my amazement and continued despair. I am 62 and have spent much of my life alone (better than the days of being with the wrong people). Still, I wonder why, at this point in my personal evolution, have I not come across my tribe, how I have not found the people who love and appreciate me, just as I am in all my magnificence. I have worked very hard on my core beliefs for a very long time and have made astronomical strides and changes and have found value and self-love. Still, I remain alone in solitude, with no family or relationships of value or depth. Me and my dog, and every chance I get to be in nature where I feel my best.
To answer your question, I have always been an ocean girl, well woods too as a child. Now, I want FOREST, always. and there is no real forest here (FL). I just want to be in the woods. I still want to be quiet, but I want someone to be quiet with. Someone like me. I don’t understand why that person is not here with me, with my aging dog who owns my heart.
“It is what it is”- true but the cruelest thing EVER.
I am grateful for you.
Penny, forgive me for interjecting, but it sounds like you might want to be near that Forest you speak so lovingly about. Perhaps if you lived by a 100 acre wood, as it were, you’d be more likely to find others who enjoyed it too!
I appreciate your vulnerability Penny. And I agree wholeheartedly with what Rana above says, maybe something to direct your efforts toward. If not, I find that armchair traveling (documentaries about the forest – not the same, but still something), helps tremendously ♡
I hear you, Penny. I am in the same boat. Well, a very similar boat, otherwise we would be together. I am 50, have no close friends in my town, just had another relationship end, am blessed with 2 dogs, one of whom has dementia. I’ve done so much self work and I’m still as lonely as hell. You are not alone in your loneliness. Sending you a virtual hug xOx.
Hi Penny
I’m not there because I’m way up north. I’m not an ocean person. One of my greatest fears is drowning. For that reason I hide in the large forests of Canada. Your words spoke to me because I’ve always wondered of similar things. I’ve been fortunate enough to marry and have beautiful children but have never found anyone that feels as deeply as I or understands my core beliefs. When I worked I used to watch in envy as friends gathered together and talked of where they were going fishing on the weekend or hunting the next week or whatever. My closest friends were enjoyed in the deep woods growing up but they all changed as they matured and I lost them one by one. I only ever met one close to my way of thinking and living and enjoyed one great day out hunting with him but that was it. It wasn’t until decades later that I understood why. He was like me and was so content in his own home and the woods outside his door that it was preferable to anything similar requiring more work. We all keep looking for people who are either content to stay in, or afraid to leave, their own haunts. I see these things clearer with each new post I read like yours. I am usually too cautious to even reply like this until just recently. I’ve come to the realization that my tribe is spread all across the globe and I am just starting now to learn how to reach them. One by one I will find who I can. I might never get a chance to see anyone but just knowing that you are there is a comfort. I feel too old, ridden too hard and put away wet too many times to be of much company but my mind is still somewhat sharp and words still come easy so maybe that will be enough. You are not alone, just a lone wolf and I feel as you do. Better alone than with those not of your tribe. Stay strong.
I’ve been following you for a few years now. And I want to thank you for all the insight and information and knowledge that you share. This one truly resonated with me. A shaman once told me to look to nature and ask what it sees in me. I’ll find a tree or a plant or even a rock and ask the question. Feedback is always amazingly positive. LOL nature accepts us as we are. So we’re never alone.
Thank you for your insights.
“Feedback is always amazingly positive.” – haha, yes, and 100% no judgement :-P Thanks for reading Viktoria ♡
Spot on as always Aletheia, and terrific insight Viktoria. Like you Aletheia, I was born into a religious family and was the black sheep. I also grew up with the notion ‘I am not worthy of love’ and had recurrent dreams of flying that are the mind’s defense against depression. I pursued eastern mysticism, Yoga and meditation of various types over decades, so I have a pretty good grounding. I didn’t finally resolve the deep inner hurts until my sixties, it is a lot of work. I am now 70. My meditational practice has evolved. It takes 15 minutes with my ’12 Sacred Breaths’ technique to enter a deep parasympathetic NS state. I then immediately go into connection with Gaia at her center. This such an empowering thing to do. There is no judgment, just deep embracing love, the life energy that powers the planet. Belinda Womack has described Gaia as an angel. I totally agree. We lost a lot when we religiously forbade Gaia connection. After spending time with Mother I head north to visit with Father. Once again, there is no judgment, just endless patience, compassion and support. One eventually gets it that all these silly thoughts we hold onto are just ‘farts in the wind’. Why mess up a perfectly good life with trash? If you had a deeply flawed child-father relationship as I did, then getting to trust the divine Father takes a lot of work, but oh what a revelation when you finally get it; unconditional acceptance. And to cap it off, combining the Yin and Yang energies at the crown chakra, now that’s special. As Jesus says in the book, ‘Christ returns, reveals startling truth’, going into meditation and actualizing these powerful energies is the most important transformative thing that we can do for the planet. We are now at the point of the Great Awakening. Bless
Beautifully written and an enlightening read.
Thank-you so much.
Thank you Celia ❤
Wonderful words!
Thank you Aletheia Luna!
Be blessed
You too Chembongo (nice name) ♡
Ever since I started my spiritual journey here I always look forward for any form of help and your work has been a blessing, the experience,sincerity and real ness in every article . Thank so very much.
What a lovely comment, thank you Lyne ♡
Finding a Sense of Belonging when your Isolated on Anzac Day.
It is 9:30 am here in Brisbane, and I have once again completed an inner feeling which makes me get up early to watch the Anzac Day Dawn Service, at 5:15 am. Not because I believe in the memory of War, and as duty filled service to clan, and my country Australia. With all it’s collective rituals, social moray’s/norms and dogmatic belief systems. No! I watch the Dawn service, as I feel a strong kinship of those whom have gone to war and survived. Only my connection tells of an inner war or personal war of quiet survival. As I empathise with those marred in mind, body, heart and spirit by the outcomes of their collective experience. How they and my own life cross over into the same way in this new age experience. As both carry invisible and external wounds. Both have lost loved ones, family members, neighbours and friends. Yet though we differ in age and gender, time and in social upbringing, schooling employment etc., in social collectiveness, yet we share a Nation wide bond of life experience of oneness and mate ship. A great Shout Out which transfigures and transforms all of us into a unified belief system, not just isolated individuals attempting to cope well under duress in this vast land. But
are part of a sense of belonging, of caring and sharing through the tough times of the Inner and Outer war, we hold together in unity of peace and loving kindness in National pride of place in honour of what can be achieved in peace. So our sense of belonging, is to live unfettered lives in over coming many inner and outer adversities. To over come floods, bushfires, job loss, viruses causing isolation lockdown and depression. Plus anxieties, fears, stresses and inner strains and closed social conditions which seem to hinder our development, but still we find ways to loving kindness, reflections and inner peace.
But What Does a Sense of Belonging Mean?
As Depesh Mode would say in their song Your Own Personal Jesus…. “Reach out and touch faith”
But how do we do this in a secular and Spiritual sense these days? The answer lies in reaching out to find our own sense of faith and inner self belief. To find and research ways both inner and outer in nature of culling out wrong belief, wrong ways of seeing or feeling, aiming at wrong connections, which give inner messages and visualisations which confuse delay or make us fearful anxious of our own well being. Things which resist our natural inner flow of spirit mind connectedness to the outer world.
So if we look inside to the discomfort zone or zones within and do not let them take us down, we can use these ill feelings, road blocks, bad messages etc as a means of learning self clearance and Spiritual growth, where they are no longer impediments but inner blessings of the inner war of the Spirit.
That’s why we very much need Luna and Sol’s reminders to look to these in babies and help them to reform as wonderful growth in Spirit.
“The answer lies in reaching out to find our own sense of faith and inner self belief.” – faith (as opposed to belief which is fragile), is so important, a word and experience I’d like to contemplate more. Thank you for sharing this inner experience of yours here John ♡
“In fact, sitting in nature and just watching it has been a deeply significant practice for me ever since I was a child.”
Tihi is true andvtremendously helpful for me too. In the wild I really feel at home.
This is true and tremendously helpful…
Sorry for misspelling.
I’m so glad you can resonate, fellow wild child. ;)
Great article!!
I work with LGBT+ people from religious abuse backgrounds, and the sense of alienation is a huge problem. The loss of church communities and friends leads to serious mental health issues.
Thanks for putting it so succinctly.
This hits deeply – and thank you for the work you do with the LGBT+ community Jim. I hope everyone who is isolated and alienated knows that they are worthy and valuable and loved no matter what (that’s part of the reason why I write these articles) ❤
Yeah, being isolated can be very hard and we’re glad to meet at least one person who shares our way of being, living and thinking. Even lone wolfs sometimes need a pack, even if the opposite of loneliness is solitude.
But here we are, this very website of yours, Aletheia and Sol, connects us. Thank you so much! Last week I sang a little Spanish tune from South America, Peru I think. And suddenly it crossed my mind that somewhere, a world away, someone might be singing this song at the same time. This thought gave me a huge feeling of connectedness. There’s folks out there, no matter where, who think and sing and feel like I do. You, me, many others. Our technical devices connect us. Our radiance connects us. I benefit so much from this site and deeply feel connected reading your posts and comments.
“And suddenly it crossed my mind that somewhere, a world away, someone might be singing this song at the same time. This thought gave me a huge feeling of connectedness.” – oh, that is so beautiful!! I’ve taken up chanting mantras in the morning, and you sharing this reflection has really made me reflect and discover that somewhere in the world, someone is probably doing the same. I greatly value your presence here, Sabine ♡
Are any of your products in printed version. I much prefer a version that I can actually hold and feel its energy.
Hi Thomas,
Yes, if you search on Amazon for either my name (Aletheia Luna) or for Mateo Sol, you’ll find some paperback books. ♡
Amazing, candid intelligence, Alethiea, mixed with an incredible sense of the realness of life. Whilst I don’t suffer from this, albeit quite a loner at my core, there’s so much anyone can take away from this well-written piece. Thanks, also, for your personal candidness, it makes the article that much more intense, cogent & meaningful.
Namaste, Dorian
Thank you Dorian for your thoughtful and caring comment, in everyday life, it’s hard for me to be as vulnerable as I’d like. So these articles, and writing in general, has become a beautiful outlet to open to the world and help others who feel similar to find resonance. Hugs ❤
If you do not like the journey that you have taken, take another path, but be aware of the traps to avoid them, and know how to retreat to regroup yourself.
Yes :)
The cure for loneliness is solitude
In many cases, yes. :)
Another brilliant article, thank you. I get very lonely, even within vegan communities I still often can’t relate. As you say, there is a lot of trauma there which makes me guarded and feel unworthy. I need to heal and find out who I am before I can be authentic and actually let people meet the real me. I don’t know who that is because my mother was a narcissistic cold mentally unstable person all my childhood so I grew up just trying to keep her happy and didn’t learn to develop an actual personality. I still often don’t know what i think and am working on making space to try and work out my own opinions, because it never felt safe to have my own opinion.
Anyone with a narc mother would imagine goes through loneliness and deep pain. She was not too dissimilar from Mother Gothel in Rapunzel, even writing this makes me angry towards her but it’s good to get it out.
Amber – you’re not alone! I can relate. The very same thoughts and feelings. But there is hope, there is love. It’s worth persevering.
I’ve gone through the same. I’m still struggling to find myself and develop a sense of personality too, like you said , and to stop being a people pleaser .
What a wonderful article ! I love your website and both of you so much .
Thank you Lex ♡
As Yvonne & Lex have shared above, you’re not alone Amber. Keep taking one step after the other, you’ve got this ♡