When we were young it was cute when we threw tantrums.
People would coo at us, maybe even pick us up and hold us, telling us in ooey-gooey tones that “you’ll get it later” or “you’ve got to wait a little while.”
Then our tears would be mopped up, our snotty little noses would be wiped, and we’d be placed gently to the ground again.
As we grew older, some of us would learn to wait our turn, be patient and show consideration for others. Some of us, however, didn’t.
We’d continue throwing tantrums but in more mature and sophisticated ways.
We’d continue to demand our fair share from others, but more subtly, and often without screaming or rolling around on the floor crying.
And lastly, we’d continue to expect special treatment just because … well, because it’s us and we deserve it – naturally!
Well here’s the thing … we’ve all got to grow up at some point. We’ve all got to realize that we’re not the center of the universe.
As a prevalent collective shadow in this world, we need to be willing to face this flaw with courage in order to grow as people and connect more from the heart with others.
Table of contents
Me! Me! Me!
Having a sense of entitlement can easily be mistaken as natural, and even healthy.
After all, don’t our parents and societies constantly tell us that “we’re unique,” “we’re special,” and “we’re number one”?
The truth is, having a sense of entitlement is a malignant form of self-love because it often harms the people around us, which indirectly harms us in the long term.
What Does Having a “Sense of Entitlement” Mean?
In essence, a sense of entitlement is formed and upheld by the belief that we are the center of the universe, and if the universe doesn’t meet our needs and desires, all hell will break loose.
This narcissistic mindset is often the result of failing to learn as children and young adults that we are not at the center of the universe, and other people don’t merely exist to serve our needs and wants.
Examples of Entitled Behaviors
Some typical examples of entitled behavior include the following:
- Tim and Estelle are in a long-term relationship. Tim works full-time to support Estelle and their child in a small two-bedroom apartment. Estelle spends a large portion of Tim’s money on dresses and fancy accessories. When confronted, Estelle screams that she never wanted to live a “poor and lonely life,” and Tim never treats her anyway.
- Antonio shows up unexpectedly at his mother’s house drunk one night expecting to receive a bed and a meal. When his mother refuses, telling him to call his girlfriend to pick him up, he argues with her and drives away in a drunken rage, not talking to her for the next 6 months.
- Katie and Xiang are best friends. But when Katie doesn’t respond to one of Xiang’s texts within half an hour, Xiang blocks her and doesn’t talk to her for the next week. Xiang fights with Katie accusing her of “not caring” and “forgetting about her.”
- Alex and Ben are a gay couple who are about to get married. While Ben wants a humble and modest ceremony, Alex wants it to be extravagant and expensive. Meeting with the wedding adviser while Ben is sick one day, Alex raises the budget from $5,000 to $20,000. When Ben finds out he demands angrily why. Alex says that he “deserves more than a measly little wedding” and guilt trips Ben into going through with it.
These are only a few illustrations, but there are countless stories out there that exemplify both a passive and aggressive disregard for others.
Self-Growth & Shadow Work
We all contain a little bit of a sense of entitlement. Let’s face it, it’s part of having an ego and being human!
However, unfortunately, this trait is one of those sneaky little shadows that we often aren’t aware of within ourselves and others – before it’s too late!
This website is about helping you to be honest with yourself, do a little soul searching, and evolve on a mental, emotional, and spiritual level.
If you’ve come to this page because you’re enraged at someone who exhibits signs of entitlement, pause to reflect for a moment …
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… what makes you so angry at this entitled person?
And might you have displayed the same behaviors in the past?
Let’s be real here. None of us are perfect. We’re not excusing another person’s behavior here. Instead, we’re trying to regain a sense of self-empowerment.
Shadow work helps us to reclaim our projections and not be controlled by habits such as hatred and self-absorption.
We’ll explore shadow work a little more later.
15 Sense of Entitlement Symptoms
By now you may be wondering: do I (or does someone else I know) have a sense of entitlement?
Like anything in life, there is a spectrum, and while you may not be a full-blown narcissist, you may exhibit a certain level of selfishness that makes other people’s lives hard.
Here are some common sense of entitlement signs:
1. Imposing unrealistic demands on family, children, friends, acquaintances, lovers, employees, and/or employers.
2. Tendency to feel sorry for oneself if things don’t work out the way one wants (self-pity) and openly advertising this in a melodramatic, attention-seeking way.
3. Being called by others names such as “bully,” “manipulative,” “ruthless,” “egotistical,” “vain,” or “liar.”
4. The belief that one deserves happiness and has to go to great, sometimes extreme lengths to ensure that happens, usually at the expense of others.
5. Punishing people when they don’t do what one wants either passively (e.g., silent treatment, gossiping, spreading rumors) or aggressively (e.g., shouting, verbally/physically abusing).
6. Constantly seeing other people as competition or “threats.”
7. Tendency to exhibit many double-standards in the way one behaves/interacts with other people, e.g., I can be late and forget my duties and commitments, but YOU can’t; I can treat myself, but YOU can’t; I can abuse or disrespect you, but YOU can’t to ME.
8. Tendency to take more than give in friendships and relationships.
9. Tendency to look out for oneself and one’s needs and desires more than anyone else 100% of the time.
10. Having a hard time negotiating or compromising.
11. Having a deep-seated conviction that one is intrinsically top priority and should always come first, even at the expense of stepping on others.
12. Facing others who are constantly offended or upset by what one says/does.
13. Thinking that one is better or more important than other people, and other people should see this and unquestioningly comply.
14. Craving admiration and adoration.
15. Asserting one’s dominance or superiority over other people and finding it second nature.
How to Overcome a Sense of Entitlement
It’s important to remember that we all suffer from personality flaws.
While some of us are stingy or deeply insecure, others of us – you guessed it – have a sense of entitlement!
Whether you’ve reached rock bottom in your relationship, have gone through a dark night of the soul, or are simply doing some inner work, we all reach a point in life when we face the truth about ourselves.
And the truth hurts.
If you tend to show this trait, there are many ways to slowly work through it to improve the quality of your life, and the lives of others.
Examples include:
- Developing more self-awareness. Without being aware of what you think, feel, and do, you won’t be able to progress very far. Journaling is a great way to begin developing more self-understanding.
- Identifying your inner expectations about the world, as well as deep-seated beliefs and ideals. Often, having a sense of entitlement stems from unhealthy or unrealistic perceptions that you may not even be aware of. See our article on core beliefs.
- Work to accept life as it is without imposing your beliefs, ideals, or expectations over the top. This includes practicing forgiveness, learning the art of letting go, and allowing people to be the way they are naturally.
- Concentrate on developing compassion and empathy. Asking “How does this affect others?” “How does s/he feel right now?” “How would I feel if I was her?” helps to broaden the mind, and open it to new and beneficial ways of thinking.
- Celebrate with other people, and celebrate other people. Pay attention to the happiness and joy of others: happiness shared is happiness multiplied. Also, being thankful for the people in your life allows you to place more importance in them, seeing how truly special they are. (See our article on being grateful.)
- Slowly work on cultivating true self-love. If treating yourself with compassion is too hard at first, focus on practicing self-care instead.
- Explore your shadow self after building healthy self-compassion. Learning to be gentle with yourself always comes before shadow work because, otherwise, this practice can easily lead to more self-loathing. When you feel ready to dive into your shadow (i.e., your dark side), I recommend starting off with taking our shadow self test or our shadow archetype test and then doing some self-reflection.
Change won’t come overnight, but with dedication and willpower, you can develop healthier self-worth that isn’t dependant on others being undermined.
The very fact that you’ve got to this point in the article is a sign that you’re courageous enough to grow and change. So well done!
Self-entitlement is a common shadow quality. Have you observed it within yourself or another? Share below in the comments.
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It’s difficult to have compassion when another wants to pick you up from your side of set boundaries to theirs-and they truly believe & justify their behavior. Then as months go by- & they see you again – and again.. YOU not carring their burden is their problem. They would want you to feel guilt to change your behavior to help ease their burden …. .then it starts all over again. And when your talking about one being “all money””materialism””better house”” keep up with the joneses”-“look good at all cost”- then the other – “I’m content with what I have” “I’m good” – “I’ll cut back spend a lil less” —–the two don’t mix. when I get pressured by others Ideals – it’s like they choke the life out of me. (Sorry if this has nothing to do with other post….wanted to vent a lil”-) I wish I had the right words to express to them how I feel- but I get tongue tied & very frustrated at the self-entitlement attitude & emotionally exhausted due to I’m not an ATM machine. If I had it – I’d give it to them just to get them away from me. Unfortunately it’s… Read more »
As as a real estate broker of luxury lakefront homes near Chicago in Southwest Michigan, you might think I meet a lot of clients with this condition. Thankfully, just the opposite is true. It’s been my experience, for nearly 30 years, that buyers at this level (several million dollars) are very professional, reasonable, and have realistic expectations. The one exception to this norm are buyers who make a living in front of a television camera. There seems to be something about this career that either attracts or creates people with Sense of Entitlement Syndrome. Reading your article, especially the s cation describing symptoms of the syndrome, quickly reminded me about a recent client who works as the morning anchor of a local news program in the third largest market in the country. It is very clear to me know that she, and her husband, suffer from this condition. This perfectly explains why it has been so difficult to work with them. Why they never say thank you. Why they make unreasonable demands. Why they are never pleased even after all their unreasonable demands are met. Why they insisted on causing a monetary cost to all other parties involved in the… Read more »
Over praise may be as damaging as constant criticism. Thanks for the check list. Too many people are working from an individualistic and competitive mindset that perceives others as a threat instead of considering the needs of the group first. Learning to wait, share and set limits are skills overlooked in a world that favours those who bulldoze others to grab their desserts first. Many of us are in pain due to the way others treat people as useful or disposable objects not actual people with feelings, rights and needs of our own. Too many tyrants rule this planet like wilful Bam Bam brats and set a terrible example for the families, groups and nations they feel entitled to exploit and lead.
It’s a neat article, quite informative. Personally I’ve had a lot of things in my mind, judging whether my actions or thoughts are really entitled influenced or not. personally its one thing to accept life the way it is, it’s another different thing to accept things that don’t work in your favour. And that’s what entitlement does to me, I react a lot. Sometimes I really can’t help myself acting that way, but doesn’t anyone think that entitlement is something EVERYONE naturally has, regardless of whatever type or how severe it is?
I hang around a group of people who all have strong senses of entitlement that’s very exhausting to be around. I’m struggling to cut off ties with them…
Oh my goodness. This was quite an eye opener for me. I wasn’t aware that I had this mindset until I read your article. Clearly I have some things to think about and some changes to make. Thank you for writing it.
Very interesting article. I realize my boyfriend of 2 1/2 yrs is narcissistic after I ended the relationship. Actually he discarded me after all I did for him. That morning I was being discarded I fell to his knees and cried. He showed no remorse or empathy. He just walked away and told me it’s over. I was in unbelief for months. He has brought me to the lowest point. He did so much bad things to me and he never apologized. I always thought that something was wrong but I couldn’t pin point it. The world revolved around him. He always say “i’m a star”. I’m now trying to pull myself back together. Narcissm is a serious disorder. It’s creating so many havocs in people’s lives. I wish that people will identify that they have a problem and seek help. We aren’t special and the world doesn’t revolve around us.
Great and helpful article.
I see where this post is coming from completely. My ‘battle’ is trying to find the balance. Coming from a lifetime of being a carpet for others to learning the fine art of assertiveness, it’s usually those that feel obliged to continue to treat me as the former that I do sometimes turn into this with my lioness responses. But then, I also find myself with 13 of the traits listed at https://lonerwolf.com/intense-person/. Living and learning to the fullest of my ability.
Easiest way to learn how to lose a sense of entitlement is to work as a customer service rep at a call center. You will hear nothing but this kind of crap every day as they verbally abuse you when you tell them no.