What if instead of an obstacle, sex was a pathway toward a spiritual life?
Those of us who have been raised with religious backgrounds have often been taught that sexuality and spirituality are opposing forces, that you cannot be virtuous if you have sex because sex is a “sin” or is “unspiritual.”
Prior to dogmatic ideologies, sexuality was respected for thousands of years as a sacred expression of nature’s life force and the mystery of creation. Although I’ve written about the value of sexual transmutation, or sexual abstinence in the past, I want to make it very clear in this article that sex can also work as a catalyst for cultivating spiritual well-being.
To lead a spiritual life you need to embrace and respect your sexuality just as much as any other part of your nature. Although sex has been linked to many dirty and “perverse” ideas, the act of lovemaking can truly be something sacred and profound.
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How to Deal With Sexual Guilt and Shame
Sexuality is a taboo topic in our society because it is one of those primal forces which we consciously or unconsciously feel powerless to control. Deep down, we sense that it is connected to that unknown universal source of energy from which we came from and continue to exist within.
The feeling of shame is one of the biggest obstacles most of us face in learning to embrace our sexuality. In a culture that has infected us with the notions of virtue and shame; where a murder scene on television is more “viewer-friendly” than a lovemaking one; where women were once thought of as incapable of experiencing an orgasm, it becomes apparent how difficult it is to openly accept and acknowledge this life force that exists within us.
Shame is an emotion that we’re taught by our families and communities. Since a very young age we’re taught what we “should and shouldn’t feel bad about,” and as a result of this we develop the capacity to experience guilt. Through guilt we begin rejecting sacred aspects of ourselves and repressing them deep into our Shadow Selves; our sexual desires, quirks, attractions and fantasies.
I’ve even seen some people deny their sexuality, dismissing it as a “lower physical instinct/vibration” or claiming to “rise above it” as if there is a division between “lower” physical cravings and “higher” spiritual functions when we are seeking wholeness. Sex forms the base notes of your Spirit’s musical melody.
Of course, you are more than solely a sexual being: your sexuality doesn’t define you, but it is a part of you. But it’s by denying it as a part of you that you create blockages of energy within your body that perpetuates the fragmentation of your soul, keeping you incomplete and restricted instead of expanded and whole.
Ironically, it is the sexual orgasm that gives us a taste of soulful expansion, of transcending our limited selves, and feeling boundless for the first time in our entire lives (if only a momentary glimpse).
Spiritual Sex: 3 Types of Divine Union
Many of us haven’t been taught that sex is actually a powerful tool of transcendental development. In fact, spiritual sex is the quickest and easiest way to have something resembling a mystical experience.
The powerful thing about sexual energy is that it’s one of the few instincts within us that can rarely be completely “civilized.” If you are tired at home from work and a friend offers you to go out to watch a movie you may pass on the offer. But if you were to meet an attractive person instead who was to make him/herself available to you, it would arouse a deep energy within you that you weren’t aware existed.
Any type of ecstatic experience – like sex – is an ideal starting point to begin cultivating spiritual moments of “no-mind” and bringing them naturally into our daily lives. In my experience, there are three main types of sex that you can benefit from:
1. The Alert Union
Most first time sexual experiences with partners fall into this type of union. When we make ourselves vulnerable, intimate, exposed and “work” toward that mutual pleasurable moment of bliss, our conscious awareness becomes heightened by the novelty of exploring the other person’s body.
This union is not so much a mindful awareness but an alert awareness that instinctively takes over. Our feelings of vulnerability and excitement make our natural adrenaline mechanism stimulate alertness making the experience much more primal than spiritual. This type of sex is very addictive as the novelty of pursuing new sexual partners rewards us with that momentary “god-like” state of consciousness.
2. The Conscious Union
It’s typical however that as our sense of vulnerability and stimulation weakens so too does our desire for the first type of love-making (The Alert Union).
In The Conscious Union, we learn how to cultivate a more balanced form of spiritual sex, one that creates harmony between the passionate animal and sensually playful side of our sexuality. In The Conscious Union we listen to our sexual desires, explore our bodies and those of our lovers, build deeper intimacy through eye-gazing, sensually caress, and follow our deepest forms of sexual expression. These often generate intense feelings of union and love that briefly take us beyond our sense of self.
It is through this practice of conscious union that we can reach the next stage of soulful union.
3. The Soulful Union
There’s a beautiful term in the Sanskrit Tantric scriptures known as “Maithuna” which literally translates to “sexual union.” Maithuna is one of Tantra’s most important teachings as it makes use of conscious “sexual intensity” as a ladder that ascends to greater heights of intensity, focusing upon the illumination of the soul rather than solely on physical sexual pleasure.
The sexual urge derives its strength from the body and our emotions, and by itself is not powerful enough to lift us to new levels of conscious awareness. It is Tantric sex that helps us to experience a true sexual Soulful Union by helping us to embody our Soul. This type of sex can only be described as a feeling of boundless pure bliss, warmth and identity-merging (or ego death) especially during orgasm.
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If you would like to experience Soulful Union via spiritual sex, here are some recommendations:
- Stay celibate for as long as you can. This will increase your sexual energy so that you can learn to channel it. You may feel a tingling sensation in your lower back, this is your kundalini energy which assists in the experience of Unity.
- Set aside time to dedicate only to your partner. Create a sensual space with candles, soft ethnic music, silken robes, aphrodisiac fragrances, and so forth.
- Sit in front of each other and lightly move your hands over your partner’s body (to awaken their nerves). Allow your soft strokes to tingle through their body, but don’t allow your hands to pass over their erogenous zones (nipples, penis, etc.), only near them. Prolong this state of arousal for as long as desired.
- Sit in each other’s lap (called the “yab-yum” position) and breathe each other’s breath. This allows both of you to consciously harmonize with each other.
- Maintain eye-contact throughout intercourse. Witnessing the act of love-making allows you to stay present and see something of immense beauty.
Spiritual Sex Connects Us Back With Our Center
Sexual energy is the bridge back to our Source; it is our connection back to the Life force. The physical, emotional and mental benefits of a healthy sex life are well documented and cannot be denied. Anyone who tries to make you feel ashamed about sex is an enemy of your spiritual growth.
I’ve come across so many couples who feel as though something is missing in their sex lives making it seem boring and aimless. We need to bring back our spiritual lives into our sexual lives and enjoy a loving communion with not only our partners, but with existence itself.
Sex that remains purely sex becomes a distraction and ultimately stagnates your spiritual growth. But when sex becomes an opportunity to return to the Source and becomes a doorway of transformation to higher states of awareness – it gains a whole new purpose.
In future articles I plan to explore the exhilarating but taboo world of ancient sexual practices. In the meantime, I’d love to hear your experiences with sex. How has lovemaking helped you on your spiritual path, and do you have any tips? Please share below.
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Hola Mateo. Llevo un par de meses leyendo su blog y es realmente fascinante y a la vez resonante en muchos aspectos lo que comparten. La sexualidad siempre ha sido un punto de interés para mi; en el último año muchas cosas salieron a flote a través de sueños y la mayorÃa referente al sexo, quedando en evidencia justamente las dos creencias/emociones que mencionaste, la culpa y la vergüenza. No me habÃa dado cuenta cuan pesada puede resultar esa carga, pues ciertamente no solo es de procedencia individual, también familiar y colectiva. Por otra parte, también he venido trabajando con la imagen de prostituta que se tiene sobre la mujer en el inconsciente colectivo, observé que al menos en la religión católica-cristiana, ésta percepción se instauró con la estigmatización de MarÃa Magdalena como tal. Comprendà que la prostitución no se limita al ofrecimiento de servicios sexuales a cambio de dinero, hay muchas formas en las que uno se puede “vender”, por ejemplo cuando se dice lo que el otro quiere oÃr, mas no lo que uno realmente piensa o siente. Aunado a esto, encontré interesante la conexión del sexo con el dinero y la percepción que se tiene del mismo,… Read more »
I once felt ashamed of my sexuality; but as time passed being celibate help me remember the difference between sex and making love. Taking out the time to feel one another energy,only touching with our clothes on,and looking deeply into one another soul through our eyes made the sexual experience more sensual. It’s not so much as in losing desire for each other or saying the fire is gone; maybe it’s just losing the possibility to rekindle love! Not giving your self to many partners and exploring your own body can open your mind to realization of love. You must first love yourself; all of you just bare it all & look into the mirror and remember you are loved.
Hello there, really glad there is an open-minded discussion on such sensitive topics. This post is going to look as, and probably is, a confession of sorts. I just need some friendly advice. As you know, even in ‘spiritual’ circles, sex / lovemaking is still taboo, even shunned, labeled as ‘dirty’ and ‘low-vibration’. After a lot of reflection and different experiences on the matter, I found myself in a difficult situation. I am a 25 year old male, seeking my place in the Universe, as we all are. There is an old friend of mine, we know each other since high-school. Several years ago, I started developing intense romantic feelings for her. She discarded what I was feeling as being spiritual neediness and told me I had to find the love within myself. There was some truth in that, so I worked on it. However, much has happened since then, yet my feelings haven’t changed, they actually became stronger and more clear. I now feel we are ‘destined’ to be together, the way the energy flows through us and even friends and strangers alike see it. However, she continues to deny this and up until recently felt my romantic attraction… Read more »
I found your articles intriguing. Although, I am still left with the feeling that there’s something more…something still unsaid. I am looking for ways to transmute the sexual energy. I am a married woman who has always had a very high sex drive since becoming sexually active. Now, for some reason unbeknownst to me, this sexual energy has awakened with such fierceness! That is no exaggeration. I know this energy is not craving physical sex although my senses would have me to believe this. Early on, before I knew what was happening (still don’t quite have a name for it or know what its purpose is per se), I tried physical sex and was still left needing something deeper that didn’t quite hit my spot (sorry). The energy was still there…still craving more sex and more sex. Now, I scour the internet looking for something that will give me the steps or the map to quench this thirst my sexual energy is craving. Is there something you suggest that will give me the steps or process I am seeking? Any guidance would be greatly appreciated.
Hi Sol, 2 questions for you. In my past I have had a number of partners and I had learned from experience to numb myself during sex. This last Summer I had for the first time since my second husband a feeling of energy my body couldn’t pretend didn’t exist as I knew my partner was close to orgasm. I couldn’t say exactly why I knew but my body reacted to his orgasm even though I didn’t orgasm. He was a very quiet man so it’s not as if he was saying anything or even letting me know verbally that would have made me know he was reaching orgasm. I had had this experience only one other time in my life, with my second husband, and it was a very natural experience with him. One that I didn’t have to practice, it just happened. My second question I notice recently since I have met a man that we have not been had intercourse but do snuggle naked and enjoy other things beside intercourse that often my body during the day at around the same time will have an energy that builds in the sacral region and will very quickly build… Read more »
You’re most welcome.
Energy flows up and down our bodies and grounds itself in different centers depending on what we are doing and how balanced our energy flow has become through spiritual work.
In this case, having energy centered in the chest would best be explained through the Chakra system of energy work (which many different cultures share with different names). There’s certain connections with certain people that are so deep and vibrate at the same frequent, they can completely alter our energy flow within relocating the center to a different spot, in your case, the chest.
how do you progress from Alert to Conscienous?
I really enjoyed reading this. It highlights (to me) just how people have become numb to the unemotional sex ideal that is pushed at us in media.
I am a single person and haven’t really had many sexual partners. The few that have been have been more into self gratification and not connection. As a result the (few) sexual encounter that I have had have left me feeling emotionally drained and at times confused.
I aren’t sure if I’ll ever find anyone to have this connection with, I’d certainly like to, but the quick make me feel good and I don;t care about you type of sex seems here to stay!!
I really enjoyed reading this. It’s something I’d really like to experience but as a single person there isn’t much chance of that happening!! I have found that my (few) sexual experiences so far have been more about the male having what he wanted which has left me feeling a little confused about sex!!
Maybe its because we are bombarded with media of unconnected and emotionalless encounters that I feel some have become self serving and more interested in their own pleasure.
Everybody should read this!!!
I really loved this article. It is sad how strongly shame is embedded into our sexual psyche. I find it interested that we are both taught to be shamed by our sexuality and bombarded with images of sex with no emotion attached. It disconnects us from its purpose in life. Also, my fiance and I live in different countries and don’t get to see each other very often. A lot of our friends don’t understand how we can go such long periods of time without being sexually active. But it is because of the connection we have to each other that we are able to wait however long is necessary before reuniting physically. And while we would initially make the mistake of rushing through sex after a long time apart, we have come to realize how much more spiritual and profound it can be (and how much more intense) controlling those urges and approaching things in a way very similar to what is described in this article.