The hardest thing about going through an existential crisis is that you often feel depressed and alienated.
Nothing makes sense anymore, and everything feels meaningless – including all of your old accomplishments, desires, professional attachments, relationships, and goals.
You want to find your real purpose in life. You want to know why the f*ck we’re all here in the first place, but you don’t know where to start.
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If you can relate to these feelings, my heart goes out to you. I’ve been there before and it’s a dark place. Worst of all, it can sometimes last for years (like mine did).
As someone who has been through this, I’m not here to bullshit you.
I’m not promising that what I’ll share will help it all become magically better.
But I do hope you find a little bit of solace.
Table of contents
- What is an Existential Crisis? (Definition)
- 15 Signs You’re Experiencing an Existential Crisis
- WHY You’re Going Through an Existential Crisis
- Why More and More People Are Experiencing the Existential Crisis
- The Existential Crisis Can Be a Good Sign
- 9 Ways to Get Through the Existential Crisis ( and Actually Benefit From It )
- When the Existential Crisis Becomes Existential Despair
- This is a Time of Death and Rebirth
What is an Existential Crisis? (Definition)
Put simply, an existential crisis is a period in life where a person is at a crossroads and is questioning their entire reality.
They may wonder what the meaning of their life is and whether they have a higher purpose. They may wonder whether life itself has meaning or is just a random, chaotic product of chance.
As a result, they may suffer from tremendous anxiety, depression, isolation, and feelings of being lost. The existential crisis is often spiritual in nature and is sometimes a byproduct (or trigger of) the spiritual emergency.
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If you’re a spiritual wanderer seeking some kind of path, place, and purpose in life, you’re likely experiencing or have gone already through an existential crisis.
15 Signs You’re Experiencing an Existential Crisis
Are you going through an existential crisis? Pay attention to the following signs:
- You’re searching for the meaning of life
- You feel a growing sense of looming existential dread when contemplating society, the state of the planet, etc.
- You feel alone and isolated
- You often find yourself feeling consumed by melancholia/existential depression
- You feel like your ‘old life’ has withered away
- You don’t know who you are anymore
- You feel like your past accomplishments are meaningless (and as a result, you feel lots of regret)
- You see through the shallowness of society’s goals and desires
- You crave something deep and meaningful
- You realize that the Universe is far more complex than you previously thought
- You feel a sense of smallness or powerlessness in the face of everything
- You’re acutely aware of your mortality (and feel existential anxiety as a result)
- You feel fundamentally different from others
- You feel like there’s something innately ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’ about you
- You feel empty inside
- You can’t seem to find any place that feels like ‘home’
How many of the above signs can you relate to?
When I was going through an existential crisis my entire worldview shattered. I was raised in a fundamentalist Christian background and could no longer come to terms with an ‘all-loving God’ who would send people to burn in hell for eternity.
I went through years of confusion, emptiness, anxiety, and depression wondering what the purpose of all this was. It was an extremely difficult, traumatizing, and heart-breaking time. (And yes, thankfully I have pulled through it, hence why I’m writing this article and for this website.)
But my story is only one of millions, and there are many reasons why you may be going through a crisis. We’ll explore below …
WHY You’re Going Through an Existential Crisis
Why did all of this happen to you? Why are you experiencing an existential crisis?
There are a number of reasons. Here are the most common that you may have experienced:
- Sudden death of a loved one
- Job change or loss
- Chronic illness or a shock diagnosis
- Moving to a new place or country
- Chronic stress and anxiety
- Getting married/divorced
- Relationship breakdown
- Having a baby
- Entering a new life phase (e.g., adulthood, mid-life, old age)
- Loss of religious beliefs
- Natural disasters (flood, hurricane, fire)
- Excessive drug use
- Mystical experience
- Sudden spiritual awakening or dark night of the soul
- Prolonged isolation
Let me know in the comments which of these you think triggered your existential crisis.
As you can see, the existential crisis is caused by literally any big life event or change – whether positive or negative.
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Anything sudden can be destabilizing to your mind. Think of it like an earthquake that sets off a domino effect within your psyche. Before you know it, you have cut off all your friends, quit your job, and have completely withdrawn from society because it all feels too much.
Again, I want to emphasize the fact that this won’t last forever.
It might feel like it and you might believe, in your present frame of mind, that you’re the only person out there who is going through this. But you’re not.
There are people who understand what you’re going through (like myself and the community of readers on this blog). So please take solace in that and keep reading to get support.
Why More and More People Are Experiencing the Existential Crisis
Yes, you heard it right: the existential crisis is increasing in prevalence.
It’s becoming a global phenomenon.
With record numbers of people experiencing major depression and other symptoms associated with the existential crisis, the question is WHY?
With all our technology, wealth, and material abundance, why are we feeling more and more empty inside?
There are many possible answers, but I believe that the main cause is emotional, philosophical, and spiritual in nature.
We live in a world that worships the reductionistic mechanistic scientific view of life. Anything mysterious, magical, or remotely spiritual in nature is scorned and looked down upon. We pretend we’re ‘above all that childish nonsense’ when, in reality, it’s what we need the most.
As clinical psychologist and scholar C. Michael Smith writes,
The world seen only through the lenses of scientific-calculative thinking is a thin, dry, hollow, surface world, devoid of mystery, depth, and meaning. There is an existential nausea (Sartre) that comes with such a nihilistic view of reality. Such a view is itself a symptom of deep spiritual, social, and ecological pathology. Some face this nihilism with stoic courage, others retreat into fundamentalistic and traditional forms of security, where they may have some limited contact with the sacred, while still being touched by the nihilism of the modern scientific worldview. Some seek a genuine sense of the sacred to give their lives meaning and direction, but cannot find it in the institutional religions of the west. Some turn to the numinous resources of the East, some to occult interests; some are now turning to shamanism, others the psychedelics, to rekindle a sense of mystery and meaning characteristic of the sacred.
As a society, we deal with our existential emptiness in many ways, but the unifying sobering reality is that we are spiritually destitute.
We’ve lost touch with our spiritual nature and are suffering horribly as a result – this is known as collective Soul Loss.
I’ll explore how to get back in touch with your spiritual nature (and what worked for me) a little later.
But first, let’s explore why this is not all so doom and gloom …
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The Existential Crisis Can Be a Good Sign
I know the title of this section sounds totally absurd. But the fact that you’re experiencing existential anxiety signifies that you’re not a mindless sheep of society.
You are alive goddammit, and more than that, you’re in touch with your spiritual nature.
As spiritual philosopher Krishnamurti once wrote:
It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.
The fact that you’re maladjusted, the fact that you’re questioning everything and feel a sense of despair means that you’re getting more in touch with your own truth – not the version of truth that society likes to spoonfeed us.
As author Tim Farrington writes,
Doubt as to whether you are in a dark night or “just depressed” is probably a very good sign; it means you’re alive and paying attention and that life has you baffled, which is the precondition for truth in my experience.
Perhaps more than anyone, the Holocaust survivor and psychotherapist Viktor Frankl was acquainted with the depths of existential crisis. He writes in his wonderful book The Doctor of the Soul:
The ‘symptom’ of conscientious anxiety in the melancholiac is not the product of melancholia as a physical illness but represents an ‘accomplishment’ of the human being as a spiritual person.
In other words, feeling existential anxiety is not just the result of depression (or melancholy), it’s actually an accomplishment that signifies we’re in touch with our spiritual nature.
Mirabai Starr, author of numerous spiritual books writes, “Someone who is broken … who has struggled all his or her life with some intense deficiency, may have a uniquely powerful relationship with God.”
And it’s true.
The more you suffer existentially, the closer you are likely to draw to the Divine.
I realize you may be an atheist or simply not interested in spirituality, but perhaps it’s time to reconsider your relationship with the mysterious, at the very least. We’ll look more into this below.
9 Ways to Get Through the Existential Crisis (and Actually Benefit From It)
Again, I know “benefiting” from your existential crisis may sound ridiculous.
But hear me out.
The existential crisis is an opportunity for you to find your life purpose, figure out what truly matters in life, and connect with your spiritual nature.
What you’re going through may be horribly painful at times, but it also has a deeper meaning: you’re experiencing a death and rebirth.
You’re undergoing a mental, emotional, and spiritual renewal process which is common to stage 1 of the spiritual wanderer’s journey.
Everything in life works in cycles. Think of life like the four seasons. What you’re experiencing right now is the winter stage of existence. But after that comes spring.
Here are some paths and practices you may like to explore. Many of these I have used myself during my existential crisis period – and they helped tremendously:
1. Record (journal) all your thoughts every day
This one was a BIG help for me – and I believe it can be for you too.
Writing down all your thoughts and feelings is a brilliant way of getting them out of your mind. The more you let your thoughts accumulate, the more overwhelmed you feel. So let them all out.
Journaling is extremely therapeutic and is constantly recommended by professionals and depressed folks alike. In my How to Journal article, I offer you some unique tips, just in case you need extra support.
Here’s an example of an “existential crisis-styled” journal entry:
I’m feeling horrible today. I watch and listen to people talk about their lives, but it all seems futile. I can’t relate to any of them. Not even a bit. All their plans, goals, and shallow desires – can’t they see that it’s all going to perish one day? Their banality suffocates me and I feel like I’m walking in the land of the dead. Everyone is asleep. Why can’t they just wake the fuck up? Maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow, but for now, I just wanted to get these feelings out. I know this is good for me to do and that these feelings won’t last forever.
As you can see, your journal entry doesn’t need to be long. It can be a tiny paragraph or even a few words. It also doesn’t need to be wordy, well-written, or poetic. The point is to benefit from it by making a habit out of it.
If you need some powerful and compassionate guidance to help you work through your existential crisis, see the Dark Night of the Soul Journal I’ve created.
2. Turn your pain into art
Some of the best art (think Vincent Van Gogh, Edvard Munch, Goya, etc.) has come from those who have suffered tremendously.
You don’t need to be good at art (or an “artist”) to benefit from artistic self-expression. The point isn’t to create something that will please others but something that helps you feel better and process what you’re going through.
If you need ideas, go on Pinterest and look up different art projects, or go to your local art gallery. Places to start include watercolor, sketching, collage, and paint pouring. You can also read our article on art therapy ideas and see if it offers you some helpful places to start.
3. Get in touch with your inner warrior
There’s a reason why we’ve named this website “lonerwolf.” The wolf is symbolic of the inner spiritual warrior, the inner force of nature who refuses to give up.
S/he is the fire within you that voyages courageously into the unknown, fights for freedom, and respects your true self.
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$3When we go through an existential crisis, it can feel like all our power and energy has been drained from us. We may struggle to get up in the morning and keep moving forward. We may feel small and defenseless in the face of life.
The way to move through these feelings is to reconnect with your inner warrior in whatever way he/she/it appears to you. I like to see this fiery essence as an inner wolf, but you may see it differently.
To connect with your inner warrior, you may like to turn to your dreams. Before going to bed, ask your unconscious mind to present you with an image of your inner warrior. Then, pay attention to your dreams. Note down anything significant when first rising in the morning. My guide on dream work can help you through this process.
You may even like to take a herb like mugwort, blue lotus, or a lucid dreaming supplement to make your dreams more vivid (please do your own research regarding dosage requirements and look into the precautions).
An alternative is to practice visualization. Imagine you’re walking down a staircase and at the bottom is a golden door. Once you open that door, you’ll come face-to-face with your inner warrior. What does he/she/it look like? You might like to play some music that puts you in the right frame of mind for this activity (think warrior music which you can find for free on Youtube).
Once you’ve connected with your inner warrior, you can then work with this inner image in your daily life for strength and guidance.
You may like to journal with this inner force, talk with it through visualization, or create a piece of artwork that you put somewhere noticeable and special in your home.
4. Connect with nature
If you struggle to connect with others, go out in nature. Connect with the birds, trees, and plants. Sit and watch what happens around you and find delight in the small things.
Spending time in nature was one of the major ways I got through my existential crisis. I would often spend hours sitting outside observing how the clouds moved through the sky and the way the wind danced through the trees.
If you don’t live near nature, try taking regular trips to your local wildlife reserve, forest, or park. Nature is soothing to the soul and will help you to get out of your head. If you’re interested, I wrote this short and sweet article on the art of forest bathing (shinrin yoku) a few years ago.
5. Find what brings you joy and meaning
Even the smallest things can bring you joy like a patch of sunlight on the floor or the feeling of cold water against your hands as you wash the dishes.
By practicing mindfulness exercises, you can connect more with the present moment and step out of the cycles of dark thought that accompany the existential crisis.
Finding the meaning of life itself is a more complex path, but it’s something that can also bring you a sense of purpose and direction. I’ve written more on the topic of finding the meaning of life and you’re more than welcome to go check that out.
6. Practice self-care and self-love
Take care of yourself. This is a tough time. I know it’s hard, and I know that most days you don’t have the energy for much. But treat yourself with as much love and care as you can muster.
Even opening the window for some fresh air can be seen as a small act of self-love or putting on some warmer socks.
Two forms of self-love and care that you may like to start with are affirmations and gratitude. I know you may feel skeptical toward them, but there’s a reason why they’ve entered the mainstream: they work.
You may like to start a gratitude journal and list five things you’re thankful for each day (being grateful, by the way, has been scientifically proven to help you feel better).
Before bed each night, I have a “gratitude stone” that I hold and I think of at least five things I’ve been grateful for during the day. This simple practice has done wonders for my mindset, and it’s so quick!
You might also enjoy finding or creating one or two affirmations that you carry with you and repeat throughout the day. Examples may include, “I have a resilient heart, and I’ll get through this,” “It’s okay to not know all the answers,” “I surrender to the cycles of life,” and “This too shall pass.” My morning affirmations article can give you more ideas to work with.
7. Simplify and minimize sources of stress
You’re going through enough inner stress as it is, so don’t be afraid to let go of people or responsibilities that cause you more harm than good.
One way of minimizing your stress is by creating a calm and clear mind. I love the philosophy of minimalism and essentialism for shaping a more intentional life, so look into those concepts more if you want to minimize sources of stress.
Also, try guided meditations that soothe your mind and body each morning and evening. I enjoy the free app “InsightTimer” for all its variety and I use it on my phone each day. There are also many other meditation apps out there like Calm, Headspace, and Waking Up that you can look into.
8. Connect with others in a way that feels comfortable to you
See if there are any depression support groups around you. Not everyone experiencing depression is going through an existential crisis, but some are. And you can find a sense of kinship there.
Otherwise, there are many groups online (such as Facebook groups) that you can join for support. Alternatively, simply browse around this website and see that you’re not alone in your existential difficulties.
You may also wish to call a mental health hotline if you desperately need to talk with someone or go to a website like 7cups that offers free support (it can be a “hit or miss” experience, but worth exploring).
9. Explore a spiritual path or practice that you resonate with
As psychologist Christa Mackinnon writes:
Studies find correlations between spiritual well-being and positive psychological responses when people are confronted with existential crisis situations. A recent study of 60 lung cancer patients in America, for instance, found that aspects of spirituality, namely meaning in life and prayer, have positive effects on psychological and physical responses, and an in-depth study of 160 terminally ill patients in palliative care came to the conclusion that spiritual well-being provides a sense of peace and offers some protection against end-of-life despair in those for whom death is imminent.
You don’t need to buy into anyone’s bullshit – find what type of spirituality works for you.
That might be simply praying or lighting a candle, or it could mean learning how to be a spiritual healer and finding a greater sense of purpose.
I personally enjoy the path of inner work, and I incorporate many eclectic practices into my spiritual path like working with the archetypes, reflecting on oracle and tarot cards, connecting with spirit guides, practicing meditation and mindfulness, connecting with nature … the list goes on.
Find a path that works for you and let it give you hope.
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Recommended read: Soul Searching: 7 Ways to Uncover Your True Path »
When the Existential Crisis Becomes Existential Despair
If you’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or thoughts of harming others, your existential crisis has become existential despair. You need to seek help immediately.
I am not qualified to help (and I can only give general advice), so I strongly encourage you to seek out a psychologist, therapist, or counselor who can provide you with ongoing 1:1 help.
I know this may feel scary and you might feel ridiculous, but it’s worth getting help. Please do it. Yes, you might be given medication, but that’s a stepping stone toward greater holistic health and healing in the future.
For a list of international suicide hotlines, go here.
This is a Time of Death and Rebirth
The existential crisis is a time of death – the death of old beliefs, old ways of being, and old values.
But after death comes rebirth. Just look at the cycles of nature. What you’re experiencing isn’t going to last forever. After the night comes day and after winter comes spring.
I hope this article has shown you how valuable this process you’re going through actually is. There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. You are not alone.
You are actually saner than most people because you are questioning the insanity of the world around you.
You are a spiritual wanderer in the process of getting in touch with your True Nature.
Tell me, are you going through an existential crisis right now? How does it feel for you? Please share below. Let’s help others not feel so alone.
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I consider every bit of the existential crisis written in this article a total reflection of what i have be going through about 15 years till now. Will there even be an end to this terrifying moments in my own life ?
Thank you so much for this article Aletheia.
I’ll be honest, this kind of feeling is something I had doubts about. I’m in a very lucky situation right now. I have so many family members around me and i’m thankful for their support.
This whole feeling of existentialism, I feel, has been a culmination of a surge of negative emotions I had coming out of highschool. I felt directionless, aimless, not necessarily meaningless, but definitely an empty feeling.
I had a lot of thoughts and extreme fear about death. I honestly still do and I really really struggle with it. I’m a muslim, but not a devout one. It scares me because I honestly don’t feel like an atheist completely. The thought of there being absolutely nothing after death is incredibly terrifying to me, and yet, as I had a conversation about the origin of islam and other monotheistic religions, it made me think “Deep down, I do hold some kind of core belief that I, nay, all of humanity came from somewhere.” That almost felt like a connection to something spiritual, but I don’t know, it’s scary. At the end of the day, the one thing I can say for certain about death is that it’s final, I can at least alter my aging to an extent, and that, because no one knows what really happens, no one is wrong in having faith and spirituality is always there.
I have a lot to be grateful for, so I may take the advice you gave about keeping a grattitude journal. I only recently have really felt how precious and small life, from my perspective, is, and it’s allowed me to greatly enjoy passions, like playing games with my friends, and has given me enough strength to do schoolwork to the best of my ability. Meditation has helped a bit, but I feel I would need to do more to get something out of it.
I’m experiencing so many emotions right now. I want to go back to normal, I want this pandemic, which has pretty much been my trigger after all these months, to die down or go away, and all that uncertainty is hard to just “accept.”
In a way, I feel that’s one attitude I have always had: stubborness. I’m stubborn to accept certain absolutes, which may explain why I struggle with thoughts of death. I’m stubborn about change, some good, some bad. I’m stubborn about alot.
Reading a lot of the comments to this article felt good and dreadful at the same time. I read quite a few from people who were currently in a crisis themselves. To those out there who are struggling: please know that I hear you, and I now am coming to terms with how this feels. I’m no longer ignorant to it. I know my comment is only one of many, and at the age of 19, I still, despite my existence being a blip, have ways to go. I’m seriously considering seeing a therapist because I have a lot I want to get out. Feelings I can’t fully describe in a comment. I’m scared, hopefull, lost, aware and unaware, worried, anxious, upset, and more. I’ve been trying to self improve with meditation, and fasting in this month of ramadan, even when i’m not very religious, does do one thing I can say for sure: food tastes great xD.
In these last few days i’ve felt like my overall mental state was beginning to improve. I found more joy and happiness. Yet, today as I talked with my grandparents, I had another bout of this “existential” feeling. It hurt me a lot to read this article and some of the comments, but there was a weird sense of calm in it as well. It gave me some insight into how I kind of feel on the inside: i’m worried about my mortality, but I also have the strength in that I care about the mortality of others as well.
Science nowadays explains so much shit that, it’s often hard to have any kind of faith, any kind of meaning, and sometimes I feel I would be better off not overthinking too much, and other times where it feels necessary. Science has given me a sense of curiosity and wonder, and I enjoy it, even as I study psychology in university right now, but that “spiritual” part of me feels lost, and reading that section of your article, Aletheia, gave me some hope, some concern, but some form of optimism. I am thankful that, currently, i’m not at the bottom of the barrel right now, and I have alot to love in this life, and hopefully the next. I’m scared, terrified, hopeful, and uncertain, all at sporadic intervals or at the same time. I’ll likely look back on your article from time to time when I feel the way I do right now. Simply typing this feels similar to when I vented my incredible fear of death and my overall anxiety to my best friend, who not only understood me, but didn’t judge me, didn’t criticize me, didn’t get scared at just how many negative thoughts came out of me, none of that. He is my bestest friend, and that is a fact that will remain eternal.
To any of you out there that read through that whole thing, thank you. Knowing i’m being heard does a whole lot of good to me mentally. I’m all over the place right now, but getting some of my frustrations out there really helps and does wonders. Each and every one of you contributes something, and all of the 7 billion and more of us on this planet mean something.
I recall something an uncle of mine said to me a few weeks back when I was first experiencing this anxiety: If every cell in the body works together to make up you, and make you function, then life does have a meaning. I find these words to be empowering, and maybe they will be for you too.
To anyone who has had anxiety about this pandemic or any other possible future event, I know we will get through this. Call it faith or a feeling, whatever you want, but these things happen in life, and we get through them. This is what seperates all humans from everything else: we rise, no matter what. Thank you all for your time, and please enjoy the rest of your day.
I’m going through it wife doesn’t trust me
Hello, I just ran across your website late at night (or early in the morning) and you have described what I am feeling exactly. I honestly thought I was going insane, like I was actually seriously mentally ill. I have been going through an existential crisis for a couple of months now going on to a year after losing my father to cancer and with him my old home, my belongings and my job. I cannot sleep at night. It begins with slowly coming to the realization again that I am mortal. It triggers intense anxiety that keeps me up all night pondering if life is just meaningless. Is there really something else or when I die or eternal oblivion. The latter scares me to my core. I think about my dad and it makes it worse. I suddenly start to feel everything going on in my body. I feel my stomach grumble, my sore throat and immediately come to the conclusion that I also have cancer and I’m going to die even though I probably do not. It doesn’t help that I think I’m an empath and can literally feel emotions that I do not believe are mine so strongly all the time and feel the constant need to be alone but can’t due to the pandemic quarantine at the time. I feel alone and empty but I most definitely agree with you. We have strayed so far from our own spirituality that as I can confirm right now is literally making us sick. I grew up in a Catholic house hold but quickly lost sight in that as I grew older realizing the many crimes and offenses of the church and had been an atheist for several years now. As of late I have delved deeper into spirituality and feel much more at peace and like despite all the scientific way of thinking and dismissal of it, it feels right and have seen first hand accounts that lead me to believe there is something else. I feel a calling to this like I am to teach people about spirituality. Anyway I just really want to say thank you so much for your work. It has honestly helped me so much.
My first existential crisis hit me like a storm when I was 20 years old in university. It felt like all the solid foundations of my life crumbled in an instant, obliterated; what is reality? Who am I? Do I even exist? were questions I dealt with daily. As well as such questions, I also obsessively began thinking about death, and how we are just a tiny blip in this eternity of time. Everything I loved will be lost. I couldn’t function anymore, and all that had seemed important (an education, friendships, getting a job & career) crumbled. All I could think of was eternal oblivion.
Eventually I was prescribed anti anxiety medication and for a few years I felt better. Now I am 24 and the crisis has hit me again, hard. The questions and fears are still the same.
I am obsessing over death and the precariousness of life, and I find living in a world with no faith impossible. I’m AMAZED at how atheist people, who believe we just die and then its eternal oblivion, can carry on functioning in the world. What drives them? Why don’t they just commit suicide whenever life gets tough?
At the moment I just can’t enjoy myself, or anything around me, because I know it will all end. I’m at the stage where I don’t even know if I believe in a soul, or whether I am just a product of chemical reactions in my brain.
As I write this i feel afraid as if someone is waiting for me in the dark of nite It as alot to do with whats happening in the world now I have known for a while that our Government in America has been lying stealing poisoning us the people here. Their
Evil Satanic ways they have been at it too too long I have suffered for too long a fine the city gave us was one hundred dollars for parking my cars in my own driveway told them i was not paying it now they sent me to collections they want a Thousand dollars now something needs to be done Thank You for your time
So I am only 24 years old and just recently I lost my grandfather , I was temporarily laid off from job , and I am going through a MAJOR pandemic right now . This is. A LOT to process , for anyone . On top of that I just moved across the country about 3 months ago , and all of it is so new and so crazy . This is probably the worst I have felt in my life ever, and I know tough times , but this is really tough times . I know my boyfriend wants me to stop crying , but he doesn’t exactly understand what I’m going through , and I wish this wasn’t happening to me , but it is , and I need to fix it . I have been feeling so sick for two weeks now over this crippling anxiety .
I am at the very beginning of understanding why I have felt so lost for so many years. Why I have felt like I am looking and living my life in a fog, like my eyes were not seeing life and everything around me in “the real world” like I was invisible, that I don’t belong here. I have said to people and counselors that my parents found me somewhere that I don’t fit into my family. I am so different. My dad would say to me “Why can’t and don’t you conform to the rest of society?”. I ended up becoming a drug addict and I am still fighting for my sobriety. I have used drugs for the past 42 years. I lost my fiancee 2 years ago to a massive stroke and thus started my journey to your website. I am excited to begin this journey. I am 61 years old and I am looking forward to finding who I am and what my purpose is in this life.
At 56 years old, I have been going through an existential crisis for approximately 25 years. That’s a long dark night of the soul. I am alone, have been forced to strip myself of everything and everyone I loved, even my two children who reject me. I struggle with this every day, highs and lows. Lifelong chronic insomnia has exacerbated everything and has scraped me thin. I’ve read a plethora of self help spiritual books, keep reading every day. Just found your website yesterday, something here resonates. On your lists and signs, my answer is, all of them.
I went through and still am currently going through existiental despair and I lost my heart in the process, i feel so deep that my heart couldn’t handle it I literally felt it move like three times to the left. It could be heart palpitations medically but spiritually I believe I lost my heart to darkness. Any tips on how to recover my heart? I used to feel and do everything with my heart now it’s lost. I feel like I fell too deep. I felt my heart once when I was crying. I feel like I only feel sadness now.
Jalin, it sounds like you’re struggling with emotional numbness – it’s a defense mechanism (or a wall) that has been put up to protect you. From what I read, I don’t think you’ve lost your heart to darkness. Instead, your heart, in its compassion for you, has shut down temporarily. I encourage you to see this guidance on emotional numbness for help on recovering from this.
Jalin:
I have been where you are now! Your words could be mine. I can honestly say that I know how you are feeling, and know this numbness.
It’s like nothing will ever make your heart move again. Sadness is filling your entire soul.
So broken. So lost.
Do you know the song “My heart is broken” by Lacuna Coil? That song is perfect to describe your feelings. You could try to listen to it. Then cry with the words and let everything out. Crying helps. It hurst, but feels better afterwards. You have so much pent up inside you now. I can tell you are longing to let it all go. I did. I cried for two years, nearly nonstop. I mourned and felt like tomorrow would never come.
But Jalin, I made it past it ❤
I can feel and be happy again. I am stronger than ever before, and more true to myself.
And if I can, then you can too!
My feelings are more calm then before. Nothing really hits me full force anymore. There is more balance and trust.
You see life is everything. What you are feeling, the sensation of everything beeing gray and meaningless, and this deep despair. It is an importaint experience for your soul. Right now you are changing so much. And you will be a different you when it has passed. A better and more true you, stronger, wiser, calmer, happier, more self-loving, a kinder and more confident you. Because this is the result for me. I have gained balance. It was my hardest struggle in life, but now I trust that everything will be alright. Nothing is different really. My life is much of the same, but I have changed. I see myself and my life differently. And I no longer need to accomplish something.
I used to think that I had to have a certain status, watch my reputation, put on an acceptable role for others, even for family and friends. I could never be the true me. I was never good enough. I have been a sosial outcast for most of my life. And I just couldn’t fit in with society.
I gained and lost friends, over and over, mostly beeing alone. I didn’t find anyone to love me, only unrequited, and I rarely fell in love. I began to feel that no one could love me.
Since a teen my bodyimage has been damaged. I am still struggling to like my body today. But I do love myself now. And I will come to love my body too one day.
But as young I struggled. I rarely spoke in my teens, beeing so nervous all the time. Having no one, I quit school. I was deeply depressed. In worklife I gave my all, but failed, as too much pressure was put on me. I am highly sensitive you see. I gained an illness as a result of the constant stress and worry. Life was hard. I hated to live alone, and moved back with my family. I took over the house. But the pressure kept building outside with more demands, and inside as I grew so so tired.
Then I met someone. I know now that it was meant to happen. To soar on cloud nine, and then shatter completely.
I wanted to die. The world was too much, and I never belonged. My heart was crushed into tiny little pieces by a dear friend, that I loved. I never thought I would recover. I lost everything I am. And I lost myself into deep despair.
But, one day, after reaching the bottom, I began to climb back up. I began to heal, forgive, let go, love myself, love again, and have hope.
I am writing to you, because your words are calling out to my soul. This was me. But it’s not anymore.
All I can say is, be patient, don’t give up. Because you are LOVED ❤❤
People care about you, angels (if you believe) watch over you and protect you, I CARE about you I want to see you shine again. We all have this wonderful loving light within us. If you believe, you can pray. If not, that is alright. There are other ways to connect with the light inside you.
Do you recall what you loved as a child? Liked to do, and could do for hours. There is a clue as to the meaning of your life. What we Love gives us meaning. Our inner child needs to be nurtured. You long for acceptance and to be loved, right? Then can you accept and love back?
I once learned something valuable, when trying to learn how to love myself, and how to forgive. “If you can’t love yourself, then you can’t love others”. I read these words, and realised that I had to find value (love is to value) in myself first, before I could give love to others. Because true love, has no expectations. It is selfless and demands nothing in return.
When I learned to forgive my friend, I first learned to accept. And to give unconditional love, I had to respect her wishes, and let her go. She cut me out. It HURT! But, it was her choice, her wish. If I truly loved her, I had to respect and accept that. And I did. It took time. But like the saying goes “Time heals everything”, and time did. I had to do my part too, by practicing this love. Teaching myself by researching how to forgive and let go. And how to move on.
I discovered astrology then, and it helped me a lot! I learned so much about myself. Which helped me understand why I was struggling so hard with moving on. I am not saying that astrology is the answer for you. But it is something you can check out if interested.
I have learned that you can’t choose for others. And to respect the choices others make. You can only choose for you. Because your life is only yours. When you begin to accept this, and no longer demand that others respond to and treat you in a certain way, you become free.
I hope my words makes sense, and that I didn’t write too much. I just really want to help you ❤
I have found the meaning of my life you see. And maybe I can help by sharing it. It’s so simple: to LIVE.
Yes, and by that I mean not to just excist. I mean to be in the here and now. Be aware and feel. Notice the sunseth, the sound of the wind rustling in the tretops, enjoy the beauty of nature, find joy in the movement of my body while dancing, happiness in playing boardgames and laugh with friends (yes, I found true friends), feel how much I love my family and tell them.
To put it simply: The little things are what truly matters. And that is where real meaning is found.
I no longer need to do anything special. My job is to BE ME
I like to grow and work on myself. Ever changing, wanting to become the best me I can be. Find my true values, and let go of what I can’t control, do or be.
With the coronavirus, I am isolated. I live alone. I don’t want to risk getting this virus, as I could get more sick than others. My health has changed with me. That is alright. I am older now. And I accept life. My past, my now and my unknown future. I accept this situation and the virus too.
I understand that life is everything. I will get hurt, know pain, get betrayed, love, lose love and get crushed. I will get rejected, not fit in and know loneliness. But…I will also know joy, be exstatic with happiness, be loved, be accepted, fit in and know that I am not alone. (I met a soulmate I know from other lifes, we both know each other)
Life is opposites. And as souls I have found that we learn the best by knowing both sides.
I can give an example: To starve and to have enough food.
I have found that there is meaning in both experiences. Only when knowing how terrible it is to starve, can you truly enjoy and be greatful for beeing able to eat all you want.
Imagine three lifes. The same soul experiencing them. In the first he always had enough to eat. He never starved. In the second he lacks food, and often starves. In the third he again has enough too eat.
Can you imagine how much value he will place on food in the third life? How greatful he will be. Probably never waisting any leftovers.
This I have found can be used as a basis for all of lifes experiences. That opposites excist for the reason to create awareness in us.
Another example: One person has never lost a loved one. The other person has. Which of the two values his loved ones the most? The one that knows the pain of loosing one.
Because I have come to this conclusion, that I as a soul is here to live, to gain experiences and this way grow and improve, I can accept all that life is.
I hope that sharing my insight can help you. Your life is yours. You can make it anything you want to. Because the choice is yours. I will not judge you, no matter what you choose.
When you are ready, you will move forward. There is no haste. Remember this. If you need to stay where you are now, in your own darkness, then you can. Only you know when you are ready to find Light again and fly!
See this as if you are a Butterfly. I did for me. Right now you are at the cocoon-stage. You are changing on a deep level. Like inside the womb, getting ready to be born.
You died, and will at some point be reborn. You can also see yourself as the Phoenix bird. You burned into ashes. Now is the winter before your sping. The quiet before you are climbing out of the cocoon as a Butterfly!
I am the Butterfly now ❤ After spending the time I needed, to get deep into myself and feel my pain, I am now ready to be my true self. No longer hiding.
I can tell my friends without embarrasment “I love Frozen. I feel I am Elza.” I can tell my family “I really love you”. I can be proud of who I am, as I am. I can Love Life and be happy. Yes, I will be sad too and cry. But I know that behind the clouds, the sky is bright and blue. After rain (sadness) the sun will shine (happiness).
Laughter and Tears belong together. Life would be boring if you ask me, if there were only one part.
The person I have become is hard earned, but so worth it. You can get there too. But it must be from your free will.
I know one thing (since I believe in karma/energy). “One should never make choices for another.” Something I have learned the hard way. The energy you give out, is returned to you.
I know this from all the friends that came and left. I allowed myself to get drawn into others conflicts/ drama. And my efforts to help/ mediate, always gave the result that I lost both. So to me this is a universal law. Respect free will. What goes around, comes around.
I will never try to make a choice for anyone again. And if the lesson is repeated, I know how to respond.
Not get involved.
This means I can give advise and share my opinion. As long as I keep myself nautral. But, if one or both, try to share private messages between them with me, I will say NO. Because it is private, their words, their conflict. It is disrespectful of me to read the others private message, and not meant for me. I failed in this over and over. Not knowing better as I do now. Only trying to help, and thinking that I was.
And I payed for it each time. The negative energy was returned to me. I lost one friend, then the other.
When something gets repeated, you begin to notice a pattern eventually. I did, and changed my approach. This lesson was repeated recently with two friends. I listened, gave my opinion, but refused to read the messages. And I explained why. And I knew that this time I would keep my friends. They both accepted and respected my choice to not get involved. And I have grown closer to both.
This is why I am telling you, I will not tell you what to do. You know best for yourself. Only you know what you need. So take your time. Then shine your beautiful soul when you are ready Beacuse you can get through this. Just be patient with yourself. And believe in who you are.
You are not alone. No one is ❤
Sending you a BIG HUG
Beate, your words and story are beyond beautiful and inspiring! Thank you so much for reaching out a compassionate hand to another suffering soul ❤❤❤