Your hectic day has finally lulled to a stop.
Thereโs nothing left to do. Thereโs nothing more to say. Now you have time to relax. But instead, the silence descends upon you with oppressive force. You feel suffocated underneath the weight of this momentary, but seemingly eternal, nothingness.
Suddenly that old feeling returns โฆ the feeling of desolation, the feeling of a gaping inner hole inside. Your insides ache under the gnawing pressure of this profound vacuum. How can feeling empty be so terribly painful?
Spiritual Wanderer Course:
Being a lone wolf and a spiritual wanderer is a sacred calling in life โ a unique and alchemical path of awakening. You donโt need to feel lost, alone, or stuck on your journey any more. Itโs time to meet your soulโs deep needs for clarity, self-acceptance, and empowerment. Let us show you how โฆ
As the feeling intensifies, so does your desire to seek relief. No matter what it takes, you just have to suppress this emptiness a little longer. It seems too hard, too endless to bear such hollowness.
So you reach for a cigarette, your phone, the fridge, the bottle, the remote control, or the next sexual conquest, all in an attempt to escape your old, dark friend: emptiness.
Table of contents
What is Emptiness?
Emotionally, emptiness is a feeling of inner desolation: a complete absence of joy, hope, or satisfaction. When a person experiences emptiness, they are plunged into an inner abyss which often results in addictive and escapist behavior.
Feelings connected with emptiness often include despair, depression, and loneliness.
Read: Feeling Alone – 13 Ways to Stop Feeling So Lonely and Isolated ยป
9 Signs Youโre Experiencing Emptiness
Nobody ever tells you that emptiness weighs the most.
โ Anonymous
Signs to look out for include:
- Fear of being left alone
- Lack of meaning in life
- Feeling empty/hollow inside
- Struggling with an existential crisis
- The absence of true happiness or fulfillment
- Addictive behavior (to escape the emptiness)
- Emotional numbnessย
- Inability to slow down/workaholism (as a form of escape)
- Chronic boredom
Not everyone will share all of these signs, but if you identify with more than half, you are probably struggling with emptiness.
Shadow & Light Membership:
โญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ๏ธโญ "Shadow and Lightโs weekly guidance always rings true to my heart. Thanks for acknowledging my shadows and inviting my inner light. I always get excited to open the Shadow and Light emails on Sunday!" โ Angela M.
Emptiness and Spiritual Awakening
There’s much more to feeling empty than meets the eye. This is a perplexing emotion (if you can really call it that) that is often closely linked with the process of spiritual awakening. In fact, those who endure chronic emptiness are often led to the spiritual journey in the search for wholeness and inner peace. Trying to cope with the numbness of emptiness each day is enough to eventually trigger major inner life shifts โ this can actually be a positive thing. When one’s soul loss (read more about this below) is fully faced and comprehended, a spiritual metamorphosis is ignited.
3 Reasons Why Emptiness is Haunting You
Contrary to all logic and reason โ emptiness hurts. You would not believe the pain and the suffering that can come from a thing which, by all accounts … is not even there.
โ Ranata Suzuki
As a person who has struggled (and still at times struggles) with emptiness, I can tell you that depression is often a symptom, not a cause, of emptiness.
When looking online and listening to others explain emptiness, it is often linked to various mental illnesses such as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), Schizophrenia, alcohol and drug addiction, anxiety disorders, and of course depression. But to me, these labels are distracting and often times shallow, meaningless, and even harmful because they donโt go to the root cause of what causes emptiness.
Donโt get me wrong, while emptiness is sometimes caused by neurological chemical imbalances, I dare to say that for most people, it goes much deeper than that.
So what are the origins of emptiness? Why does this inner desolation haunt you? I have often explored this topic in-depth privately because it is one of the major issues I have (and still) struggle with.
When it comes to exploring what is really causing your emptiness, be careful. Iโve run into so many justifications which sound true, but in reality, they are band-aid symptoms of much deeper issues. Here are some of those false reasons Iโm talking about:
- I donโt have a partner.
- I donโt have enough money.
- Iโm not successful enough.
- My partner doesnโt love me anymore.
- I have no close friends.
- My husband/wife is boring.
- I donโt have enough sex.
- Iโm not in the right job.
When you dig deep enough, going to the core of each of these issues, you will find some common themes.
Here’s what Iโve found lies at the root of emptiness:
1. Soul Loss
Soul loss means being disconnected from your soul. All of us have experienced soul loss to some extent. Soul loss is caused, and reinforced, by trauma, abuse, childhood conditioning, materialism, and ego-centered living.
Soul loss manifests as the eternal sense that something is โmissingโ from our lives. In other words, it is disguised as the perpetual โsearch for happinessโ which often results in misguided, futile, and externally-focused pursuits. Our obsession with money, fame, power, beauty, and the โperfectโ relationship are all attempts to get back that which we have lost: contact with our soul.
Would you like to save this?
Your information will never be shared.
Soul loss is a modern epidemic of epic proportions. Itโs symptoms manifest as low self-esteem, suicidal depression, mental illnesses, physical illnesses, rage, grief, and in extreme circumstances, acts of violence, cruelty, and depravity.
Read: 21 Signs Youโre Experiencing Soul Loss ยป
2. Lack of meaning and purpose
When you’ve lost touch with your soul and are feeling empty, you’ll inevitably lose touch with your life purpose. What are you destined to create or do? What does your heart crave to express? How can you experience self-fulfillment? When you experience soul loss … who the hell knows!
We are all brainwashed and conditioned to act in certain ways. Since childhood, we are pressured to conform and fit into nice little boxes by our parents, teachers, and society at large. When we become adults, itโs the same story, except now we mistakenly believe that we are the ones choosing to study that accounting degree, get married young, get a mortgage, rack up huge student debt, and live a socially โacceptableโ life.
Because few of us were told to look inwards, we live most of our lives externally. We listen to what everyone tells us about who we should be and ignore who we really are. We try to fix our inner wounds by using external distractions. We lock away anything uncomfortable, confronting, or โdeep and meaningfulโ and prefer the comfortable and commonplace instead.
Why is it that people who experience breakups, job loss, death, and illnesses suffer so greatly? Yes, loss of any kind is painful. But what is more painful is the feeling of emptiness left behind. The creeping sensation that oneโs life is not being lived to the fullest, and oneโs unique purpose is not being accomplished … now that is fucking scary.
If feeling empty is becoming an increasingly large problem for you, it could signify that you are starting to become more conscious. You’re starting to spiritually awaken. Youโre starting to reach breaking point. Your soul, locked away, is sick and tired of being ignored. It is trying to get your attention. Emptiness is the messenger. And although it may seem like a horrible thing to experience, it is actually a blessing in disguise my friend. (More on that soon.)
3. Suppressed and Repressed Emotions
So what happens if youโre living your life purpose? Youโre regularly making contact with your soul? Youโre devoted to living a path of heart โฆ but that emptiness is still haunting you?
If emptiness is a constant companion with you, even on your spiritual journey, it could be because you are suppressing and repressing emotion.
What is suppression and repression (and whatโs the difference)?
Suppression is consciously shutting away your emotions. Repression is unconsciously shutting away your emotions (i.e., you have no conscious awareness that youโre doing it).
If you grew up in an environment that demanded you to be stoic and punished any form of strong emotional expression, you probably struggle with this issue.
The problem with suppressing and repressing emotions is that over time, they begin to build and stagnate within you. The more your emotions are dammed up inside, the more disconnected you feel from yourself. The more disconnected you feel, the more you feel empty.
In other words: you stop feeling your emotions. Life becomes dull and bland. Where you would otherwise feel joy, you feel mild enjoyment. Where you would otherwise feel anger, you feel mild annoyance. Where you would otherwise feel sadness, you feel mild listlessness.
Shutting out your โnegativeโ emotions not only keeps them at bay but through time, it keeps all of your emotions at bay, positive ones included.
Illumination Books Bundle:
Explore the deeper dimensions of your inner self with our collection of illuminating e-books. Dive into topics including sensitivity, solitude, shadow work, spiritual awakening, and beyond!
If you want to read more about this issue, I recommend checking out our article on emotional numbness.
5 Ways to Feel Better if You’re Feeling Empty
Personally, I feel empty when Iโm not permitting myself to experience my emotions โ both good and bad โ and also when I’m spiritually disconnected. But the cause for your emptiness might be totally different.
Take a few moments to reflect on the causes of emptiness above. Ask yourself, โWhy am I feeling empty?โ and examine each one of the points. Which do you resonate with the most? Keep in mind that itโs possible to feel empty due to all three reasons.
Now you might be wondering โYeah, OK, I’m feeling empty โฆ but whatโs the solution?โ
Here are some helpful tips:
1. Establish your own spiritual practice
Connecting with your soul is not a novel, wishy-washy, one-off experience. It is a serious practice. It is a daily practice that one should commit to for life. You need to make an effort every day to introspect and turn inwards in order to reap the most benefits. And when I mention the benefits, I mean everything ranging from the small and subtle, to the paradigm-shifting-mind-blowing-mystical-experiences.
This website is full of suggestions on how to connect with your soul, but here is a great place to start. In my current spiritual practice, I make use of dream work, shadow work, inner child work, journaling, the I Ching and oracle/tarot cards, self-love, meditation, spirit guide contact, and prayer (but my practice often morphs and changes).
I recommend experimenting with various practices that you feel comfortable with at first. This might range from mainstream spiritual practices to more esoteric methods. The main point is that you need to explore what โsoulโ feels like. If you’re in desperate need of this contact, I recommend finding a local (or international) authentic/trustworthy shaman who can guide you on a spirit quest through the use of plant medicine. Plants such as psilocybin mushrooms, peyote, san pedro, and ayahuasca provide sacred gateways into the realm of soul and spirit.
2. Seek relentlessly for self-fulfillment
Emptiness is the ‘possibility yet to be filled.’
โ K. Hara
Start trying to find what will emotionally, mentally, and spiritually fulfill you. This will require you to look inwards and to possibly ignore everything that everyone has ever told you about who you โshouldโ be.
Self-fulfillment is 100% personal and up to you to discover. No one can hand it to you on a silver platter. You have to explore what sets your soul on fire and makes your heart sing. YOU have to take the steps, set the goals, and put in the effortย because if you donโt, you will wind up feeling empty and unfulfilled.
Remember, your destiny is in your hands. Once you start taking a proactive approach to your life, you will likely feel much better.
Read: 9 Exhilarating Ways to Be True to Yourself ยป
3. Allow and embrace your emotions
Feeling our emotions and actively embracing them flies directly in the face of everything weโve been taught growing up.
In particular, emotions like anger and sadness are shunned and largely feared because of their ferocious power. Such emotions are usually buried and expressed through sports, alcohol binges, workaholism, or relationship conflicts.
One powerful and healthy way of letting your emotions out is through catharsis. Catharsis, when done in a safe and private environment, is immensely liberating. Different forms of catharsis include intense exercise, screaming, dancing, laughing, and crying. I personally enjoy crying and punching catharsis because I struggle with repressed grief and rage.
Other passive forms of catharsis include art therapy and journaling (check out our self-love journal.) In my book โAwakened Empath,โ I also explore a technique called SOAR which helps you to experience and regulate intense emotions. (You can check out our Youtube channel for some examples of SOAR put into action.)
I must stress here that our emotions are not here to be โfixedโ or โcured.โ You simply cannot rid yourself of anger, jealousy, or grief for your entire life. These emotions are normal and are part of the human experience. What we can do is learn how to let them flow through us without clinging to or dramatizing them. Once all emotions are permitted to dance through you, feeling empty will no longer be a problem for you because life will become vibrant again.
4. Create your own support network
You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.
โ Carl Sagan
As much as we like to convince ourselves otherwise, we are not islands. As human beings, we are innately wired to be social. We needย some kindย of social contact, care, and support to be emotionally and psychologically healthy.
One of the best ways to stop feeling empty is to seek out others. Try to locate those who feel the same way as you and/or are experiencing similar problems. Realizing that a lot of what you experience is a shared human experience has the potential of relieving you from a lot of suffering.
If you don’t have anyone in your life right now, there are always support groups online. You can also look into your local community paper and see if there are any communities you could join. There are free help networks like 7cups online, and you could reach out to a therapist/counselor if you desperately need someone to hold space for you.
Creating a support network doesn’t need to look or be perfect. Even just one or two people can be sufficient enough to help you handle your feelings of emptiness. If you don’t know where to start, hop onto a social media platform and join a group or page to do with emptiness/depression. You can join our group on facebook (called ‘lonerwolf tribe’) if you need a place to go.
5. Create a solid sense of self
This may be unconventional, but I believe that possessing a weak sense of self can be the cause and result of feeling empty.
When we lack a stable ego, we float throat life being tossed here and there with no sense of solidity or wholeness. It’s absolutely imperative that we all have a stable ego as, without it, we simply cannot operate in this world effectively.
As such, possessing a frail sense of self is kind of like being a vagabond with no home to return to โ and feeling empty is often a result. Psychologically speaking, we need to be like the humble snail who carries its shell (ego) around as both a form of protection and shelter.
I have written more about how to develop a stronger sense of self in the past (you can explore that more in-depth if you like). But for now, here are a few suggestions:
- Who are you? What qualities do you love the most in yourself? What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses? Record your responses in a journal, making sure that they’re you’re original thoughts (and you’re not regurgitating what other’s have told you)
- Reflect on what you genuinely enjoy or what gives your life meaning, and begin to explore these subjects/paths. (Even if it feels a little silly, that’s okay! Be true to yourself.)
- Take some free personality tests.
- Learn how to set personal boundaries with others. This will help you to build a grounded sense of self.
Having a weak sense of self (and the resulting sense of emptiness) is often due to living in a dysfunctional and toxically enmeshed family as a child. If you were raised in an overly-strict family with rigid roles, you were likely taught that “it’s not okay to be you.” This, of course, is utter bollocks. Learning how to love yourself and caring for your inner child will also be tremendously helpful in not only creating a strong identity, butย acceptingย that identity fully.
***
Feeling empty is often a sign that you’re disconnected from something โ whether that be your soul, a lack meaning/purpose, or your emotions. But whatever the case, the life force energy within you has become blocked.
While trying to learn how to overcome inner emptiness can be complex and daunting, I hope this article has taken off some of the strain. My advice is to keep pushing yourself in the direction of growth and expansion. Start small. Keep experimenting. Keep going. What you’re experiencing has a purpose and above all, you are not alone.
So tell me, what is your journey with emptiness? Which of the above practices do you plan to explore? Please share below. You never know: your story might help others feel less alone.
Whenever you feel the call, there are 3 ways I can help you:
1. The Spiritual Wanderer Course: Need "big picture" direction, clarity, and focus? Our Spiritual Wanderer course is a crystallization of 10+ years of inner work, and it can help you find your deeper path and purpose in life as a spiritual wanderer. You get 3+ hours of audio-visual content, workbooks, meditations, a premium test, and more!.
2. Shadow & Light Membership: Want weekly intuitive guidance to support you on your awakening path? This affordable membership can help you to befriend your dark side, rediscover more self-love, and reclaim inner wholeness.
3. Spiritual Awakening Bundle: Looking for a collection of all our essential transformative resources? You get five enlightening ebooks, seven in-depth journals, plus two empowering bonuses to help you soul search, heal, and awaken.
Love you baby..i am on right path…thank you..
Glad to hear that Rome, best wishes. :)
-Luna
This was spot on about how my life is right now. I’ve had parent issues and I’m still struggling with it. At 18 and graduating my high school with grades that were poor, I’m struggling with my identity. I am so confused that I don’t recognize myself anymore and my life feels just routine. With all my friends in college now and me still not being able to decide what I want to be, this article helped me reflect on what I’ve been doing, living on without a purpose and passion. I have a question, when I see other people doing something like blogging, it looks fun and I try to take is as my own interest and for a time I enjoy it and love it, but as days go on even though I enjoy it from time to time, but I just don’t know why I’m doing it in the first place. Is it still what I enjoy or what I’m making myself to enjoy? Please can you answer me on this because I want to overcome this emptiness. Thank You in advance and you guys keep up the great work :)
Thank you for your comment Nithya. :)
At your age, it’s very common to experience a sort of identity crisis. I certainly did, and found that leaving high school was one of the biggest shocks of all. In our teenage years our identities are very much formed by our friendships and connections to others. However, around the age of 18-19 in my own experience, this is where we begin to stand on our own two feet and really discover what we want out of life and who we want to be.
It’s good and normal for you to find interest in something and try it out. These are the beginning steps to forming a solid identity. So while you may have genuine interest in the beginning (perhaps infatuation), you may eventually loose this interest, realizing that the activity you have undertaken is not your “calling”. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, without trying out many different things, you may never find out who you are and what you want out of life!
So keep exploring, keep becoming infatuated. Very soon (or perhaps not), you may find your passion, you may uncover the true path with heart which you are meant to walk. And when you find it, don’t stop running down it!
I hope this makes sense.
-Luna
Hello again. I am still struggling. I really felt every word of Deborah Valentine’s comment. And Jenn’s comment also grabbed me. Separated after 25 year marriage with 2 kids now 20 and 22 – I always feel like I am lost, like I don’t fit in, like an outsider so I tend to spend way too much time alone beating myself up over the stupidest thoughts…….my mind is my worst enemy. I guess I am all of the self issues rolled into one – but really self abusive and self destructive……I’m 45 starting menopause with low self esteem, low self confidence, anxiety, depression but I know that I am have a strong side, that I am a nice, good person and I get told that I am a very sweet person (in a redneck country bumpkin attitude way). I know that I am unique and I have worked in an office setting for 25 years as well so I try to dress and look nice but love getting down and dirty doing chores, gardening and camping (recently Harley riding). I just lost the only guy that I have dated (1 yr) because I leeched on and melt down on him (self destructive) and my baby steps to a brighter future aren’t up to his expectations….I have to deal with all my self issues and problems before it’s too late to enjoy life……wow – I didn’t mean to blabber so much. I really need to get to work. Maybe you have some advise or some healing words – anything that will help me be the person I know that I can be and deserve to be before I lose all hope of brighter happier times….
Great to hear from you again Sheila.
As you have seen, you are certainly NOT alone in your suffering and striving to overcome certain issues in your life. This is a very comforting thought. Reaching out to a local support group (meetup.com is a good place to go to find groups who share similar interests/goals) will help you on your journey.
It’s also good to keep in mind the following points discussed in this article: https://lonerwolf.com/6-mental-traps/ At this moment in time (like most of us), you will be wrestling with a number of these mental traps, or even all. I really encourage you to read this article, as it will help you to become aware of your own thinking process, which will essentially assist you in becoming your own counselor.
The good thing is that you are aware of the things you need to improve on. Now you must accept these and not deny, punish yourself, or hide from these elements. We all have a Shadow self; that part within us composed of the darker elements of our nature. Yours is being freely expressed at the moment.
Last but not least, change will not come quickly – not in a week, and maybe not even in a month. But you must persist, because each effort you make goes towards healing the whole. Learning how to love and respect yourself will be an important step along this journey.
All the very best,
-Luna
I think and feel everyone wants to make a difference, feel cherished, be important to people in our lives. But life now adays is moving in such a breakneck speed with all of the technology we use (as i type away) that we don’t have time for humanity. We have lost so many things. People are not doing the things that used to ground us as beings. There is less compassion, patience toward people that we perceive as not like us. We are so brainwashed by TV and media that we’ve totally forgotten how to bond with others. To much fear and distrust. FEAR makes ugly stress thats going to kill us sooner than we want. FEAR makes us FEEL empty because we are always in survival mode. Our minds and adrenals were not meant to be this way. So like depression our chemicals in our brains are depleted making us feel empty. The brain is a very fragile thing. Just my opinion.
I would agree Jadedginger. We are so seduced by the constant stimulation of computer/TV/phone screens around us, that when we are alone, without all of these things, we don’t know what to do or where to go. We don’t know who we are and what we want to become. We have a very shaky sense of self, one that is dictated by the beliefs and trends around us, rather than the passion and drive that stems from within us.
To banish emptiness from our lives we need to make sacrifices – even small ones, like spending less time doing banal empty things on the computer, or watching movies. We need to dedicate time to finding and grounding ourselves. Only then can we hope to create more balance and peace in our lives.
Thank you for the thought-provoking comment,
-Luna
Thank you! I am in the place you describe and am struggling to find my way, this helped. Again Thank you from the bottom of my heart
Tammy, I’m so happy to hear that this article could help you in some way! That was my entire intention behind writing it, and I’m happy that it could be accomplished!
All the very best,
-Luna
The first time I came to this website, I started to read about “who I am”. that was over a month ago. Since then I have been developing my self. or trying to. I looked inside to see who I was. A lot of crying happened. I felt rejected by my self. I so desperately wanted to know what to do. and why I have been living in a prison of my own making. I have been miserable, angry, jealous, and not very pleasant to be around. I knew I had to make some changes. I found a book on insight meditation. I hope this book can help me solve some problems I am having. The book is “seeking the heart of wisdom, the path of insight meditation”.
Shambala press
Deborah, the path of inner transformation, Involution, is a tough and unforgiving one. But anything worthy in life is rarely easy or enjoyable at first. The goal is to push forward with focus and determination. You will reap the benefits eventually through your hard work and persistence. At the moment it sounds as though you are going through the self-awareness and exploration stage which all people experience as upsetting and difficult. You may like to read this article more concerning the stages of inner evolution: https://lonerwolf.com/7-paths-of-involution/
My hope is that this website that Sol and I have created will continue to help.
-Luna
My calling is to change the world…because my thought patterns are so different from the norm…definetely agree about that part no1 lending a helping hand…and I fully understand thier motivations for not helping so ihs all gud..I am one of a kind after all…great article and thanks..ill have a think about it..peace
Nice hearing from you again Chronic. :)
Even altruism has an element of self-interest in it (e.g. by making others happy you benefit as well by becoming happy, boosting your self-esteem etc.) It’s excellent to know that you are aware of your calling – this is a great motivating factor to live life to the fullest. Some people don’t have this though.
Thank you for reading!
-Luna
Starting and not giving up is the key. One has to keep trying, no matter what setbacks happen. Nothing is easy, but one can achieve their goal.
Precisely Tom. This is essential. It’s very common for us to get excited at the beginning, filled with enthusiasm and motivation. It’s sort of like love in the way … very magical at the beginning, but changes through time, and that same magic at the beginning dilutes.
Whatever we do, we must keep going. The alternative is falling into endless cycles of despair and aimlessness. Will power is the key.
Thank you for your comment!
-Luna
This might be what i am going trough lately. yes, like you said, i feel something is missing. something important. but i can’t find out what it is. then i’m trying to figure it out. until i found myself that i’m not feeling empty anymore when i did traveling. may be that’s what i need but will it can last any longer till i feel empty again? i or we probably need a concrete way.
Great article as always, luna :)
Hi there Iqbal – great to hear from you again!
Traveling, unfortunately, is usually an escape from many of our problems. We get excited with the stimulation of going somewhere new, but deep down traveling isn’t what changes our problems and inner voids. When we return from our trips abroad, we discover that we have the same problem again. So we decide to travel again in order to escape. Our habit, as human beings, is to look outside of ourselves for happiness, for the answer to our problems. That is why in this article I emphasize the fact that true long-lasting happiness and wholeness comes only from within.
So if you feel as though something is missing in your life, the best thing to do is to stop running around and searching for something to make you happy. The best thing to do is to sit in silence, to ask yourself what you desire to be, what person you want to become. What are your passions and interests? These could be the keys to developing and strong identity, and thus sense of purpose in life.
Thank you for commenting Iqbal,
-Luna
This is me to a “T”. How do I stop? It is causing me to loose friends I cant keep a boyfriends and my other mates and family must be getting so sick of me. I cant seem to be content with who I am and life and this intensity and almost suffocation that I do to people is the main issue. Im terrified of being alone and therefore latch on to people and am too intense and they run a mile. Please help in anyway xx
Hi there Jenn,
The good thing is that you are aware of the way in which your actions are influencing others.
As I mentioned in the article, the reason why you may be experiencing this deep unhappiness is because you don’t know who you are, and what you want to become. You need to focus on creating the person that you want to become in life – no one else is going to do this for you.
I’m not entirely sure what stage of Involution (internal development) you are. Do you know your interests and personality very well? If not, you will need to explore who you are. This article can help you determine what stage you are on: https://lonerwolf.com/7-paths-of-involution/ If you do know your likes, dislikes, passions, interests and so forth, you will need to focus on creating the person you want to be. Whether this be a dancer, a Reiki practitioner, a musician, a painter, an aromatherapist, you need to ask yourself who YOU want to be. Then, you can focus all of your efforts on this.
I hope this makes sense. Please feel free to contact me if not.
I wish you all the very best. It’s always good to remember that you are not alone in your problems.
-Luna
Jenn, I hear your heart and your pain. I can’t say I have experienced the same feelings and or relationshional issues but I do know it’s a wonderful thing that you are “aware” of how you are managing the matter. It sounds like “codependence” to me (but I don’t know)…perhaps read the book “Codependend No More” written by Melodie Beattie (Amazon) or better yet I think it comes in an Audiobook and it has a workbook also…Just a thought of something you can explore and begin “healing this issue”…The one thing that I am not is “needy, codependent (controlling). In fact this behaviour really makes me crazy to observe in others, because I feel their pain and see their manipulative actions to control…At any rate, I would love to know your thoughts on the book…I have never read it but I gave it to my mother who is an avid reader and she said the book was “so enlightening” that it became a project of introspection and her taking responsibility for the bad behvior and choices she has made in her relationships, etc. I have a friend who also struggled with this issue and she uses this book as a “reference source” almost daily to keep herself disciplined and on the right track to keep from relapsing, so to speak. I with you all the best in your journey! YOU CAN DO IT and this too shall pass…