Your hectic day has finally lulled to a stop.
Thereโs nothing left to do. Thereโs nothing more to say. Now you have time to relax. But instead, the silence descends upon you with oppressive force. You feel suffocated underneath the weight of this momentary, but seemingly eternal, nothingness.
Suddenly that old feeling returns โฆ the feeling of desolation, the feeling of a gaping inner hole inside. Your insides ache under the gnawing pressure of this profound vacuum. How can feeling empty be so terribly painful?
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As the feeling intensifies, so does your desire to seek relief. No matter what it takes, you just have to suppress this emptiness a little longer. It seems too hard, too endless to bear such hollowness.
So you reach for a cigarette, your phone, the fridge, the bottle, the remote control, or the next sexual conquest, all in an attempt to escape your old, dark friend: emptiness.
Table of contents
What is Emptiness?
Emotionally, emptiness is a feeling of inner desolation: a complete absence of joy, hope, or satisfaction. When a person experiences emptiness, they are plunged into an inner abyss which often results in addictive and escapist behavior.
Feelings connected with emptiness often include despair, depression, and loneliness.
Read: Feeling Alone – 13 Ways to Stop Feeling So Lonely and Isolated ยป
9 Signs Youโre Experiencing Emptiness
Nobody ever tells you that emptiness weighs the most.
โ Anonymous
Signs to look out for include:
- Fear of being left alone
- Lack of meaning in life
- Feeling empty/hollow inside
- Struggling with an existential crisis
- The absence of true happiness or fulfillment
- Addictive behavior (to escape the emptiness)
- Emotional numbnessย
- Inability to slow down/workaholism (as a form of escape)
- Chronic boredom
Not everyone will share all of these signs, but if you identify with more than half, you are probably struggling with emptiness.
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Emptiness and Spiritual Awakening
There’s much more to feeling empty than meets the eye. This is a perplexing emotion (if you can really call it that) that is often closely linked with the process of spiritual awakening. In fact, those who endure chronic emptiness are often led to the spiritual journey in the search for wholeness and inner peace. Trying to cope with the numbness of emptiness each day is enough to eventually trigger major inner life shifts โ this can actually be a positive thing. When one’s soul loss (read more about this below) is fully faced and comprehended, a spiritual metamorphosis is ignited.
3 Reasons Why Emptiness is Haunting You
Contrary to all logic and reason โ emptiness hurts. You would not believe the pain and the suffering that can come from a thing which, by all accounts … is not even there.
โ Ranata Suzuki
As a person who has struggled (and still at times struggles) with emptiness, I can tell you that depression is often a symptom, not a cause, of emptiness.
When looking online and listening to others explain emptiness, it is often linked to various mental illnesses such as BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder), Schizophrenia, alcohol and drug addiction, anxiety disorders, and of course depression. But to me, these labels are distracting and often times shallow, meaningless, and even harmful because they donโt go to the root cause of what causes emptiness.
Donโt get me wrong, while emptiness is sometimes caused by neurological chemical imbalances, I dare to say that for most people, it goes much deeper than that.
So what are the origins of emptiness? Why does this inner desolation haunt you? I have often explored this topic in-depth privately because it is one of the major issues I have (and still) struggle with.
When it comes to exploring what is really causing your emptiness, be careful. Iโve run into so many justifications which sound true, but in reality, they are band-aid symptoms of much deeper issues. Here are some of those false reasons Iโm talking about:
- I donโt have a partner.
- I donโt have enough money.
- Iโm not successful enough.
- My partner doesnโt love me anymore.
- I have no close friends.
- My husband/wife is boring.
- I donโt have enough sex.
- Iโm not in the right job.
When you dig deep enough, going to the core of each of these issues, you will find some common themes.
Here’s what Iโve found lies at the root of emptiness:
1. Soul Loss
Soul loss means being disconnected from your soul. All of us have experienced soul loss to some extent. Soul loss is caused, and reinforced, by trauma, abuse, childhood conditioning, materialism, and ego-centered living.
Soul loss manifests as the eternal sense that something is โmissingโ from our lives. In other words, it is disguised as the perpetual โsearch for happinessโ which often results in misguided, futile, and externally-focused pursuits. Our obsession with money, fame, power, beauty, and the โperfectโ relationship are all attempts to get back that which we have lost: contact with our soul.
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Soul loss is a modern epidemic of epic proportions. Itโs symptoms manifest as low self-esteem, suicidal depression, mental illnesses, physical illnesses, rage, grief, and in extreme circumstances, acts of violence, cruelty, and depravity.
Read: 21 Signs Youโre Experiencing Soul Loss ยป
2. Lack of meaning and purpose
When you’ve lost touch with your soul and are feeling empty, you’ll inevitably lose touch with your life purpose. What are you destined to create or do? What does your heart crave to express? How can you experience self-fulfillment? When you experience soul loss … who the hell knows!
We are all brainwashed and conditioned to act in certain ways. Since childhood, we are pressured to conform and fit into nice little boxes by our parents, teachers, and society at large. When we become adults, itโs the same story, except now we mistakenly believe that we are the ones choosing to study that accounting degree, get married young, get a mortgage, rack up huge student debt, and live a socially โacceptableโ life.
Because few of us were told to look inwards, we live most of our lives externally. We listen to what everyone tells us about who we should be and ignore who we really are. We try to fix our inner wounds by using external distractions. We lock away anything uncomfortable, confronting, or โdeep and meaningfulโ and prefer the comfortable and commonplace instead.
Why is it that people who experience breakups, job loss, death, and illnesses suffer so greatly? Yes, loss of any kind is painful. But what is more painful is the feeling of emptiness left behind. The creeping sensation that oneโs life is not being lived to the fullest, and oneโs unique purpose is not being accomplished … now that is fucking scary.
If feeling empty is becoming an increasingly large problem for you, it could signify that you are starting to become more conscious. You’re starting to spiritually awaken. Youโre starting to reach breaking point. Your soul, locked away, is sick and tired of being ignored. It is trying to get your attention. Emptiness is the messenger. And although it may seem like a horrible thing to experience, it is actually a blessing in disguise my friend. (More on that soon.)
3. Suppressed and Repressed Emotions
So what happens if youโre living your life purpose? Youโre regularly making contact with your soul? Youโre devoted to living a path of heart โฆ but that emptiness is still haunting you?
If emptiness is a constant companion with you, even on your spiritual journey, it could be because you are suppressing and repressing emotion.
What is suppression and repression (and whatโs the difference)?
Suppression is consciously shutting away your emotions. Repression is unconsciously shutting away your emotions (i.e., you have no conscious awareness that youโre doing it).
If you grew up in an environment that demanded you to be stoic and punished any form of strong emotional expression, you probably struggle with this issue.
The problem with suppressing and repressing emotions is that over time, they begin to build and stagnate within you. The more your emotions are dammed up inside, the more disconnected you feel from yourself. The more disconnected you feel, the more you feel empty.
In other words: you stop feeling your emotions. Life becomes dull and bland. Where you would otherwise feel joy, you feel mild enjoyment. Where you would otherwise feel anger, you feel mild annoyance. Where you would otherwise feel sadness, you feel mild listlessness.
Shutting out your โnegativeโ emotions not only keeps them at bay but through time, it keeps all of your emotions at bay, positive ones included.
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If you want to read more about this issue, I recommend checking out our article on emotional numbness.
5 Ways to Feel Better if You’re Feeling Empty
Personally, I feel empty when Iโm not permitting myself to experience my emotions โ both good and bad โ and also when I’m spiritually disconnected. But the cause for your emptiness might be totally different.
Take a few moments to reflect on the causes of emptiness above. Ask yourself, โWhy am I feeling empty?โ and examine each one of the points. Which do you resonate with the most? Keep in mind that itโs possible to feel empty due to all three reasons.
Now you might be wondering โYeah, OK, I’m feeling empty โฆ but whatโs the solution?โ
Here are some helpful tips:
1. Establish your own spiritual practice
Connecting with your soul is not a novel, wishy-washy, one-off experience. It is a serious practice. It is a daily practice that one should commit to for life. You need to make an effort every day to introspect and turn inwards in order to reap the most benefits. And when I mention the benefits, I mean everything ranging from the small and subtle, to the paradigm-shifting-mind-blowing-mystical-experiences.
This website is full of suggestions on how to connect with your soul, but here is a great place to start. In my current spiritual practice, I make use of dream work, shadow work, inner child work, journaling, the I Ching and oracle/tarot cards, self-love, meditation, spirit guide contact, and prayer (but my practice often morphs and changes).
I recommend experimenting with various practices that you feel comfortable with at first. This might range from mainstream spiritual practices to more esoteric methods. The main point is that you need to explore what โsoulโ feels like. If you’re in desperate need of this contact, I recommend finding a local (or international) authentic/trustworthy shaman who can guide you on a spirit quest through the use of plant medicine. Plants such as psilocybin mushrooms, peyote, san pedro, and ayahuasca provide sacred gateways into the realm of soul and spirit.
2. Seek relentlessly for self-fulfillment
Emptiness is the ‘possibility yet to be filled.’
โ K. Hara
Start trying to find what will emotionally, mentally, and spiritually fulfill you. This will require you to look inwards and to possibly ignore everything that everyone has ever told you about who you โshouldโ be.
Self-fulfillment is 100% personal and up to you to discover. No one can hand it to you on a silver platter. You have to explore what sets your soul on fire and makes your heart sing. YOU have to take the steps, set the goals, and put in the effortย because if you donโt, you will wind up feeling empty and unfulfilled.
Remember, your destiny is in your hands. Once you start taking a proactive approach to your life, you will likely feel much better.
Read: 9 Exhilarating Ways to Be True to Yourself ยป
3. Allow and embrace your emotions
Feeling our emotions and actively embracing them flies directly in the face of everything weโve been taught growing up.
In particular, emotions like anger and sadness are shunned and largely feared because of their ferocious power. Such emotions are usually buried and expressed through sports, alcohol binges, workaholism, or relationship conflicts.
One powerful and healthy way of letting your emotions out is through catharsis. Catharsis, when done in a safe and private environment, is immensely liberating. Different forms of catharsis include intense exercise, screaming, dancing, laughing, and crying. I personally enjoy crying and punching catharsis because I struggle with repressed grief and rage.
Other passive forms of catharsis include art therapy and journaling (check out our self-love journal.) In my book โAwakened Empath,โ I also explore a technique called SOAR which helps you to experience and regulate intense emotions. (You can check out our Youtube channel for some examples of SOAR put into action.)
I must stress here that our emotions are not here to be โfixedโ or โcured.โ You simply cannot rid yourself of anger, jealousy, or grief for your entire life. These emotions are normal and are part of the human experience. What we can do is learn how to let them flow through us without clinging to or dramatizing them. Once all emotions are permitted to dance through you, feeling empty will no longer be a problem for you because life will become vibrant again.
4. Create your own support network
You’re an interesting species. An interesting mix. You’re capable of such beautiful dreams, and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you’re not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we’ve found that makes the emptiness bearable, is each other.
โ Carl Sagan
As much as we like to convince ourselves otherwise, we are not islands. As human beings, we are innately wired to be social. We needย some kindย of social contact, care, and support to be emotionally and psychologically healthy.
One of the best ways to stop feeling empty is to seek out others. Try to locate those who feel the same way as you and/or are experiencing similar problems. Realizing that a lot of what you experience is a shared human experience has the potential of relieving you from a lot of suffering.
If you don’t have anyone in your life right now, there are always support groups online. You can also look into your local community paper and see if there are any communities you could join. There are free help networks like 7cups online, and you could reach out to a therapist/counselor if you desperately need someone to hold space for you.
Creating a support network doesn’t need to look or be perfect. Even just one or two people can be sufficient enough to help you handle your feelings of emptiness. If you don’t know where to start, hop onto a social media platform and join a group or page to do with emptiness/depression. You can join our group on facebook (called ‘lonerwolf tribe’) if you need a place to go.
5. Create a solid sense of self
This may be unconventional, but I believe that possessing a weak sense of self can be the cause and result of feeling empty.
When we lack a stable ego, we float throat life being tossed here and there with no sense of solidity or wholeness. It’s absolutely imperative that we all have a stable ego as, without it, we simply cannot operate in this world effectively.
As such, possessing a frail sense of self is kind of like being a vagabond with no home to return to โ and feeling empty is often a result. Psychologically speaking, we need to be like the humble snail who carries its shell (ego) around as both a form of protection and shelter.
I have written more about how to develop a stronger sense of self in the past (you can explore that more in-depth if you like). But for now, here are a few suggestions:
- Who are you? What qualities do you love the most in yourself? What are your greatest strengths and weaknesses? Record your responses in a journal, making sure that they’re you’re original thoughts (and you’re not regurgitating what other’s have told you)
- Reflect on what you genuinely enjoy or what gives your life meaning, and begin to explore these subjects/paths. (Even if it feels a little silly, that’s okay! Be true to yourself.)
- Take some free personality tests.
- Learn how to set personal boundaries with others. This will help you to build a grounded sense of self.
Having a weak sense of self (and the resulting sense of emptiness) is often due to living in a dysfunctional and toxically enmeshed family as a child. If you were raised in an overly-strict family with rigid roles, you were likely taught that “it’s not okay to be you.” This, of course, is utter bollocks. Learning how to love yourself and caring for your inner child will also be tremendously helpful in not only creating a strong identity, butย acceptingย that identity fully.
***
Feeling empty is often a sign that you’re disconnected from something โ whether that be your soul, a lack meaning/purpose, or your emotions. But whatever the case, the life force energy within you has become blocked.
While trying to learn how to overcome inner emptiness can be complex and daunting, I hope this article has taken off some of the strain. My advice is to keep pushing yourself in the direction of growth and expansion. Start small. Keep experimenting. Keep going. What you’re experiencing has a purpose and above all, you are not alone.
So tell me, what is your journey with emptiness? Which of the above practices do you plan to explore? Please share below. You never know: your story might help others feel less alone.
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.. Well here we go ! My emptiness came upon me one day after I had made a concentrated effort to discover what lies under the surface of the outer life world. You Tube became my prime method of observation, extraction and absorption. And without knowing , subconsciously I had over done things, which led to fears about my, and our future, plus full blown anxiety. At one point I felt some thing in side me drop away to blackness. As if internally I was hanging by a slim thread over an abyss, and one wrong move would send me to complete oblivion. I call this my days with the Black Dog, and not my lovely Lone Wolf. I escaped from this by staying off You Tube, until I had processed my thoughts and feelings as far as possible, getting much rest and doing bugger all until I felt better.
So I find your written works on emptiness very interesting ..thank you.
Regards John ….Dosha Type… Varta…Soul test type …the Alchemist.
Hi Mr John Ambrose,
What you write here is very interesting as it goes into existential/metaphysical territory. It sounds like you entered a territory written about my many mystics and sages; the realm of the No-Self where the ego creeps to the edge of its own demise (which is why the experience is so terrifying). I have experienced this during various plant medicine trips โ I was actually flung into the void and felt as though I was falling eternally. The more I tried to resist the worse I felt. The more I surrendered, the more Divine the experience felt.
Thank you for raising this! I’d be interested in hearing anyone else’s experience regarding this inner void โ and what it was like!
The most significant thing I have learnt is not to look for solutions in my outer reality. Outer reality is only a reflection of what is happening inside of all of us: most importantly how we relate to ourselves.I have started to move towards “.the expression of an individuality that needs nothing outside of itself in order to feel whole”( from the book “The Essential Laws of Fearless Living”). This is all I long for, because for me that is real freedom. But as I have started to move towards this I have noticed that the void I feel does not ache, it is beautiful and full and rich.As my connection with myself deepens I feel less in need of reaching for anything outside myself to be happy, and yet I am starting to become intensily connected to the world around me. I love where my path is taking me. Thank you for this article: it has made me realise that this ache is just showing us where we need to connect to ourselves and when we do, the ache becomes pregnant with a richness I cannot begin to put into words.
Shae, this is such a beautiful message which I feel will give many people lurking through these comments hope. Thank you <3
So beautiful, Shae, thanks for sharing! Ram Dass says that the paradox of becoming nobody, being so empty you become mirror like is that when you become nothing you become everything. I have not experienced it yet – busy becoming nobody at the moment but your words seem to echo this and so give me hope.
I find mirror work connects to your soul
Yes I agree Kathy, that is when I started to see some awesome changes.
I agree as well! Mirror work is a wonderful practice. For anyone interested, there is an article on it here: https://lonerwolf.com/mirror-work-guide/
Thank you for this interesting thought provoking article . I am not a religious or spiritual person but belief strongly in self work and connection to ourselves and to others and the world around us . I also now understand the importance of emotions and feelings and connecting with these and our bodies in a way I have never done before . Itโs very hard reconnecting as I feel I have having to feel a lifetime of feelings dissociated away and that has to be done ever so slowly for me and itโs not easy . I think it will be the only way for me to not have that void , emptiness feeling . For me there are s lot of dysfunctional attachment issues and neglect as a child at the root and I am unsure how much I can do to give myself what I never had . I will try though and listen to my own pain and continue this path . I would like someone else to listen to t but my experience with that has been damaging and retraumatising .
I am going to read your article on emotional numbing too
Thanks again
Hi Gina,
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had bad experiences in the past in regards to needing to be heard. Everyone deserves the right to be seen and honored. Did you see a professional or talk with family/friends etc.?
I’d say it’s definitely worth considering the option of body work therapy โ particularly if you suffer from dissociation and a lot of past trauma. It’s always a good idea to ask if the therapist has some kind of ongoing self-improvement practice before trusting them as some therapists don’t walk the talk. (This will hopefully help provide a sense of safety for you too.) Personally, I’ve had a lot of success with something called ‘somatic experiencing.’ Maybe see if there are any practitioners in your area? Otherwise, practicing self-love and inner child work are two wonderful ways of listening to your pain and caring for yourself.
x
well folks.
you are looking someone who lost his heart.
it shattered in too many peices to count,
and went to places you cant even not understand.
you literally have no conscious way of NOT knowing just HOW much none of you freaks dealing with normal stuff have anything to do with anything.
I’m still alive, somehow.
and hollowness is the greatest pain you can ever expereince.
But while thats in general,
if any of you take a look in my eyes,
all you need is the time it takes for a full synapse to hit your conscious understanding.
Then,
suffice to say, it would be enough to blow peoples minds.
its hilarious.
its not ‘purpose’
purpose is easy.
its mattering.
quite simply nothing matters
but what if you were forced to care?
because i am,
I force myself not to give up.
Just like a blackhole,
it has infinite density,
can’t be filled (by most/all things)
has unimaginable/limitless (literally) power
and is constantly destroying itself,
over, and over,
in a neverending spiral of pain,
and grief,
desperately pulsing out unimaginable amounts of power,
to try and fill itself. to acheive stability.
but what can fill a blackhole?
the very c0re is 0. is nothing.
What can it do?
the entire universe, is warped directly into it.
but of what use is it?
none
Thank you!
This is a great help for me to understand this!
thanks this helped me alot
My boyfriend died, in my arms, eight months ago. (It feels like 8days) I know that medically, I did EVERYTHING I could of. However, I still feel an immense sense of survivors guilt, & just can’t seem to work thru the grief. I know he’s around me, & I know he would want me to just get on with my life. (I’ve tried going on a few dates, but they were pointless, time-fillers.) I try to keep busy,but one can’t be busy 24/7. The only thing a ‘therapist’ offered was anti-depressants. I don’t want any drugs to dull his memory away, & besides I’ve been on them before, &felt like a zombie. I don’t have good enough Insurance to find a better therapist, & I don’t want to burden my friends taking about him, &my feelings all the time. I just feel stuck, & really lonely.
I feel for you :( My condolences. Someone I know said that plant medicines helped her (psilocybin, ayahuasca, etc). In the UK we have the UK Psychedelic Society who run legal plant medicine retreats in Holland. There are ayahuasca retreats in Spain. I hear there are options in the US also. This won’t be easy as it will be a therapy on steroids but may help your depression. Of course do your research in advance and check with a doctor.
Helped her overcome loss.
I suffered from the vacuum because of the death of my father and brother and was depressed, angry and sad is all our problems and problems in our house
Now Lashi makes me happy
I also wish death to rest
So far, I have not been able to get out since this situation
Thank you for yet another great article, Luna! I can respond with a quote: “God emptied to the limit is man, and man emptied to the limit is God.” So it might not be all that bad for everybody experiencing emptiness. Save for narcissists, of course.