Loneliness can be compared to a thick winter’s fog.
It stifles and strangles you, pulling you under a heavy blanket of depression, pervading all that you see.
Loneliness causes you to filter life through a lens of emptiness and despair. Your spirit may become so heavy with the weight of your isolation that you often feel like laying down, shriveling up, and dying.
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Sound dramatic?
It many ways, it is.
Loneliness has been linked to an increase in health issues such as dementia, stroke, heart disease, and premature death.
And interestingly enough, loneliness isn’t just an issue faced by singles, widowers, disabled folks, or the elderly – it’s also greatly troubling Millennials, who, due to the impact of social media, are finding themselves feeling more and more isolated.
Whether you feel loneliness in a crowd, in your marriage, in your workplace, friend circle, religion, culture or simply by being yourself, there is hope.
Yes, it’s possible to not only learn how to deal with loneliness, but to also give it a greater meaning and purpose – I’ll show you how (based on painful personal experience) in this article.
Table of contents
Loneliness: You’re Not Alone
As humans, it’s our tendency to believe that we’re the only one in the world feeling the deep level of isolation we’re experiencing. But what we fail to realize that loneliness is a worldwide epidemic. And no, you’re NOT alone – at least in experiencing it.
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Here are some shocking findings from numerous studies/sources which will help you to see how common this issue is:
- Loneliness affects close to 47% of Americans (source)
- In Japan, there are more than half a million people under the age of 40 who haven’t left their house or interacted with anyone for at least six months (source)
- One in four Australians feel lonely at least once every single week (source) and one in five Australians rarely or never have anyone to talk to when they need help (source)
- 30% of Millenials said they always or often feel lonely compared to 20% with Generation X and 15% of Boomers (source)
- 9 million people in the UK across all ages are either always or often lonely (source)
- More than 60% of married people struggle with loneliness (source)
- 49% of older people in the UK say that television or pets are their main form of company (source)
… and the statistics keep coming and coming. The list above is only the tip of the iceberg!
Can you see how widespread loneliness is and that you’re not alone as you think you are?
Why Are We Lonely? (13 Possible Reasons)
While loneliness might be universally felt, the reasons why we feel it are unique for each person.
For example, I felt lonely for many years due to the trauma of being brought up in a fundamentalist Christian religion that isolated me from everyone. Being taught that outsiders were “evil” caused me to distance myself from everyone which caused a deep-seated sense of loneliness. (Thankfully, I left religion over a decade ago.)
Other reasons why we can feel lonely often include:
- Death of a spouse, child, family member, or loved one
- Estrangement from family members
- Lacking access to quality relationships where we can share our deepest thoughts, feelings, and beliefs (this can be due to numerous reasons, such as working too much, living in a community that doesn’t meet your needs, struggling to connect to likeminded people, etc.)
- Undergoing a quarter life crisis, midlife crisis, or existential crisis
- Living alone unwillingly
- Possessing different values or beliefs from the vast majority of those around you
- Undergoing a spiritual awakening process
- Experiencing a dark night of the Soul
- Poor, underdeveloped, or neurodivergent social skills
- Mental health issues such as anxiety and depression
- Childhood trauma and later-life trauma (this also includes being in toxic relationships, struggling with narcissistic family members, physical/emotional/mental abuse, etc.) causing issues like PTSD, C-PTSD, and other trauma symptoms
- Having a disability (such as autism, ADHD, etc.)
- Chronic health issues (like fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, etc.) and other physical disabilities
However, perhaps one of the biggest overlooked reasons why many of us struggle with loneliness is because we lack a deep connection with our soul – the deep spark of love and wisdom within us. This issue is known as soul loss.
Ultimately, loneliness is very subjective. For example, someone living alone with no friends might seem lonely to an onlooker, but on the inside, they might be perfectly content and relaxed.
On the other hand, a person with a big family and successful career might seem happy to the general public – but inside, they might feel totally and utterly alone.
There really is no one ironclad stereotype when it comes to loneliness.
The Deeper Meaning and Invitation of Loneliness
Although loneliness seems pretty straightforward on the surface, I would argue that loneliness actually contains within it a great secret.
And that secret is that loneliness can be a doorway to reconnecting with our Soul and an invitation to seek out our True Nature beyond our limited ego selves.
There is a certain wisdom inherent in loneliness in that it teaches us that nothing outside of us can truly make us happy, because everything and everyone can be taken from us in an instant.
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Our loved ones can die, we can grow distant from our partners and children, we can lose close friends, and we can grow discontent or disillusioned with our various social groups. Literally anything that we rely on as a crutch to avoid being lonely or alone can vanish in an instant. This is a reality that most of us prefer to avoid, but loneliness throws this harsh reality back into our faces to deal with directly.
One of the major reasons I began this website (“loner-wolf”) in the first place is that I had come face-to-face with the joy, despair, and wisdom within being alone and facing loneliness.
Loneliness strips our life down to the essentials. It asks us to examine what truly makes us happy, how we can find joy without depending on the external world, and go more deeply inwards in search of our true home.
Loneliness encourages Soul searching, self-reflection, contemplation, independence, self-reliance, self-sovereignty, and a more conscious relationship to the world around and within us.
Without loneliness as a slap on the face to wake us up, asking us “what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” (in the words of poet Mary Oliver), it’s likely that we would just amble through life doing and thinking what everyone else does.
Like unconscious automatons running on a capitalistic treadmill that is slowly destroying the world, our lives may have very well just trickled away meaninglessly without the clarion call of loneliness to graciously disturb us.
Now, I understand that loneliness is not always so meaningful for everyone (although, I challenge you to not find a deeper meaning in it). For some people, loneliness is a sign of deep depression or even suicidal desolation. So if that is the case, by all means seek to avoid loneliness. Find help. You can access a list of suicide hotlines here if you do feel this urge.
With that aside, loneliness is often a sign of the spiritual awakening journey – and more specifically, the dark night of the Soul in which one feels alone in the world and separated from anything Divine.
But as uncomfortable as the dark night can be, it helps us to tune out of the external world and listen to the deeper inner call, giving us the incentive and motivation to reconnect with something greater than our individual selves.
You can watch a video we created on the spiritual purpose of loneliness below:
How to Deal With Loneliness (Healing Paths)
If you’re suffering from chronic loneliness – which is an epidemic that’s increasing in our society according to numerous studies – please know that it is possible to transform this experience into something positive. And you don’t even have to put in too much effort in most circumstances.
As someone who has had a lot of experience with loneliness (I’ve spent a large portion of my life feeling lonely and isolated, even around others), I’ve compiled a list that I hope will help you learn how to deal with loneliness below:
1. Learn to have fun by yourself again
Loneliness is not cured by human company. Loneliness is cured by contact with reality, by understanding that we don’t need people.
— Anthony de Mello
This was perhaps one of the most surprising but fun methods I used to learn how to deal with loneliness.
When we lose friends or family members – or simply drift away from everyone around us – we tend to lose all sense of fun and playfulness, often preferring to wallow in our misery instead.
Realize that you can have fun alone and that you don’t need to rely on others to make you happy. The person who can enjoy life alone can never have happiness taken away from them – to truly understand this is liberating!
I know it sounds wacky and a little juvenile (well, I was 19), but my journey with regaining my playfulness started in the bathrooms of a well-established university. Sick of the day-to-day drabness of socially isolating study, I printed out flyers about diarrhea and stuck them all over the walls and mirrors of a women’s bathroom. (I never knew how liberating fecal matter could be!)
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But you don’t have to do something as wacky as I did to learn to have fun by yourself again. Start by doing something small that you enjoy, and take it from there. Perhaps you decide to take yourself to a move alone, explore a new part of town, or buy yourself some flowers.
Yes, it is possible to regain much of what you have lost, all by yourself. You will be a stronger and better person that way. Why? Because you won’t rely on, or use, other people for your entertainment.
2. Learn to laugh again
Laughing has been scientifically proven to benefit your health. But what happens when you’re lonely? Well, chances are, you don’t laugh much. Or at all. (I know that I didn’t.)
When you really think about it, we greatly we rely on others to make us happy, sometimes too much so. That’s why learning how to laugh again, by yourself, is so important – it empowers you!
If you find it hard to find something to laugh about, try putting on a funny film or go on Reddit and subscribe to threads like r/ThereWasAnAttempt, r/Funny, or r/ContagiousLaughter.
Not only does laughing take your focus away from yourself and your misery, but it replenishes those endorphins in your brain again, making you feel happy. Seeking to laugh is probably one of the most enjoyable ways of learning how to deal with loneliness.
3. Practice mirror work
Spend quality time with yourself, just like you would with a friend or someone you love. One powerful way of doing this is by practicing something called mirror work. Mirror work is simple, and all it requires is a mirror, openness, and some free time.
To practice mirror work for the purpose of connecting deeply with yourself, spend five minutes a day gazing gently at yourself in a mirror. I understand how bizarre that might sound, but staring deeply into your eyes and smiling every time you see yourself really makes you feel happy (even if it takes a little bit of practice). But don’t believe me – try it out for yourself!
One result of this strange practice is an increase in self-love and self-acceptance – especially when you pair this practice with loving affirmations such as “I accept you,” “I forgive you,” “I love you,” etc.
Every day we tend to look at ourselves in the mirror to pamper and preen, but we only do it superficially. But have you ever stopped to stare at yourself – earnestly? Try it, and you may be blown away by how much self-awareness and self-compassion you can develop.
4. Become your own best friend
I’m sure you’ve had a best friend in the past that now, for one reason or another, has drifted away.
Even if you’ve never had a best friend before, how do you observe best friends treating each other on TV? Most people would say that best friends treat each other with kindness, care, and consideration.
Let me ask you a question: do you treat yourself with kindness, care, and consideration? If not, why? Why can’t you be your own best friend? What is it about yourself that you’re so insecure about? Don’t you deserve love and respect just like everyone else? (If you struggle to answer this question, you might like to look into your core beliefs.)
Many people falsely believe that a best friend can only be someone else. But this is an absurd idea, because how can you learn to love and appreciate people truly if first you don’t love and appreciate yourself? It’s still possible to love others when you don’t love yourself, but it’s much harder and requires more effort.
To become your own best friend, treat yourself kindly. Compliment yourself. Be considerate towards yourself and respect your strengths and weaknesses.
Here are some further resources you can explore to help you become your own best friend and learn how to deal with loneliness better:
- How to Love Yourself (No Bullsh*t Guide)
- 39 Self-Care Ideas For Those Who Struggle With Self-Love
- Self-Love Journal (premium resource and in-depth guidance)
5. Become your own counselor
Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself.
– Carl Jung
One of the most irritating things in the world is listening to people who moan and complain about their problems but don’t stop to question why they’re happening, or what they can do to solve them.
While it’s natural for us to complain (it can be therapeutic), constant whinging wastes energy and gets us nowhere when trying to learn how to deal with loneliness.
Becoming your own counselor is invaluable because it allows you to explore your problems, rather than wallow in them.
Ask yourself, Why am I lonely? When did it start? How am I feeling? Why am I feeling that way? What can I do to solve my loneliness? (By the way, kudos to you for checking out this article, because, in a sense, you’re being your own counselor right now.) Analyzing your thought processes is a wonderful way of putting them into a new perspective.
When I experienced loneliness I read self-help books, started keeping a journal, and mapped out my issues on pieces of paper to give them a visual perspective. The more I analyzed them and looked at them with different perspectives, the easier I found it to address my inner turmoil. I also highly recommend looking into internal family systems as a rich psychological system if you want to learn how to deal with loneliness better.
Note: being your own counselor doesn’t discount the need to access a trained professional counselor. But if you don’t have the ability, for any reason, to access a trained counselor (such as due to low income), adopting the role of counselor can help you to step into a new part of yourself outside the realm of “the lonely one.”
6. Be near people
By nature, we’re social beings – it’s hardwired into us to crave the physical, emotional, and psychological company of fellow human beings, hence the existence of loneliness. So go out and be near people, even if that just means by proximity.
Go and sit anonymously in a public space. Walk around a library and sit down. Drink something at a cafe with sunglasses on. These simple practices are both entertaining (people-watching is always interesting) and comforting due to the fact that you’ll at least be around others.
Although this point doesn’t necessarily cater to your emotional and psychological needs, it’s a start and was something I definitely found useful while learning how to deal with loneliness.
7. Volunteer and have a reason to be around others
Volunteer or join an interest group. Take small steps to get out of your comfort zone. Check your local newspaper, sign up to a Facebook group in your area, or go on meetup.com.
There are many beautiful, kindred souls to be found in volunteering circles and interest groups. In fact, if you’re looking for a friend, this is the perfect way to meet new people.
Loneliness tricks you into thinking that everyone is alike and that you won’t ever be able to find a kindred soul. But by doing the math, it’s easy to see that we’ll most likely find someone to truly connect with eventually if we seek out a mutual interest, like a crochet group or hiking club.
If you have a certain personality type (like introversion) or disability like autism, try seeking out groups of people who share the same traits and behavioral dispositions. You can start online and build up to eventually meeting in person (if that’s important to you). Similar minds think alike after all!
8. Take care of yourself physically
Neglecting yourself when you feel down is tempting. But taking care of your body is the beginning of recovering a sense of self-sovereignty, connectedness, and learning how to deal with loneliness in a healthy way. So be playful. Your body deserves comfort, grooming, and pleasure.
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Have a bubble bath. Lie on a soft pillow. Buy yourself a nice treat. Get a massage. Do your hair. Drink some tea or fine wine. The more I respected my body, the more I found respect for myself in honoring my comfort and taking care of my needs.
9. Listen to calming music
Don’t make the mistake of listening to depressing or dark music to match your mood. While dark music can provide a nice emotional release, often it just winds up making us feel even worse.
Instead, try listening to up-beat, classical, or ambient music (this will increase the endorphins, or happy chemical, in your brain).
If you want some keyword suggestions, get YouTube up on your browser and search for “happy relaxing music,” “ambient music,” “binaural beats positive energy,” “emotional healing music,” “singing bowls,” and so on. I particularly love listening to wind chimes and hang drums: they’re light, ethereal, and uplifting.
10. Learn to love joy more than misery
It’s quite possible that you’re in love with your misery at this very moment in time. I know this sounds bizarre and a little shocking.
Speaking from personal experience, I realized at some point that I was accustoming myself too much to a miserable way of life. After a while, when all we know is isolation and depression, we tend to grow accustomed to this way of living. It becomes the norm. And in a sickly way, it even provides us with a sense of comfort. This means that when we try to break our “norm” of isolation and depression we become uncomfortable, suddenly thrown out of our comfort zone.
This fear can lead to self-sabotaging behavior that is designed to try and regain that sense of comfortable (yet stagnant and miserable) safety. Becoming aware of this can truly liberate you when learning how to deal with loneliness.
Being attached to our misery can arise in the form of a victim mentality or martyr complex. So if you struggle with the tendency to wallow in melancholy (and even, if you’re honest, find yourself enjoying it from a place of self-righteous indignation with the world), try to shift gears. Find ways of feeling empowered and self-sovereign again. While it’s true that you may have been victimized, you don’t have to live as a victim. You can be a survivor and thriver as well.
These journaling ideas, morning affirmations, and healing meditations can help.
11. Understand that it’s possible to be alone, but not lonely
This is a simple mindset shift when it comes to learning how to deal with loneliness, but it makes a world of difference.
Sometimes the loneliness we feel is a byproduct of what society tells us. After all, we are all sold the idea that being in a heterosexual relationship with 2-3 children and a job is meant to be the pinnacle of normality and non-loneliness.
But is it?
Why should we believe and adopt this idea and let it affect OUR happiness?
Just because we find ourselves alone, divorced, widowed, friendless, and so on, doesn’t mean we’ve failed. Nothing in life is permanent, even the position you find yourself in now. So then, why should we allow ourselves to be pressured to feel like there’s something “wrong” with us when everything is temporary.
It is absolutely possible to be alone but not lonely. In fact, some of the most isolated people in the world have also been the most successful and/or happy (think of spiritual ascetics, monks, saints, writers like Emily Dickinson, innovators like Einstein, and artists like Greta Garbo who famously stated “I want to be alone”).
We explore the benefits of solitude more in our book The Power of Solitude.
12. Find an animal companion
If you can’t, don’t want to, or don’t have the time to connect with other people at this point in life, an animal companion is a wonderful way to feel emotionally connected to another living being.
Adopting a dog, cat, rabbit, bird (or whatever you resonate with) from a local shelter is not only an act of compassion, but it ensures that you’ll have another living being to spend your days with.
Not only that, but often animals have a way of reconnecting us back to other humans. Dogs, for example, are a beautiful way of forming connections, even fleeting ones, with other dog owners at the park.
(Bonus) 13. Reconnect with your Soul
Right at the heart and core of loneliness is often a disconnection from our innermost Self.
In other words, often loneliness is not just about having a lack of company, it’s actually a deeper symptom of disconnection from one’s Soul.
When we are disconnected from our Soul we struggle with lethargy, demotivation, depression, and the desire to isolate ourselves from others. This is known as Soul loss, and it’s a common issue in society.
In order to reconnect with your Soul, you will need to practice inner work and Soul work to remove the blocks (in the form of negative beliefs, traumas, and core wounds) that stand in the way of your inner Light.
One powerful way of beginning inner work and Soul work is by starting your own spiritual practice. (And yes, you can still be religious or an atheist and have a spiritual practice – it’s how you define it that matters.) Read more about spirituality to begin the next step in your journey.
***
Loneliness, longing, does not mean one has failed but simply that one is alive.
— Olivia Laing
I hope this article has helped to inspire you to learn how to deal with loneliness better.
Please remember that no matter how isolated you feel, there is always something you can do to feel a little better. And in fact, the likelihood is that someone living in the very same suburb as you right now is feeling something similar. You’re not as alone as you think.
For further reading, I highly recommend that you check out the articles I wrote called Feeling Alone: 13 Ways to Stop Feeling So Lonely and Isolated and How to Embrace Being a Lone Wolf and Walk Your OWN Path.
What has your experience been like with social isolation or loneliness?
For example, have you learned how to deal with loneliness in your own unique way (that hasn’t been shared here)?
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I have had a terribly lonely life , I am 52 and sometimes wish I was dead – my mother stole from me (thousands) she doesn’t even hug me nor my sister but they live in a house I paid for. They don’t ever come to visit. They don’t pay me rent. I have lost my true love , my dearest left me in 2010 and nothing has been the same , I have resorted to coping with medications. But hat can only last until i develop tolerance, I felt pretty good fro 3 years but now I need more to achieve a good feeling. If I don’t take my meds , I start to go through terrible withdrawal. I have found a girl who says she loves me (she really is not my type – we have very little in common ) , but I can’t feel like I used to. I miss my lost love still. I feel like I am dying and can barley go to get groceries. I have a dog but that is not enough. I can never get back my love. Surely I am dying, my physical health is beginning to go , now I have developed an ulcer. Everything has gone wrong for me in life, and I mean everything. I have been told by others that I have the worst luck they have ever seen – they agree I am cursed but do not help. I have a son 2 miles away but will only stop by for brief visits once a week and does not speak to me respectfully and with love. I will surely perish on this course. Good bye to you all, if things don’t improve I plan on taking myself out so I don’t suffer anymore, I have been kind and loved others my whole life and this is what I get for it – a lonely shitty life where I am ripped off and used , left alone most of the time – mostly women have destroyed me by promising their love and taking it away when they felt like it. Not caring what happened to me, when I took care of them during their worst times. If I am still alive I will check this column later to see your response but I have little faith that JEDI MIND TRICKS will do any good to heal my broken spirit and heart. We were not meant to live alone – by the way i saved my sisters and mothers life too. Still they crap on me and cater to my niece who used everyone like a dog her whole life , but now everyone kisses her ass because she had a car accident – her dirty deeds are all forgotten. My good deeds are forgotten – it should be reversed. She should be alone and I should be getting the support – I had 2 car accidents too that nearly killed me. But this bitch gets everthing she needs and she is frauding the state claiming she can’t work but admits to being completely well on facebook. There is no such thing as karma – your good does not return to you nor the evil – she gets good )and many others I observed as evildoers ) and I get evil having done good things for others. There is NO JUSTICE, NO FAIRNESS no reaping what you sow – its not true- people say it will come around – wait a little while – I have been waiting 52 years and nothing yet. The evil prosper and the good suffer. I truly wish I was never born.
Losrfrvr, the very fact that you have come to this article shows me that you still, deep down, believe there is hope for yourself. Otherwise, why bother with this article? I can see that you have an immense fighting spirit, although everything in your life seems to be eating away at you.
I know this sounds extreme, but your family sounds poisonous, and poisonous people have no place in the lives of others: they must be cut off. Do you want to know what I did to my own family? I cut them all off. All of them. Why? Because they were poisonous people, and I realized that they were actually making me depressed and anxious, putting me down constantly. You know what? It was the best thing I EVER did. We all equally deserve a life surrounded by loving people – and that includes you. You need to spread your wings and reach out to kind, supportive and loving people. My recommendation: go on meetup.com right now and search for a group regarding depression in your area. What you need now is a supportive group of people to show you that you are not walking this path alone. So stop reading my comment, and search for a group, join it, and make a promise to yourself to go to at least one meetup.
The more we isolate ourselves, the more hopeless we become. I know it feels as though nothing will ever be nice or joyous again, but slowly through time wounds heal. You might not find the love you once had, but you might find a different KIND of love that makes you happy! In fact, most of us do eventually. I’m sure your partner who passed would want the absolute best for you, and would hate to see you in this state of constant grief. For their own sake, you must continue with that fighting spirit you have to see the light again.
Once you have found a group of supportive people that you can locally meet up with, and permanently or temporarily cut off your family, you can work on healing your internal world. You need to begin to slowly develop self-love and respect for yourself. When we don’t care for or respect ourselves, we constantly demand love and recognition from others. The reason why you are suffering so much hurt is because you haven’t yet developed these solid roots of self-love within you. You give your power away to others, and let them control your attitude, your level of happiness and your emotions. You had the power all along to find that love and respect for yourself within you! You just didn’t know it! Now that you do, you must realize that it IS possible to be used, but to not feel angry. It IS possible to be taken advantage of, but to not feel resentment. How? Because you already have all the love and respect you need inside – you are self-sufficient!
You are not a victim. None of us are. You have the power to choose life or death. The more you affirm that you “are dying” and “your physical health is about to decline”, the more this actually manifests itself in your life, as your thoughts affect the way your body functions. So yes, you will slowly die if you continue to tell yourself that. That is why many stressed out people get chronic illnesses. That is why many angry people get heart problems. That is why cynical misanthropes die early deaths.
Although you feel alone, you must remember this: there are thousands,
even millions of people out there suffering terribly – some less than
you, some actually more than you. So although you feel alone, used,
abused and forgotten, it is important to realize that at a global scale
MANY people are suffering so deeply in their own personal torments. So
many people can relate to you that you have never met.
So I hope something here speaks to you. I know that depression warps your way of thinking, and very little of what I’ve written here will perhaps get through, but I can only hope for your own benefit.
Please feel free to private message me if you have anything else to share. If anything, becoming proactive and doing something about your situation can make the biggest changes in the shortest amount of time.
~Luna
Thank you Aletheia for all of your suggestions. I have always suffered from loneliness since I was a child. I was constantly left alone home alone as a child, and I never really had the chance to make real friends, since my parents both worked and I was left to fend for myself at home. Growing up, I’ve struggled with social anxiety and I continue to do so, but it isn’t as bad as used to be. My mother struggles with mental illness (panic attacks, paranoia, and depression) but she denies having a problem, and never got treatment for it. She is still able to function on a daily basis, but occasionally regresses from time to time at the expense of my father. I feel that I have inherited some of these traits, but I am able to function “normally” myself. So, I do understand what it feels like to be “lonely” when you have a best friend and a significant other. I am a sensitive person by nature and you hit a chord with me when you said we deserve to love and respect ourselves and be our own best friend. I think this is especially true when the people closest to you hurt you in this way. I am perceived as being “too nice” and I think others take advantage of me and see this as a weakness. Thank you for empowering me to feel good about myself, and sometimes it is more comfortable to seek happiness within yourself other than relying on others to fill that void, and to embrace introspection.
Jeremiah, it makes me so happy to hear that this article could help you in some way, to help open your mind to new ways of seeing yourself. it’s unfortunate that we weren’t taught as children to find our self-worth from within, rather than outsourcing it, and depending on other people to give us the love that we could have given to ourselves all along. Over the past few years I’ve learnt that once you look for your happiness and wholeness in others, you will always be let down in one way or another. You will always be giving your power to other people, rather than keeping that power and realizing you are the only one in the world who can make your life better, and who can truly take care of yourself. When you suffer from depression and self-loathing it takes a long time, and it’s a long journey, to come to that point where you decide that you are worthy of all the love and happiness in the world. Everyone is equally, and you too.
So I hope you continue to find that happiness and wholeness within yourself, because it is something no one else can take away from you – unless you let them of course!
:)
It is sad that those who are truly alone as per the true definition of the word end up getting frustrated by articles such as this. I can empathize with those that literally have no spouse, children, friends or living family members or have family members they are unable to be in contact with for very valid reasons. I have spent days alone with no human contact, however I did have my best friend, my beautiful Keeshond dog with me. Some people literally go months at a time without as much as a smile headed their direction, or tap on the shoulder or even a hello from someone. The world actually is a very lonely place literally to those that have no one who would even notice if they were to die.
It is sad Peg. Although I do believe that as long as there is breath in your body, there is still hope for happiness – if not in the form of interaction with others, or human friendship, then friendship with plants, animals, or even yourself. I know of an old English woman who lives down the street from me, she suffers from many illnesses (glaucoma, cancer remission), with no family and very few friends in Australia. She is practically alone, and because of her illness, she doesn’t get out that much. But she still has the will to be happy, and I remember her telling me one day while I was taking a walk, that her little dog keeps her happy and gives her all the companionship she needs. I was so surprised at this … it made me realize that if you can’t learn to be content in your solitude, there are still other ways of filling that void, even against the greatest of odds, even without the help of other human beings.
Thank you very much for these wise words and good ideas. I’m feeling a lot of pain from loneliness recently, moreso the loneliness that comes from just feeling that I differ from everybody else in terms of how I feel about things (seriously, the past few discussions I’ve had with people have made me feel isolated from the world). It’s a very slow process in coming back into myself, but I know I’m better for others (and me) when I’m happy. Lots of love and best wishes to you, always. <3
— Marc
Thank you for your kind words Marc. You know, ironically you are not so alone in these feelings of yours … for a large portion of my life I was deeply depressed every time I walked away from conversations or interactions with people. It’s as though we all have different energetic wavelengths, and when we can’t find those people who function on the same wavelength as us, we feel very alone and isolated. It’s like walking into an alien planet, where people’s thoughts, feelings, desires and beliefs echo nothing of your own, but in many cases, contradict them.
It sounds arrogant, but I do believe in such a thing as a “rare group of people”; a type of person who holds a much more unique perspective towards life, themselves, and the people around them. I’m sure that you will find at least one person (if not many more!) who are on this same wavelength as you in life. Sometimes it’s as easy as putting yourself out there more, sometimes not.
All the very best!
Fuck you. If you have a marriage, coworkers, and “friends” you are not alone. Fuck you fuck you fuck you for this self-entitled piece of crap.
Hello No.
I assume that you have none of those things (marriage, coworkers, friends etc.) then?
If so, you would find it hard to put yourself in the shoes of a person who does have all of these three elements, but still suffers from loneliness. Many people who suffer from loneliness and depression suffer from it not because of a lack of external people to connect to, but a deep inner void, an inability to live with oneself alone due to self-hatred and severe self-esteem issues. Long-lasting happiness can never come from the outside, and it’s pointless to invest your efforts there because once you outsource your happiness, it can easily be taken away. That is why it’s necessary to build happiness from within; to develop a relationship of respect with yourself, that is why I suggested what I suggested in this article.
I hope you manage to overcome your anger issues and develop a strong relationship with yourself.
-Luna
You seem to be struggling with some anger issues.
You know, sometimes i feel that i just are dying, but when i realize that i see that i´m not the only lone person here, i think that i´m lucky, because i´m unique, there´s nonbody like me. Sometimes i feel tired, and desesperate, and i wonder when this gonna end, i know that i getta die someday and i´m waiting for this day, could be today or tomorrow, or some day that i just don´t know. Whereas i´ll be waiting for that day, destroying myself drinking and getting high with drugs, fighting against the life like Prometeus, dying day after day, feeling a terrible pain inside.
By the way i like your webside and i like all your articles
Hopefully this article has shown you Tonatiuh, that you are never alone, and there is a way of learning to love life again by learning to love yourself first.
-Luna
Thank you for sharing your story………but I’m very sad to say that I’m at the point that “Sparrow” wrote……….sadness over takes everything that should be happy and bright. I do think I am somehow in love with this horrible misery… :(
Which just seems obsurd but it makes sense…….I try to be a good person and do things for everyone but I still don’t feel like I fit in and I beat myself down so much that it seems like everything is negative with and within me even though I encourage others and always send “good vibes” yet I can’t do that for myself? Every little thing gets turned into something I screwed up in my mind……..I don’t know how I lost myself, my confidence and my self esteem but at 45 yrs old, separated for 3 yrs from a 24 yr marriage – I am ready to throw in the towel on life……….and be the shell that I already am – just going threw each day hoping it’s over quickly……….I’m not bad looking, I am very outdoorsy and will attempt just about anything yet I find myself alone all the time and blaming myself for my sad existence…….that I created…..and here I go beating down everyone reading this with my sadness……. :(
Not to worry Sheila. You must understand and affirm to yourself that even though you feel miserable, and alone, you aren’t. Millions of other people experience what you are experiencing right now, and even worse.
I’m not an expert on life, nor have I gone through what you have, but I do know from my own experiences that acting is crucially important. When we procrastinate and think to much, we get trapped in cycles of misery and self-pity. Act. Do something today to improve the quality of your life, even if it’s something as small as treating yourself to a nice warm bath.
I recommend that you continue to look through this site for other recommendations and insights into yourself. In the end, the power and choice is up to you and no one else. Realize this, and see that although it is daunting, it is infinitely liberating.
-Luna
I realize that I’ve been doing a few of these things already, and I hope the others will help too. Either way, you helped me confirm that I’m doing something to feel better and not the opposite. Thank you for that! :)
I’m happy that I could be of assistance Kyle. :)
I wish you all the best,
-Luna
Thanks again for being there!!!! I too am a lonely soul and really enjoy reading about you and how to cope with loneliness. Thanks again. :)
My absolute pleasure Ricardo!
-Luna
Excellent article. Lots of positive suggestions. I will try them.
Rebecca, I hope you do – and thank you for expressing your gratitude here.
I wish you all the best with your journey,
-Luna