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» Home » Integration

Spiritual Psychology: Why Meditation Isn’t Enough!

by Mateo Sol · Updated: Sep 21, 2024 · 147 Comments

Image of a woman in the sunlight representing spiritual psychology
spiritual psychology psychospiritual

Meditation isn’t enough, okay?

There, I said it.

Far from being the panacea we have all hoped for, meditation is undoubtedly a powerful tool – but it just doesn’t solve the deep-seated issues that most of us carry. 


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In fact, no matter what spiritual practice/path you engage in, no matter what hallowed tool you hold close to your heart, it is lopsided, deformed, and misguided without some form of inner psychological work.

Our spiritual paths need an element of psychological exploration and healing, otherwise, they are prone to issues such as spiritual materialism, spiritual narcissism, denial, avoidance, repression, dissociation, disconnection, poor sense of self, and retraumatization. Ya hear me?

Like all things in life, spirituality needs to evolve beyond infantile, avoidant, repressive, and oppressive paradigms. We need to deepen our approach toward spiritual transformation, and that involves uniting the two worlds of spirituality and psychology.

Table of contents

  • What is Spiritual Psychology?
  • But Aren’t Psychology and Spirituality Totally Incompatible?
  • Why Psychology By Itself is Not Enough
  • Why Spirituality By Itself is Not Enough
  • Spiritual Psychology: The Marriage of East and West
  • 4 Ways to Bring Spiritual Psychology into Your Life

What is Spiritual Psychology?

Image of a woman in the sunlight representing spiritual psychology

As its name suggests, spiritual psychology is a blend of spirituality and psychology and is the study of how the mind influences spiritual development (and vice versa).

Spiritual psychology is sometimes referred to as transpersonal psychology as it extends beyond the personal and into the metaphysical. Themes often explored in spiritual psychology include:

  • Mental, emotional, or physical trauma and spiritual healing
  • The phenomenon of soul loss
  • Uniting the mind and heart
  • Discovering one’s spiritual calling
  • Understanding the meaning of life
  • Releasing blocked energy
  • Working through core wounds
  • Inner child work and shadow work
  • Moving through the dark night of the soul
  • Gaining access to one’s True Nature
  • … and so on

There’s an unlimited number of topics that spiritual psychology explores and can help you deepen your experience with – it all depends on what your needs are at the moment. 

But Aren’t Psychology and Spirituality Totally Incompatible?

Image of a woman with racing thoughts

When we quickly glance at the two fields of psychology and spirituality, they kind of look like two awkward strangers trying to talk to each other in completely foreign languages.


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But actually, psychology and spirituality have a lot more in common than you might think.

In fact, the very word “psychology” comes from the root words psykhē meaning “breath, spirit, soul” and logia meaning “study of.” Therefore, the original meaning of psychology was the study of the soul. That definition is a far cry from the secularized clinical mind-centered psychology of this modern world!

Furthermore, psychology and spirituality mirror what we all possess within: a mind and soul (or spirit). Why, then, should they be separate? What benefit is it to keep these two innate aspects of us – the psyche and the spirit – apart?

As poet Mark Nepo writes,

… just as the depth and surface of the sea are inseparable, so too are the spirit and psychology of each human being. It is our deep-sounding, untamed currents that cause us to rise and swell, dip and crash. Yet that base of spirit remains unaffected by the storms that churn up the surface. It obeys a deeper order. Still, we as beings living in the world are always subject to both: the depth and the surface, our spirit and our psychology.

Just like the ocean, there is a depth and surface within us. In other words, we all possess a horizontal axis (our earthly self) and a vertical axis (our spiritual Self). Our horizontal self is focused on doing and becoming, and our vertical Self is focused on being and letting go.

We need to honor both aspects if we are to live a life of freedom, balance, and wholeness.

Why Psychology By Itself is Not Enough

image of a man with a blindfold on next to the ocean

Certainly, psychology is useful. We have all undergone some level of toxic social conditioning, trauma, and core wounds. Therefore, it’s crucial that we explore and work through these issues so that we can live more peaceful lives (and not infect our children, family, friendships, and work connections with our unresolved shit).

But psychology by itself is not enough. When psychology lacks spirituality it is sterile, self-absorbed, and empty. Yes, we may become more functional members of society, but there is a noticeable lack of depth, zest, and deeper engagement with life.

Furthermore, we might even ask, at what point are we ever really “healed” of all our junk? Psychology is very much like a rabbit hole: the further you dig, the more there is to find. And the more psychological sewage you find, the more likely you are to begin pathologizing yourself, getting stuck within the stories created by the mind in an endless loop of doom. (And if you’re extra “lucky,” some kind of professional will do that for you, further reinforcing and legitimizing your mental misery!)

In this sense, psychology can become a poison and cure at the same time. On one hand, it points out all the ways in which we are “not good enough, emotionally unstable, wounded, and not well-adjusted enough” etc., etc. And on the other, it gives us all the tools to help us “get over” these pathologies (or give us the idea that we’re getting over them – until we use psychology to condemn ourselves again!).

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At what point is there ever a reprieve? At what point is there ever true self-acceptance or even transcendence beyond the limited ego (which, after all, is a complete illusion)? At what point does psychology end and spirituality begin?

Even Jung understood the paradox of psychology and the self-improvement trap, writing:

Now and then it happened in my practice that a patient grew beyond himself because of unknown potentialities, and this became an experience of prime importance to me. In the meantime, I had learned that all the greatest and most important problems of life are fundamentally insoluble. They must be so, for they express the necessary polarity inherent in every self-regulating system. They can never be solved, but only outgrown. 

[emphasis mine]

If we can only ever outgrow our issues, psychology is the guiding hand that helps us through this process. Sometimes psychology speeds up the growth process. But very often, psychology is riddled with a paradoxical undercurrent of self-sabotage. And thus, it becomes a never-ending negative feedback loop where the more we work on ourselves, the more flawed and deficient we feel.

Why Spirituality By Itself is Not Enough

Image of a woman suffocating under a white veil

Realization by itself does not necessarily transform the being as a whole … one may have some light at the spiritual summit of consciousness but the parts below remain what they were. I have seen, any number of instances of that.

– Sri Aurobindo

Again, we come back to our central point: meditation isn’t enough.

In fact, any purely “spiritual” path (i.e., paths that focus exclusively on the metaphysical and transcendent parts of ourselves/life) is not enough. 

When spirituality lacks psychology, it is disconnected, dissociated, insubstantial, ungrounded, and prone to any number of disturbing issues, such as spiritual egotism, spiritual materialism, and spiritual bypassing.

Yes, we might be able to meditate for many hours a day, we might be able to do fancy yoga asanas, we might have a clean “high vibe” diet, we might understand the law of attraction back-to-front, we might have all the appearances of a “spiritual” person – but all that is a glimmery charade if we can’t get real with ourselves and face our psychological shadows.

As psychologist Jean Monbourquette writes,

Without deep and honest self-acceptance, the spiritual life rests on a dangerous psychological foundation and is nothing more than escape into a world of illusion. Humble self-knowledge is the most basic condition for any true spirituality.

Joseph Burgo, a psychotherapist and psychoanalyst also chimes in, adding,

Everyone is teaching you how to find happiness, how to experience unconditional love etc. and the self-help and spiritual communities are full of it. While the desire to find love, happiness, and transcend difficult emotions is normal … it doesn’t deal with the root cause of our suffering which can and will come up over and over again.

Take a moment to re-read these quotes and really absorb them …

The truth is that spirituality can easily be used to escape, avoid, numb, and repress deeper issues within us, all in the name of “love and light.” (Namaste!)

Just because you’ve experienced an amazing spiritual awakening, numerous mystical experiences, ego deaths, and what have you, doesn’t mean that you have evolved on a truly deep level.

Getting Lost in the Light

Image of a spiritual new age woman getting lost in the clouds

There are as many ways to be lost in the light as in the dark.

– Madronna Holden

Let’s return again to our example of meditation.

Meditation is often paraded and touted as the cure to all our ills, and while it most certainly has profound benefits, it is severely limited in scope without some kind of accompanying psychological work.

As renowned Buddhist meditation teacher Jack Kornfield writes,


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Many students have used meditation not only to discover the inner realm and find inner balance but also to escape. Because we are afraid of the world, afraid of living fully, afraid of relationships, afraid of work, or afraid of some aspect of what it means to be alive in the physical body, we run to meditation. Whoever has practiced for a while will probably have seen some element of that in his or her own heart and mind. We must understand that meditation, like any kind of therapy or discipline, can be used in skillful ways, for freedom, for liberation, for opening the heart. It can also be used in defensive ways, in service of the ego and of our fears, by quieting ourselves so we do not have to deal with certain difficulties, by following our breath in a way that we do not even feel certain difficult emotions, by paying attention to the light so that we can avoid certain aspects of our shadow, our dark side.

This is where psychology comes into the picture: it is concerned with helping us to face, explore, embrace, and heal these deeper issues.

In fact, there are many areas of growth where psychology is more equipped (and quicker) to help a person than meditation. Examples include fears and phobias, relationship issues, work issues, grief, unfinished business, sexuality problems, early wounds, and so on.

Self-transcendence has been portrayed like a yellow-brick road that will take us to “enlightenment”: something on par with Las Vegas with its neon flashing lights, beauty, and unbounded joy. 

But although we have been taught that doing yoga, drinking green smoothies, saying affirmations, and meditating every day will help us become liberated, something vital is missing: psychology.

We need both spirituality and psychology working alongside each other to reach our evolutionary and spiritual potential as human becomings.

Spiritual Psychology: The Marriage of East and West

Image of yin yang forces symbolizing spiritual psychology

So what is the cure to the limitations and toxicities inherent in a purely psychological or spiritual path?

Answer: the marriage of the east and west.

The union of spirituality and psychology.

Spiritual psychology honors both the relative and absolute, the subjective and objective, the mind and the heart, the body and the soul, and the East and West approach to transformation. 

Spiritual psychology is a holistic practice that takes into account all aspects of a person’s being – all the way from earthly issues to metaphysical problems.

As Sufi mystic, Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee writes,

The processes of inner transformation are both spiritual and psychological. The spiritual work is the awakening of a higher state of consciousness: the consciousness of the heart. The psychological work involves cleaning the psyche of all the conditioning, psychological blocks, and complexes that could inhibit our spiritual awareness. Withdrawing psychological projections and integrating the conflicting aspects of ourselves, we create a foundation for spiritual life, without which any higher awareness would be distorted and could create a dangerous imbalance. Psychological work prepares the psyche for the intensity of inner experiences; it creates an empty, uncontaminated inner space for the awakening of our own divine nature.

In this sense, psychology – the Western approach to transformation – is like a gardener preparing the ground of our being for spiritual growth by clearing away all the weeds and debris.

When we lack the purifying and refining impacts of psychology, our spiritual growth can become polluted by the unreclaimed inner shadow self that creates instances of spiritual bypassing and even spiritual narcissism.

However, when our spirituality isn’t fuelled by our unresolved inner wounds and shadows, it comes from a clear place of longing, of a heart-felt and soul-driven desire to let go, evolve, and transform.

If psychology is form, spirituality is formlessness. If psychology focuses on personal truth, meaning, and issues, spirituality focuses on impersonal absolute truth and a direct realization of the Divine. 

Subconscious Mind Test image

Both go hand in hand.

As philosopher and yogi Sri Aurobindo writes,

The impersonal is a truth, the personal too is a truth; they are the same truth seen from two sides of our psychological activity; neither by itself gives the total account of Reality, and yet by either we can approach it.

When we unite the wisdom from the East and West, we have a whole path: one that helps us to move beyond ego inflation, spiritual materialism, and illusion into the realm of genuine transformation.

“But People Have Got on Just Fine Without Spiritual Psychology”

Image of a monk's hands meditating

Yes, it’s true that there are some ancient Eastern spiritual paths out there that are quite comprehensive and multi-layered.

But our Western egos are very different from Eastern egos.

As psychotherapist and yogi Mariana Caplan writes,

It is important to recognize that most contemporary spiritual traditions simply were not designed to penetrate the cellular, psychological wounding caused by the type of trauma that is so prevalent in Western culture that arises from broken homes, disconnection from our bodies and nature, and alienation from authentic sources of spiritual wisdom.

Our Western psyche is remarkably different from the East in that it is much more fragile. Most of us have little in the way of a strong, cohesive family, culture, or ancient belief system to uphold us, and that has a big impact on our spiritual paths (whether we like to admit it or not).

As Jung commented on Richard Wilhelm’s translation of the Taoist text The Secret of the Golden Flower:

There could be no greater mistake than for a Westerner to take up the practice of Chinese yoga, for that would merely strengthen his will and consciousness against the unconscious and bring about the very effect to be avoided. The neurosis would then be simply intensified. It cannot be emphasized enough that we are not Orientals, and that we have an entirely different point of departure in these matters.

Although Jung’s view that Westerners should avoid Eastern self-help methods is shortsighted (in my opinion), he did make an interesting point. We need to keep in mind that, as Westerners, our approach to the spiritual path also needs to be informed by Western methods of healing.

We cannot simply transplant ourselves into the habits and practices of Easterners because they won’t have the same desired effect. 

Can Easterners Still Benefit From Spiritual Psychology?

In most cases, yes. 

With the rise in globalization, many Eastern cultures are being exposed more and more to Western thought and society. As a result, many pristinely preserved Eastern ways of life are now dissolving – and with that comes a whole set of issues (and opportunities).

To face these inevitable problems, many Easterners will also benefit from spiritual psychology as it helps to deal with the destabilizing times we’re now living in.

4 Ways to Bring Spiritual Psychology into Your Life

Image of a woman standing in front of the ocean on her spiritual psychology path

To walk a path of balance, we need to bring spiritual psychology into our lives. There’s no getting around it. Too much of one path can easily wreak havoc in our lives. We need both paths to find the joy, inner peace, love, and freedom we’re seeking.

But where do we start?

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This whole website approaches the inner path from a psychospiritual (that is, spiritual psychology) perspective. Here are some ideas:

1. Incorporate shadow work into all of your spiritual practices

I can’t emphasize this point enough: exploring your shadow self is crucial. When we use spirituality to avoid facing our pain and darkness, it results in issues such as blind faith, loss of discernment, groupthink, spiritual narcissism, “us vs. them” mentality, grandiosity … you name it. See our shadow work article for more guidance.

Start by asking yourself, “In what ways might I be using this practice to avoid or numb something within me?” Explore your hidden motives. You can also ask a trusted friend, loved one, or spiritual advisor for honest input.

2. Keep asking “why?”

Asking “why?” is a simple, almost too simple question to ask, but it helps us to penetrate any illusion or delusion on our paths. We can use “why?” in almost any setting. For example, we might ask, “Why am I dedicating so much time to this spiritual practice?” “Why do I desperately want to feel bliss?” “Why do I dress this way?” “Why do I want to explore this part of me?”

Making a habit of asking “why?” is a practice in spiritual discernment – something we need to bring to both the psychological and spiritual arenas.

3. Build a relationship with your inner child

Your inner child plays a large role in life – it’s the part of you that feels vulnerable, curious, and in awe of existence. But if you have a wounded inner child it’s very easy (and practically guaranteed) that you’ll use spirituality to try and numb your pain.

Spiritual bypassing is often the result of an abandoned inner child who believes that if s/he could only be “perfect enough,” everything will be “blissful.”

There is also a darker side to the inner child: the arrogant refusal to see life, others, and oneself clearly because “God/Spirit Guides/Higher Self says I’m special/intuitively right/empathic.” In fact, for those with a severely wounded inner child, spirituality can actually be used to solidify oneself into a static, dogmatic, holier-than-thou, black-or-white way of living life. 

Please don’t neglect your inner child. See our article on inner child work for more guidance. Befriending this tender part of you is a crucial part of inner work.

4. For every spiritual practice, incorporate a psychological practice

To create balance, assess your current path. Perhaps get a sheet of paper and divide it in two. On one hand, write all of the spiritual practices you engage in. On the other, write down all the psychological practices you engage in. What do you have more of: spiritual or psychological practices? This exercise is a simple way to tell which side you’re favoring more than the other.

For example, you might write on the spiritual side: meditation, yoga, visualization, and reiki. But on the other, you might only have journaling. Here we can see that you’d need to incorporate more psychological practices into your life. 

If you’re in need of more ideas for bringing psychological development into your life, you may like to explore the following examples (other than the above-mentioned inner child and shadow work):

  • Working with archetypes (or parts work)
  • Changing negative thinking patterns
  • Exploring core beliefs
  • NLP
  • Personality tools such as the enneagram and subconscious mind test
  • Learning self-love and self-care practices
  • You can also find more psychospiritual practices (carefully selected and lovingly crafted by us) in the bundles and journals sections of our shop.

There are many others, but this list will give you a helpful place to start. (Click on any of the suggestions to get started!)

We Need Both Paths to Thrive

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Too much psychology makes us dry and self-absorbed, and too much spirituality turns us into New Age pollyannas.

We need both paths to find true joy, oneness, and freedom.

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What’s your opinion of the spiritual and psychological paths? Do you agree that they both need to unite – or do you think they should be separate? I’d love to hear your thoughts and opinions below.

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About Mateo Sol

Mateo Sol is a spiritual educator, guide, entrepreneur, and co-founder of one of the most influential and widely read spiritual websites on the internet. Born into a family with a history of drug addiction and mental illness, he was taught about the plight of the human condition from a young age. His mission is to help others experience freedom, wholeness, and peace in all stages of life. [Read More]

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  1. Jane Doe says

    March 17, 2020 at 3:36 pm

    This was soooo amazing i read this before i went to sleep and i loveedd it ! Perfect amount of information. Especially at the part of the inner child just perfect.

    Reply
  2. Inez says

    March 10, 2020 at 5:31 am

    I agree!

    I use both and they help me to become more balanced and happy. I couldn’t separate them.

    Reply
  3. Ruth-Ellen says

    January 09, 2020 at 6:40 pm

    I agree.

    Sometimes when my ego says oh reading an oracle is enough, I say I’m sure it is but let’s do some journalling, let’s do some questioning, let us use some DBT practices. Gently guiding myself to be balanced and wise in this journey so I can accept and heal from a place of wholeness.

    Thanks for sharing, your content always invoke great discussions with my highest wisdom.

    Reply
    • Mateo Sol says

      January 10, 2020 at 10:39 am

      I love that Ruth, it’s exactly what we need to have a deep enough sincerity in knowing what feels good or seems enough is often not. Thank you for sharing :)

      Reply
  4. David Painter says

    January 05, 2020 at 11:35 pm

    I have found Bill Plotkin’s “Wild Mind” a field guide to the human psyche , a true calling to eco psychology and eco consciousness.

    Your premise / question of two paths, psychological and spiritual is more fully synthesized in our environmental home and with an awakened view of animism!
    “Becoming earth. Becoming animal. Becoming, in this manner, fully human.” David Abram

    ‘

    Reply
  5. Terri Driver says

    December 30, 2019 at 3:16 pm

    Thank you SO much for this article! It gave me a literal “a-ha!” moment. Personally, I’m caught somewhere in between East meets West. I have a fantastic counsellor who does (some) spiritual work. Not a lot of Eastern spirituality, but she is very open to learning more about it. And I am at that weird place in my Spiritual Awakening where I’m not sure where to go next, so I guess…follow my intuition? I return to my shadow work quite often. And I take what I’ve learned to my counsellor, so she can help me through it, with EMDR usually. Wonderful modality, btw! I feel that her openness to my spirituality/spiritual journey has helped the healing of my numerous wounds. To see that Spiritual Psychology is a thing, and an obviously tremendous thing, gives me hope. Not just for myself, but others like us- with shitty lives, shittier parents/siblings, and a small (if existent)support circle. I’ll be sharing this article with my counsellor. Thank you again, so much, for writing and sharing it.

    Reply
  6. Nikolaos says

    December 28, 2019 at 1:53 am

    Thank you. On the beauty of dealing with one’s dark side and healing not multiple but poly-fragmented inner children stemming from growing up in an aristocratic (read the ancient bloodlines that stem from other constellations) and Kabbalist (Kabbalah is the scientific study of Talmud, Google Ketuboth 11b!) family in which all relatives partook in abusing her, how the occult elites (that also run the New Age movement) run a worldwide child pedophile network and what mentality they who rule our nations have, please Youtube “Katy Groves CIA”. Also check out her part 26 and 28 on how this hero who refused to partake in ritual murders and ran away at the age of 17 – a true human – healed her inner children. Don’t forget to read the comments from other SRA victims, it’s very common in the US!

    Reply
  7. Michael (A.A) says

    December 21, 2019 at 12:57 pm

    A list of more Western healing approaches from psychology you can try.

    1. The 10 minute per episode Crash Course Psychology on Youtube can tell you a lot about social psychology to make the world a better place, and also become more aware of different mental illnesses. Something you, your loved ones or other people can potentially have without knowing it. I also enjoy Dr. Tracey Mark’s channel on informing people about mental illnesses.
    2. Try looking up “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy,” techniques or exercises online. It helps you think logically, so you wouldn’t end up blowing all kinds of fears out of proportion. Search online, “Mental health apps,” “depression apps” and “anxiety apps” which can honestly teach you a lot about this.
    3. A lot of people into Eastern practices emphasize Eastern physical exercises too much, such as yoga and tai chi. Eastern exercises is best for expressing a strong flexibility in the body, so the blood flow throughout the body can move well for more energy. Please don’t forget classic Western strength exercises to get your heart pumping to become more fit though. Search online, “Exercises you can do at home without equipment,” if you can’t go to a gym at the moment. Squats, push ups, sit ups, jumping jacks, running and all the classics. Search on the website Verywell Fitness things like, “Running form,” or “High Intensity Exercises.” Try searching, “List of sports to try,” really. Sports, other than just working with the philosophical, can help turn on a more competitive nature than a lot of doormat nice guys/gals in the Eastern community.
    4. Don’t forget to emphasize intellectual exercises, to help solve problems in your life, and not to mention keep your brain strong even as you grow older. Hobbies that often increase intelligence are language learning, programming, trying a new instrument, book reading, strategy board and video games or even trying things like memory techniques (See the website, Art of Memory) or the study habits channel, “Thomas Frank.” That or, Scott H. Young’s blog. Look up online, “Educational websites,” and you’ll see what I mean. Looking up, “Educational apps,” helps also.
    5. Make use of a lot of the (mostly) Western resources on personal development. Try the Ted Talks website, and you’ll find a lot of advice that focuses on discipline, confidence, and having a compassionate career a lot of Western self help emphasizes.
    6. Learn about Jung’s ideas on personality type, but not the pop psychology version of MBTI, but the more complex cognitive functions version. The websites Personality Junkue, Personality Hacker, Psychology Junkie and Thought Catalog may be of interest to you.
    7. Are you lazy about something and meditation just makes you sleepier than more hard working? Then look for motivational and inspirational speeches on Youtube. Sometimes, when I’m really stuck, I drag myself to often Western inspirational movies or shows and it gets me going. Ben Lionel Scott’s motivational channel is a favorite for me. Look for, “Productivity apps,” also.
    8. Look up “Personality Development Subreddits,” and “Thought Provoking Subreddits,” if you want to look for more of the mature parts of Reddit the website isn’t often associated. Reddit is famous for having a lot of Western liberal ideas, so if you want to learn more about it, I recommend it. I suggest avoiding most of the popular subreddits on Reddit, maybe except for IAMA or AskReddit, because those can actually provide a lot of thoughtful ideas. The main spiritual subreddits seem to be /r/AstralProjection and /r/meditation if you’re curious.
    9. Considering the amount of ignorance around sex in the spiritual community, I suggest looking up sex education websites, thank you. I’ve seen enough Reddit voice over videos about, “Weirdest Questions Asked in Sex Education Class,” to ignore this. Here, search sexplanations on Youtube. Also look up online, “Sex Education websites.” You’re welcome.
    10. Try some Western kinds of journaling. Look up online Benjamin Franklin’s Virtue Journal, on some Western self help that involves becoming a better person rather than just getting more money. LiteMind blog’s “Make a List of 100,” and you’ll get what I mean.

    Thank you for reading.

    Reply
  8. Andrei says

    December 21, 2019 at 6:20 am

    Thanks Sol and Luna Psychology and spiritualism i have found in my case works.I cant do without the other.Blessings to you xxx.

    Reply
  9. Marinela says

    December 21, 2019 at 4:01 am

    This is very interesting topic and I am glad that you wrote about it.
    I feel that psychology is not enough without spirituality and agree with that , but I also feel that spirituality without psychology is enough.
    Spirituality is the depth and the surface, psychology is just surface.

    Mainstream psychology need serious “reconstruction” and upgrade. It still operates on the level of neurosis, on the same level like many years ago. In meantime, technology was “driving fastest possible” and changed us, we are not the same people like we were 20 years ago….even 10 years ago….that gap is the biggest ever, while psychology is still pretending that our psyche is the same. Not to mention new generations, who were born into the “fast driving technology”, their brains and psyche are really completely different than their parent`s. If psychologist is not curious, open to new approach and ready to learn, he/ she is really no help at all.
    On top of that, if they practice just “dry psychology” without connection to deeper meaning of any human psychological challenges,, then the visit to psychologist is real waste of time, energy and not mention money. I had more than few disappointing experiences while visiting psychologists both alone or with my daughter, while I was still thinking that I can get help from them for me or for her.

    On the other hand……. If we look at psychology from spiritual side, it`s about telling a story. Each of us have a story, we carry that story and sometimes it becomes part of our identity. Mind is telling a story and can not let it go. Why? Good question is : who are we without our stories ?
    Indentification with story is the main problem of the mind and mind can not let the story go, can not be free from it. Why? Because mind-made “self” often lives in the past or future, seldom in the present moment. And past is full of stories.
    Story is is form- based, it has very high density and it`s part of the ego.

    If we don`t heal inner child it will remind us of our wounds in the form of triggers, emotions, anxiety again and again…..yes it will
    every time mind will take “the wheel” and rule our life, identification with story and past will come out and we will be triggered again and again. Why? Because we ended up again in mind created reality, in past or future, not here, not now. In present moment., where is just pure awareness, consciousness and huge possibility to transform any story, to transform heavy density to lightness. We can be “lost in light” only if we are back to our mind, ego. Ego will start to be confused in light. Lost. Where is my story, where is something “firm” I can hold on to? Let me work on my story, write about it, try to find reason, tell the story of “me”, that happened to me, I am the one who experienced that.
    “If I “work hard” I will find a way out, I will heal”…..mind is comforting itself. But the problem is that the one who created problem can not solve the problem because it will use the same patterns and go in circles with just a temporary relief. We call this “human nature”. And solution is again in the future, “I will heal” “It will be healed”….which means we gave more time to the story, we expect freedom from it it in the future.

    Meditation and journaling. Spirit and mind. Mind likes journaling, still goes on and on, we can not stop it, looking for answers, for relief, doing inner work, facing shadows……doing work. There is no work in spirit, work is mind game.
    Journaling is helping, it`s good to externalise emotions, story. But that`s how mind is operating.
    The main problem in western culture is that we are on mercy of our minds. Some of us developed minds like some monsters which are really cruel to our bodies and souls, not to mention how cruel they can be to other people. On top of that we have all those emotions, triggers….as a result of thoughts and torturing of our mind which became so normal that most of us don`t even notice that.

    I became aware of this because of my trauma, when my husband died and I was left with two small children. That was the start of really cruel awakening, Spiritual Emergency. I realised that no psychologist can help me, they were saying so dry and surfaced things that I felt even worse after a session with them. The only place I felt safe was presence. Past was full of stories, my husband was still alive in the past and thinking about past gave me awful pain and suffering. Thinking about future gave me anxiety because I will be single parent with two children. So I stayed in presence. And realised that story is giving pain, no story- no pain. Some teachers would call this Spiritual bypassing, lying to myself, avoiding to face my core wounds, shadow contracts.
    I would call it: Presence is the only way to freedom and peace from tortures of the mind.

    It`s not about “looking at the bright side” and “ignore darkness”, about staying passive, it`s about facing only presence and forms which arise in the presence, without heavy burden of the mind. ( which can not cure itself, but just give temporary relief)
    When I am deeply in presence, there is no story of “me”, I am free, past has no power. Mind is used for useful, practical things, learning….not for stories.
    There is no way to repeat mistakes from the past because awareness in presence can “scan” danger, wrong people, lies, pretending, fear of others almost like soul-MRI :) Awareness in presence can “see” my own emotion which arises in present moment but without my mind interfering and giving opinions, facts or reminding me of the past.

    My inner child was deeply hurt in the past, my father was alcoholic so I have all possible wounds from childhood. When I would notice a very drunk man on the street, in the past I would be immediately triggered by memories of dragging my drunk father to his bed,I was 10 years old, because he couldn`t walk or talk ……and I would feel emotion : anger. Then I would need time to calm down and journal about it which would help until I would see another very drunk man, journal again….
    When I realised the power of presence and when I am present, here and now, I see a drunk man on the street, he can hardly walk, but that`s just a drunk man, nothing else. No emotion comes up, just peace. It can happen, if I am very tired, and not present that I feel emotion, usually it`s anger. That`s ok, I realise that I was not here and now and picture which I saw on the street triggered picture e which I have in my subcounscious, so emotion came to the present moment, I will just stay with it. A bit later I realise ( every time that happens) that that`s not my inner child suffering and waking up, but the picutre in subcounsciousness and again story of my mind, telling me that my childhood was awful.
    Where is that story now, can you show me your drunk father now? No, he lives in my mind, in my head. It`s not real, it`s real just for my mind. Many of those pictures went deep to subconscious, they will come out again, but only if I am not present. If I am lost in my thoughts, not here and now.

    It`s not easy to be present all the time, but with practice and awareness , it`s possible to be present most of the time.

    That`s why spirituality don`t need psychology, because psychology is mind-based, it gives explanation about mind, about story, wounds, problems, triggers, therapies…..all that is just temporary relief. People who are in the mercy of their minds need those relieves, in order to keep their sanity. I was there too, searching for relief on the surface.
    We don`t have to do the work, make an effort, journal endlessly about our story ( that can make the story even stronger and give temporary relief) it`s enough to be present and to take “the wheel”. Mind is not driving any more, but consciousness and awareness .
    That`s where the freedom is, no matter what is going on outside, including drunk fathers and death of the closest person.

    Lots of love from Norway :)

    Reply
    • Mateo Sol says

      December 21, 2019 at 12:59 pm

      Thank you Marinela for exploring this topic in-depth. :)

      I agree that psychology needs spirituality; too much focus over the years has been put on the ‘analysis’ aspect of the psychology field which can do quite the opposite of healing neurosis, and make us more neurotic by an endless self-absorption of ‘more healing of the self’. Granted it’s still a very young science (100 or so years), and I’m a big fan of what I’m seeing with more psychotherapy now bringing in ‘presence’ (as you point out) into their techniques. Unless the therapist can be truly vulnerable, open and present, the client will subconscious find it very difficult to ‘let go’ fully so they can both explore each other and allow the healing to unfold.

      In this way, it’s not so much the therapist who heals, rather the therapist is just there to hold space, to be a witness, ask the right questions to draw presence/awareness to the feelings/emotions/sensations within the client, and allow the truth the client already carries to rise on its own and do the healing.

      But I can’t say that I fully agree in that spirituality doesn’t need psychology. Over the years I’ve come across so many cases of spiritual bypassing and abuse. I’ve seen monks who’ve attained deep levels of awakening brought from the monasteries to teach and spread wisdom in the west, only to have these sages end up on a diet of icecream every morning and sex with all the young female students.

      If you take a teacher outside of his cultural environment and bring him to this new culture that treats him like a living deity and has none of the ‘corrective mechanisms’ of his culture, it’s normal for the psyche of this individual to be affected. By corrective mechanisms I mean other monks/teachers who are equal to him and will call him out if they see the ego rising again, or a ‘lineage’ of traditions/rules that he must follow which he can’t find in our Western society.

      Andrew Cohen is a great contemporary example, who was taught Advaita Vendanta and attained deep states of awakening. Yet he became a tyrant and abuser to his disciples, and eventually realized how far he had fallen. I can name dozens of similar individuals (and every week new scandals), within all spiritual traditions. The problem is that the ego never goes away, and no matter how ‘present’ you are, ego inflation naturally starts happening and leads to all kinds of trouble.

      We need to develop a healthy and well-individuated ego before we can even begin to think about ‘transcending’ it through deeper presence. The moment the “I” feels like it’s already arrived at some state of presence that’s enough, that’s when we must pay the most attention.

      Warm hugs :)

      Reply
      • Marinela says

        December 22, 2019 at 4:25 pm

        Thank you for answer :) Yes, we can become even more neurotic after visiting a psychologist. :) True, psychology is young, need time to ‘grow up’ :)

        I understand now what you meant when you wrote that spirituality need psychology. Sometimes people who practice just spirituality, when it’s extremely practiced, specially when isolated from ‘others’, can develop monster-ego as a result.
        Spiritual teachers who ‘found all answers’ and who are 100% spiritual ( which sometimes mean that they live far away from everyday life ) if they are not aware of psychological side of themselves, can end up having stronger ego than any of us, ‘ordinary’ people.
        Yes, true. Sometimes I listen to teachers who live far away from every day mess and stress, they are treated like they are ‘a God’ by people who are visiting them and live for years in environment where they are adored and highly respected. They don’t meet nervous, unhappy, neurotic everyday people. After years spent in isolation, they start to fell… or better to say THINK that they are ‘a God’ and that others are on lower level than them. I see also if somebody who visit their ’empire’ dares to ask ‘wrong question’… they react from their egos, start to be a little bit annoyed, sometimes even almost bulling the one who ‘is not spiritual enough’ to ask right question. That’s so wrong.
        I feel that all spiritual teachers should live among people, in average people’s reality and have partners or/and children. They should eat ice cream :) now and then and have sex ( not on the way that they use their students for sex but to have partner ) Life would test their spirituality and show them that they are not perfect. None of us is perfect, totally spiritual. Yes, I understand what you meant and I agree. All of us should let the life test our spirituality and see how much of ego and what kind of ego we have….. that can be devastating for those who are sure that they don’t have any. I am so happy and less worried for children when I see that there are enough of real teachers today in this world, people who live ‘normal’ life and have no problem to see their own mistakes, their own egos… and to talk openly about that. They are real teachers.

        Thank you once again, I could write/talk forever about this, extremely interesting topic.

        Love and hugs from cold Norway for both of you, beautiful real teachers

        Reply
        • Mateo Sol says

          December 23, 2019 at 6:10 am

          I feel that all spiritual teachers should live among people, in average people’s reality and have partners or/and children. They should eat ice cream :) now and then and have sex ( not on the way that they use their students for sex but to have partner ) Life would test their spirituality and show them that they are not perfect.

          I love that. I couldn’t agree more, I think a great problem is the issue of this ‘saint’ image we have of the teachers. Because we struggle so much to live with our ‘lesser qualities’ of our humanity like our emotions, cravings and fears, we ‘dehumanize’ teachers by not finding it acceptable that someone who is ‘beyond the self’ indulges in any of those things that bring us so much sufferings. But this is where that presence comes in, as it comes down to the quality of how you relate to those ‘lesser traits’ that prevent the suffering from happening.

          Indeed fascinating topic (for some of us at least), I’m glad you find as much interest in it as I do :).

          Warm hugs from Australia

          Reply
          • M. says

            January 09, 2020 at 12:33 pm

            Dear Marinela and Mateo Sol –
            Thank you so much for this conversation. Mateo Sol, I stumbled onto this article when researching psychology and spirituality (as you’ll see why, below). I read the article and these comments with great interest because I have come from a VERY psychological background (I started therapy when I was 11 and continued throughout life and I’m now in my mid 40s. My mom and several family members are therapists also.)

            I am currently in graduate school to become a psychotherapist and I had a bit of a crisis midway through because I started to work with a counselor (not trained in psychology) who worked from a VERY spiritual perspective and for the first time since I was a child, I feel absolute freedom from and harmony with my psychology and it wasn’t because I ‘worked on it’ in the traditional psychology/therapy way. I came to understand that 100% of my experience is generated by my mind, by beliefs AND there is nothing I need to do to change them because I am not my mind and the mind changes all the time naturally. There is a deeper way of knowing things and I don’t have to figure it all out. AND I’m also going to suffer if I forget that AND I’m also going to forget it from time to time because I’m human.

            My counseling with this person consisted entirely of this:
            Psychology: Taking a look at all the stuff my mind makes up.
            Spirituality: The deep knowing that I am not any of what the mind makes up and the exploration of what I essentially am (freedom from the story, awareness, love)

            So just all day long (or as much as I could) I would very gently notice my feelings and notice that when I feel tight, closed, or distressed, my mind is making up stuff that looks and feels true in the moment. Period. Nothing to figure out, solve, change. If I wanted, I could take a look at what the thoughts consisted of (usually some aspect of scary storytelling, or limiting beliefs, a judgment about myself and what that means about my future or capacity for happiness/a good fulfilling life, etc.). But that was optional. All I really needed to do was notice that I was closed/tight and that I was up in my head and that the ‘in head’ and tightness/distress/anxiety were one and the same. Simply noticing this had the effect of noticing my hand is in the fire and I just automatically pulled my hand out – dropped the thoughts and returned to a quiet mind. This did not happen right away, but over time, it became totally normal. Pretty soon I started to see thoughts/beliefs EVERYWHERE. Wow. My mind was making up stuff left and right and “I” just swallowed it whole, believed every bit of it. Whereas before I would come home from work and be really, really stressed, now all throughout the day I would notice that the mind was whirring up and I would just settle back down. I became what Mirinela called PRESENT. Now when I come home from work, I’m not feeling the accumulation of tightness/distress. I’m relaxed in mind and body. Eventually this quiet mind became my normal groundedness and then I would explore the nature of that quiet place and found love, peace, and clarity.

            I find that if I approach psychology from a place of needing to fix, figure out, solve, unravel (sometimes disguised as the much nicer words ‘heal’ or ‘resolve’) or improve (sometimes called ‘development’ or ‘growth’) – it reinforces that I am not OK. It perpetuates the very thing it aims to resolve. It is a labyrinth of never-ending stuff to solve, analyze, figure out. I become a project. A neurotic project. I did this my whole life and ended up on multiple psychopharmaceuticals, with eating disorders and addictions and dysfunctional relationships.

            After working with this counselor through a mindful/spiritual approach (this was many years ago now) I became free of all of it. No addictions, eating disorders, anxiety or depression. I had been on antidepressants for 20+ years. No more.

            Journal writing: If I write in an effort to figure things out, figure out why I’m doing/not doing something, ‘what’s going on,’ psychologically, I get more and more stuck.

            If I write with curiosity about ‘what I notice’ about what my mind is generating – it brings me clarity (ie, I see more what my mind is making up, more of what I’m believing is true about myself and the world.) I just SEE it happening, I see the mind in real time creating a story, like Mirinela said.

            I now approach psychology as simply seeing the mechanism of mind and how it effects the body-emotions. I come to it with curiosity and a knowing that I am not the contents of my mind, and in fact I don’t even ‘own’ the thoughts/beliefs, etc. nor am I responsible for what my mind puts out. Things come up, I feel it. Period. Nothing I need to resolve or act on (acting on it is a way of trying to get rid of it, I discovered). But I also know that the mind is something that is indeed experienced (like the body, which I’ve come to see are both illusions, but illusions that are experienced). There is no bypassing that. Minds make things up and we experience that. That is human and it’s life. I don’t have to listen to it though, and miraculously, I still know what to do and in fact make MUCH better decisions, faster, and with none of the confusion and mental anguish that I had before.

            An example of psychology: I don’t do shadow work per se, and don’t really like the term, but if I were to notice that I have a tendency to be ultra responsible, have anxiety about needing to be on top of everything and have a hard time relaxing and having fun, in psychological terms, you could say that I have an imbalance in my personality, or that I’ve identified with the ‘responsible adult’ and split from the ‘carefree child’. Rather than doing a bunch of ‘work’ I really only need to see what stories my mind made up about this. Just a tiny bit of awareness, and I see these beliefs: “No one will do it if I don’t do it; I’ll get behind if I relax, then I’ll fail and I won’t survive; people who relax are irresponsible, not grown up; something bad will happen if I let my guard down.” Etc., etc. I know that all this will look true and it will FEEL true. But it’s not. Seeing this deeply is what has changed my life.

            This is literally all the ‘work’ that needs to be done. Seeing all these things my mind made up and seeing that it is MADE UP. Not true. Survival strategies. Learned/conditioned thoughts. None of it is actually me. I have access to all types of energies/aspects of being from moment to moment and I can respond in the moment playfully, seriously, responsibly, or any combination of those things. Or something completely different. AND my mind will tell me otherwise. :)

            This was NEVER shown to me in all the 30 years of therapy I’ve had. Never. There was this idea that the personality was a big thing and it was hard to change and took hard work and vigilance. There was also this idea planted in my head that I had all these dark or ‘bad’ parts of myself that I must be suppressing and I need to FACE that I have terrible parts of myself. This is crazy making and made me more insecure and defended. Even ‘bad parts’ (if you want to call them that) is just the mind trying to help us, protect us, survival strategies gone a bit awry. I did have a therapist once who did inner ‘parts’ work (like inner child) and that WAS in fact helpful because she helped me bring my true presence to these parts (that were memories) with curiosity and compassion. This was the only therapy that ever helped before I found my spiritual counselor. There was nothing to solve, just deep presence and love for those parts.

            So, to me, I would say that the balance between psychology and spirituality is the awareness of what the mind is up to and the deep knowing (which only gets deeper by the day) that I am not any of the stuff the mind churns out. I’m not food cravings, seeking, neediness, fear, anxiety. When the mind convinces me that this is who I am, depression is the natural outcome. Suffering. It’s been years now that I’ve been ‘on to’ my mind, and it sometimes still tries to come up with new scary future scenarios, or limiting beliefs, but I have such a profound presence now that I find it sort of amusing. Not that I don’t sometimes fall for its antics, of course I do, but it’s short lived and I come back to home base, presence, very quickly.

            Now I can see how this plays out in everyone else and people who normally used to drive me mad don’t affect me that way at all! I find myself compassionate and understanding that whatever others minds are up to, it’s not about me, or even them, and I see them with love, through love, as love. I also see that they are perfectly OK. They are just believing their mind, that’s all. We all do it. We are human. But our mind is not the truth of us.

            I’m almost done with my graduate program in counseling psychology and it is my deepest desire to help others in the way I was helped, in a way that was so different than any of my therapy before. I’m noticing that traditional psychologists don’t like this approach and think it’s too ‘easy’ and that more ‘work’ must be done, that the psyche must be unraveled and examined in minute detail. Pictures must be painted, piles of journals must be written, worksheets must be completed, confrontations with loved ones must be had, dreams must be analyzed. All of that is fine (and some of it may be helpful, but it’s not REQUIRED to be OK), if you’re into that, but I’m telling you, I ‘worked’ for 30 years in that way and it resulted in a mess of eating disorders, alcoholism and depression, which I was told was a chemical imbalance I would have for life.

            But I have never felt freer in all of my life. I intuitively know which direction to go without all the mind interference. I have a full range of emotions and all of them are fabulous. Not that my mind doesn’t have a preference for what it judges as the ‘nice’ ones, but I feel so free now that I don’t listen to what my mind says about what this feeling means or how this feeling or that is a problem. None of it is a problem and I love life. I NEVER ever thought I would say that.

            Thank you all for this beautiful exchange.

            m.

          • Mateo Sol says

            January 10, 2020 at 10:56 am

            Thank you M for illustrating through your own experience the dangers of purely a psychological model when approaching this path of ‘healing’, what you’ve shared is an invaluable insight into what countless others go through, often never encountering an alternative path of healing through the cultivation of unconditional presence.

            I’m so excited to see people like yourself becoming psychotherapists, slowly driving progress toward a much more balanced approach than the old ways of seeing individuals as ‘broken puzzles to be solved’ to justify years of medication and therapy in pursuit of an unreachable goal which is the standard of a lot of psychological models.

            It’s wonderful hearing stories like this, I’m sure others who may be going through a similar struggle will find immense comfort and value in your sincere exploring into this struggle :). Thank you.

      • Larry Auerbach says

        December 28, 2019 at 8:32 am

        Mateo, I’m glad to see you mention the story of Andrew Cohen here. I read his mother Luna Tarlo’s memoir “Mother of God” several years ago about Andrew’s descent into cultic madness. There have been so many people out there who have (from today dating back countless millennia) attracted followings because of their gifts and charisma, with their malignant egos and shadows flourishing out of sight of those who innocently venerated them the most. I’m glad that you and Luna are writing so much here about the dangers of spiritual bypassing and power-mad teachers. If only I had known about these phenomena 40+ years ago, when I began my explorations of the New Age movement. I discovered teachers who dazzled me and later proved to be little more than malignant narcissists and psychopaths in spiritual clothing. I’m still recovering in some ways from the 5 years I spent during my 20s in a small New Age cult, run by someone very similar in nature to Andrew Cohen (he was a former psychotherapist). I’m glad I devoted the time since then to educate myself about reason, critical thinking, skepticism, techniques of persuasion and manipulation, and people’s vulnerability to self-deception before venturing back into the world of spirituality a couple of years ago. I refuse to be fooled again, especially since I am going through a Dark Night of the Soul and do not need new trauma in my life if I can avoid it.

        Reply
  10. JustMe says

    December 21, 2019 at 1:51 am

    Dear ones, this lone wolf has been quietly following you for some years now. All meanwhile watching other self help gurus and spiritual teachers too. What irks me is how much a lot of those people insist on affirmations, mantras, positivity and engaging in spiritual bypass. I kind of used to do that too but always yearning for more. So it’s really amazing there is someone out there writing about and touching on subjects that weigh on my mind and in my soul. We do need both spirituality and psychology in our lives. We can’t keep fooling ourselves that we’re going to be okay just by “being positive” and doing yoga. We need to get to the core of our wounds too. I love you guys.

    Reply
    • Mateo Sol says

      December 21, 2019 at 12:36 pm

      Thank you Dear one, we expect not less from our ‘lone wolf’ community to mostly be passive observes, hesitant to get involved in the commenting. But when you guys do, I’m always appreciative that for a moment a glimpsed at the rare ‘white wolf’ :).

      I agree the spiritual community is too ‘good vibes only’ full of saccharine spirituality. I guess Luna and I find more fascination with the darkness to try and bring balance to it all.

      Reply
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