11 Exhilarating Ways to Be True to Yourself (When Scared) ⋆ LonerWolf

Let’s face it: pretending to be someone you’re not is one of the most disturbing experiences in the world.

And realizing that you’ve pretended to be someone else is arguably even more distressing.

But what do we do once we realize we’re not being honest with ourselves?

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In reality, being true to yourself is simple. But it isn’t for the fainthearted. To be true to yourself, you need courage. And I’m going to show you how to access that very courage in this article.

29 Signs You’re Living a Complete Lie
But … Being True to Myself is Scary!
Spiritual Awakening & Being True to Yourself
11 Ways to Be True to Yourself

29 Signs You’re Living a Complete Lie

Image of a man brooding as he watches the dark sky

At some point, almost every person in existence has stopped and stared blankly into space wondering “who the hell am I?”

Sometimes this inner emptiness is accompanied by the feelings of surreal dissociation and even the sense that “this isn’t my life.”

Others feel smothered by the weight of their social masks and responsibilities, resulting in states of chronic anxiety and insomnia. And still, for others, the feeling of living out a lie results in emotional numbness and even existential depression.

There are two ways we realize that we’re not being true to ourselves:

The first is a gradual realization, like day fading into night. The second is a sudden epiphany, like an avalanche consuming everything around us.

What did that realization feel like for you?

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For me, the realization that I was living a complete lie dawned on me slowly, across the span of a year.

I felt increasingly confused, disoriented, anxious, depressed, and my mind spiraled into a profoundly dark place. Thankfully I managed to get out of that place (and I’ll share how I did that near the end of this article).

Ultimately, my decision to be true to myself resulted in burning bridges with my entire fundamentalist Christian family – but the leap into the unknown was completely and utterly worth it. I have never felt happier, more whole, or more fulfilled!

Think you might be living a lie? Here are some red flags to look out for:

You feel trapped
You feel unheard, unseen, and undervalued
You feel alone
Your smiles hide terrible pain
You’ve tried to make your life “socially acceptable”
You’re obsessed with pleasing others (i.e., overextending yourself, constantly gaining approval, etc.)
You’re tired of putting on fake personalities
You base your self-worth on how others perceive you
You rarely feel true happiness anymore
You frequently carry a feeling of dread in the pit of your stomach
Like a martyr, you’ve sacrificed all of your dreams and desires
You’ve forgotten what makes you feel joyful and fulfilled
You escape your reality through addictions
Life feels bleak and dreary
You’re constantly exhausted and fatigued
You have a feeling that you’re living in autopilot mode
You feel like you’re about to “snap”
You feel bored with life
You carry a heart full of regrets
You have trouble expressing your true self
You keep daydreaming about what “could be”
Your mind is obsessed with the past
You’re surrounded by judgmental and unsupportive people
You look at your life and feel like it’s “not yours” anymore
You hide many secrets from others
You struggle with self-loathing
You’re scared to express your feelings and thoughts openly
You keep self-sabotaging
You feel like you don’t know who you are anymore

Stop and reflect on these signs. How many resonated with you?

The more signs you said an internal “yes” to, the more likely you’re living an inauthentic life. It’s time to be true to yourself!

But … Being True to Myself is Scary!

On some level, it’s terrifying to be seen.

Biologically, we’re programmed to follow the herd. In fact, our very survival as a species is based on conforming and being embraced by our fellow humans.

Get kicked out? Yep, looks like you’re gonna die! (We’re talking in a primal sense here.)

Just look at all of nature. If a mother abandons her young, the likelihood is death. If a nomadic group abandons one of their members, the chances are death. And this is not to mention the many instances of group rejection in the past (think: the witch trails, religious stoning, crucifixion, beheading).

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So it’s no wonder you might feel scared, put off, or intimidated by the thought of being true to yourself. Quite literally, it equals death to the primitive part of the brain!

But thankfully, times are changing. We are changing as a species. And we live in an age where diversity is being increasingly celebrated.

My advice? Take care of your inner child – this is the part of you that holds the majority of your wounding. Your inner child is your most original and vulnerable self. S/he is a doorway to being authentic and feeling confident in doing so!

So remember to hold the hand of the little one inside of you. Your journey will be greatly amplified and empowered by doing this.

Read: Inner Child Work: 5 Ways to Heal Deep-Rooted Trauma »

Spiritual Awakening & Being True to Yourself

Image of a woman waving a shawl in the wind

Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.
– Richard Bach

The question of “why?” remains.

Why be true to ourselves? What’s the point?

My response is that being true to yourself is not just an emotional or psychological need, but a spiritual one.

When we view our lives not just in a purely biological sense (e.g., eat, sleep, breed, and die) but also a metaphysical one, being true to ourselves is crucial.

Without being true to ourselves, we remain like mindless zombies following the crowd and neglecting our deepest essence. Something vital within us dies. We experience the tragedy of soul loss.

Therefore, being true to ourselves is a sacred act; an initiation into growth, self-transformation, and spiritual awakening.

It’s a Soul Work practice of learning to embody our True Nature and fulfilling our personal destiny on this earth and in this lifetime.

11 Ways to Be True to Yourself

Image of a woman holding an umbrella smiling learning how to be true to herself

It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.
– E. E. Cummings

Each and every one of us has a destiny, a true life path, and a deeply significant soul mission.

When we innocently listen to others and try to conform our lives to their expectations, we come out of alignment with our ultimate life purpose.

It’s not that we choose to deliberately walk the wrong path.

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Instead, our fractured lives are the result of being unconsciously conditioned to live on autopilot.

We’re taught since childhood to listen to our “elders” and be obedient to society. But although fitting in helped us to learn the lesson we needed as children, pleasing others becomes an outdated pattern of living in adulthood.

As adults, we need to learn how to stand on our feet and make decisions that come from our heart and soul, rather than from what others (our parents, friends, lovers, or culture) tell us – this is true adulthood.

If you’re craving to connect with your soul and be true to yourself, here’s some guidance. And don’t worry, you can do these things even if you’re scared. Just go slowly and be gentle with yourself!

1. Forgive yourself

If you feel like you’re living a lie, forgive yourself. It’s OK! So many of us feel the same way. In fact, learning how to be true to yourself is all a part of the human experience.

When we come into this life we’re practically destined to live inauthentic lives. Why? We need to first discover who we’re not before being able to uncover who we truly are deep inside.

So don’t worry. There’s nothing “wrong” with you. You aren’t at fault. And you’re certainly not alone. All of us have experienced inauthenticity at some point.

2. Take responsibility for your happiness

To be true to yourself, you need to take self-responsibility for your life.

Often, we like to think that we’re responsible people. But our actions usually prove otherwise.

We depend on others for our total sense of wellbeing.

We keep blaming our “fate” and “bad luck.”

And we let others drag us by the short ‘n curlies, passively standing on the sidelines waiting for some hand-holding.

To be true to yourself, you need to step up and be proactive. Don’t be a passive bystander: take your life by the balls and reclaim the reigns!

No one is responsible for your life but you. No one is responsible for making you feel fulfilled but you!

The moment you step up to this challenge is the moment you start to feel empowered again.

3. Get out of your mind and into your heart

We need both the mind and heart to work in unison with each other, yet we are taught to worship the mind and trivialize the heart.

If your mind is constantly racing and full of thoughts, take a step back. Find some way to relax your mind so that you can listen to your heart again.

Remember that your heart is the doorway to your soul. Whatever your soul wants to communicate will be felt in your heart.

Some great ways to relax the mind include breathwork techniques (like pranayama), meditation, qigong, yoga, guided visualizations, and mindfulness exercises.

4. Identify unsupportive and toxic people

Yes, toxic people are simply acting out their wounds – BUT, we don’t need to bend over backwards to keep them around. We don’t have to put up with their bullshit.

Take a moment to think about the people you find draining, demoralizing, and plain old toxic. Then, remember the words of entrepreneur Jim Rohn

You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.

Now, I’m not sure I 100% believe that statement – but it does get you wondering how the people you spend the most time with influence you unconsciously.

So, what toxic people do you spend a lot of time around?

Is there any way you can distance yourself from them, reduce contact, or outright cut ties?

If a loved one is toxic/unsupportive, can you create an open and healing dialogue with them? (I recommend this book on non-violent communication to help you do that.)

To be true to yourself, you need to have loved ones or a network of people who accept you for who you are.

Yes, we’re always going to run into diabolical co-workers or snakey relatives. That’s life.

But if the majority of the people in your life right now don’t genuinely support you, it’s time to move on and focus on building new relationships with others.

That’s the hard reality. (But you can do it!)

5. Stop avoiding yourself

To be true to yourself, you need to rediscover who you are – aka. what your inner landscape looks like.

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To do this, I recommend sitting down and exploring your thoughts and feelings in a journal. You can also express your feelings through art, movement, or some other form of creativity.

You don’t need to be a perfectionist: just allow yourself to reconnect with your inner self and what s/he thinks, feels, and believes in whatever way calls to you most.

Make sure you set a clear amount of time every day to do this or you might find ways of procrastinating or conveniently “forgetting.” A good rule of thumb is at least 10 minutes in the morning or afternoon.

6. Love yourself and stop trying to be “likable”

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
― Sharon Salzberg

If you feel that being hated or disliked is one of the worst things that could happen to you, you’re likely a people-pleaser.

People-pleasers have a very frail sense of self as everything they do is centered around gaining approval and recognition from others (look into the topic of enmeshment for more background information).

To move past people-pleasing, you need to learn how to find self-worth within yourself, rather than from others.

When you love and accept yourself, you have no need to please others and pretend to be someone you’re not.

To love yourself, you need to show kindness, forgiveness, compassion, and genuine care towards yourself – both the ugly and the pretty parts.

Read: How to Love Yourself (Ultimate Beginner’s Guide) »

7. Learn how to say “no” and walk away

When we base our self-worth on the opinions of others, we tend to struggle with being assertive and drawing boundaries.

Saying “yes” to people and commitments when we want to say “no” is one of the most depleting and disempowering choices we can make.

There is nothing noble about self-sacrifice, especially when it’s fuelled by fear.

The more we sacrifice our needs in place of other’s desires, the more we become bitter.

Don’t let this anger build up.

Learn how to say a respectful and firm “no” in the kindest way possible. Negotiate if you must, but don’t allow people to walk over you.

If assertiveness is a big issue for you, read a book like “Where to Draw the Line” by Anne Katherine or attend a workshop to help you build this invaluable skill.

You can also read our article on how to create strong personal boundaries.

8. Connect with your feelings more

Image of a water dropping into a pink pond representing how to be true to yourself

Do you have a habit of repressing your emotions?

If you feel a sense of inner numbness or disconnection from yourself/others, pay attention.

The more you bury your emotions, the more they fester within your unconscious mind and manifest as illnesses, nervous breakdowns, explosions of rage, and even mental illnesses.

To be true to yourself, you need to reconnect with your heart.

If you believe in the chakra energy system, you might like to explore heart chakra healing.

Otherwise, try some form of catharsis to cut through the wall of emotional numbness. Try screaming, shouting, crying, laughing, or anything that actively works with your body.

When your emotions start to come out, be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed at first, realizing that emotional expression is healthy and vital to your well-being.

9. Be honest with yourself

Tell the truth: are you really happy? Is this how you pictured your life?

Learning how to be true to yourself is all about honesty and transparency.

You might be able to deceive yourself for a little while, but eventually, the truth will come out, so you might as well be honest!

Even though truth can be hard, it’s like an elixir for your soul. As the proverb goes, “the truth shall set you free.”

Two practices I recommend for being honest with yourself are (1) mirror work, and (2) tarot or oracle card meditation.

Mirror work is the practice of using a mirror (e.g., in your house) for introspection. Simply gaze into the mirror and notice what arises within you. Journal about your discoveries. It sounds simple, but it’s a deep and intense practice! (Read more about mirror work.)